Fic: Settle the Score (10/?)
Title: Settle the Score (10/?)
Author: cellochick92
Rating: R, for language and mature content
Word Count: 983
Warning: Account/discussion of abuse.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine =(
Summary: For xrainingsorrowx ’s prompt over at the rq_angst meme. “Quinn abused Rachel for so long, so she feels it's okay if Rachel returns the favor.”
A/N: Thank again to mjacton! Best. Beta. Ever.
______________________________________
Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine
As Rachel was falling asleep in the early hours of that Monday morning, a few blocks away Quinn lay tossing and turning in her bed. Two days without Rachel and she was slowly going insane.
She missed everything about the brunette. She missed her smile, the way her eyes glinted when she laughed, the sweet scent of apples that followed her everywhere- everything about the other girl had left a gaping hole in her chest and she didn’t know how to fill it without the brunette.
Quinn recognized that it was bad for her to be so desperately dependent on Rachel, but she also thought that, as long as she acknowledged it, it wasn’t so awful. She knew that it was good for her to spend some time away from the brunette, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like hell. None of her physical injuries had ever hurt quite so much as this separation from Rachel, and this pain certainly wasn’t fading away.
None of the questions she had come up with about where their relationship might go mattered in the least if she was trying to quit Rachel (heh) cold turkey. The blonde almost laughed at how absurd that sounded, even in her mind. It made it seem like Rachel was just a bad habit to break, like smoking or drinking, and Quinn found herself wishing that it was really that easy.
The little brunette was her whole world, and she didn’t know how to survive without her. She knew that some people felt that way about alcohol or drugs, but she was fairly certain there wasn’t a “Lesbian Domestic Abuse Victims Anonymous” located in Lima, Ohio. She had virtually no support system- Rachel was the closest thing she had to a confidant, and now that was gone.
The emotional toll of being separated from the brunette came quick and hard- far harder than anything Quinn could have anticipated. She hadn’t fully realized the extent of Rachel’s integration into her life. Everything she had done since beginning things with Rachel had been either with or for the other girl.
Biting her lip as she thought about how empty her life was going to be, Quinn inhaled sharply when the thought of school crossed her mind. She hadn’t even bothered thinking about how that would figure in to things, but now? She didn’t know how she was going to survive seeing Rachel every day, hearing her sing and knowing that she couldn’t be a part of her life any more.
She didn’t know how to live her life without the brunette. The thought seemed depressing and the outlook for her near future bleak, but Quinn knew it was now a real possibility. She just didn’t know what to do with herself. The thought of going about her everyday activities without the promise of Rachel’s smile or the occasional gentle touch seemed like the worst kind of torture imaginable.
Quinn exhaled forcefully, wishing for the hundredth time that there was some sort of easy fix. She knew there wasn’t, but she hated feeling like this- helpless and empty and lonely and hurt.
It was like being lost in a nightmare, and she couldn’t even try to find her way out of the darkness because her light had been ripped away from her. Thinking briefly on her analogy, Quinn decided that no, it wasn’t entirely accurate. If Rachel had been her light, she hadn’t been leading her out of the darkness but rather in circles. Still, that had felt better than this stagnant misery.
She wanted to hate Rachel for doing this to her, but anger only made her feel small and sad. She didn’t want that to be her life. She wanted to grow and escape all of the pain she was feeling, but she just didn’t know how. Some small part of her was adamant that she needed Rachel in order to do that, but there was a larger chunk of her rational mind that was still hesitant to let the brunette back into her life so easily.
Still, Quinn found herself longing to be able to be around the little singer again even if it wasn’t in a romantic way. She loved Rachel, even after everything, but she knew that acting on her desires alone would only complicate the situation more.
Maybe, she mused, if they could start again…no, that would be too easy. But still, if they could at least try as friends instead of lovers, it might make a difference. At least that way she would still be able to be around Rachel instead of going into a depressed withdrawal.
Quinn knew that she probably shouldn’t be around Rachel by herself at first, but that could easily be solved by meeting with friends. All of their fellow Glee club members would be a perfect buffer between them, and would ensure that emotions didn’t get out of hand too quickly. As long as she had some form of contact with Rachel she knew it would make her life infinitely easier. She hoped it wasn’t just wishful thinking that this would be a good idea, but for now it gave her hope that she desperately clung to.
Sighing into her pillow and curling onto her side, she let her eyes closed and waited for sleep. Now that she had at least a glimmer of hope, her weariness began to take over her body. She would have to talk to Rachel at some point, but there was time for that later. For now, she needed to sleep, and everything else could sort itself out tomorrow.
