Discordant Hormoney. Chapter 8
Note to self: Never listen to "Total Eclipse of the Heart" while reading or writing Beetle and Booster. *whimper, sniffle*
Almost done, folks! All that's left is the epilogue. ^_^ This...took considerably less time than the previous Mullet-verse installment. I like to delude myself think that's because I've grown (and hopefully improved) as a writer.
OMAC Project is, sort of, referenced in this, but it's not necessary to have read it to get what happens here. I'll clarify the reference under the cut and at the end of this chapter. ;)
Also: I mentioned ADD!Ted in a comment to Chapter 6, but then couldn't find the scan. (Seriously. Anyone know the scan I'm talking about? Possibly seen on heykidzcomix?) So instead, I offer up another upside-down Ted. This one from Birds of Prey #37, where he teams up with Black Canary, Robin, and Oracle to take down...THE CONDIMENT KING!! (Bwaaa-hahahaha! Oh comics, you so crazy. ^_^)
For anyone wondering, on this round of Wheel of Deities I swiped a bunch of stuff from Wikipedia's entry on Discordianism. (Boostle fanart of your choice to anyone who gets all the references! Haha, I'm a dork.)
Beta by lakidaa.
CHAPTERS: { Prologue }{ Chapter One }{ Chapter Two }{ Chapter Three }{ Chapter Four }{ Chapter Five }{ Chapter Six }{ Chapter Seven }{ Chapter Eight }{ Epilogue }
<-{ previous story: Midst Of Rough Earthliness } { next story: Harmonious Discourse }->
~8th Chapter
As they made their way down to the basement, Raven looked up, immediately focusing on Ted, Mikey, and Max with barely a glance toward the Justice League members. "I have found the most likely cause of your transformation," she said, then held up a piece of flax cloth that appeared to hold the faded image of a circle containing a pentagon and a golden apple. "A...gift from Eris, if you will."
Motioning Ted closer, Raven peered at him, then back at the cloth, then reached up and touched his cheek with the tips of her fingers. "You were meant to learn a lesson, I believe," she murmured. "Have you?"
"Uh, I've been in a near constant state of confusion since I woke up in this basement," Ted said. "And I still don't really know what's going on. Does that count?"
Raven pursed her lips in thought. "Perhaps." Dropping her hand, she turned to the group at large. "I believe I can restore them to the way they were before the transformation."
"Do so," Superman said firmly.
"Now hold on!" a voice spoke up indignantly. "In all the confusion and rush to return to the status quo, you all seem to have forgotten something. Specifically, someone."
All eyes turned to the source of the voice. Max stood frowning at them, hands on his hips, looking for all the world like a young business prodigy who had just found out his stocks were falling because his memo had been ignored.
"Me." Max finished once he had their attention. "I don't want to go back." He jerked a thumb at Junior. "According to Junior here I grow up to be an evil nutbar and try to take over the world until Susie Snap-happy over there puts me out of my megalomaniacal misery. Now...I'm not necessarily saying I didn't deserve what I got, but I don't really remember and I'm not looking forward to going back to being the star of The Adventures of Zombie Max." He paused thoughtfully. "Though that might be a good idea for a cartoon, or a comic book. Kids love the undead. And there could be a toy line--" He snapped his fingers at Junior. "Get something to write with."
Startled, Junior quickly looked around and grabbed some paper and a pen from the workbench.
"Write this down," Max instructed. "Quote, Adventures of Zombie Max, end quote. Cartoon, slash, comic. Parentheses, toy line, end parentheses. Obtain copyright, question mark."
Junior scribbled hurriedly, then stared at his empty hand in surprise and confusion when Max snatched the paper from him.
Max frowned and pointed at something on the paper. "What's this?"
Peering at where he was pointing, Junior scratched his ear and shrugged. "Um, I didn't know what a parentheses was so I did an amoeba around it."
Max blinked, then nodded. "Good improvisation."
Junior beamed while Max tucked the paper away.
