To day was my day to ponder that question. I have just fucked up image of myself....... I mean i see famous people and they look beautiful to me... but when i think of what i want myself to look like i know i cant be beautiful till every freakin bone in my body is showing... kinda weird everyone but me is beautiful ( Read more... )

And where have i been? Locked myself in the closet for a couple days. I feel like eveyone is just pushing my buttons latly. I saw my Therapist last weeks and he was like"so summer, how have you been feeling" Duh like shit you dumb fuck. I cant eat i barely sleep and for what? So i can die! I really would like to recover. I try to eat but i just ( Read more... )

Well last night sucked. I was trying to eat some hard pretzels with joe. Was trying to swallow my second one and bam! it got lodged in my throat i choked. Really, for once i make my self eat some mindless food and i have to go choke on it. Joe didnt even belive me! He was like "i know you made yourself do that" Right like i am going to die from ( Read more... )

Well yesturday was the big day. And guess what the doctor told me. Your a Under Weight. No shit? Now tell me somthing i didnt know! Other than that i am healthy. Joe freaked out though in the office. Appartently he thought i weighted 95 but the lovely doctor scale read 88 so yeah. He took me to Mc Donalds and silly him thought he could Make me eat ( Read more... )

I am extremly tired. Dow rght exhausted but Oh well. joe comes home tommarow YEAH! But also have Doctor appointment at 9 in the morning so really not looking forward to that. I was planning on eating something tonight but instead am using what little energy i have to geek around online for a little bit, besides eatting 100 calories of anything isnt ( Read more... )

Russle came and saved me from my break down about water last night. He stayed and we watched girl interuppted again for the 100th time ( Read more... )

No not really, Just feeling like i need Joe to come home right now, but wont call and cry. Will just type, but this lonely feeling wont go away. And my eyes wont stop twitching! grr I cleaned house. yeah for me. Now i am down to my last bottel of water. Witch isnt good, because i will not leave this house tomarrow. Hopefully i can call Russle and ( Read more... )

Well today me and russle went shopping for a 'westurn' themed out fit for him. And somehow he convinced me into buying a pair of ugly cowboy boots and a hat. So think i will were those, only those and suprise joe when he returns :) Nothings more sexy than playing cowboys and indians ( Read more... )

I am starting to get fustrated with dumb people online. Since when did an eatting disorder become a trend? I have been sitting here appauld at some of these girls asking for "tips" on how to "become" anorexic, or if not that living in a fantisy world that at 150 lbs they ARE. Oh well i will just make my snotty remarks and hopefully they run away ( Read more... )

I love a day of shopping. I got the cuties flip flops and a gorgiouse slip dress. I think i am officaly down to 90. Hopefully next week i will hit 86 or 87. I miss joe though today. I want to go get a new fishie for my 55 gal fish tank. But i think the people at the petstore hate me so i only go with him :( Think tommarow will be my P.J day. no ( Read more... )