I wish I knew what to tell you to do, Annie. Is there anyplace you can go like social services or perhaps one of your relatives can lead you in the right direction. I know none of them are particularly helpful usually but this seems like a desperate situation and you just need to be out of there. What about one of your cousins close in age. Is there the possibility of moving on campus since you're back in University
( ... )
I know you'd help if you could, and just having you to be sensible and reasoned and get me to take a deep breath and look at my options is a big help. I have a Centerlink appointment soon, and they'd be the people to ask, because when you move out of home, they give some financial support. I'm not sure if they'd be able to point out where I might go, but I could always ask, since they handle that kind of thing, they might have a list of places for people like me who have to leave home under less than ideal circumstances
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1st - your dad is an ass. Plain and simple. He's verbally and emotionally abusive to you and your mum from what I've been able to gather.
2nd - You can do this. Hells yes it's scary at first, but once you're out on your own, doing things YOUR way, you'll find yourself and the freedom is freeing.
3rd - I can't give you money or real hugs, but I'm sending you tons of virtual hugs and all the good mojovibes I can to help you through this.
4th - I'll probably to that meme thing on my own lj in a bit. ;)
5th - I know we haven't met in person, but know that I LOVE YOU. You are worthy of being loved and not abused by your dad or anyone else. You are an awesome person and you will find your way and you will LOVE IT once you get over the being scared part.
6th - Look at me with the list. WTF is up with that? ;)
1st- no arguments here. The frustrating part is that I talked to my mother about it this morning and- it's like she rewrites history or something. She was all 'what he was trying to say was that you need to be more responsible'. Okay. I get that. But unfortunately calling me worthless and disparaging my intelligence and saying he's sick of my face doesn't really convey that message.
The single most honest thing I heard in his entire rant was 'you're unhappy, I'm unhappy, you need to find somewhere else where you can do what you want and be happy'. That, I'm behind. It's the getting there that freaks me out.
2nd- *clings to that belief* I hope it's a case where once I'm out on my own, I'll look back at my insecurities and be amused at how scared I was for no reason. I hope.3rd- seriously, you being there for me is the most important thing. I wouldn't be coping as well without friends like you helping me to keep things in perspective and telling me to believe in myself
( ... )
1- Your mom is abused as well and she's going to defend your father. He's an ass. No one deserves to be treated the way he treats either of you. The things he said to you, you're right, that is totally the wrong way to convey the message
( ... )
1. At least she gets to shout back at him, there's a bit of inequality between husband/wife and father/daughter. I feel like it's harder for me because I'm in the subordinate role. And she chooses to stay with him, and while they fight a lot, they also have a lot of times where it's laughter and lovey-dovey and happy. I never have that with him. (nor would I want to, but I'd have settled for indifference)
2. That'd be the best-case scenario!
3. Haha, you're nothing like those annoying older folk who prod and pry and impart their great 'wisdom' that makes others grit their teeth in irritation. I value your ability to listen and support without being critical. (your mom sounds amazing, btw)
5. Well, playing devil's advocate, I guess he doesn't see much to love, what with me failing classes and not having a brilliant career. It just makes me resentful that he apparently can't love me unless I have certain qualifications. Why would I want to impress this man if that's his attitude?
Oh my, I'm so sorry about the situation with your dad *hugs* I really wish I could be more helpful... Could you afford to rent a place of your own? I'm not sure about the benefits situation in Australia, but here you can get housing benefit and income support, as well as jobseekers allowance (if you're unemployed) or employment and support allowance (if you can't work), so you should look into what benefits you could possibly get if you move out ♥
1. Name and/or story behind your username: Fairy. I don't really have a story behind scarletladyy, I just really liked the words 'scarlet' and 'lady', but I had to put another 'y' on the end because 'scarletlady' was taken :( But, I like the two y's now and think they're unique :) 2. Birthday/zodiac sign: 21st March, Aries 3. Which country are you from/do you live with your parents?: UK. I'm from England but I live in Scotland, and I live with my fiancé :) I moved out of my mums at 18 when me and my fiancé moved up to Scotland so he could go to Uni. 4: What are you studying/What are you
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Hee, don't worry, I totally mean it when I say it's the thought that counts. I'm not sure how I'd've been able to keep it together this long without my flist supporting me, your comment's a help in itself.
IDK exactly how it works here, but I know they provide financial assistance, at least when people first leave home. Not sure how long it lasts, but at least I'll have something to keep me going at first, and I've already got the jobseekers allowance atm, so I have some money saved up. (not a ton, but at least for some time, I should be able to survive)
Your name IRL is Fairy? I've seen that before at HiH, but it strikes me as an unusual choice! And hee, the two y's def make you unique.
Scotland! I always think about HP when I find out people are from there, lol. That's so cool that you live with your fiance. And gosh, to move out at 18- and that far away? *amazed* I suppose it helped that you were with someone you love, but yeah, I'd have fretted so much in your position!