"As I was saying," Max continued, turning back to the group. "No offense to this fine...family unit, but my life's ambition isn't to be some kid's pet corpse."
"That's fine," Raven said disinterestedly. "Just stand back." That said, she motioned Ted and Mikey closer.
"Well, kid, I guess this is it," Mikey said, grabbing Junior's hand and giving it a quick squeeze. "Sorry about the...." He motioned vaguely. "You know. The whole threatening thing."
"S'okay," Junior replied cheerfully. "I know how disorienting it is."
Mikey gave him a confused look, then shook his head, smiled, and went to stand next to Ted in front of Raven.
"Here," she said, holding out the cloth. "Both of you grasp one corner. And hold still." Once they had done as instructed, she reached out and put a hand to each forehead. After a moment, she began chanting something that sounded a bit like a turkey call, interspersed with something that sounded like "fnord."
It sounded completely ridiculous.
So of course it worked.
After about fifty-five seconds of chanting, a bright light flared from the cloth, blotting everything from sight. When the light faded and everyone had blinked the spots from their eyes, a full grown Ted Kord and Michael Carter stood in place of their teenage counterparts.
"It was your fault!" Booster immediately crowed, whirling to point at Ted. "I was across the room and I warned you! Ha!"
"Well technically it was your fault," Ted countered. "If you hadn't put--"
"Technically?! No way! It was--"
"Ahem," Superman spoke up sternly. The pair stopped abruptly, staring at each other for a moment before turning to look at the man. Uninterested, Raven set the abandoned cloth aside and quietly strode toward the stairs.
"Uh," said Booster.
"Um," said Ted.
"We can explain," they said.
"Good. But first, what do you intend to do about Max?"
Eyebrows raised in surprise, Ted looked over at the still teenaged Maxwell Lord. "Oh yeah, that's right." Crossing his arms over his chest, he leaned back against the desk with a thoughtful look. "I hope you're not expecting us to take him in. I was okay having him around before because it's okay to pound on the undead with a bat. But I'm pretty sure if I did it now it'd count as child abuse." He paused. "And I'd probably feel guilty. ...Eventually."
When this was met with silence and a few surprised looks, Ted shrugged helplessly. "I still have some issues to work out."
"I--" Wonder Woman started.
"No way!" Max yelped, backing away and waving his hands in front of himself. "I'd like to survive to adulthood again, thank you!"
"I believe I have a solution," Skeets spoke up suddenly, coming to hover beside the boy. "Bug and I would be willing to take responsibility for him."
"That's very generous of you," Wonder Woman said slowly. "But are you prepared, or even capable, to care for the needs of a human teenager?"
"Because Bug and I are inorganic?" Skeets asked.
"Yes."
"That isn't an issue," Skeets assured them casually, moving to hover directly in front of Max. "Or it won't be."
"What are you doing?" Max asked nervously.
With quiet authority, Skeets calmly said, "Activate."
Eyes widening, then squeezing shut, Max made a choked sound and doubled over, arms hugging his middle. "Hng!" he grunted, dropping to his knees as his body...rippled.
A breathless moment later, Max looked up with a confused, surprised look on his slightly altered face.
His skin looked metallic, and while one eye glowed faintly blue without a pupil, the other had taken on a slightly stylized look with only a small red light for a pupil.
"What--What did you do to me?" Max asked shakily, staring up at the hovering golden bug. His voice had taken on the same slightly tinny quality that Skeets had.
"Some of the nanites were already in you," Skeets explained gently, reaching out to touch Max's shoulder with one of his legs. "Just dormant. Bug introduced new nanites to your system when you boarded her. I altered their programming."
"The poking! You sneaky little--"
"Is that any way to speak to your new father?"
Max stared at him.
"Oh my god," Ted murmured. "I didn't even think--The pieces of Bug we recovered. They were covered in nanites, weren't they?"
