Today I officially withdrew from university.

I now have two weeks to leave the country.

And all of this from now on till the day I die:

So the neurologist more or less confirmed my diagnosis yesterday: Post Viral Fatigue Syndrome, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome, Myalgic Encephalopathy or whatever you might want to call it.

"It would be difficult to imagine being any worse. I was at the stage of ( Read more... )

This morning I woke up with terrible pain in my right jaw. I’ve always had trouble with my right jaw joint. For years, it always cracked as soon as I opened my mouth. Now it feels stiff, like it will soon stop moving altogether. I can’t even chew gum anymore. It’s that bad. As long as I leave my jaw closed though, it doesn’t hurt. So I guess I’ll ( Read more... )

I now spend hours sitting on my chair next to the window, watching the world go by outside. Sometimes I open the window and the cold autumn air will come wafting in. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Somehow, it doesn’t seem real to me anymore, that world. I feel detached from it. Isolated. I don’t even bother to keep track of the news. I don ( Read more... )

"Think about how you feel when you get a flu, all sniffly and sneezy and with a headache. But when you're lying down you feel kind of ok, you know you could get up and straighten that picture that's hanging crooked, and while you're up you could wash all your hankies that you've used while you had the flu, and to hell with it, you could go to work ( Read more... )

I wrote this email this morning:

Dear Micha,

I’m back from the hospital. They still don’t know what is wrong with me. I am a medical mystery. They said that there is still a slight possibility of it being MS, or it might be chronic fatigue syndrome, or it might be a combination of organic and psychosomatic factors. The whole situation is just ( Read more... )

So there finally seems to be a disease capable of explaining most of my symptoms ( Read more... )

I looks like this might finally be it:

Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (also known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome)

I am not sure what to say. I am not sure if that is better than MS. Perhaps this is even worse.

Well, I guess it is time for a little update. I’m back from the hospital. They discharged me after two days with the following diagnosis: fatigue and weakness with diffuse neurological symptoms. As far as I am concerned, this does not really merit being called a diagnosis. This means nothing and everything.

I am now almost incapable of leaving my ( Read more... )

The second Lyme Disease test was also negative.

They are now sending me to hospital tomorrow.

Finally … .