Vacanze Romane - NC-17 - Jensen/Jared - part 3
Vacanze Romane - NC-17 - Jensen/Jared - part 3
Jensen would be lying if he insisted that the next morning, the famous morning after, wasn't weird and tense and every other negative word to describe mornings after. Of course, Jared is already up by the time Jensen wakes up. Jensen had hoped that he could slip out of Jared's room unnoticed and maybe put off the inevitable conversation for a bit. He knows he's not going to be able to avoid this dreaded talk forever but a little more time to order his own thoughts would have been nice.
He's not given any. Jared's sitting at the small table of the room, already showered and fully dressed. He's flicking through one of the travel guides but as soon as Jensen makes a sound, he shifts his attention to Jensen.
Jensen on the other hand, is sitting in Jared's bed, stark naked and all of a sudden too self-conscious again. It's ridiculous, he knows, he shouldn't feel ashamed around Jared after what they did last night, but still, he can't help it as he tightens his grip on the thin blanket around himself. They simply look at each other for a while, neither finding the right words to say.
"Listen, Jay," Jensen eventually says because someone has to make a start. "I- I don't know what to say. I-"
What does he want to say? That he's sorry even though he's not? That this never should have happened even though he doesn't believe it? No, that's not what he wants to say. On the other hand, he can't admit that last night he finally got something he's been wanting, has been aching for for such a long time. Suddenly, Jensen feels nauseous because whatever's going to come out of this, chances are big that he royally fucked this up.
Jared smiles at him as he gets up to walk over to the bed. For a moment, Jensen gets his hopes up that maybe they're going to be all right, but then he reminds himself that fairy tales don't happen in real life. He doesn't dare say anything once Jared sits down.
"Then listen to me," Jared says softly, his hand falling on top of Jensen's. "I had a great night with you."
Jared smiles and Jensen has to try real hard to keep his hopes low because he still believes that the sucker punch line is coming. He simply stays quiet and lets Jared go on.
"I was scared of being alone," Jared admits. "I haven't been alone in a long time and I don't know how to do this anymore." Jared's nervous habit of fiddling with his fingernails is back as he pauses. Jensen doesn't know what to answer to that yet, so he waits for what else Jared has to say.
"I was so drunk and so lonely last night, but then there you were and- and I really like you, Jensen, and then this happened. I don't regret anything if that's what you fear. I hope you don't regret anything either. I'm only sorry for using you like this." Jared sounds defeated and small as he says this. A man like Jared Padalecki should never ever sound like that. It makes Jensen's heart sting and he simply has to reach out for Jared and squeeze his thigh in what he hopes comes across as a reassuring gesture.
A quick smile flashes over Jared's face before he goes on, finishing what he wants to say. Jared's blushing hard, he even scoots a little away from Jensen as if he were scared or something like that.
"I like being with you, like- like this. As I said, I- I really liked last night and I wouldn't mind if we… uh… but I don't think I can rush into a new relationship yet."
Wait, what?
At first, Jensen can't even say anything. He had imagined everything but this. He thought Jared would cancel their friendship any minute or that he would at least be mad at Jensen for Jensen not being in better control of last night. He definitely did not think Jared would tell him that he enjoyed last night and that he would hint that he wants to keep doing what they did now that they're both sober enough to care about and understand the consequences of their actions.
"Are you suggesting something like friends with benefits?" Jensen asks surprised. He still doesn't really believe it.
Jared blushes furiously again. He looks so young and boyish and when he says, "Yeah," it's barely loud enough for Jensen to hear. Once more, Jensen's totally speechless. He's torn between being happy and disappointed. Jared wants to be with him but he doesn't want them to be serious.
Jensen's stomach cramps at the thought; he's so goddamn confused. Maybe he's just not good enough for Jared, maybe that's why Jared doesn't want more from him. Thinking about this is as if someone stabbed a knife into Jensen's guts and is currently having great fun twisting said knife.
It hurts that apparently Jared wants something different from this than Jensen but, on the other hand, this way he gets at least a little bit of Jared. It might not be exactly what Jensen wanted but maybe this is all he can get. Jensen knows that even if he entered a new relationship with someone else, it wouldn't really make him happy because Jared is the one he desires. He might not get all of Jared, but it's better than nothing, right? And that thought suddenly makes everything seem brighter. His own thoughts don't make much sense to him either as they race with 100 mph through his mind.
In the end, Jensen follows the feeling in his guts as he bends forward and kisses Jared on the mouth. Jared parts his lips almost immediately and lets Jensen slip his tongue in. Jensen loses track of time as they sit in bed kissing and refreshing the memories of last night. When they finally break apart, Jared pretends to make a face at Jensen as he says, "Yuck, morning breath."
Jensen grins happily before he captures Jared's lips in another kiss. They then decide to go for breakfast and do another tour of the city even though Jensen has to promise that it'll be a short one so that they can spend more time with each other in private in the evening.
***
The day is marked by the papal influence and history of the city. By the time they leave, the hotel lady, turns out her name is Flavia, tells them that they shouldn't be surprised if they have to wait in line for the Musei Vaticani, the Vatican Museums.
They take the bus to the Piazza del Risorgimento and don't trust their eyes at the sight that greets them: there is a hugeass line all the way to the entrance. While they wait 1.5 hours until they're let in, they read a bit in their travel guide. The book is so detailed on this sight alone that Jensen thinks it's possible to spend days in this museum alone without ever running out of new stuff to explore.
They decide to borrow audio guides and as they take the headphones and the little black cassette recorders from the woman handing them over, Jensen's and Jared's finger brush lightly. Jensen bites his lips as he looks at Jared who beams happily at him. Jensen feels like he's back in high school with all the butterflies in his stomach.
