Even before the internet...hmpfApril 20 2006, 17:23:16 UTC
you would lose friends as time went by, and your and their interests, lifestyles/life situations etc. changed. Or at least that's been my experience. In my experience - I'm 29, soon to be 30 - very few friendships last for decades. At the moment I have only two in that category, one that started about 19 years ago, and another that started around 14 years ago. And both of these are helped by the fact that for most of these 19 or 14 years we've been living in the same city, and sharing at least *some* interests, and even, nowadays, a flat
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Re: Even before the internet...celandinebApril 20 2006, 18:36:39 UTC
Oh, I hope I didn't accidentally imply that the internet is the cause of less-permanent friendships. There's certainly plenty of factors that go into this.
Let me think, family excluded, the person I have known longest with whom I am currently actively friends (regular contact, not just an annual holiday card or something), I have known since autumn 1989, so nearly 17 years now. And there was a long stretch of time in there when we weren't really in contact; in this case it was LJ that has brought us closer again.
An acquaintance is someone with whom you exchange pleasantries. A friend is someone with whom you share yourself. An acquaintanceship could last years or even decades -- never progressing past cheerful greetings and simple mentions of shared interests despite the time that's passed. A friendship could be forged inside an hour, reaching considerable depth and then a parting of the ways within a very short span. An aquaintance might be forgotten once he/she disappears from your life. A friend will always be remembered, no matter how long it's been since he/she was around.
That's a pretty useful way to distinguish the two. *nods* Yeah. There are friends from very long ago that I still remember wistfully and wonder what has happened to them.
Oh gosh, I think friendships are incredibly complicated even though they seem simple. My closest RL friend and I were just discussing this topic on Sunday
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I think the point you make about friendship needing effort is certainly true, and that the more points of connection there are, the deeper and (probably) longer-lasting a friendship will be. If the only thing that connects two people is just a single shared interest, then as interests change, the connection is almost certain to break. If there are multiple shared interests and affinities and ideas, as one diminishes, others may grow stronger.
Friendships aren't easy... but they are so worthwhile.
I've been thinking about this most of the day. I have to say that I consider some of my blogfriends, especially the cousins, friends, even though I haven't met them IRL yet. But part of that is that I know we not only get along online, but also that we will be running into each other professionally. I like lottalita's definition, though. I have lots of friendly acquaintances, and I have a lot of friends, and then I have the people who will be close friends for a really long time -- partially because I know I'll keep up with those people as long as they let me!
Yes, knowing that there's likely to be long term connections, for whatever reasons, makes a difference I think! This is partly perhaps why family connections are qualitatively different (for me), because there is ALWAYS the awareness of a blood connection even if one lives far distant and only rarely sees people in person.
My two oldest friendships have lasted nearly three decades. One of them (vertigo66 I see here regularly. The other is a technological luddite whom I have known since first grade
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then there was the one who decided Jesus didn't love me enough and vice versa
*blinks* Um, she didn't realize that you are Not Christian?
Maybe I've been lucky... I've really not had anyone online that I felt close to disappear that abruptly on me. Gradually, yes, and that hurts too but less so, because one can see it coming, and it's generally been mutual. The same has pretty much always been true for me in RL friendships as well, they've ended by drifting apart rather than sudden blowups. And occasionally they have later picked up steam again, and that is nice.
Sometimes I think I'm not properly emotional about these things.
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Let me think, family excluded, the person I have known longest with whom I am currently actively friends (regular contact, not just an annual holiday card or something), I have known since autumn 1989, so nearly 17 years now. And there was a long stretch of time in there when we weren't really in contact; in this case it was LJ that has brought us closer again.
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I think the point you make about friendship needing effort is certainly true, and that the more points of connection there are, the deeper and (probably) longer-lasting a friendship will be. If the only thing that connects two people is just a single shared interest, then as interests change, the connection is almost certain to break. If there are multiple shared interests and affinities and ideas, as one diminishes, others may grow stronger.
Friendships aren't easy... but they are so worthwhile.
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*blinks* Um, she didn't realize that you are Not Christian?
Maybe I've been lucky... I've really not had anyone online that I felt close to disappear that abruptly on me. Gradually, yes, and that hurts too but less so, because one can see it coming, and it's generally been mutual. The same has pretty much always been true for me in RL friendships as well, they've ended by drifting apart rather than sudden blowups. And occasionally they have later picked up steam again, and that is nice.
Sometimes I think I'm not properly emotional about these things.
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