What is a friend?
cruisedirector made this post and in responding to it, it occurred to me to wonder, just what is a friend?
When I was little, it was easy. A friend was someone that you played four-square with at recess, and walked home with, and who came over for slumber and birthday parties.
In high school it was someone that you hung out with at the Sweet Shoppe and the park, and whispered about boys (or girls) with, and sat next to in classes if the teacher didn't make you sit alphabetically, and phoned up to tell about the really cool thing that X had said or done.
At college it was someone who was in the same dorm, and liked similar music, and would spot you a shot of some terrible liquor when you really needed it, and ate with you at meals, and went along when you got your tattoo, and shared information on which professors were good and which were crazy.
And then the internet happened, and graduate school, and living in four different states in five years, and suddenly there's this question. What makes a friend different from an acquaintance? There are people who I only know from online, but I feel I know them better than some I with whom I have had extensive in-person contact. If I go out to lunch with someone, does that make them a friend? Sharing food is a very old way of connecting, after all.
Does it matter how two people meet, through what medium they interact? Does that define friendship, or a lack of it? Is it harder or easier to become friends with someone if you don't ever see their face (posted snapshots notwithstanding) or hear their voice?
Fandom, for me, plays a big role in this too. I first became seriously involved in online communication with people I'd never previously known through fandom participation - professional mailing lists aside. And I have, to my regret, come to know people through one fandom, and then drifted apart as one or both of our fandom interests changed. Even if we seemed to have other interests and attitudes in common.
Does that mean we were never really as good of friends as we once seemed? Does a truly good friend last a lifetime? Or should we accept that we have the opportunity through modern technology to get to know many more people with similar interests, but the payment is that we may lose them when interests change?
When I was little, it was easy. A friend was someone that you played four-square with at recess, and walked home with, and who came over for slumber and birthday parties.
In high school it was someone that you hung out with at the Sweet Shoppe and the park, and whispered about boys (or girls) with, and sat next to in classes if the teacher didn't make you sit alphabetically, and phoned up to tell about the really cool thing that X had said or done.
At college it was someone who was in the same dorm, and liked similar music, and would spot you a shot of some terrible liquor when you really needed it, and ate with you at meals, and went along when you got your tattoo, and shared information on which professors were good and which were crazy.
And then the internet happened, and graduate school, and living in four different states in five years, and suddenly there's this question. What makes a friend different from an acquaintance? There are people who I only know from online, but I feel I know them better than some I with whom I have had extensive in-person contact. If I go out to lunch with someone, does that make them a friend? Sharing food is a very old way of connecting, after all.
Does it matter how two people meet, through what medium they interact? Does that define friendship, or a lack of it? Is it harder or easier to become friends with someone if you don't ever see their face (posted snapshots notwithstanding) or hear their voice?
Fandom, for me, plays a big role in this too. I first became seriously involved in online communication with people I'd never previously known through fandom participation - professional mailing lists aside. And I have, to my regret, come to know people through one fandom, and then drifted apart as one or both of our fandom interests changed. Even if we seemed to have other interests and attitudes in common.
Does that mean we were never really as good of friends as we once seemed? Does a truly good friend last a lifetime? Or should we accept that we have the opportunity through modern technology to get to know many more people with similar interests, but the payment is that we may lose them when interests change?