"Exactly!" Skeets replied happily. "Since their integration into her current form, they have been rapidly making her more aware. Enabling her to form her own intelligence and personality, without the OMAC programming. Or...not much. Enough of the original protocol to protect Max remained that she formed an immediate...maternal bond to him. When she sensed the dormant nanites in him, this seemed a perfect solution to the problems that would inevitably arise when it became necessary to find a place for young Max. I agreed."
"I don't." Batman said darkly. "You have no idea the potential danger you've introduced to the world."
"Heck of a double standard there, Bats." Ted interrupted meanly. "Your AI went on a murderous rampage. Mine just wants to adopt."
"It's the same program," Batman growled. "The Bug should be dealt with--"
"With all due respect," Skeets said, hovering over Max's shoulder as the boy got to his feet. "The decision isn't yours. And any attempts to 'deal' with Bug will be responded to in kind. Bug is not the same as Brother Eye. If anything, she is the offspring of it."
"So...my grandfather is a killer satellite?" Max asked dazedly.
"In a sense."
Max grimaced. "That's...messed up."
"Yes," Skeets agreed, patting his shoulder. "Come along, son. Bug will want to see you."
As they started up the stairs, Batman moved to follow, but was stopped when Ted said, "I wouldn't if I were you. Skeets has a laser. I can only speculate on what capabilities Max might have. Anyway, you owe me and I'm calling it in."
"Listen, Ted, if this is some misguided assigning of blame for your death--" Superman started.
"No you listen, Clark," Ted snapped, pointing at him. "Don't think I won't get to that eventually, but that's not what I meant. I mean we saved the world from Batman's psycho satellite, and I don't for a minute believe that was all Max's reprogramming! So you owe us. Now I'm calling it in and I want you to back the hell off! Which means I'm canceling our meeting and you can leave."
"Ted," Wonder Woman said gently. "We only wanted to make sure your...return hasn't--"
"I was dead, I got better," Ted interrupted shortly. "It hasn't made me crazy or evil, just pissed off and confused." With a quick glance at Booster, he added, "And also apparently gay, but I'm blaming that on Booster."
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Ted sighed. "I just want to be left alone. So for now, leave me alone, leave my son alone--"
"Our son," Booster corrected.
"Our son--"
"What?" Superman asked suddenly.
There was a tense moment as Ted and Booster realized what they had said.
"You're not the only one who can come back from the dead with a mini-me," Booster retorted.
Ted smacked his forehead, then turned to give Booster a look. Booster just shrugged helplessly in response.
Kid Flash suddenly blurred to a stop at the bottom of the stairs. "Hey, was that Max with Skeets? What happened to--" He stopped abruptly, noticing the tense atmosphere. "Um."
"Bart, could you take Junior upstairs and keep an eye on him?" Ted asked.
"But dad--"
"Don't argue," Ted said sternly.
"But--"
"Junior," Booster sighed.
"C'mon," Kid Flash said, suddenly lifting Junior into his arms. "Kon wanted to talk to you anyway." Then they were gone.
There was silence in the wake of their exit, Ted and Booster staring at the trio of Leaguers as they stared back.
"Your son," Batman said.
"Don't suppose you'd believe I had a careless one night stand with Booster's sister?" Ted tried.
Batman glared.
"Right," Ted muttered. "Because that would be simple."
----------
"So if you were to run on like a giant hamster wheel hooked up to a generator, how much electricity do you think you could generate?" Junior asked, gesturing widely.
Kid Flash looked thoughtful. "How big a hamster wheel?"
"Um...big?" Junior grinned. "That'd be cool. I wonder if you could, like, get paid for generating electricity. Fossil fuel is going the way of the dinosaur."
Kid Flash laughed, and after a moment Junior laughed too.
"Hey Robin!" he called, pulling Junior into a playful headlock. "Can we keep him? Promise I'll feed him and clean up after him and take him for walkies!"
Robin glanced over, his mask tilting in a manner that suggested he was raising an eyebrow behind it. His mouth twitched.
