Fic: Settle the Score (11/?)
Title: Settle the Score (11/?)
Author: cellochick92
Rating: R, for language and mature content
Word Count: 1506
Warning: Account/discussion of abuse.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine =(
Summary: For xrainingsorrowx ’s prompt over at the rq_angst meme. “Quinn abused Rachel for so long, so she feels it's okay if Rachel returns the favor.”
A/N: Thank again to mjacton! They're amazing.
A/N2: It's my birthday! So long, jailbait status =D
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Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten
Rachel sat on the couch next to Quinn, waiting nervously for her to say something. She had shown up at the blonde‘s house unannounced, praying that Quinn would talk to her. They hadn’t said much after the initial agreement that they needed to stop seeing each other, and she didn’t know what to expect.
Quinn had opened the door and been surprisingly upbeat about the brunette showing up on her doorstep only days after announcing they couldn’t see each other any more. She raised an eyebrow and asked lightly if Rachel planned on making a habit out of coming over unannounced, but she had let her into the house.
When Rachel had softly asked if they could talk, Quinn had suggested they sit so they would both be more comfortable, but once seated neither girl knew how to start.
Finally unable to take the strained silence any longer, Rachel started talking quietly.
“Quinn, I- well, I’ve been thinking about this all day, trying to figure out what to do. I’m just so lost right now, and I don’t know what to do, and I’ve been trying to figure it out. I tried researching it, and…god, I’m so fucked up. They had practically a whole profile on me- well, the general stereotypes of people who hurt others the way I’ve hurt you, for the same reasons. Apparently it‘s called ‘the myth of mutual abuse’ or something along those lines, and it‘s a sort of justification that is commonly used to try and diminish and minimize the abuse taking place. There’s also- ”
The old, rambling Rachel seemed to be making an appearance, and were the situation different Quinn might have laughed. Instead, she was just staring blankly at Rachel. The diva seemed to notice her expression, and stopped abruptly.
Rubbing her eyes, she exhaled and said more calmly, “Sorry. I just…I really don’t know what I’m doing here. I want so badly to fix this, to make up for everything that’s happened. I know I need help, counseling and stuff, but…I’m going to get it, and I just don’t want to hurt you while I’m still in the process of trying to fix myself. If I could, I would fix everything right now, but…I’m obviously in no condition to be offering any sort of help with regards to gaining a healthy lifestyle. Given my obvious shortcomings at the moment, I think it‘s for the best if we stop seeing each other in a romantic context. I don’t want you to get hurt any more, least of all because of me.”
Quinn sat there, taking in everything Rachel was saying. Breathing deeply and feeling the still-present ache in her side, she gathered her thoughts. Despite the fact that she still didn’t know what she really wanted or needed, she at least wanted to try to communicate some of what she had been thinking about with Rachel.
When Quinn started talking, her voice was soft and hesitant. Rachel instinctively leaned a little bit closer, needing to hear exactly what the blonde had to say.
“Rachel, I love you.”
The brunette opened her mouth to protest the second the words were out, but Quinn held up her hand to stop her from saying anything. Shaking her head gently, she said, “Just let me get this out, okay?” When Rachel nodded reluctantly, she continued.
“I love you, and that’s a problem right now. I’ve been thinking too, and it’s been really weird to think about everything that’s been happening. It all seems a little bit like a nightmare, you know? I mean, it just seems…absurd, I guess, that this would happen. Now, I just….I have so many questions. I don’t know where to go or what to do either. I love you, but I don’t know right now if that would ever be enough. What we’ve gone through…what we’ve both done, I don’t know if we would ever be able to overcome that and have anything even remotely close to a healthy relationship.”
Rachel felt her heart breaking at what Quinn was saying, and she could feel the tears sliding down her cheeks. She had obviously thought about the same thing, and wondered if they could ever recover from this, but hearing it coming from the blonde felt far more final and terrible. Hastily wiping at her tears, she waited for Quinn to continue.
“I know that, by rights, I shouldn’t love you right now. I should hate you, but I can’t. All weekend, I’ve been thinking about that, and I still don’t really have any answers. It’s so fucked up that you can tear me up and just completely destroy me without even trying, and then somehow be the one that I want to put me back together. I know that we need to stop what we’ve been doing, and that any sort of romantic relationship is out of the question, but…I still need you, Rach. I don’t care if it’s just as friends, I just need to have you in my life somehow. I don’t know how to go about my life without you, any more, and I know that this is screwed up, but I still need you.”
Rachel knew her mouth had to be hanging open and she blinked hard. She couldn’t believe that Quinn would still want anything to do with her after all of this. In all of her scenarios of how this conversation could go, she had never once imagined this, and she had no idea what to do. She had never imagined that Quinn might come up with the same exact plan on how to continue to see each other without risking more pain.
Even though she was ecstatic on the inside, Rachel cautiously asked, “Are you sure, Quinn? I mean, I’ll do whatever you want, but…I don’t want to pressure you into anything that you aren’t ready for right now.”
