It's Enough Now [9/?]
Title: It’s Enough Now
Author: TranceGem
Rating: M
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: I do not own Grey’s. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they’re simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended.
Other Parts incase you haven’t read them! -
1. http://community.livejournal.com/callie_arizona/1228932.html
2. http://community.livejournal.com/callie_arizona/1235554.html
3. http://community.livejournal.com/callie_arizona/1238257.html
4. http://community.livejournal.com/callie_arizona/1238491.html
5. http://community.livejournal.com/callie_arizona/1240777.html
6. http://community.livejournal.com/callie_arizona/1241923.html
7. http://community.livejournal.com/callie_arizona/1246916.html
8. http://community.livejournal.com/callie_arizona/1247824.html
Author’s Note: In terms of Grey’s storyline - this is set after their break up, BUT I altered when they’d broken up, as this is set just before Christmas.
Beta: No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.
Reviews: Are much wanted please!
Arizona’s POV
The lights were off, but the whole room was illuminated by candles. There much have been twenty to thirty candles, all the around the small living room. In addition there were four vases holding flowers. Two were on the kitchen counter, next to, but not too close, to some of the candles, another was on the table in the middle of the room, and the last was on the windowsill. The song which greeted her ears was easily recognised to the small blonde, it was the song her and Callie had danced to in the raven surgeon’s apartment. It seemed to be almost finished as the CD was singing, “There's a fine line what you want and what you need. Standing right there in between”My Arizona”, she smiled at the words, and at the knowledge Callie had been in her apartment. Flipping the envelop over, a shaking hand ripped at the back, lifting out the letter within, which it seemed, took up two and half pages. Arizona’s eyes widened slightly, it was long. Her heart was beating fast with anticipation, leaning on the counter slightly her eyes scanned the letter, and saw at places it was smudged. Smudged with tears. Arizona gasped slightly; she had never wanted the other woman to cry, never mind to be the cause of her tears. Arizona’s head shot up slightly, as the song playing, started again, it was clear the song was on repeat. Taking a deep breathe, and leaning forward, towards the candle light, not wanting to ruin the effect, she began to read. . Looking around the room, Arizona saw she was alone. “Calliope” she called, hoping the woman in question would stick her head around the door, or would appear in front of her. The other woman did not answer, or appear in front of her. Closing the door behind her, she walked further into the room, and saw an envelop lying on the counter, close to a red candle, who’s flame flickered dangerously as the blonde approached. On the front of the envelop were the words, “
My Arizona,
Falling asleep in your arms last night, was the best thing that’s happened to me in the last three months. I’m not ashamed to admit it; I’ve cried myself to sleep almost nights for the last 85 nights. Yes I’ve counted - counted everyday you weren’t in my arms, every night I’ve slept alone, every night I’ve wanted to call you, just hear your voice, so I could believe you were next to me . The nights I haven’t, were the nights we were both on the night shift, and I refused to go to sleep in an on-call room, not if I could get a glimpse of you while I was awake - how pathetic is that? I think crying myself to sleep in your arms last night, was embarrassing enough, that I don’t care. If nothing else comes from this letter, I hope you know how thankful I am for last night.
I’m currently laid on the floor - not in the living room, if Cristina came home and found the sheets still there I think she’d kill me! For someone who doesn’t like to tidy, or in fact doesn’t do ANY tidying, she hates mess… But I’m laid on the sheets we slept in last night, in the fear of sounding like a stalker, they still smell like you. It feels like I’m surrounded by you, and yet you’re no where to be seen.
I know last night was heavy, and I’ve dreamt of that moment for the last three months, but I never imagined, it would turn out like that. I couldn’t keep it in any longer. I felt you crying as you held me, or at least I think I did, were you? You could have let me see, I sound so horrible, and feel even worse, but I haven’t seen it. I haven’t seen you in pain, or at least not like I’ve felt. You could have let me see. I’m sorry I cried on you, and told you everything I did last night. I meant it, I won’t pretend I didn’t, but I wish I’d done it differently. I know I didn’t let you say anything, I don’t know what you would have said, but I couldn’t risk hearing you saying “no”. It felt so incredible to have you holding me; I couldn’t hear you say it. I also couldn’t hear you say you were okay with it, because I was afraid come morning, you wouldn’t have meant it, and you’d walk away. It seems however, I made it worse, because you left anyway. You left without me knowing one way or the other. Why did you leave? Why didn’t you even, come and say you had to leave, I would have understood, but instead I’ve had to spend the day worrying I had said too much, that I’d pushed you away.
