What is beauty?
To day was my day to ponder that question. I have just fucked up image of myself....... I mean i see famous people and they look beautiful to me... but when i think of what i want myself to look like i know i cant be beautiful till every freakin bone in my body is showing... kinda weird everyone but me is beautiful.......
And it not so much as being thin for me either.. i mean i am 5'8 so i can weigh up to like 110 before i even start to look "healthy" and i know at 110 i am thin but right now i am at 81 and yet i am not happy...... i just fed off of being small and childlike. fragile. and i kind i guess feel like i never want to grow up (sorry for the micheal jackson moment) but really that is what it is. i wish someone could just shake me and than i could be normal. but i know that cant happen.. Am i ment to just fall over and die? Recoving will never help. It dont matter what weight i am at i am still messed up. So what next? Joe is already talking about puting me in recovery.... sol what do i do. go hid for a couple weeks without water and just give up and die or give in once again and let them fatten me up i am just so sick of this revolving circle...
sorry for not writing i just dont know what to do
I am off to go ponder what i should and shouldnt drink for the rest of the night ( 2 days ago i went on a horrible fruit juice binge so just water from now on)_
And it not so much as being thin for me either.. i mean i am 5'8 so i can weigh up to like 110 before i even start to look "healthy" and i know at 110 i am thin but right now i am at 81 and yet i am not happy...... i just fed off of being small and childlike. fragile. and i kind i guess feel like i never want to grow up (sorry for the micheal jackson moment) but really that is what it is. i wish someone could just shake me and than i could be normal. but i know that cant happen.. Am i ment to just fall over and die? Recoving will never help. It dont matter what weight i am at i am still messed up. So what next? Joe is already talking about puting me in recovery.... sol what do i do. go hid for a couple weeks without water and just give up and die or give in once again and let them fatten me up i am just so sick of this revolving circle...
sorry for not writing i just dont know what to do
I am off to go ponder what i should and shouldnt drink for the rest of the night ( 2 days ago i went on a horrible fruit juice binge so just water from now on)_