One of the first things about the Vatican Museums Jensen and Jared have to learn is that they're incredibly crowded. They're both used to being in large masses of people, but at a certain point they simply have to admit to themselves that there are too many tourists in the sometimes too small rooms and that all they can do is move on to the next, hoping that it's going to be better there.
The Vatican Museums actually turn out to be a collection of different museums, going through certain stages of the history of mankind, from the early life in Italy to contemporary art. But in the end, there's only so many stone tablets from Mesopotamia, so many Etruscan vases and bronzes and so many Egyptian leaflets of papyrus that you can stand to look at.
Moving on, Jensen and Jared agree that the collection of Greek and Roman statues and busts in the Pius-Clementine Museum are already a lot more interesting, so are the mosaics. After that, they walk around the courtyard for a bit. With a groan, Jared slumps down on one of the stone benches.
"Dude," he complains, "My feet are killing me."
Jensen's more than happy to sit down next to Jared and to give his own feet the chance to rest a bit. "Yeah, I know," he says and when he goes on, he grins broadly. "You do realize though that we probably haven't even seen half of this madness, right?"
Jared's only answer is another groan, followed by a quick laugh. Jared bites his lip then, lowering his gaze and blushing slightly. Jensen suddenly is a little hot and when Jared reaches over, his hand squeezing Jensen's briefly, Jensen becomes twitchy. He knows where they are, that they actually are inside the Vatican City so everything he wants to do to Jared right now would be very disrespectful and highly inappropriate. He swallows past the lump in his throat and then quickly gets up.
"C'mon," he says hoarsely, "You ready to go on?"
Jared bites his lip again as he nods and continues walking through the museums with Jensen. Back inside, they have to find their way through yet more rooms and yet more things to see until they finally reach what their travel guide marked as one of the highlights: the Vatican Palaces. What's so special about them is that many great artists drew their art directly onto the walls, making the items of exhibition an inseparable and integral part of the walls themselves.
The frescos are definitely breathtaking, so colorful even after centuries. There's this long room with walls covered with maps of Italy and the city. Jensen already lost his orientation because this whole museum, or rather complex of museums, is more gigantic than he ever could have imagined. There's another room, called Stanze di Raffaello, filled with frescos painted by Raphael and no one else.
"Hey," Jensen beams proudly as he points to one of the frescos, "I've seen that one before. And not in the travel guide. Art class in school."
Jared laughs silently before he says, "Wow, I'm with smartass then? Great!"
He gives Jensen a good-natured poke in the ribs and Jensen has to try real hard not to yelp, which probably would only make him look like a fool. Instead, after taking a quick look around and checking that no one's paying them attention, he gives Jared an equally good-natured one-finger gesture. The audio guide then tells them that the fresco is the Scuola di Atene, one of Raphael's most famous works.
They've almost made it through the museum; all that's left is the Sistine Chapel. By the time they arrive, neither Jensen nor Jared is able to take in much more information. The Chapel turns out to be fairly big but the huge amount of tourists makes it look small and crowded.
They manage to find two empty spots on the benches on the side, where they simply continue listening to their audio guides. There are frescos everywhere, the walls, the whole ceiling. There's not one single white spot. They learn that many great artists spent years working on it. What they also learn about is the various subjects of the paintings: the ancestors of Christ, the life of Christ, the life of Moses, God's creation of the World and The last Judgment.
Jensen's currently listening to the specifications of the most famous fresco on the ceiling - Michelangelo's Creation of Adam. He's torn from his thoughts as he feels a hand slip into his own, squeezing it a little. When he looks to the side, Jared is smiling at him secretly, squeezes his hand one last time before he lets go.
Jensen's belly dances at the combination of touch and the look in Jared's eyes. They quickly decide to make their way out of the museum so that they can go on with the rest of today's tour. A last highlight on their way out is the modern staircase, a gigantic helix that looks like a nautilus shell cut into a half.
Once they finally step out of the building and walk a few steps towards the Piazza San Pietro, Jensen takes some deep breaths as the feeling of constriction and over-crowdedness finally leaves him.
"Wow," Jared says out of the blue. "I can't believe that they really painted over all the willies in The last Judgment. There was a freaking lot of them! And all just because some dudes had censorship issues all of a sudden."
Jared sounds truly offended and serious about the whole thing and all Jensen can do is burst out laughing. Hard. "Dude!" Jensen snickers, bumping his shoulder against Jared's, "I can't believe you just said willies."
Jared immediately joins Jensen's laughter and for good measure, repeats the word over and over again until tears pool in Jensen's eyes and his sides hurt because he can't stop laughing. On their way back to St. Peter's Square, they grab a bite to eat and as soon as they move out from underneath the curved colonnades, they realize with shock that there's some kind of déjà-vu waiting for them. Waiting in line.
Like good tourists, Jensen and Jared get in line. Looking at the prominent basilica, the long line trails on the right side of the church, along the colonnades. There seems to be some kind of security control as people have to pass through a gate where they have to open their bags for Vatican staff.
While they wait, Jensen and Jared shift their attention back to the square. It's fairly big and in the center, there's a reddish-brownish obelisk. The square is framed by colonnades left and right, which give the piazza a certain feeling of restriction on the one hand, and on the other, a gracious feeling of space and wideness. On top of them, there are plenty of marble statues.
One thing that immediately catches your eye is the fact that everything is so white. The colonnades, the façade of the basilica, everything shines in an almost blinding light. It's a weird contrast to the historic center of the city, which is dominated by brownish, reddish colors.
The staff doesn't find anything in their pockets that they can't bring into the church and they're let through very quickly. They snap a few pictures as they walk toward the enormous entrance hall. Jensen and Jared follow the swarm of tourists inside the basilica where it takes them a few moments until their eyes adjust to the new lightening conditions. A cool breeze dances over Jensen's skin as he waits for Jared to stand next to him.
