En Själ Djup Och Sorgsna Farväl

[berwaldsverige]

 ((A Soul Deep and Sorrowful Farewell))

The ride to the airport early the morning of the 26th was subdued and Eino and Tino left Berwald to his withdrawn contemplation. They knew today was going to be very difficult and he was getting to an inner place of strength to carry out what was long overdue.

The Flight itself was just under 55 minutes and

Comments

[tino_suomi]

"Bear." Tino whispered, collecting his fiance into his arms, flinching only far enough away to remove Berwald's glasses and tuck them into his own pocket. He pressed his love into his shoulder and caressed the back of his head. His heart was breaking in two. "I love you so much. You're so brave." He whispered. He didn't need a response, he just wish he could have his love radiate from his chest and warm Berwald from the inside out. Oh how Berwald had years of pains to release and Tino didn't know what to say or to do to make it better. All he could do was just hold onto his love and profess his love in whispers and murmurs, petting his hair and pressing his lips into Berwald's forehead. He was all consumed in this work when his father meekly announced their arrival at the hotel

[tino_suomi]

This time the Viking raid was not a well groomed, diplomatic take over. It wasn't to be a change of power. It was a blood bath. Genocide. Not a prisoner was to be taken. Tino nearly wailed as he was roughly invade. It was good, but also painful. It was difficult to attain that usual level of relaxtion of his muscles that he required to accept Berwald, but he couldn't as he needed that strength to keep moving his hips up and down.

He dug his fingers into his fiance's shoulders, wailing as his name was used in such a base way. His hips being clawed into by the bear paws of his fiance. He wailed Berwald's name, louder and more fierce than any time before.

[berwaldsverige]

Berwald could not stay on his back one more second. Tino's strength was fading and Berwald needed much, MUCH more

[tino_suomi]

With one final pitching wail, his agreement to cede all of him over to the viking warlord burning his way through Finland to Helsinki, maybe if he went willingly some of him would be spared. Unable to keep on the ledge, despite how desperately his fingers clawed into Berwald, Tino toppled over the edge and flopped, like a lifeless herring, into the bedding. "Ow." Was all he muttered after a minute. Both of them were bruised, clawed up, and bleeding. "I... can't feel my hips... ..." He moaned, struggling to open his eyes, if even half lidded. "How do you feel?" He purred, trying to lift himself up, but having no strength his head flopped back down into the pillow. "Oh Berwald. I love you."

[berwaldsverige]

Berwald didn't know just HOW he felt yet. Satisfied? Absolutely. Mortified? Absolutely. Like his back was on Fire? Absolutely. Concerned? More than Absolutely

[tino_suomi]

"How bad 'Ow'?" He asked again. "Can't-feel-my-hips-Ow and I'm-glad-I'm-not-going-anywhere-til-tomorrow-Ow and a oh-my-god-I've-been-utterly-destroyed-and-love-it-Ow." He chuckled.

"What are you sorry for? I ripped you up." He said, finding enough strength to get one of his little mitts up to caress the claw marks dashed across Berwald's chest. "If you're sorry that I hurt, fuck off, it felt so good to be on equal terms with you. It's not horrible to be treated like glass, but sometimes it feels so good to be thrown around and pummeled into the mattress like all you care about is feeling good, not being careful. Reckless abandon is hot." He purred, but his eyes stayed closed as the cold cloth wiped down his soiled, tenderized and bloodied body.

[berwaldsverige]

"But... I hurt you. Feeling Good for me, is not hurting you." Berwald said as he gently and carefully tried to undo the damage he'd left in his wake. He didn't care about scratches, he cared about fixing this... this... how could he have done this

[tino_suomi]

He looked on sadly as Berwald held himself up in the bathroom. "Oh Berwald don't..." He muttered, flopping his head back into the pillow in defeat. It'd been so good, even if it'd hurt. And really, the pain had mostly come from him trying to ride atop Berwald. He'd been unable to relax enough to accept someone of Berwald's size and having to do the rocking himself left him with sore hips. If anything, in his mind, he'd kind of been inviting the sore-ness with his movements and swiftness to decide to bottom from the top

[berwaldsverige]

Perhaps it was a good thing his forehead had smacked the counter on the way down. It had broken his glasses right at the nose junction, but it also had knocked Berwald out cold. So he was in a state where he couldn't stress, couldn't worry, couldn't panic, couldn't berate himself and couldn't FEEL. Most especially could not FEEL. Just this dreamless state of REST. He hadn't registered being moved at all, he didn't hear Tino's sobs, which would have broken his heart even more, he was just in this place of NOTHING.