I’ve spent the whole day worrying about you, where you were, what you were doing, who you were with. Why weren’t you with me? Why did you leave me after I opened up to you? I’ve tried so hard not to care, not to show that I care, but I missed you so much Arizona, and I meant what I said last night, I need you in my life. I need you. When I look to the future, you’re in it, you have been for so long now, and I want to grow old with you. Please let me; please tell me you want the same! If you don’t, I’ll leave you alone. I won’t bother you anymore, but I all I ask, is that you tell me. Please don’t keep hiding from me. I would like an explanation, but I understand if I don’t get one, but I would like to know, do you feel the same?
I’m not going out tonight; I’ll be at my apartment. I think Cristina is at Owen’s tonight, but I’d like you to come over, if you can. I don’t know where you are right now, but when you get in, please come over, I don’t care how late it is. I’m about to come to yours, and I hope you aren’t too mad with the mess I’m going to make! But I promise, this is my last attempt, to show you what you mean to me, but even that isn’t enough. I want to show you, spend the rest of my life showing you, if you’ll let me.
Until you tell me other wise, I’ll be waiting…
Your Calliope xx
PS. I didn’t know they meant so many things! This is the key to what they mean.
“Calliope, “Arizona sighed deeply in disbelief, the tears of sadness, of happiness, flowed freely from her eyes. Did she honest believe the blonde didn’t want her, need her, just as she’d proclaimed. Callie was the breath she breathed, the reason she breathed, the reason she woke every morning, the reason for her existence. The blonde surgeon lowered her eyes again, allowing her eyes to travel across the small neat handwriting, pausing for a second on the raven haired woman’s PS, she saw there was another piece of paper, looking at it she understood. Arizona looked back up at the beautiful flowers around her apartment, and only now saw that each of the different vases had a bit of paper underneath them with a small number on. Walking over to the first, as indicated by the small number one, on the paper, the flowers in this vase were different shades of red and pink. Lifting the sheets of paper to her eyes she began to read.
1 Amaryllis - The red flower. It means radiant beauty. To me Arizona you are the most beautiful thing in this and any other world. You are beautiful both on the inside and outside.
Carnation - The pink flower. It means pride, and beauty. I am so proud of you, your strength, your devotion, and kind heart. You have stood by me through so many things, the good, the bad, and still showed your love for me. Thank you.
Gladiolus - The light pink flower. It means strength of character. You couldn't have anymore character if you tried. You are more powerful, more caring, more loving than you give yourself credit. You are so special, please never change.
Protea - The pink sunflower (thing!). It means courage. You are so courageous, you stood up to my father - yes he told me! You proved your love for me, when you stood up to him. It was because of you my father accepted me, accepted us. You brought my family back to me.
Arizona took a shaky breath, she hadn’t known Mr Torres, had told Callie what she’d said to him. She had meant it; of course she had, if fact she had never meant something more. She just hadn’t expected him to tell her, the blonde hoped it was after she had told Callie she loved her. The blonde surgeon, sighed slightly lifting her gaze to the second vase, like the first, shown by the small number two beneath it. This vase had only white, and purple flowers in, focusing on the letter which held her love’s handwriting, she read on.
2 Queen Anne's Lace - The white flower (looks like a snowflake). It means sanctuary. You are my sanctuary. When you hold me in your arms, I know I'm safe. I know with you I can do anything; you give me strength, and courage, to believe in myself. You keep me safe.
Statice - The purple & yellow flower. It means I miss you. Arizona, I have missed you so much. Without you here, I've felt incomplete. Without you, I am incomplete.
Gloxinia - The deep purple flower. It means love at first sight. That night you kissed me, in the most unromantic place on the planet, Joe's bathroom, I fell for you. You took my heart that night. Thank you for following me in, for seeing me crying and still giving yourself to me. Thank you for giving me the chance to love you.
Heather - The white & yellow flower. It means protection. I promise to protect you, Arizona. To protect you physically, emotionally, and mentally, I promise to shield you from harm.
Wiping the tears which were flowing from her eyes, she sniffed deeply. It almost scared her to see her own emotion’s for the other woman, in her handwriting. She felt the same, she had vowed to her father, she would protect, and love his daughter, and it seemed she had failed. The only place the blonde felt truly loved, complete, safe and at home was when in Callie’s presence, whether that was a hug, kiss, touch. Callie was her home. Walking the small distance towards what she assumed was the third vase, she saw it had four flowers in just as the other two, these were yellow and white. Lowering her eyes, she read Callie’s instructions.