Quinn nodded resolutely, not deterred in the least by Rachel’s hesitance. “I know that we have a long way to go before reaching anything close to being okay, Rach, but I’ve thought about this and I don’t want to just go it alone. I have a lot of problems to work through, and I promise I’m going to get help, but I need you too. Somehow, you’ve ended up being the one person who knows me best, and I can’t lose that.”
Rachel sighed and closed her eyes, thinking through what the blonde was suggesting. It was what she had wanted, desperately so, and Quinn seemed adamant that it was what she wanted as well. Opening her eyes, Rachel nodded and murmured, “Okay. I have a stipulation, though.”
When Quinn looked at her expectantly, Rachel continued, “I think it’s best if we try this around other people first. Just, you know, around everyone else in Glee or other friends. A group setting, basically.”
Glancing at the wry smile on Quinn’s face, Rachel asked, “What?”
“Nothing,” Quinn replied with a small smile. “I was just thinking the same thing.”
Glad that they were on the same page, Rachel hesitantly said, “We’ll do this your way, Quinn. If you change your mind at any time, or if you don’t want this any more, all you have to do is tell me.”
Smiling a little, Quinn said, “Deal.”
Leaning back into the couch cushions, Quinn exhaled and realized how tired she was. Her eyes slipped closed, and she heard Rachel standing to leave. Opening one eye, she murmured, “Wait. Can you just sit with me a little while longer?”
Quinn reached out a hand and grasped lightly at Rachel’s, tugging the brunette to kneel in front of her. The careful way the brunette moved around her tugged at her heart, and she squeezed the hand gently. Rachel got back up slowly and sat on the couch.
“I don’t know if this is going to work, Rach,” she whispered, “But I’m glad we’re at least trying.”
Rachel nodded, blinking back tears at the soft look Quinn was sending her way, and she cleared her throat. She settled back in the couch further.
After about fifteen minutes of silence, Rachel asked, “So, will I see you at school tomorrow?”
Hesitating, Quinn finally said, “I don’t know. Maybe.”
Looking at her with concern shining brightly in her eyes, Rachel squeezed Quinn’s hand and said, “If you need anything, please call?” Rachel had meant for it be a firm request, but it came out as more of a tentative question. Rachel exhaled in relief when Quinn nodded.
“Ok, I’m going to go. Try to get some sleep, hmm?”
Quinn nodded again then watched as Rachel sent a small smile her way before letting herself back out, shutting the door quietly behind her.
Part Twelve
Author: cellochick92
Rating: R, for language and mature content
Word Count: 1506
Warning: Account/discussion of abuse.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine =(
Summary: For xrainingsorrowx ’s prompt over at the rq_angst meme. “Quinn abused Rachel for so long, so she feels it's okay if Rachel returns the favor.”
A/N: Thank again to mjacton! They're amazing.
A/N2: It's my birthday! So long, jailbait status =D
______________________________________
Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten
Rachel sat on the couch next to Quinn, waiting nervously for her to say something. She had shown up at the blonde‘s house unannounced, praying that Quinn would talk to her. They hadn’t said much after the initial agreement that they needed to stop seeing each other, and she didn’t know what to expect.
Quinn had opened the door and been surprisingly upbeat about the brunette showing up on her doorstep only days after announcing they couldn’t see each other any more. She raised an eyebrow and asked lightly if Rachel planned on making a habit out of coming over unannounced, but she had let her into the house.
When Rachel had softly asked if they could talk, Quinn had suggested they sit so they would both be more comfortable, but once seated neither girl knew how to start.
Finally unable to take the strained silence any longer, Rachel started talking quietly.
“Quinn, I- well, I’ve been thinking about this all day, trying to figure out what to do. I’m just so lost right now, and I don’t know what to do, and I’ve been trying to figure it out. I tried researching it, and…god, I’m so fucked up. They had practically a whole profile on me- well, the general stereotypes of people who hurt others the way I’ve hurt you, for the same reasons. Apparently it‘s called ‘the myth of mutual abuse’ or something along those lines, and it‘s a sort of justification that is commonly used to try and diminish and minimize the abuse taking place. There’s also- ”
The old, rambling Rachel seemed to be making an appearance, and were the situation different Quinn might have laughed. Instead, she was just staring blankly at Rachel. The diva seemed to notice her expression, and stopped abruptly.
Rubbing her eyes, she exhaled and said more calmly, “Sorry. I just…I really don’t know what I’m doing here. I want so badly to fix this, to make up for everything that’s happened. I know I need help, counseling and stuff, but…I’m going to get it, and I just don’t want to hurt you while I’m still in the process of trying to fix myself. If I could, I would fix everything right now, but…I’m obviously in no condition to be offering any sort of help with regards to gaining a healthy lifestyle. Given my obvious shortcomings at the moment, I think it‘s for the best if we stop seeing each other in a romantic context. I don’t want you to get hurt any more, least of all because of me.”