"Amazing," Jared says and as Jensen looks around, taking in the ostentatious decorations of gold and blue and red.
"I don't even know where to look first," Jensen admits, twisting his neck to stare at the art on the ceiling, the golden bordures the most remarking.
The place is crowded with tourists and all of a sudden, the entry regulations all make sense. There are constant flashes of camera lightening here and there. Finally, they begin their tour through St. Peter's, starting by walking down the right aisle, just like the travel guide suggests.
Jensen's surprised when he sees what turns out to be Michelangelo's Pietà behind bulletproof glass, shielding it from the large crowd. He's seen the statue of Virgin Mary with the dead corpse of Jesus in her lap hundreds of times in various publications that lay around his local church back home. Never had it occurred to him that the statue is situated in Rome.
"Looks like some nut job attacked it with a hammer 30 years ago," Jared says, his face buried in the Lonely Planet book.
This is one of the rare moments in which Jensen's really grateful to be so tall and to tower over most people. Even though there are quite a lot of people standing in front of Jensen and Jared, both of them can see pretty well thanks to their heights. They move along the aisle, looking at the various marble statues of late Popes and saints that pompously decorate tombs and crypts.
There are several chapels and altars within the basilica, giving Jensen a feeling of church-within-church. He's definitely impressed by the dimension of this all. It's bigger than every other church he's seen before. Also, the basilica is absolutely not comparable to the plain, white church his parents go to every Sunday in Richardson.
They take their time as they walk around looking at various things. Every now and then they come to a stop in front of a special sight of interest where Jared reads from the travel guide. He keeps his voice down, only for Jensen to hear and to Jensen it feels as if it were only Jared and him. He closes his eyes so that he can concentrate better on Jared's voice, letting the soft, low timbre crawl over his skin like he wishes Jared's hands were. Finishing the thought, Jensen's eyes spring wide open and blood rushes to his face because of the inappropriate thought.
"You okay?" Jared asks, his hand landing on top of Jensen's forearm, definitely not helping the matter.
"Yeah," Jensen pants a little hoarsely.
Jared seems to be entirely oblivious to what his low whisper and the touch of his hand do to Jensen. And if he's not, then he's simply better at hiding things than Jensen is. Jensen's perfectly comfortable around Jared, only now, only last night things have shifted between them and all of a sudden, Jensen reacts to things he's never reacted to before. Even the simple touch of Jared on his arm feels different to him now.
Jensen knows that he should keep this low, be a bit more rational and less emotional about it. He knows that he shouldn't get worked up about what's between Jared and he now because all Jared and he did agree on was friends with benefits and that's cool, that's more than he ever dared imagine he'd get from Jared, but somehow, his emotions haven't got the memo yet.
Jensen's torn from his thoughts when Jared asks, "You ready to go on?"
Once Jensen nods, they continue with their tour. The next destination is the altar in the center of the basilica. It's placed underneath the cupola, canopied by a huge bronze baldachin, designed by Bernini. Again, all that's left for Jensen and Jared is to stare at the obvious splendor and dimension of this all.
The baldachin is about 100 feet high and generously decorated with gold. On the top there are four statues of saints - St. Helen, St. Longinus, St. Andrew and St. Veronica - and below the altar is said to be the tomb of St. Peter.
Looking up to the cupola above the baldachin, the bright colors and the rich decorations once more catch Jensen's attention. There's a Latin inscription that he doesn't understand. Turning around to Jared, he asks, "What d'you think this means?"
Jared's gaze follows to where Jensen is pointing to before he shrugs and flicks through the pages of the travel guide. "Only one way to find out."
Jensen studies Jared from the side as Jared licks his lips in concentration. He'd die for a kiss right now, but once more Jensen becomes aware that his desire is absolutely inappropriate for his current location.
"Ah, there," Jared mumbles. "It's an extract from Matthew and it says: you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven."
"Makes sense, I guess," Jensen says as he shifts his attention back to Jared. His neck's already getting sore from all the staring at ceilings.
They also take their time walking through the various transepts, the apse and the nave. They walk through the grottoes as far as entrance is permitted and once they're finished, they take the 537 narrow steps up to the dome. Once they make their way to the top, they are greeted by a breathtaking view over St. Peter's Square and the city.
The Italian summer heat hits them as soon as they leave the church and its welcomed coolness. They leave the portico through its south side, passing two Swiss Guards that are dressed in their traditional blue, yellow and red uniforms. Walking toward St. Peter's square to leave for their next destination, they come to another stop.
Back in the hotel, Flavia told them that if they wanted to send postcards they should use the Vatican post instead of the Italian one since it was faster and more reliable. They're standing in front of the post office that's situated on the side of the square, just right before the colonnades start.
"Let's get over with this," Jared says as he drags Jensen into the small and over-crowded room. There are counters on the sides with people selling stamps and accepting packages and in the middle, there are a few, dark wooden tables with people standing around, scribbling their postcards in concentration.
"Yeah," Jensen agrees with a wink, "Our mothers are probably gonna kill us if we don't send a postcard."
They both bought a postcard each yesterday so that they could get over with postcard duties and making mothers happy and then simply go on with enjoying the rest of their stay. They find a free space and unpack their cards. When Jensen looks to the side, Jared licks his lips as he writes something onto his card. Jensen wishes he could just reach over and kiss the hell out of Jared, wishes he could run his tongue over Jared's moist lips while he pushes his hands underneath Jared's shirt and over his strong chest.
"Hey!" Jared exclaims, nudging Jensen in the ribs. When Jensen glances at him, Jared grins cheekily at him. "Stop staring, psycho," he says good-naturedly.