I've held a baby tiger :O AWESOMEST INTERESTING FACT
( ... )
We're from the North of England, so it wasn't too far, just over a three hour drive. It's the norm here to leave home at 18 and go to Uni, and for those few that don't go to Uni, they tend to move in with their mates.
I love Pansy, too! Gotta love Harry/Pansy xD And Ron/Pansy! ♥ (And pretty much anyone/Pansy :P)
I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with all of this hun. Are their any social directors/career advisors that could help you get on your feet? I know lots of cities have directories you could go, if this does end the way that you're thinking it will. :( At the very least, if you can find a place, it means that you'll be away from him. *sends you more hugs*
but that Tangled pic had me lol-ing. Proper reaction indeed. *nods*
*hugs back* There's Centerlink, which is like the government financial aid kinda thing? I know they give people leaving home some sort of support, not sure how much, but it should be enough to cover essentials. So at least I have that going for me. It's more the practical side of day-to-day living that makes me panic- like how to pay bills and that kind of thing? It's not something I've ever had to do, so the unknown of it all makes me want to curl up into a ball and hide in my closet, but obv that's not an option, lol.
I will figure it out. I have to. *deep breath* Getting away from a place where I'm on thin ice and constantly afraid of being yelled and made to feel like crap will def be an incentive.
Hehe, that amused me a lot! I needed that laugh, it's so cute and like, HELL YES, that is what you do when a strange guy is at your window!
It's more the practical side of day-to-day living that makes me panic- like how to pay bills and that kind of thing?
I live In Australia, too, and am on Centrelink benefits. You can pay many utilities through a thing called Centrepay, which is a free service from Centrelink where they deduct a set amount of money from your fortnightly pay to pay for bills. You have to arrange it through the utility companies themselves but that's not hard. Just phone up the electricity/gas/water company once you're on Centrelink benefits and say you want to arrange Centrepay.
I'm so sorry. I was lucky that when my dad kicked me out the first time, I technically lived with my mom anyway, so it wasn't a big deal living situation-wise. But hearing him say he never wanted to see me in his house again HURT. And it doesn't matter if you hate the man or are used to him spewing crap like that (I have no real idea what your situation is, not saying it's like that), but it cuts.
I don't know how it is where you live, but there are sites where you can look for roommates. You might want to try there.
You are most definitely in my prayers, sweetie. ::hugs::
I wish my mom and I could live together. >_< Ever since I was a kid, I've wished they would get divorced and I could live with her. (selfish, lol, she really loves him, but yeah)
My situation is pretty much like that- I hate him, I wouldn't cry if he died tomorrow, and he constantly rants at me over the smallest most ridiculous infractions (the door gently bumping into the DOOR STOPPER, the horror) and how useless I am and that I'm never going to amount to anything in life. But even though I try to ignore it and not let it affect me, it never fails to make me cry. I have no dignity, it's horrible. I wish I could just turn off my feelings, but it doesn't work like that, unfortunately.
Oh, I didn't even think about that, I'll try and- google or something. When I talk to Centerlink, I hope they'll have suggestions, they deal with enough people moving out of home that I think they might have advice.
Trust me, sweetie, it's about being human, not about dignity. There are some people in this life that are SUPPOSED to love you. Your parents being at the very top of that list. The reason it hurts so much when they don't is because it's going against nature and everything that's supposed to be. My dad and I miss each other's birthdays and I didn't try very hard to get a hold of him on Father's Day. When he had a heart attack (both of them, actually), I was startled to realize that I wasn't afraid of him dying. I simply didn't care. And that scared me and made me wonder when that had happened to me
( ... )
In my mind, I know tears are nothing to be ashamed of, but my parents always acted like it was a weakness- they told me it was immature, that I was attention-seeking or being manipulative or whatever. And now I can't help but see it as this sign of another way I'm not good enough, that I'm so hyper-emotional.
I was startled to realize that I wasn't afraid of him dying. I simply didn't careThat's exactly the case with me. And it's supposed to be this horrible thing, but I feel like it'd be fraudulent to pretend anything else given our relationship. I find it ridiculous how my relatives, who know from me how awful our interactions are and how hard he is on me, expect me to love him and be respectful and everything. Like, are you kidding me
( ... )
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2nd - You can do this. Hells yes it's scary at first, but once you're out on your own, doing things YOUR way, you'll find yourself and the freedom is freeing.
3rd - I can't give you money or real hugs, but I'm sending you tons of virtual hugs and all the good mojovibes I can to help you through this.
4th - I'll probably to that meme thing on my own lj in a bit. ;)
5th - I know we haven't met in person, but know that I LOVE YOU. You are worthy of being loved and not abused by your dad or anyone else. You are an awesome person and you will find your way and you will LOVE IT once you get over the being scared part.