Grinning back, Kid Flash let Junior throw off the headlock, then reached out and tickled him.
----------
"A magical clone?" Batman demanded.
"Well not--I mean--Maybe--"
"We don't know," Booster interrupted Ted, putting a hand on the man's shoulder. "But whatever else Junior is...he's our son."
Ted shot him a grateful look while Batman glowered.
----------
"Hey," Kon greeted the boy sprawled on the lawn.
"Hey." Junior raised a hand to wave at him. "Kid Flash said you wanted to talk to me."
"Uh, yeah," Kon said slowly, sitting next to him on the grass. "I just thought you should know...I can kinda relate." At Junior's confused look, he sighed. "I'm a clone. I was artificially created. Grown in a tube."
"Oh." Junior furrowed his brow in thought, then smiled up at him. "I was a hair clog dad bled on."
"That's...." Kon shook his head. "You can call me Kon, by the way."
Junior grinned. "Cool. So...are you like my big brothery mentor thing?"
Rubbing the back of his neck, Kon said, "I...guess?"
"Cool."
"So...how old are you, anyway?"
"About fourteen," Junior said. "That's the guesstimate. Or do you mean...um...how long have I existed? 'Cause that's about a month."
Kon leaned back on his elbows. "How're you adjusting?"
Junior shrugged. "I have memories of the past and memories of the future, but they're not mine. But I've been watching a lot of TV, so I think I'm catching up okay."
Smiling, Kon shook his head. "Well, if you ever need to talk...gimmie a call, okay? I'm still figuring stuff out, but maybe I can help."
Junior beamed at him. "Thanks, Kon." He sat up and cocked his head thoughtfully. "What stuff?"
"Huh?"
"What stuff are you still figuring out?"
"Oh." Kon ran a hand through his hair. "Well...I just found out that I do have a soul."
"What's a soul?"
Kon stared at him. "You don't know what a soul is?" When Junior shook his head, Kon frowned in thought. "Well...it's...what makes a person real, I guess."
"Like my Pinocchio papers?" Junior asked curiously.
"Not really. It's...." He tapped his chest. "It's inside. I wasn't sure I had one, because I'm a clone."
"But...that doesn't make sense. You can walk and talk and think and stuff. Of course you're real."
Kon sighed. "It's a little more complicated than that. That's just the body. A soul is...." He waved a hand helplessly.
"Ohhh, is it a religion thing?" Junior asked, face clearing.
"What do you know about religion?" Kon asked, raising an eyebrow.
Junior shrugged. "Not much. Beetle's a lapsed WASP and Booster's a devout atheist."
Kon gave him an odd look. "How can you be a devout atheist?"
"Well...Wonder Girl got her powers from Greek gods, right?"
"Yeah...." Kon said slowly.
"And my dads have worked with New Genesis gods. And I heard about one time how the League fought an angel."
"Okay, so?"
Junior waved an arm expansively. "So in a world like this, where that kind of stuff happens, it's easy to believe in some higher power. It takes real faith to not believe."
Kon stared at him for a moment, then snorted. "That's a total load of BS, isn't it?"
Junior laughed.
-----
Okay, let me state once more for the record that in the Mullet-verse, Bat-ho Sasha Bordeaux died of OMAC stabbity. Anyone who's read OMAC Project or heard much about it probably knows what I did, but for those who don't, here's some scans of Sasha the Sue-per OMAC:
Soylent green OMACs are people. (Lookit the eye.)
OMG tentacles! (Lookit both eyes.)
Nooooes! I am not a animal machine! (Lookit the shiny.)
You get it now? Yeah, that's what happened to Max. Yay! ;D
(And now I'm-a try to reply to the comments from Chapter 7. Seriously, WTF guys? *laugh* I loves youse. ^_^)
-----
[ETA of epilogue: needs only to be written, betaed, and edited.]