Jensen's cheeks burn because he's indeed just been caught staring at Jared. He probably should come back with a witty remark, but the thought of what was on his mind and what he wants to do to Jared makes him blush even harder, leaving him unable to say anything in return.
"What were you thinking about?" Jared asks curiously. It sounds perfectly innocent how Jared says it.
Jensen's unsure as what he can say to Jared and what not. Can he tell him that he just wished they were alone and that they could pick up where they left off last night? How does that go with the whole friends with benefits thing? Would it freak Jared out and send him running in the opposite direction? Would Jared be uncomfortable because he thinks Jensen was rushing this? Jensen's stomach twists at the idea that he has no clue as to where Jared and he stand.
In the end, Jensen goes for a little white lie, deciding not to take any risks. "Thinking about what to write on the damn postcard."
Jared laughs lightly and shoves his own card over to Jensen, encouraging Jensen to simply copy his text. "I don't really think they're gonna call each other to compare, you know? I think we're safe."
Jensen smiles and starts writing. The text says something about a great time, a beautiful city, nice company and fantastic weather. Once Jensen's done, Jared moves to stand behind him, looking over Jensen's shoulder. Jared stands so close that his chest is touching Jensen's back, his crotch nestled against Jensen's ass. A slight shiver runs down Jensen's spine and when Jared leans in to whisper, Jensen shivers more violently.
"You done already?" Jared asks a little impatiently.
"Huh? What?" Jensen huffs and as soon as he's said it, he wants to hit himself for his apparent ineloquence.
"Let's get out of here," Jared whispers, his lips right next to Jensen's ear. "The sooner we're done with our tour, the sooner I get you in private."
When Jared steps away, fetching the postcards and walking towards the counter to buy stamps, he laughs and gives Jensen a wink. Jensen wonders whether he accidentally said "Oh fuck" out loud.
Once they're over postcard duty, they step back onto St. Peter's Square, cross it and leave it, heading east. The square leads into Via della Conciliazione, an untypically large avenue of the city. Jared reads from the travel guide that many houses and other buildings have been torn down in order to create such an impressive street that would put St. Peter's in the best figurative light.
On their way, they pass many little souvenir shops that sell all kind of religious kitsch, from colorful rosaries to mugs with the picture of Pope Benedict XVI on them. It's a little bizarre. After a short walk, they finally reach the Castel Sant'Angelo.
They decide not to go in and check out the museum. After all the walking, their feet are killing them and they've both reached a level of information overkill where they can't take in anything else anymore. The city's great and beautiful and all, but Jensen and Jared agree that they don't have to over-do it.
They sit down on a stone bench and after a while Jared groans miserably, "I don't think I can ever get up again. My feet feel as if they're on fire."
"I don't even wanna think about the smell of your feet," Jensen laughs and when Jared gives him an irritated look, he only laughs harder. After a moment, Jared joins in and they spend a few good minutes laughing carefreely.
"But I hear you," Jensen eventually admits. His feet are hurting so badly that he knows exactly what Jared means. Yet, they can't quite call it a day yet, there's still one last destination.
Jensen's just about to suggest they move on, when Jared's stomach rumbles so loudly that they both immediately burst out laughing again. Quickly, they agree to find a restaurant and Jensen decides to postpone telling Jared about the last destination until after dinner. His stomach is fluttering a little because he doesn't know what Jared will say about today's final stop. It's something Jensen had made no hints about when telling Jared briefly about today's tour this morning and for Jensen, it's definitely the highlight of all the marvelous things they've already seen today.
The good thing about all those touristy places is that there's always a restaurant nearby. Tonight's choice isn't as homey and cozy as yesterday's but there's no sense in driving all the way down to Trastevere and then coming back up to where they currently are. The food is good though and they're even a little more careful with the wine today.
The conversation is light between them, they look back at the day and all the things they've seen. Sandy doesn't come up even once and neither does the thing that's happening between them. Jensen is a little frustrated because he still doesn't know where they stand but his fear of rejection is stronger than the pressing need to talk about what's happening between them. When Jared reaches for Jensen's hand a few times, lightly running his fingers over it, Jensen shoos those thoughts away and simply lets himself enjoy the touch. It'll all work out sooner or later.
After the meal has been eaten and the bill paid, they reluctantly get up, cozy and comfortable due to the good food and wine. Jared smiles as they step outside, rubbing his belly and groaning happily.
"Shall we get a cab?" Jared asks, walking towards one of the main streets.
Jensen smiles secretively, strangely excited as the next part of the plan comes closer. His hand falls onto Jared's arm, effectively holding him back from the street.
"Actually, no," Jensen says. For a moment, he sees confusion written all over Jared's face, but soon it is replaced by genuine curiosity. "We have one last stop for today," Jensen goes on with a smile.
"We do?" Jared asks.
"Yeah. Come on." It takes Jensen a moment to find his orientation again but quickly he spots what he is looking for, exactly where the travel guide told him it would be. The bus stop. As he half-drags, half-shoves Jared over to what is nothing more than a sign in front of what looks like a hospital and many people waiting, Jared looks at him with curious eyes.
"We're going to take the bus. I heard it's quite special," Jensen says with a wink.
When the bus finally arrives, they see that it is special all right. It's a very small bus, nothing like those big ones you usually see in public transport. The one that's currently approaching looks like half, or maybe even only a third, of those normal buses and not much bigger than your usual soccer mom car in the US.
"You sure this is our bus?" Jared asks incredulously.
Jensen only grins at him, grabs Jared by the arm and says, "Absolutely!"
They get on board, just like everyone else waiting at the bus stop. Or so it seems. Because of the big crowd, Jensen and Jared have to stand real close together and Jensen certainly doesn't mind as Jared's lean, strong body is pressed so flush against his.