6th - Look at me with the list. WTF is up with that? ;)
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The single most honest thing I heard in his entire rant was 'you're unhappy, I'm unhappy, you need to find somewhere else where you can do what you want and be happy'. That, I'm behind. It's the getting there that freaks me out.
2nd- *clings to that belief* I hope it's a case where once I'm out on my own, I'll look back at my insecurities and be amused at how scared I was for no reason. I hope.3rd- seriously, you being there for me is the most important thing. I wouldn't be coping as well without friends like you helping me to keep things in perspective and telling me to believe in myself ( ... )
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2. That'd be the best-case scenario!
3. Haha, you're nothing like those annoying older folk who prod and pry and impart their great 'wisdom' that makes others grit their teeth in irritation. I value your ability to listen and support without being critical. (your mom sounds amazing, btw)
5. Well, playing devil's advocate, I guess he doesn't see much to love, what with me failing classes and not having a brilliant career. It just makes me resentful that he apparently can't love me unless I have certain qualifications. Why would I want to impress this man if that's his attitude?
6. I approve of this new habit. :P
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1. Name and/or story behind your username: Fairy. I don't really have a story behind scarletladyy, I just really liked the words 'scarlet' and 'lady', but I had to put another 'y' on the end because 'scarletlady' was taken :( But, I like the two y's now and think they're unique :)
2. Birthday/zodiac sign: 21st March, Aries
3. Which country are you from/do you live with your parents?: UK. I'm from England but I live in Scotland, and I live with my fiancé :) I moved out of my mums at 18 when me and my fiancé moved up to Scotland so he could go to Uni.
4: What are you studying/What are you ( ... )
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IDK exactly how it works here, but I know they provide financial assistance, at least when people first leave home. Not sure how long it lasts, but at least I'll have something to keep me going at first, and I've already got the jobseekers allowance atm, so I have some money saved up. (not a ton, but at least for some time, I should be able to survive)
Your name IRL is Fairy? I've seen that before at HiH, but it strikes me as an unusual choice! And hee, the two y's def make you unique.
Scotland! I always think about HP when I find out people are from there, lol. That's so cool that you live with your fiance. And gosh, to move out at 18- and that far away? *amazed* I suppose it helped that you were with someone you love, but yeah, I'd have fretted so much in your position!
I've held a baby tiger :O AWESOMEST INTERESTING FACT ( ... )
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My real name isn't Fairy, unfortunately xD
We're from the North of England, so it wasn't too far, just over a three hour drive. It's the norm here to leave home at 18 and go to Uni, and for those few that don't go to Uni, they tend to move in with their mates.
I love Pansy, too! Gotta love Harry/Pansy xD And Ron/Pansy! ♥ (And pretty much anyone/Pansy :P)
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I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with all of this hun. Are their any social directors/career advisors that could help you get on your feet? I know lots of cities have directories you could go, if this does end the way that you're thinking it will. :( At the very least, if you can find a place, it means that you'll be away from him. *sends you more hugs*
but that Tangled pic had me lol-ing. Proper reaction indeed. *nods*
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I will figure it out. I have to. *deep breath* Getting away from a place where I'm on thin ice and constantly afraid of being yelled and made to feel like crap will def be an incentive.
Hehe, that amused me a lot! I needed that laugh, it's so cute and like, HELL YES, that is what you do when a strange guy is at your window!
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I live In Australia, too, and am on Centrelink benefits. You can pay many utilities through a thing called Centrepay, which is a free service from Centrelink where they deduct a set amount of money from your fortnightly pay to pay for bills. You have to arrange it through the utility companies themselves but that's not hard. Just phone up the electricity/gas/water company once you're on Centrelink benefits and say you want to arrange Centrepay.
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Wow, that Centrepay service sounds awesome. So much less stress, I love it! I will def look into that, thank you so much for letting me know about it.
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I don't know how it is where you live, but there are sites where you can look for roommates. You might want to try there.
You are most definitely in my prayers, sweetie. ::hugs::
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My situation is pretty much like that- I hate him, I wouldn't cry if he died tomorrow, and he constantly rants at me over the smallest most ridiculous infractions (the door gently bumping into the DOOR STOPPER, the horror) and how useless I am and that I'm never going to amount to anything in life. But even though I try to ignore it and not let it affect me, it never fails to make me cry. I have no dignity, it's horrible. I wish I could just turn off my feelings, but it doesn't work like that, unfortunately.
Oh, I didn't even think about that, I'll try and- google or something. When I talk to Centerlink, I hope they'll have suggestions, they deal with enough people moving out of home that I think they might have advice.
Thank you very much for your support. *hugs back*
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I was startled to realize that I wasn't afraid of him dying. I simply didn't careThat's exactly the case with me. And it's supposed to be this horrible thing, but I feel like it'd be fraudulent to pretend anything else given our relationship. I find it ridiculous how my relatives, who know from me how awful our interactions are and how hard he is on me, expect me to love him and be respectful and everything. Like, are you kidding me ( ... )
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