Dead to this

Feb 28, 2005 09:01

And where have i been? Locked myself in the closet for a couple days. I feel like eveyone is just pushing my buttons latly. I saw my Therapist last weeks and he was like"so summer, how have you been feeling" Duh like shit you dumb fuck. I cant eat i barely sleep and for what? So i can die! I really would like to recover. I try to eat but i just physicaly CANT. I wish there was just a freaking pill i could take that makes me not care what went onto my body and chew and shallow. Damn it. I just feel helpless, its not control anymore for me. Never was in the first place. Just attention. Not wantting to grow up. I cant go to the hosipital. Evertime i go, they plump me up and i come out more fucked up than i did in the first place. WHy cant there be a happy medium. i just need to change, and want help. really i do. But on my own terms. Oh and my wieght for this week 83.2 .............
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