"Why wouldn't they just get a bigger bus?" Jared asks, a little unnerved. And just as Jensen opens his mouth to ask Jared whether he minds much that they have to stand so close to each other, it becomes perfectly clear why the bus isn't bigger. Slowly, it worms its way up the serpentines as they drive up a hill. A normal-sized bus would never be able to fit through the incredibly curvy and narrow streets, especially not since there are cars coming down on the other lane.
It only takes a few stops until they reach their destination, the top of the hill. They get off at a roundish piazza, Piazzale Giuseppe Garibaldi, with a statue in its center. As soon as they leave the bus, Jensen is nervous. What if Jared doesn't like this? What if he thinks this whole scenery is cheesy?
It's already dim and as they step out from underneath the trees and onto the open space of the square, the breathtaking view over the city unfolds. The historic center and all of its beautiful monuments lie at the foot of the hill, the viewing platform maybe giving away the most impressive sight.
They step to the edge of the platform where a whitish wall borders the square, shutting of the steep fall of the hill. There are plenty of young couples around them, some making out, others not. With each minute that passes in silence, Jensen grows more nauseous. What if he's just given Jared a totally wrong impression of what he wants from him? What if he just came across as wanting to rush things and push Jared into something that Jared's not yet ready for or doesn't even want to begin with?
They walk around for a little bit. There's a small park with benches and busts and when they stand next to each other, studying a plate that tells them something about who Garibaldi was and what role he played in modern Italian history, Jensen notices that there really are couples everywhere that walk around or simply enjoy the romantic view over a very romantic city.
And wow, doesn't this show how much of a fuck up Jensen is?
Finally, Jared says something. "You brought me up here to get lucky?"
The blood in Jensen's veins immediately freezes. Is he that obvious? He quickly starts murmuring something about being sorry and that he didn't mean to. That he doesn't want Jared to get a wrong impression and that he simply read that the view from up here is one of the best you can get. He keeps on rambling until Jared silences him with a kiss.
Jensen's taken aback at first so that he can't even react to the kiss. When Jared slings his arm around Jensen's waist and pulls him close so that their bodies are flush together, Jensen's knees go weak. Right now, Jensen's really glad for Jared holding him. If the world ended right now, Jensen wouldn't even notice. The kiss is not very heated but still it makes Jensen's head spin. A kiss is a good thing because it means Jared's not going to run away screaming, hell no, he's not.
"I was just joking, okay?" Jared says, a big grin on his face. His arm hasn't moved from around Jensen and Jensen doesn't mind at all.
"Okay," he says hoarsely and for a moment they just look at each other before Jared kisses him again. There's tongue now, teasing and tickling, there's wet panting and it all turns a little more urgent.
"Dude," Jared laughs only for Jensen to hear as they break apart, "We're in public."
"Wasn't my idea," Jensen pretends to defend himself, thinking he won the little mock argument.
He shouldn't count the chickens before they're hatched though, especially not when Jared's involved. "So now you're pretending this wasn't your evil intention when you dragged me up here?" Jared asks teasingly.
"Oh, shut up and enjoy the view," Jensen laughs as he lightly slaps Jared's arm.
They walk back to the edge of the platform, sitting down next to each other and simply appreciate the sight in front of them. Their feet dangle freely as they try to point out certain monuments that they can make out in the vast flood of terracotta-colored roofs.
They fall silent after a while, but it's not an uncomfortable silence. They've known each other long enough to have reached a point where there's not always need for someone to say something. When Jared's hand lands on top of Jensen's, radiating heat through such a simple touch, Jensen smiles.
"It's nice up here," Jared eventually says and all Jensen does is hum his agreement.
They sit there for another while, eyes wandering over the dim lights of the city at their feet, their hands holding, fingers rubbing softly. Jared shifts a little closer to Jensen, so close that their thighs touch. Jared is hot against him, is firm, is all Jensen wants.
He makes a decision.
"I want to be alone with you," he whispers, low and hotly.
"Yeah," Jared says, equally low and equally hot.
Their final destination of the day doesn't have to be spoken out.
***
The door falls into the lock with a barely audible clack. This time, with less wine involved, they're a little more conscious about the noises they make when going to their room and about disturbing the other guests.
As soon as the door is closed though, there's no holding back. Jensen pushes Jared against the wall before he captures his lips in a fierce kiss. Jared immediately opens up and his tongue seeks out Jensen's. They're getting better at this whole kissing thing, Jensen thinks as he enjoys the sensation of Jared's tongue in his mouth. And then, he doesn't think about anything at all. They're both fighting for dominance, trying to control the kiss. As they get more and more worked up, there is even biting and sucking at tongues and bottom lips involved.
Their bodies are pressed flushed together. Jared's strong, muscular frame alone is enough to make Jensen harden in his pants. One of Jared's arms comes around Jensen's waist to pull him even closer.
The outline of Jared's erection is hard and hot against Jensen's crotch. Jensen's mouth waters at the image of Jared from last night that comes to his mind; Jared desperate and needy for him, his arousal so clearly visible. They keep kissing as hands start their exploration over still fairly new territory.
"Want you," Jensen pants wetly against Jared's throat. He's already too worked up, too turned on and if he doesn't get Jared naked soon, something embarrassing will happen.
"Yeah," Jared agrees, walking Jensen backward to the bed.
They drop down with a soft thud. Jared lands on top of Jensen, knocking the air out of his lungs. They're immediately back to kissing as they try urgently to shed the fabric in their way. Jensen gasps when Jared's strong hands run over his torso, pushing his shirt up and finally off.
"Way too many clothes," Jared moans and Jensen couldn't agree more.
By the time they're finally naked, the blood is already rushing in Jensen's ears, his body already trembling. He let Jared take control last night, tonight is his turn. That's why he pushes Jared over, rolls him onto his back and immediately straddles his lap. He's placing wet kisses along Jared's strong, muscular torso, going further down, further down.
