In my mind, I know tears are nothing to be ashamed of, but my parents always acted like it was a weakness- they told me it was immature, that I was attention-seeking or being manipulative or whatever. And now I can't help but see it as this sign of another way I'm not good enough, that I'm so hyper-emotional.
I was startled to realize that I wasn't afraid of him dying. I simply didn't care
That's exactly the case with me. And it's supposed to be this horrible thing, but I feel like it'd be fraudulent to pretend anything else given our relationship. I find it ridiculous how my relatives, who know from me how awful our interactions are and how hard he is on me, expect me to love him and be respectful and everything. Like, are you kidding me?
YES, omg, that is so totally like my father! No food and rink, for instance. I was allowed to have drinks in my room at one stage, and then he got mad at me for some reason, and after that it was one more thing I was banned from doing. Ugh, I'm sorry you had to deal with that kind of thing from your stepdad, I honestly don't get how hostile and cruel these guys can be.
*hugglesmooch* I appreciate your empathy, knowing you understand is- well, sad, but still helps. (some people I've talked to in the past just couldn't get it- it's like they projected their own relationship with their father- 'I love him and would miss him, therefore, it's inconceivable that you don't feel the same about yours. You need to try harder or something'. *eyeroll*)
I was startled to realize that I wasn't afraid of him dying. I simply didn't care
That's exactly the case with me. And it's supposed to be this horrible thing, but I feel like it'd be fraudulent to pretend anything else given our relationship. I find it ridiculous how my relatives, who know from me how awful our interactions are and how hard he is on me, expect me to love him and be respectful and everything. Like, are you kidding me?
YES, omg, that is so totally like my father! No food and rink, for instance. I was allowed to have drinks in my room at one stage, and then he got mad at me for some reason, and after that it was one more thing I was banned from doing. Ugh, I'm sorry you had to deal with that kind of thing from your stepdad, I honestly don't get how hostile and cruel these guys can be.
*hugglesmooch* I appreciate your empathy, knowing you understand is- well, sad, but still helps. (some people I've talked to in the past just couldn't get it- it's like they projected their own relationship with their father- 'I love him and would miss him, therefore, it's inconceivable that you don't feel the same about yours. You need to try harder or something'. *eyeroll*)
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