oh god. oh god. i just read about sydney. i feel almost ill. boundless plains to share, and all that. i... dont know what to say. all of a sudden this passport in my pocket feels quite heavy.

this song is strangely captivating. an evening where my screen is the only light, and i'm hung up on her voice. this journal has become too personal recently. and i only write when drunk. i'm not sure whether thats ok or not. i don't want to just vomit out my emotions on a whim. these words are precious ( Read more... )

hmmm. so well classify it under catharsis. god i was a bit messy by the end of the evening. like hitting a melon with a mallet, i was both smashed and hammered. i dont know how it happened, but i was feeling unsettled all evening and then this drive towards alcoholic self-destruction kicked in. with its emotionally overladen corollaries. there ( Read more... )

and so all it is is the drunken explosion of a post-pubescent man. maybe its not worth anything. god knows im already looking at the shit i wrote and feeling the emptiness of it all. but what is it then? pursuit? aspiration? hope? these words will never be taken seriously. or if they are then maybe they'll be a silently read testament to this ( Read more... )

i dont love you. i just wanted to let you push the darkness to the edges again. maybe i could have. in the end. but no.

i think thats it though

i dont even know how to love anymore. just smile at me please. please. i keeep on falling away from everything i tell myself to be. and in collapse, i know thats all there is to know.

save me.

please. please.

i feel so alone so alone so alone so alone FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WHY? WHY?

itd be so much easier if someone could just tell me why i deserve to be so alone

please forgive me

please.

i just want to fall asleep with your arms around me.

i wrote this in a slightly tipsy burst of thoughtfulness after thursday night (i'd almost filled out the social work university transfer form by the end of it), but a combination of shit internet and a weekend away has postponed its unveiling. still, it probably bears saying ( Read more... )

did i just not notice it before? the night outside is staggeringly beautiful. i struggle to find a corresponding memory. low wisps of cloud flit across in ceaselessly shifting constellations of epehemera, painted against a sky whose colour seems laden with the profundity of the moment. in this sharp air the moon is almost blinding, piercing the ( Read more... )

i feel somewhat uninspired. the endless gregarity and functional indifference of my time here is starting to wear at me ( Read more... )

her words tipped through my mouth with the weight of solace. voices commingling in these mythic traceries; so close you could almost see the signposts of last years speech. speaking to listen and never hear. and with that a shift ( Read more... )