Jared moans loudly and Jensen only hesitates for a second before he takes Jared's leaking cock in his hand and closes his lips around the tip. Jensen's taste buds almost explode at the first taste of Jared. It's like finally tasting the forbidden fruit you have been wanting for so long.
Taking more of Jared into his mouth, Jensen enjoys the sensation of Jared's dick against his tongue, hot and heavy. Jared groans loudly, his hips involuntarily thrusting up to get in even further. One of Jensen's hands falls on Jared's hips to hold him down until Jensen gets used to the feeling of Jared in his mouth, his other hand circled around Jared's dick.
"Fuck, yeah," Jared groans, his attempts to thrust up not stopping.
Jensen grins around Jared's dick before he finally gets round to what he hopes will be the best blowjob in Jared's life. He uses his tongue and teeth, opens up his throat as he eventually lets Jared thrust into him. One look at Jared from underneath his eyelashes and a quick nod are all it needs until Jared's hips start pushing up, deeper and deeper into the wetness of Jensen's mouth.
Jensen just lets him thrust for a moment before he pulls off completely. Jared whines at the lack of contact, his cock standing up, deep red and shiny with Jensen's spit. Jensen has to squeeze the base of his own dick in order not to come right then. He winks at Jared before he goes back down on him, this time only suckling lightly at the head.
The taste is intense and Jensen knows he's addicted already. He presses the tip of his tongue against the sensitive spot underneath the crown, against the bundle of nerves, drawing another deep moan from Jared. He dedicates his time to the shaft and Jared's balls, sucking and nipping.
"God. I- I'm gonna- gonna come," Jared groans deeply.
Jensen's hand then strokes up and down Jared's cock until it twitches and white splashes of come splatter on Jared's chest. Jared's back arches as he does, his hips lifting from the bed to push up into Jensen's tight fist. There's pure ecstasy on Jared's face. It's one of the most beautiful sights Jensen has ever seen.
Slowly, Jared comes down from his orgasm, his cheeks still flushed and his eyes a little glassy. He looks happy though, satisfied, and Jensen's proud that he can do that to Jared.
"Oh God," Jared moans again, this time lazy and worn out. His fingers move up to his belly where his come is cooling. Absent-mindedly, he drags them through the puddle, smearing the liquid all over himself.
Jensen's cock twitches at the sight in front of him. Almost automatically, he grabs Jared's wrist and brings the soiled fingers to his mouth. He engulfs them before he sucks lightly, licking the come from Jared's fingers. Jared's eyes widen again and he moans softly. Jensen then bends down and laps up the rest of the sticky, bitter fluid from Jared's torso.
Jared hums low in his throat and before Jensen even registers what's happening, Jared pushes him onto his back and is suddenly all over Jensen. He moves down Jensen's body and just as Jensen says, "Jay, you don't have to," Jared takes Jensen's cock into his mouth. It's almost as if fireworks are exploding around him, the sensation so heavenly and perfect.
Jared's mouth is hot and it's soft and it's wet and there's no better place to be right now. This is perfection. Jared immediately takes him almost all the way in. Slowly he starts with the sucking and somehow Jensen can't shake the feeling that he's having a bit of a problem with giving a blowjob. Jared's practically drooling onto him but Jensen doesn't mind because hot, soft, wet, remember?
At first, Jared's hands are on Jensen's hips but once they're gone, Jensen takes this as an invitation to thrust a little. There's a bit too much teeth and definitely too much spit but Jensen doesn't care because it still feels good. Maybe not quite perfect, but good.
His arousal increases in sync with his thrusts becoming a little more desperate. Jared gags but Jensen's too far gone to even notice properly. There's the tickling sensation in the pit of his stomach and Jensen knows it probably won't take much more. He tries to warn Jared but when Jared starts massaging Jensen's balls, rolling them in his big palms, the orgasm washes over Jensen all of a sudden.
Jared gags even more and for a moment, Jensen fears he's going to choke on his dick and die. What a way to go. Jared pulls off and coughs for a few minutes and only after Jensen pats him on the back, he calms down.
Jensen's still in a haze, slowly coming down from his orgasm as he says, "Dude-" But then he trails off, not sure how he should apologize.
Jared's eyes are a little watery from the coughing and when he lowers his head, Jensen worries that he fucked up, in a weird sense of the word.
"I wasn't very good," Jared says. He sounds disappointed and defeated and at first Jensen doesn't even get what he's talking about.
Jared thinks he gave a lousy blowjob.
Which, fair enough, Jensen has received better oral sex and maybe if he looked down on himself now he'd see whether his dick is all wrinkled or not, but only because the blowjob wasn't perfect, doesn't mean it wasn't good.
"What? Bullshit," Jensen says, pushing Jared on his back and settling down on top of him.
"Bullshit?" Jared asks, looking insecure as his eyes meet Jensen's.
"Yeah, bullshit," Jensen says again. He takes a moment and kisses Jared, the taste of himself still faint on Jared's lips. Jared responds hesitantly to the kiss and Jensen realizes that he has to clarify a few things.
"Sorry for not warning you. I shouldn't just have come down your throat," he admits.
Jared blushes so hard that next to his cheeks even his throat and his shoulders are turning red. He doesn't say anything right away but when he does, it's not what Jensen expects him to say either. "I've never done this before."
What?
Jensen doesn't trust his ears at first. Has Jared just told him that he's never done anything like this before? The thing is that Jensen always assumed that Jared had been with guys before because he seemed so confident around him, so confident about the whole thing. If this is the first time ever that Jared's with a man, then clearly, Jensen's an idiot who deserves a kick in the nuts.
