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There was a time when I took him down to the beach and fed him my sandwiches and dark chocolate and set him out on my porch and read him my favorite poems and put him in my bed and had him watch my favorite movies and I told him everything I was thinking in one breathless explosion.
There was a time when we made love in the afternoon light and we ( Read more... ) -
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I wish I knew someone with one of those fancy heart monitors so we could borrow it and listen in on the babe. I keep thinking that there are two in there, which is terrifying and exciting. Exciting in a magical sense because twins are fascinating. But scary because TWO MORE CARSEATS?
I'm suddenly more weepy. I've felt very hardened lately, but now ( Read more... ) -
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These are words. Just whatever comes. Sleepy, slippery, heavy words. Dark blue thought cloud looming over eyelids and brain space, like war clouds. Evidence of explosions, fizzling now.
Haze, static, gray, airplane noise. A million miles, a million times, over and over, the same plane flies. So many packets of crackers or dry-air pretzels consumed ( Read more... ) -
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It's only ten but it feels like noon. Emma has been going in and out of sleep since I woke up a couple of hours ago. I'm trying to keep her cozy & sleeping because my stomach already feels knotted and there's something going on in my head-- this pressure-- and it feels like my face is blowing up. I just want to stay in bed.
I have to get up soon to ( Read more... ) -
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I need to change my complaints of "I have to" into grateful thoughts of "I get to"
I get to make dinner for my family (because we have food in the house that can nurture our bodies)
I get to change a diaper (because we can afford to change diapers each time they are dirty)
I get to put the baby to bed (and though she may fight it, I get to snuggle ( Read more... ) -
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We had our first prenatal appointment today, with Flo, the nurse who assisted our doctor when I was pregnant with Emma. She was wonderful and it was so good to chat with her. She makes all the silly pregnancy questions more tolerable by interjecting with little stories and questions of her own. She's just a likable person.
She said that my new ( Read more... ) -
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Right now, things are okay-- bordering on good. They haven't been though. And I can only write about them now because I'm not in the thick of it. The thick of it is ugly and looks like me sitting on the filthy bathroom floor in the middle of the night, blubbering uncontrollably and blowing thick snot from my nose every few minutes. It's not cute ( Read more... ) -
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James Elliott Rossi for a boy.
Norah Iris Rossi for a girl.
I FEEL these names. I love them and just want to doodle them all over notebooks like a lovesick teenager.
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The days are like black holes. I don't even know where the time goes. We swirl in this timelessness of morning and then we're spit out and most of the day is gone and the baby is asleep and dinner needs to be cooked and I long for sleep but have a hard time succumbing.
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Reading a book about talking & listening to your kids. Very insightful.
Mush brain.
A good day. Tony was home. We got a crockpot. Emma played contentedly with the box. Skipped a nap. Went to bed early & I got to read.