All Over Now ...
I wrote this email this morning:
Dear Micha,
I’m back from the hospital. They still don’t know what is wrong with me. I am a medical mystery. They said that there is still a slight possibility of it being MS, or it might be chronic fatigue syndrome, or it might be a combination of organic and psychosomatic factors. The whole situation is just incredibly frustrating, especially since I am now hardly able to make it out of bed.
There seems to be little use in me going on with my studies like this. I will withdraw from the program and return to Europe at the end of November. I read your email saying that you would be away form the 7th to the 15th of November. I will come talk to you when you are back.
Regards,
Claudia
And all I have to do is press send. Press send and all this will be over. Press send and all my dreams and plans will be deleted. Press send and I will have to rethink my future. I am sitting here contemplating. I don’t want to be rash. I don’t want to jump to conclusions. I try to convince myself that I will become better soon. That next week I might be able to go to classes again, that next week I might have the strength to make it out of bed and waddle the few meters over to the College of Communication. But who am I kidding? I have been convincing myself that I will get better for the last four weeks. I have tried to make myself believe that tomorrow will be better. It never is. It only gets worse.
And then I press send.
All of this is over now.