EDIT: I found it! I found ADD!Ted. Specific scan HERE, and the heykidzcomix entry it's in HERE. (Fifteenth picture down.) Can you say "obsessive," boys and girls? I knew you could. *dork* -_-
Almost done, folks! All that's left is the epilogue. ^_^ This...took considerably less time than the previous Mullet-verse installment. I like to delude myself think that's because I've grown (and hopefully improved) as a writer.
OMAC Project is, sort of, referenced in this, but it's not necessary to have read it to get what happens here. I'll clarify the reference under the cut and at the end of this chapter. ;)
Also: I mentioned ADD!Ted in a comment to Chapter 6, but then couldn't find the scan. (Seriously. Anyone know the scan I'm talking about? Possibly seen on heykidzcomix?) So instead, I offer up another upside-down Ted. This one from Birds of Prey #37, where he teams up with Black Canary, Robin, and Oracle to take down...THE CONDIMENT KING!! (Bwaaa-hahahaha! Oh comics, you so crazy. ^_^)
For anyone wondering, on this round of Wheel of Deities I swiped a bunch of stuff from Wikipedia's entry on Discordianism. (Boostle fanart of your choice to anyone who gets all the references! Haha, I'm a dork.)
Beta by lakidaa.
CHAPTERS: { Prologue }{ Chapter One }{ Chapter Two }{ Chapter Three }{ Chapter Four }{ Chapter Five }{ Chapter Six }{ Chapter Seven }{ Chapter Eight }{ Epilogue }
<-{ previous story: Midst Of Rough Earthliness } { next story: Harmonious Discourse }->
~8th Chapter
As they made their way down to the basement, Raven looked up, immediately focusing on Ted, Mikey, and Max with barely a glance toward the Justice League members. "I have found the most likely cause of your transformation," she said, then held up a piece of flax cloth that appeared to hold the faded image of a circle containing a pentagon and a golden apple. "A...gift from Eris, if you will."
Motioning Ted closer, Raven peered at him, then back at the cloth, then reached up and touched his cheek with the tips of her fingers. "You were meant to learn a lesson, I believe," she murmured. "Have you?"
"Uh, I've been in a near constant state of confusion since I woke up in this basement," Ted said. "And I still don't really know what's going on. Does that count?"
Raven pursed her lips in thought. "Perhaps." Dropping her hand, she turned to the group at large. "I believe I can restore them to the way they were before the transformation."
"Do so," Superman said firmly.
"Now hold on!" a voice spoke up indignantly. "In all the confusion and rush to return to the status quo, you all seem to have forgotten something. Specifically, someone."
All eyes turned to the source of the voice. Max stood frowning at them, hands on his hips, looking for all the world like a young business prodigy who had just found out his stocks were falling because his memo had been ignored.
"Me." Max finished once he had their attention. "I don't want to go back." He jerked a thumb at Junior. "According to Junior here I grow up to be an evil nutbar and try to take over the world until Susie Snap-happy over there puts me out of my megalomaniacal misery. Now...I'm not necessarily saying I didn't deserve what I got, but I don't really remember and I'm not looking forward to going back to being the star of The Adventures of Zombie Max." He paused thoughtfully. "Though that might be a good idea for a cartoon, or a comic book. Kids love the undead. And there could be a toy line--" He snapped his fingers at Junior. "Get something to write with."
Startled, Junior quickly looked around and grabbed some paper and a pen from the workbench.
"Write this down," Max instructed. "Quote, Adventures of Zombie Max, end quote. Cartoon, slash, comic. Parentheses, toy line, end parentheses. Obtain copyright, question mark."
Junior scribbled hurriedly, then stared at his empty hand in surprise and confusion when Max snatched the paper from him.
Max frowned and pointed at something on the paper. "What's this?"
Peering at where he was pointing, Junior scratched his ear and shrugged. "Um, I didn't know what a parentheses was so I did an amoeba around it."
Max blinked, then nodded. "Good improvisation."
Junior beamed while Max tucked the paper away.
"As I was saying," Max continued, turning back to the group. "No offense to this fine...family unit, but my life's ambition isn't to be some kid's pet corpse."