A void where he could rest, re-group, no thinking, no feeling, just sleeping off the pain and the stress.

But true to Berwald's almost subconscious NEED to be connected in some way to Tino in his sleep, he rolled off his painful back, without waking, his body solely on "auto-pilot" and he curled up around Tino the way he always did, his breath evened out, his heart-rate slowed and he sank deeper into sleep. His hands cradling Tino in his arms as if Tino was the most precious thing in the universe.

To Berwald... he was.

[tino_suomi]

Feeling Berwald shift around him, he glanced up, hoping to see Berwald awake, but he wasn't. He was moving subconsciously. Well, that was alright. At least he seemed to be able to move. He pressed his nose into the crook of Berwald's neck and shoulder and breathed easily into the flesh, taking in the smell of the skin. "Rest, Honey. Please get better or I'm going to die." He whispered, letting his own eye lids slide down and closed and wrapping his arms around Berwald's trunk. "I'm sorry." He breathed out as he fell into sleep beside his lover. His muscles were tired out and they wanted a break. He'd call for room service later, after they woke up, and had a chance to talk after their rest. He'd also have to find Berwald's spare glasses, now grateful that he always carried Berwald's spare with him.

[berwaldsverige]

It was about two hours later Berwald woke, still early afternoon and Tino was asleep against his chest.

How the hell had he gotten in bed and why did his face feel like he had run face first into a wall and good god his back was on FIRE.

Then he remembered.

SHIT

He gingerly sat up, used to moving now without waking Tino. He could see his mangled glasses across the room on the bathroom floor. He couldn't see his own FEET or the floor beside the bed, but all the way across the room... no problem.

SHIT

He shuffled carefully across the room, careful not to step on or trip over anything and found his glasses on the floor. He held up one lens up to his eye, the other one was cracked. And inspected himself in the bathroom mirror with one eye using his broken glasses like a monocle.

He looked like a P.O.W.

He had one massive bruise forming on his forehead and a decent goose egg sized bump there now too.

He was covered in dried blood and scratches.

SHITHe wet a wash cloth and cleaned up as best he could with one eye and useless

[tino_suomi]

Tino's dreams were not pleasant ones. They were, as usual, fragmented, lasted only a few seconds a piece

[berwaldsverige]

Berwald was well over halfway through the bottle when suddenly Tino started flailing in bed, he was having a nightmare.

Great, you gave him nightmares. Good going Asshole. Berwald thought to himself as he stumbled over to the bed and reached it just as Tino shot up screaming "Don't go with Ukki!"

Berwald sat, grabbed both Tino's arms to keep them from hitting him in his face and shushed Tino.

"Sssshhhhh. Ti, you're having a Bad dream askling." Berwald said quietly in comfort waiting for Tino to come into wakefulness and clarity.

Berwald looked terrible, felt worse and was definitely not sober, he was drunk, but not plastered or sloppy. He was just drunk and smelled of the scotch he had been steadily imbibing.

But Tino needed him at the moment so he shoved his baggage back in his internal closet and hoped he could help and not make things any worse than they already were.

[tino_suomi]

"Voi luoja..." He breathed, looking around himself. He wasn't in the field with the little lantern. There was no boat. Ukki wasn't there. And Berwald was talking. He wasn't dead and going to heaven.

He threw his arms around Berwald's neck and hugged him. "Don't go to heaven yet. Whatever's wrong we can figure it out together. But we can't if you go to heaven so just stay close okay? I dreamed that Ukki came in a boat to take you to heaven. And I couldn't catch the boat. I just fell in the water." He sighed, holding Berwald close. His little heart was still pounding. He was so worried for Berwald, he'd come to worry that Berwald would choose to rather just die. "I won't let anything bad happen to you okay?"

[berwaldsverige]

Berwald hugged Tino gently and softly stroked his back. It figures Tino would dream something that bizarre. The river styx, a boat and a grandfatherly escort for a dead boyfriend. "I'm not dead Ti and I don't believe in heaven anyway so I doubt they'd let me in even if there was one." Berwald said, slurring a little as he spoke.

He sat back a little and tried in vain to focus his eyes. But no glasses, alcohol and a massive bruise and bump on his forehead it was a futile effort.

He looked terrible.