3. Daffodil - The pale yellow flower. It means you’re the only one. Everything about you makes me love you more everyday, I know, you are the one, the only one, I want to spend the rest of forever with.
Lily Of The Valley - The small white flower. It means...You've made my life complete....
Tulip - The dark yellow flower. It means I'm hopelessly in love. Arizona, I am, completely, hopelessly, unconditionally, uncontrollably in love with you.
Jasmine - The yellow flower, which yellow centre. It means grace and elegance. You my dear are the definition of grace, and elegance. Whether you're wearing scrubs and heelies, a dress and heels, or nothing, you are so elegant to me.
The sob which shook the blonde’s body, took even her by surprise. She couldn’t deny at times she had her insecurities about the raven haired woman, and about their relationship. This letter however, was showing her how wrong she had been, how wrong she had been to doubt Callie’s emotions, and her intensions. Arizona realised, for the first time, completely, that Callie felt the same as she did. She had always been worried, that she loved the other woman, more than Callie loved her, now she knew that wasn’t true. Arizona lifted her eyes to the vase on the windowsill, took a deep breathe and walked the few steps towards it. Before she had even reached the small vase, she saw it had four flowers in, and they were all roses, of different colours. Looking down, she couldn’t help but smile at the fact Callie had described the colours of each rose, when each rose was named for its colour.
4. Red Rose - The red flower. It means, love. From what I've read, "I love you" is usually presented with twelve red roses, in the fear of ruining my plan I simply bought one. Does not mean I love you any less. I LOVE YOU. You are, my everything, my always, my forever.
Pink Rose - The pink flower. It means, joy and gratitude. You Arizona are my joy. Joy seems to radiate from you. I will always be thankful to you for everything you have brought to my life. I will always be thankful FOR you, that I must have done something so worth while in my life that I was allowed to have you in my life.
Lavender Rose - the purple flower. It means I am enchanted by you. As the definition is, I am enchanted by you! Everything you do, everything you say, you enchant me. To me, you are magical.
Christmas Rose - The white flower. It means, relieve my anxiety. Arizona PLEASE come to mine, talk to me! Relieve my anxiety, tell me you still love me, want me, need me like I need you.
As the blonde read the last word, she grabbed her purse, ran around her apartment as fast as she could blowing out every candle, wishing she didn’t need to, but she didn’t believe her landlord would be too happy if she burnt the building to the ground. Knocking off the CD player, she rushed out of the door.
Callie’s POV
She’d been home for about an hour and half, and was frustrated. She was worried, she was anxious, and she was scared. The letter and flowers had seemed like such a good idea, and yet here she was still alone at her own apartment. She was glad after buying the flowers; she had come home first, and wrote her letter there, rather than trying to do it at Arizona’s apartment. She didn’t know what she would have done if the blonde had come home when she was setting up. It would have rather ruined the mood, and whole plan. Cristina it seemed had finished work, and collected her things while Callie was out, as her roommate’s room was messier than usual, and she was nowhere to be seen. It was glad that she wasn’t here, that way she wouldn’t be seeing the mess she was getting herself into.
She couldn’t help but fret what if Arizona didn’t want her anymore. Didn’t believe that she was all she wanted. All she needed. There were so many what ifs, flying through the young surgeon’s mind, and she couldn’t stop them from coming. She had given up on her cell; it was now resting on the radiator at the other side of the room. Maybe once the shops were open again after Christmas she would buy herself a new one. That thought crushed her heart more than she cared to admit, all her texts, her images were on that phone, all from and of Arizona. She couldn’t lose them too.
A frantic knock resounded through the whole apartment, causing Callie to jump quite dramatically. She gave the door, a sceptical look, as the person on the other side, knocked again. Callie rose from the couch slowly, carefully, almost dreading this moment. She could see her hand reaching for the door handle, and turn to open it, through had no sensation of doing so. There before her, Arizona stood, looking out of breath, and rosy cheeked from the cold. Callie couldn’t read the look on the blonde’s face. Stepping forward, Arizona looked her directly in the eye before saying, “You idiot. You absolute idiot.” Callie’s heart sunk, she opened her mouth so say something. Anything. Before she should, the blonde stepped even closer forward, “Of course I feel the same”. Before Callie could even think about comprehending her words, Arizona claimed her lips, in a loving, passionate, soul clenching kiss.