(no subject)
We had our first prenatal appointment today, with Flo, the nurse who assisted our doctor when I was pregnant with Emma. She was wonderful and it was so good to chat with her. She makes all the silly pregnancy questions more tolerable by interjecting with little stories and questions of her own. She's just a likable person.
She said that my new doctor is great and that she would've chosen her to deliver her baby if she hasn't already had a loyalty to her old doctor. I like that. I'm looking forward to having this doctor. She seems open-minded and a little hippy-ish, which is perfect for us.
The appointment went so well and Emma was well-behaved (thanks to Tony's help) and afterwards we shopped at Trader Joe's and I was just HAPPY. Like things felt good and right. It was probably the best I've felt since getting pregnant.
I have been so low in my lows and I miss the high moments. They are so rare now. I just sink into this misery of tiredness and nausea and guilt and worry.
But sometimes this little voice inside says, "you are so lucky, you are so blessed" because I get to have this beautiful little family and I get to stay home and we have food and shelter and that is so much more than many people have and I SHOULD be walking around on cloud nine just FEELING this luck. And today I felt it.