about two or so hours ago i was talking to kevin about solitaire. he said he always plays on the simplest settings. i scoffed. i told him it was ridiculous to only play when you know you'll win. i decided to back up my scoff by quickly winning a game of two suit spider solitaire. my plan was to win a game and saying, "see dummy? see how easy ( Read more... )

i just noticed that it has been ten days since i wrote a livejournal. it's hard to believe that it has been nearly six weeks since Charles Martel the shark died ( Read more... )

last night kasey and i bought fish from meijer. he purchased a shark and i bought some kind of red thing. there were no workers in the fish department, so we rang the little doorbell to get a worker's attention about twenty times. no worker came, but we really wanted our fish. kasey pulled a fear factor and decided to do the dirty deed himself ( Read more... )

this whole spring break seems to have consisted of watching movies and playing video games (once i even watched a movie about playing video games -- that's what i call multitasking). it hasn't exactly been cancun, but i have enjoyed it. i also made a few drunken phone calls ( Read more... )

THE TRAGEDY OF THE QUESO
BY BILLthe curtains rise on a lonely corner of TUMBLEWEED. KASEY, BILL and BRIAN are chatting amicably. WAITRESS NUMBER 1 enters and saunters over to the table ( Read more... )

earlier i was parking my car and it dawned on me that if i ever get moderately famous and write a funny little memoir about what it's like to be moderately famous i should call it Puns & Poses. that would also be a good name for an overhyped hbo comedy special. i think Puns & Poses does a pretty good job of summing up my entire shtick.

i think the girls that live across the hall may only have one car between the two of them. this seems wildly inefficient. they're studying to be chefs. i always see them coming and going from school together. i wonder if they scheduled all of their chef classes together. maybe i should just stop looking out my window ( Read more... )

i was nearly killed by a dominoes delivery man earlier today. it sucks for you that he didn't finish me off, because i'm pretty sure that if a pizza delivery man kills you the pizza company is obligated to give free pizza to everyone at the funeral. everyone reading this journal is invited to my funeral ( Read more... )

this weekend was one of the best i've had in quite some time. the ud people (that looks like it rhymes with 'mud people', but i refuse to capitalize because mud people are the best kind) were incredibly cool and easy to talk to. i had concerns that they would be roustabouts, but most of them weren't. i've been trying to think of a way to provide ( Read more... )

check it ( Read more... )