I had to give myself a pep-talk to get out of bed (on the "right side") today. I reminded myself that I go through these difficult (emotionally) times periodically, that they don't last forever and that, as they have no discernible cause, they are probably more related to chemical issues rather than my environment. So I got up, took my drugs and ( Read more... )

Taking off today and tomorrow for mental health purposes. Reexamining my goals, needs, desires, etc. Trying to decide if I can make the bakery job work.

Currently attempting to create personal budget. Ha!

I'm starting to try gardening... not intentionally as a therapeutic thing, but I can feel that is has potential. I spent a few hours across today and yesterday digging up rogue patches of grass in my soon-to-be "natural area" (mulchy) and I found it quite satisfying. Ice water tastes so much better when one is hot, dirty and sweaty.

My mood at the end of work tonight was whiny... I'm sick of feeling shitty for no particular reason, sick of being unmotivated, sick of being angry with myself for not being more motivated, for not making myself do the things I must do to feel better ( Read more... )

I was driving around yesterday with my iPod playing some of those old Sailormoon songs. "La Soldier" came on and I suddenly felt the excitement I'd feel back in those days when we were hardcore fanatics watching the Japanese eps for the first time. When we'd get really into it. I thought, "I should go watch the last few eps of R again..." and ( Read more... )

So I got really irritated with a customer who called VisArt last night... or the night before, I forget now. I was actually pretty rude. They were just asking stupid questions ("I saw this movie once 20 years ago... what was it?") like they always do, no different than any other phone call, but for some reason I just got so mad that this person ( Read more... )

This is proving harder than I imagined. It seems like it would be the easiest thing in the world, to develop awareness of my feelings. What I keep forgetting is that I've been doing the opposite for so long I instantly shutter and mute feelings as they arise. Even trying to focus on a feeling as I experience it is really, really hard ( Read more... )

My days off are the worst. So much time alone, unoccupied. I feel such a jumbled mess it's hard to pick the emotions apart. I think disgust is strongest. My teeth are filmy from sweets and tea, all I've eaten today. All I want is a fresh salad. Why didn't I think of that before ( Read more... )