"That's fine," Raven said disinterestedly. "Just stand back." That said, she motioned Ted and Mikey closer.
"Well, kid, I guess this is it," Mikey said, grabbing Junior's hand and giving it a quick squeeze. "Sorry about the...." He motioned vaguely. "You know. The whole threatening thing."
"S'okay," Junior replied cheerfully. "I know how disorienting it is."
Mikey gave him a confused look, then shook his head, smiled, and went to stand next to Ted in front of Raven.
"Here," she said, holding out the cloth. "Both of you grasp one corner. And hold still." Once they had done as instructed, she reached out and put a hand to each forehead. After a moment, she began chanting something that sounded a bit like a turkey call, interspersed with something that sounded like "fnord."
It sounded completely ridiculous.
So of course it worked.
After about fifty-five seconds of chanting, a bright light flared from the cloth, blotting everything from sight. When the light faded and everyone had blinked the spots from their eyes, a full grown Ted Kord and Michael Carter stood in place of their teenage counterparts.
"It was your fault!" Booster immediately crowed, whirling to point at Ted. "I was across the room and I warned you! Ha!"
"Well technically it was your fault," Ted countered. "If you hadn't put--"
"Technically?! No way! It was--"
"Ahem," Superman spoke up sternly. The pair stopped abruptly, staring at each other for a moment before turning to look at the man. Uninterested, Raven set the abandoned cloth aside and quietly strode toward the stairs.
"Uh," said Booster.
"Um," said Ted.
"We can explain," they said.
"Good. But first, what do you intend to do about Max?"
Eyebrows raised in surprise, Ted looked over at the still teenaged Maxwell Lord. "Oh yeah, that's right." Crossing his arms over his chest, he leaned back against the desk with a thoughtful look. "I hope you're not expecting us to take him in. I was okay having him around before because it's okay to pound on the undead with a bat. But I'm pretty sure if I did it now it'd count as child abuse." He paused. "And I'd probably feel guilty. ...Eventually."
When this was met with silence and a few surprised looks, Ted shrugged helplessly. "I still have some issues to work out."
"I--" Wonder Woman started.
"No way!" Max yelped, backing away and waving his hands in front of himself. "I'd like to survive to adulthood again, thank you!"
"I believe I have a solution," Skeets spoke up suddenly, coming to hover beside the boy. "Bug and I would be willing to take responsibility for him."
"That's very generous of you," Wonder Woman said slowly. "But are you prepared, or even capable, to care for the needs of a human teenager?"
"Because Bug and I are inorganic?" Skeets asked.
"Yes."
"That isn't an issue," Skeets assured them casually, moving to hover directly in front of Max. "Or it won't be."
"What are you doing?" Max asked nervously.
With quiet authority, Skeets calmly said, "Activate."
Eyes widening, then squeezing shut, Max made a choked sound and doubled over, arms hugging his middle. "Hng!" he grunted, dropping to his knees as his body...rippled.
A breathless moment later, Max looked up with a confused, surprised look on his slightly altered face.
His skin looked metallic, and while one eye glowed faintly blue without a pupil, the other had taken on a slightly stylized look with only a small red light for a pupil.
"What--What did you do to me?" Max asked shakily, staring up at the hovering golden bug. His voice had taken on the same slightly tinny quality that Skeets had.
"Some of the nanites were already in you," Skeets explained gently, reaching out to touch Max's shoulder with one of his legs. "Just dormant. Bug introduced new nanites to your system when you boarded her. I altered their programming."
"The poking! You sneaky little--"
"Is that any way to speak to your new father?"
Max stared at him.
"Oh my god," Ted murmured. "I didn't even think--The pieces of Bug we recovered. They were covered in nanites, weren't they?"