"What do you mean, Jared? You've never done what before?" Jensen asks just to be sure.
Jared blushes even more and Jensen never thought this was humanly possible. "I've never been with- with a man before," Jared admits quietly, not meeting Jensen's eyes.
He definitely deserves that kick in the nuts. Jensen's such an idiot for simply assuming something he shouldn't have taken for granted. He really feels like a moron and wishes he could turn back time a little and do a few things differently. Like maybe not rushing Jared into things and making sure he's all right.
"What?" Jensen asks. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Jared squirms underneath him, clearly uncomfortable, but Jensen's not budging one bit.
"I don't know," Jared then says. "Maybe I thought it didn't matter. Maybe I thought you wouldn't want me then. Maybe I didn't even want to think about all this more than I have to." He pauses and before Jensen can say anything, he goes on, "Maybe I didn't want you to treat me like a blushing virgin."
The statement hits home hard. Jensen tenses and when he comes to think about it, he realizes that that is exactly what he would have done. Jared and he have been friends for a long time now and they're closer than Jensen is with most other people he's ever met. Jared would have told him no if things were moving too fast for him and if he were uncomfortable with the pace. That realization settles some of the unease in Jensen's stomach.
Jensen snorts and shakes his head and after a moment of irritation, Jared pokes him in the side with a big grin and asks what's up. Jared gives him a good natured push so that Jensen rolls off of him and only seconds later, Jared straddles him, naked and hot.
"I'll tickle it out of you, if I have to! Don't think I won't," Jared teases.
"Okay, okay," Jensen laughs. "You know, I was just thinking that this is exactly how I would have treated you. Like a blushing virgin."
"Yeah," Jared says, leaning down to kiss Jensen softly. "I don't want you to, okay? I want to do everything. I want to learn everything. I want this to go fast."
Jensen wants to protest and wants to say that they don't have to do everything at once because they've got plenty of time. Briefly, he wonders where Jared's urgency comes from and whether it wouldn't be better to slow things down a bit, but then, Jensen's weak. There's this longing back and somehow he can't force himself to reject everything that's being offered to him on a silver plate.
He studies Jared for a moment, lets his eyes wander over the beautiful, strong features. Looking Jared in the eyes, he says seriously, "Okay. But you promise that you'll tell me if we're going too fast. You have to promise, Jay."
Jared beams at him and kisses him again. His tongue slips past Jensen's lips that part so eagerly for him. "Yeah, I promise," Jared pants against Jensen's mouth.
After quickly cleaning up and going through the get-ready-for-bed rituals, they settle back down. Jensen lies in Jared's arms, his head on Jared's chest so he can hear the steady thud, thud, thud of Jared's heartbeat. There are a few thoughts on his mind, about what he just found out, about what this means for them and what kind of future they have together, but he quickly pushes them away for another time. Once his mind is at ease, Jensen falls into a deep, relaxing sleep.
Index page| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Picspam | Fan mix
Jensen would be lying if he insisted that the next morning, the famous morning after, wasn't weird and tense and every other negative word to describe mornings after. Of course, Jared is already up by the time Jensen wakes up. Jensen had hoped that he could slip out of Jared's room unnoticed and maybe put off the inevitable conversation for a bit. He knows he's not going to be able to avoid this dreaded talk forever but a little more time to order his own thoughts would have been nice.
He's not given any. Jared's sitting at the small table of the room, already showered and fully dressed. He's flicking through one of the travel guides but as soon as Jensen makes a sound, he shifts his attention to Jensen.
Jensen on the other hand, is sitting in Jared's bed, stark naked and all of a sudden too self-conscious again. It's ridiculous, he knows, he shouldn't feel ashamed around Jared after what they did last night, but still, he can't help it as he tightens his grip on the thin blanket around himself. They simply look at each other for a while, neither finding the right words to say.
"Listen, Jay," Jensen eventually says because someone has to make a start. "I- I don't know what to say. I-"
What does he want to say? That he's sorry even though he's not? That this never should have happened even though he doesn't believe it? No, that's not what he wants to say. On the other hand, he can't admit that last night he finally got something he's been wanting, has been aching for for such a long time. Suddenly, Jensen feels nauseous because whatever's going to come out of this, chances are big that he royally fucked this up.
Jared smiles at him as he gets up to walk over to the bed. For a moment, Jensen gets his hopes up that maybe they're going to be all right, but then he reminds himself that fairy tales don't happen in real life. He doesn't dare say anything once Jared sits down.
"Then listen to me," Jared says softly, his hand falling on top of Jensen's. "I had a great night with you."
Jared smiles and Jensen has to try real hard to keep his hopes low because he still believes that the sucker punch line is coming. He simply stays quiet and lets Jared go on.
"I was scared of being alone," Jared admits. "I haven't been alone in a long time and I don't know how to do this anymore." Jared's nervous habit of fiddling with his fingernails is back as he pauses. Jensen doesn't know what to answer to that yet, so he waits for what else Jared has to say.
"I was so drunk and so lonely last night, but then there you were and- and I really like you, Jensen, and then this happened. I don't regret anything if that's what you fear. I hope you don't regret anything either. I'm only sorry for using you like this." Jared sounds defeated and small as he says this. A man like Jared Padalecki should never ever sound like that. It makes Jensen's heart sting and he simply has to reach out for Jared and squeeze his thigh in what he hopes comes across as a reassuring gesture.
A quick smile flashes over Jared's face before he goes on, finishing what he wants to say. Jared's blushing hard, he even scoots a little away from Jensen as if he were scared or something like that.
"I like being with you, like- like this. As I said, I- I really liked last night and I wouldn't mind if we… uh… but I don't think I can rush into a new relationship yet."
Wait, what?