Quinn sat there, taking in everything Rachel was saying. Breathing deeply and feeling the still-present ache in her side, she gathered her thoughts. Despite the fact that she still didn’t know what she really wanted or needed, she at least wanted to try to communicate some of what she had been thinking about with Rachel.
When Quinn started talking, her voice was soft and hesitant. Rachel instinctively leaned a little bit closer, needing to hear exactly what the blonde had to say.
“Rachel, I love you.”
The brunette opened her mouth to protest the second the words were out, but Quinn held up her hand to stop her from saying anything. Shaking her head gently, she said, “Just let me get this out, okay?” When Rachel nodded reluctantly, she continued.
“I love you, and that’s a problem right now. I’ve been thinking too, and it’s been really weird to think about everything that’s been happening. It all seems a little bit like a nightmare, you know? I mean, it just seems…absurd, I guess, that this would happen. Now, I just….I have so many questions. I don’t know where to go or what to do either. I love you, but I don’t know right now if that would ever be enough. What we’ve gone through…what we’ve both done, I don’t know if we would ever be able to overcome that and have anything even remotely close to a healthy relationship.”
Rachel felt her heart breaking at what Quinn was saying, and she could feel the tears sliding down her cheeks. She had obviously thought about the same thing, and wondered if they could ever recover from this, but hearing it coming from the blonde felt far more final and terrible. Hastily wiping at her tears, she waited for Quinn to continue.
“I know that, by rights, I shouldn’t love you right now. I should hate you, but I can’t. All weekend, I’ve been thinking about that, and I still don’t really have any answers. It’s so fucked up that you can tear me up and just completely destroy me without even trying, and then somehow be the one that I want to put me back together. I know that we need to stop what we’ve been doing, and that any sort of romantic relationship is out of the question, but…I still need you, Rach. I don’t care if it’s just as friends, I just need to have you in my life somehow. I don’t know how to go about my life without you, any more, and I know that this is screwed up, but I still need you.”
Rachel knew her mouth had to be hanging open and she blinked hard. She couldn’t believe that Quinn would still want anything to do with her after all of this. In all of her scenarios of how this conversation could go, she had never once imagined this, and she had no idea what to do. She had never imagined that Quinn might come up with the same exact plan on how to continue to see each other without risking more pain.
Even though she was ecstatic on the inside, Rachel cautiously asked, “Are you sure, Quinn? I mean, I’ll do whatever you want, but…I don’t want to pressure you into anything that you aren’t ready for right now.”
Quinn nodded resolutely, not deterred in the least by Rachel’s hesitance. “I know that we have a long way to go before reaching anything close to being okay, Rach, but I’ve thought about this and I don’t want to just go it alone. I have a lot of problems to work through, and I promise I’m going to get help, but I need you too. Somehow, you’ve ended up being the one person who knows me best, and I can’t lose that.”
Rachel sighed and closed her eyes, thinking through what the blonde was suggesting. It was what she had wanted, desperately so, and Quinn seemed adamant that it was what she wanted as well. Opening her eyes, Rachel nodded and murmured, “Okay. I have a stipulation, though.”
When Quinn looked at her expectantly, Rachel continued, “I think it’s best if we try this around other people first. Just, you know, around everyone else in Glee or other friends. A group setting, basically.”
Glancing at the wry smile on Quinn’s face, Rachel asked, “What?”
“Nothing,” Quinn replied with a small smile. “I was just thinking the same thing.”
Glad that they were on the same page, Rachel hesitantly said, “We’ll do this your way, Quinn. If you change your mind at any time, or if you don’t want this any more, all you have to do is tell me.”
Smiling a little, Quinn said, “Deal.”
Leaning back into the couch cushions, Quinn exhaled and realized how tired she was. Her eyes slipped closed, and she heard Rachel standing to leave. Opening one eye, she murmured, “Wait. Can you just sit with me a little while longer?”
Quinn reached out a hand and grasped lightly at Rachel’s, tugging the brunette to kneel in front of her. The careful way the brunette moved around her tugged at her heart, and she squeezed the hand gently. Rachel got back up slowly and sat on the couch.
“I don’t know if this is going to work, Rach,” she whispered, “But I’m glad we’re at least trying.”
Rachel nodded, blinking back tears at the soft look Quinn was sending her way, and she cleared her throat. She settled back in the couch further.
After about fifteen minutes of silence, Rachel asked, “So, will I see you at school tomorrow?”
Hesitating, Quinn finally said, “I don’t know. Maybe.”
Looking at her with concern shining brightly in her eyes, Rachel squeezed Quinn’s hand and said, “If you need anything, please call?” Rachel had meant for it be a firm request, but it came out as more of a tentative question. Rachel exhaled in relief when Quinn nodded.
“Ok, I’m going to go. Try to get some sleep, hmm?”
Quinn nodded again then watched as Rachel sent a small smile her way before letting herself back out, shutting the door quietly behind her.
Part Twelve