"Exactly!" Skeets replied happily. "Since their integration into her current form, they have been rapidly making her more aware. Enabling her to form her own intelligence and personality, without the OMAC programming. Or...not much. Enough of the original protocol to protect Max remained that she formed an immediate...maternal bond to him. When she sensed the dormant nanites in him, this seemed a perfect solution to the problems that would inevitably arise when it became necessary to find a place for young Max. I agreed."
"I don't." Batman said darkly. "You have no idea the potential danger you've introduced to the world."
"Heck of a double standard there, Bats." Ted interrupted meanly. "Your AI went on a murderous rampage. Mine just wants to adopt."
"It's the same program," Batman growled. "The Bug should be dealt with--"
"With all due respect," Skeets said, hovering over Max's shoulder as the boy got to his feet. "The decision isn't yours. And any attempts to 'deal' with Bug will be responded to in kind. Bug is not the same as Brother Eye. If anything, she is the offspring of it."
"So...my grandfather is a killer satellite?" Max asked dazedly.
"In a sense."
Max grimaced. "That's...messed up."
"Yes," Skeets agreed, patting his shoulder. "Come along, son. Bug will want to see you."
As they started up the stairs, Batman moved to follow, but was stopped when Ted said, "I wouldn't if I were you. Skeets has a laser. I can only speculate on what capabilities Max might have. Anyway, you owe me and I'm calling it in."
"Listen, Ted, if this is some misguided assigning of blame for your death--" Superman started.
"No you listen, Clark," Ted snapped, pointing at him. "Don't think I won't get to that eventually, but that's not what I meant. I mean we saved the world from Batman's psycho satellite, and I don't for a minute believe that was all Max's reprogramming! So you owe us. Now I'm calling it in and I want you to back the hell off! Which means I'm canceling our meeting and you can leave."
"Ted," Wonder Woman said gently. "We only wanted to make sure your...return hasn't--"
"I was dead, I got better," Ted interrupted shortly. "It hasn't made me crazy or evil, just pissed off and confused." With a quick glance at Booster, he added, "And also apparently gay, but I'm blaming that on Booster."
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Ted sighed. "I just want to be left alone. So for now, leave me alone, leave my son alone--"
"Our son," Booster corrected.
"Our son--"
"What?" Superman asked suddenly.
There was a tense moment as Ted and Booster realized what they had said.
"You're not the only one who can come back from the dead with a mini-me," Booster retorted.
Ted smacked his forehead, then turned to give Booster a look. Booster just shrugged helplessly in response.
Kid Flash suddenly blurred to a stop at the bottom of the stairs. "Hey, was that Max with Skeets? What happened to--" He stopped abruptly, noticing the tense atmosphere. "Um."
"Bart, could you take Junior upstairs and keep an eye on him?" Ted asked.
"But dad--"
"Don't argue," Ted said sternly.
"But--"
"Junior," Booster sighed.
"C'mon," Kid Flash said, suddenly lifting Junior into his arms. "Kon wanted to talk to you anyway." Then they were gone.
There was silence in the wake of their exit, Ted and Booster staring at the trio of Leaguers as they stared back.
"Your son," Batman said.
"Don't suppose you'd believe I had a careless one night stand with Booster's sister?" Ted tried.
Batman glared.
"Right," Ted muttered. "Because that would be simple."
----------
"So if you were to run on like a giant hamster wheel hooked up to a generator, how much electricity do you think you could generate?" Junior asked, gesturing widely.
Kid Flash looked thoughtful. "How big a hamster wheel?"
"Um...big?" Junior grinned. "That'd be cool. I wonder if you could, like, get paid for generating electricity. Fossil fuel is going the way of the dinosaur."
Kid Flash laughed, and after a moment Junior laughed too.
"Hey Robin!" he called, pulling Junior into a playful headlock. "Can we keep him? Promise I'll feed him and clean up after him and take him for walkies!"
Robin glanced over, his mask tilting in a manner that suggested he was raising an eyebrow behind it. His mouth twitched.
Grinning back, Kid Flash let Junior throw off the headlock, then reached out and tickled him.
