My two oldest friendships have lasted nearly three decades. One of them (vertigo66 I see here regularly. The other is a technological luddite whom I have known since first grade.
I used to talk to my college roommate of three years ten times a day. After we graduated, for about two years, I talked to her on the phone every other day at least. We don't talk nearly that often now, don't even e-mail regularly, and we miss some of the details in one another's lives ("I didn't know your sister had another baby!") but I still consider her one of my best friends and one of the people who knows me best in the world.
In the past three years there have been a couple of people online whom I thought really knew me -- not just my fannish interests and the things I blather about in my LJ, but the things I don't talk about in public. And these people abruptly disappeared from my life -- it wasn't as though we'd had a specific argument. In one case there was quite a bit of tense background that I now see I just attributed to her being cranky when in fact she had really serious issues (and now when people tell me they have serious issues, I believe them!) The other one was utterly out of the blue. Well, and then there was the one who decided Jesus didn't love me enough and vice versa, but that's a different thing. *g*
Maybe this happens to people in real life too, but I have never had someone I ran into daily to wave and chat suddenly do the equivalent of wearing a bag over their head when they saw me coming. There's usually the slow fade, where your conversations are reduced to the weather and "gotta go bye." And sometimes you pick up again from that point. I am really totally cool when someone doesn't comment or chat with me for six months because they're off watching Stargate or whatever...it's the abruptness of, "Well, I guess I only loved your fic, not you" that I can't get used to.
then there was the one who decided Jesus didn't love me enough and vice versa
*blinks* Um, she didn't realize that you are Not Christian?
Maybe I've been lucky... I've really not had anyone online that I felt close to disappear that abruptly on me. Gradually, yes, and that hurts too but less so, because one can see it coming, and it's generally been mutual. The same has pretty much always been true for me in RL friendships as well, they've ended by drifting apart rather than sudden blowups. And occasionally they have later picked up steam again, and that is nice.
Sometimes I think I'm not properly emotional about these things.
I used to talk to my college roommate of three years ten times a day. After we graduated, for about two years, I talked to her on the phone every other day at least. We don't talk nearly that often now, don't even e-mail regularly, and we miss some of the details in one another's lives ("I didn't know your sister had another baby!") but I still consider her one of my best friends and one of the people who knows me best in the world.
In the past three years there have been a couple of people online whom I thought really knew me -- not just my fannish interests and the things I blather about in my LJ, but the things I don't talk about in public. And these people abruptly disappeared from my life -- it wasn't as though we'd had a specific argument. In one case there was quite a bit of tense background that I now see I just attributed to her being cranky when in fact she had really serious issues (and now when people tell me they have serious issues, I believe them!) The other one was utterly out of the blue. Well, and then there was the one who decided Jesus didn't love me enough and vice versa, but that's a different thing. *g*
Maybe this happens to people in real life too, but I have never had someone I ran into daily to wave and chat suddenly do the equivalent of wearing a bag over their head when they saw me coming. There's usually the slow fade, where your conversations are reduced to the weather and "gotta go bye." And sometimes you pick up again from that point. I am really totally cool when someone doesn't comment or chat with me for six months because they're off watching Stargate or whatever...it's the abruptness of, "Well, I guess I only loved your fic, not you" that I can't get used to.
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*blinks* Um, she didn't realize that you are Not Christian?
Maybe I've been lucky... I've really not had anyone online that I felt close to disappear that abruptly on me. Gradually, yes, and that hurts too but less so, because one can see it coming, and it's generally been mutual. The same has pretty much always been true for me in RL friendships as well, they've ended by drifting apart rather than sudden blowups. And occasionally they have later picked up steam again, and that is nice.
Sometimes I think I'm not properly emotional about these things.
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