Author: cellochick92
Rating: R, for language and mature content
Word Count: 983
Warning: Account/discussion of abuse.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine =(
Summary: For xrainingsorrowx ’s prompt over at the rq_angst meme. “Quinn abused Rachel for so long, so she feels it's okay if Rachel returns the favor.”
A/N: Thank again to mjacton! Best. Beta. Ever.
______________________________________
Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine
As Rachel was falling asleep in the early hours of that Monday morning, a few blocks away Quinn lay tossing and turning in her bed. Two days without Rachel and she was slowly going insane.
She missed everything about the brunette. She missed her smile, the way her eyes glinted when she laughed, the sweet scent of apples that followed her everywhere- everything about the other girl had left a gaping hole in her chest and she didn’t know how to fill it without the brunette.
Quinn recognized that it was bad for her to be so desperately dependent on Rachel, but she also thought that, as long as she acknowledged it, it wasn’t so awful. She knew that it was good for her to spend some time away from the brunette, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like hell. None of her physical injuries had ever hurt quite so much as this separation from Rachel, and this pain certainly wasn’t fading away.
None of the questions she had come up with about where their relationship might go mattered in the least if she was trying to quit Rachel (heh) cold turkey. The blonde almost laughed at how absurd that sounded, even in her mind. It made it seem like Rachel was just a bad habit to break, like smoking or drinking, and Quinn found herself wishing that it was really that easy.
The little brunette was her whole world, and she didn’t know how to survive without her. She knew that some people felt that way about alcohol or drugs, but she was fairly certain there wasn’t a “Lesbian Domestic Abuse Victims Anonymous” located in Lima, Ohio. She had virtually no support system- Rachel was the closest thing she had to a confidant, and now that was gone.
The emotional toll of being separated from the brunette came quick and hard- far harder than anything Quinn could have anticipated. She hadn’t fully realized the extent of Rachel’s integration into her life. Everything she had done since beginning things with Rachel had been either with or for the other girl.
Biting her lip as she thought about how empty her life was going to be, Quinn inhaled sharply when the thought of school crossed her mind. She hadn’t even bothered thinking about how that would figure in to things, but now? She didn’t know how she was going to survive seeing Rachel every day, hearing her sing and knowing that she couldn’t be a part of her life any more.
She didn’t know how to live her life without the brunette. The thought seemed depressing and the outlook for her near future bleak, but Quinn knew it was now a real possibility. She just didn’t know what to do with herself. The thought of going about her everyday activities without the promise of Rachel’s smile or the occasional gentle touch seemed like the worst kind of torture imaginable.
Quinn exhaled forcefully, wishing for the hundredth time that there was some sort of easy fix. She knew there wasn’t, but she hated feeling like this- helpless and empty and lonely and hurt.
It was like being lost in a nightmare, and she couldn’t even try to find her way out of the darkness because her light had been ripped away from her. Thinking briefly on her analogy, Quinn decided that no, it wasn’t entirely accurate. If Rachel had been her light, she hadn’t been leading her out of the darkness but rather in circles. Still, that had felt better than this stagnant misery.
She wanted to hate Rachel for doing this to her, but anger only made her feel small and sad. She didn’t want that to be her life. She wanted to grow and escape all of the pain she was feeling, but she just didn’t know how. Some small part of her was adamant that she needed Rachel in order to do that, but there was a larger chunk of her rational mind that was still hesitant to let the brunette back into her life so easily.
Still, Quinn found herself longing to be able to be around the little singer again even if it wasn’t in a romantic way. She loved Rachel, even after everything, but she knew that acting on her desires alone would only complicate the situation more.
Maybe, she mused, if they could start again…no, that would be too easy. But still, if they could at least try as friends instead of lovers, it might make a difference. At least that way she would still be able to be around Rachel instead of going into a depressed withdrawal.
Quinn knew that she probably shouldn’t be around Rachel by herself at first, but that could easily be solved by meeting with friends. All of their fellow Glee club members would be a perfect buffer between them, and would ensure that emotions didn’t get out of hand too quickly. As long as she had some form of contact with Rachel she knew it would make her life infinitely easier. She hoped it wasn’t just wishful thinking that this would be a good idea, but for now it gave her hope that she desperately clung to.
Sighing into her pillow and curling onto her side, she let her eyes closed and waited for sleep. Now that she had at least a glimmer of hope, her weariness began to take over her body. She would have to talk to Rachel at some point, but there was time for that later. For now, she needed to sleep, and everything else could sort itself out tomorrow.