----------
"A magical clone?" Batman demanded.
"Well not--I mean--Maybe--"
"We don't know," Booster interrupted Ted, putting a hand on the man's shoulder. "But whatever else Junior is...he's our son."
Ted shot him a grateful look while Batman glowered.
----------
"Hey," Kon greeted the boy sprawled on the lawn.
"Hey." Junior raised a hand to wave at him. "Kid Flash said you wanted to talk to me."
"Uh, yeah," Kon said slowly, sitting next to him on the grass. "I just thought you should know...I can kinda relate." At Junior's confused look, he sighed. "I'm a clone. I was artificially created. Grown in a tube."
"Oh." Junior furrowed his brow in thought, then smiled up at him. "I was a hair clog dad bled on."
"That's...." Kon shook his head. "You can call me Kon, by the way."
Junior grinned. "Cool. So...are you like my big brothery mentor thing?"
Rubbing the back of his neck, Kon said, "I...guess?"
"Cool."
"So...how old are you, anyway?"
"About fourteen," Junior said. "That's the guesstimate. Or do you mean...um...how long have I existed? 'Cause that's about a month."
Kon leaned back on his elbows. "How're you adjusting?"
Junior shrugged. "I have memories of the past and memories of the future, but they're not mine. But I've been watching a lot of TV, so I think I'm catching up okay."
Smiling, Kon shook his head. "Well, if you ever need to talk...gimmie a call, okay? I'm still figuring stuff out, but maybe I can help."
Junior beamed at him. "Thanks, Kon." He sat up and cocked his head thoughtfully. "What stuff?"
"Huh?"
"What stuff are you still figuring out?"
"Oh." Kon ran a hand through his hair. "Well...I just found out that I do have a soul."
"What's a soul?"
Kon stared at him. "You don't know what a soul is?" When Junior shook his head, Kon frowned in thought. "Well...it's...what makes a person real, I guess."
"Like my Pinocchio papers?" Junior asked curiously.
"Not really. It's...." He tapped his chest. "It's inside. I wasn't sure I had one, because I'm a clone."
"But...that doesn't make sense. You can walk and talk and think and stuff. Of course you're real."
Kon sighed. "It's a little more complicated than that. That's just the body. A soul is...." He waved a hand helplessly.
"Ohhh, is it a religion thing?" Junior asked, face clearing.
"What do you know about religion?" Kon asked, raising an eyebrow.
Junior shrugged. "Not much. Beetle's a lapsed WASP and Booster's a devout atheist."
Kon gave him an odd look. "How can you be a devout atheist?"
"Well...Wonder Girl got her powers from Greek gods, right?"
"Yeah...." Kon said slowly.
"And my dads have worked with New Genesis gods. And I heard about one time how the League fought an angel."
"Okay, so?"
Junior waved an arm expansively. "So in a world like this, where that kind of stuff happens, it's easy to believe in some higher power. It takes real faith to not believe."
Kon stared at him for a moment, then snorted. "That's a total load of BS, isn't it?"
Junior laughed.
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Okay, let me state once more for the record that in the Mullet-verse, Bat-ho Sasha Bordeaux died of OMAC stabbity. Anyone who's read OMAC Project or heard much about it probably knows what I did, but for those who don't, here's some scans of Sasha the Sue-per OMAC:
Soylent green OMACs are people. (Lookit the eye.)
OMG tentacles! (Lookit both eyes.)
Nooooes! I am not a animal machine! (Lookit the shiny.)
You get it now? Yeah, that's what happened to Max. Yay! ;D
(And now I'm-a try to reply to the comments from Chapter 7. Seriously, WTF guys? *laugh* I loves youse. ^_^)
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[ETA of epilogue: needs only to be written, betaed, and edited.]
EDIT: I found it! I found ADD!Ted. Specific scan HERE, and the heykidzcomix entry it's in HERE. (Fifteenth picture down.) Can you say "obsessive," boys and girls? I knew you could. *dork* -_-
