GOT THE JOB.

Now have to juggle old jobs with new until 2 weeks is up.

It's gonna be a tearful farewell. I know they'll manage without me, but good or bad that bakery's been kind of a home for me. My first real job. I have learned a lot in the EXACTLY six years I have been there.

Dinner & headache cut practice short. Oh well.

I feel so sad and lonely today. I yearn for connection of some sort. I think it's all within me, all part of this depression, a thought that in itself is depressing. I'm always reaching outward, wishing that someone would come envelop me in assurance, warmth and love, and that that would make all my demons go away. But I'm afraid of people, and ( Read more... )

I've had a couple conversations with my mom about my feelings concerning my eldest sister which have left me feeling rather more agitated than less. I feel she misunderstands, or thinks it's more of an issue than it is. My most recent experience of this was just yesterday. She had asked several weeks ago if I would be interested in coming along ( Read more... )

Sometimes I think words cheapen the feeling they're meant to describe ( Read more... )

I have never been one to challenge others' opinions... well, that's not true. I have never really successfully debated or had lively discussion with anyone about issues... I never felt confident or educated or articulate enough to even try. Or, rather, failures at a very very young age have prevented me since from trying. It is something I have ( Read more... )

I found a Mindfulness Meditation community in Charlotte (and it's actually not too far from my neighborhood!) and I finally went last Sunday. I hope to make going to these gatherings a habit -- at least every Sunday, and there are Thursday evening dates as well. I have hopes that it can help me not only improve my breathing, but also my awareness ( Read more... )

I've spent this day off quietly, and I've done absolutely nothing productive. The rain came before I got out to plant my tomatoes or any more monkey grass, so I haven't been past the front door except to get the mail. My feelings about this are mixed. I DON'T feel awful, and I am glad of that, but I feel kind of guilty for NOT feeling awful. ( Read more... )

I had to give myself a pep-talk to get out of bed (on the "right side") today. I reminded myself that I go through these difficult (emotionally) times periodically, that they don't last forever and that, as they have no discernible cause, they are probably more related to chemical issues rather than my environment. So I got up, took my drugs and ( Read more... )

I had this horrible nightmare that, when I tried to describe it to someone, didn't sound like a nightmare at all.

For some reason I had decided to go back to college. It wasn't really Western, but Roommate was there, and one of my coworkers from the bakery for some reason. It was move-in weekend and the campus was packed with students and ( Read more... )

Taking off today and tomorrow for mental health purposes. Reexamining my goals, needs, desires, etc. Trying to decide if I can make the bakery job work.

Currently attempting to create personal budget. Ha!