At first, Jensen can't even say anything. He had imagined everything but this. He thought Jared would cancel their friendship any minute or that he would at least be mad at Jensen for Jensen not being in better control of last night. He definitely did not think Jared would tell him that he enjoyed last night and that he would hint that he wants to keep doing what they did now that they're both sober enough to care about and understand the consequences of their actions.
"Are you suggesting something like friends with benefits?" Jensen asks surprised. He still doesn't really believe it.
Jared blushes furiously again. He looks so young and boyish and when he says, "Yeah," it's barely loud enough for Jensen to hear. Once more, Jensen's totally speechless. He's torn between being happy and disappointed. Jared wants to be with him but he doesn't want them to be serious.
Jensen's stomach cramps at the thought; he's so goddamn confused. Maybe he's just not good enough for Jared, maybe that's why Jared doesn't want more from him. Thinking about this is as if someone stabbed a knife into Jensen's guts and is currently having great fun twisting said knife.
It hurts that apparently Jared wants something different from this than Jensen but, on the other hand, this way he gets at least a little bit of Jared. It might not be exactly what Jensen wanted but maybe this is all he can get. Jensen knows that even if he entered a new relationship with someone else, it wouldn't really make him happy because Jared is the one he desires. He might not get all of Jared, but it's better than nothing, right? And that thought suddenly makes everything seem brighter. His own thoughts don't make much sense to him either as they race with 100 mph through his mind.
In the end, Jensen follows the feeling in his guts as he bends forward and kisses Jared on the mouth. Jared parts his lips almost immediately and lets Jensen slip his tongue in. Jensen loses track of time as they sit in bed kissing and refreshing the memories of last night. When they finally break apart, Jared pretends to make a face at Jensen as he says, "Yuck, morning breath."
Jensen grins happily before he captures Jared's lips in another kiss. They then decide to go for breakfast and do another tour of the city even though Jensen has to promise that it'll be a short one so that they can spend more time with each other in private in the evening.
***
The day is marked by the papal influence and history of the city. By the time they leave, the hotel lady, turns out her name is Flavia, tells them that they shouldn't be surprised if they have to wait in line for the Musei Vaticani, the Vatican Museums.
They take the bus to the Piazza del Risorgimento and don't trust their eyes at the sight that greets them: there is a hugeass line all the way to the entrance. While they wait 1.5 hours until they're let in, they read a bit in their travel guide. The book is so detailed on this sight alone that Jensen thinks it's possible to spend days in this museum alone without ever running out of new stuff to explore.
They decide to borrow audio guides and as they take the headphones and the little black cassette recorders from the woman handing them over, Jensen's and Jared's finger brush lightly. Jensen bites his lips as he looks at Jared who beams happily at him. Jensen feels like he's back in high school with all the butterflies in his stomach.
One of the first things about the Vatican Museums Jensen and Jared have to learn is that they're incredibly crowded. They're both used to being in large masses of people, but at a certain point they simply have to admit to themselves that there are too many tourists in the sometimes too small rooms and that all they can do is move on to the next, hoping that it's going to be better there.
The Vatican Museums actually turn out to be a collection of different museums, going through certain stages of the history of mankind, from the early life in Italy to contemporary art. But in the end, there's only so many stone tablets from Mesopotamia, so many Etruscan vases and bronzes and so many Egyptian leaflets of papyrus that you can stand to look at.
Moving on, Jensen and Jared agree that the collection of Greek and Roman statues and busts in the Pius-Clementine Museum are already a lot more interesting, so are the mosaics. After that, they walk around the courtyard for a bit. With a groan, Jared slumps down on one of the stone benches.
"Dude," he complains, "My feet are killing me."
Jensen's more than happy to sit down next to Jared and to give his own feet the chance to rest a bit. "Yeah, I know," he says and when he goes on, he grins broadly. "You do realize though that we probably haven't even seen half of this madness, right?"
Jared's only answer is another groan, followed by a quick laugh. Jared bites his lip then, lowering his gaze and blushing slightly. Jensen suddenly is a little hot and when Jared reaches over, his hand squeezing Jensen's briefly, Jensen becomes twitchy. He knows where they are, that they actually are inside the Vatican City so everything he wants to do to Jared right now would be very disrespectful and highly inappropriate. He swallows past the lump in his throat and then quickly gets up.
"C'mon," he says hoarsely, "You ready to go on?"
Jared bites his lip again as he nods and continues walking through the museums with Jensen. Back inside, they have to find their way through yet more rooms and yet more things to see until they finally reach what their travel guide marked as one of the highlights: the Vatican Palaces. What's so special about them is that many great artists drew their art directly onto the walls, making the items of exhibition an inseparable and integral part of the walls themselves.
The frescos are definitely breathtaking, so colorful even after centuries. There's this long room with walls covered with maps of Italy and the city. Jensen already lost his orientation because this whole museum, or rather complex of museums, is more gigantic than he ever could have imagined. There's another room, called Stanze di Raffaello, filled with frescos painted by Raphael and no one else.
"Hey," Jensen beams proudly as he points to one of the frescos, "I've seen that one before. And not in the travel guide. Art class in school."
Jared laughs silently before he says, "Wow, I'm with smartass then? Great!"
He gives Jensen a good-natured poke in the ribs and Jensen has to try real hard not to yelp, which probably would only make him look like a fool. Instead, after taking a quick look around and checking that no one's paying them attention, he gives Jared an equally good-natured one-finger gesture. The audio guide then tells them that the fresco is the Scuola di Atene, one of Raphael's most famous works.
They've almost made it through the museum; all that's left is the Sistine Chapel. By the time they arrive, neither Jensen nor Jared is able to take in much more information. The Chapel turns out to be fairly big but the huge amount of tourists makes it look small and crowded.
They manage to find two empty spots on the benches on the side, where they simply continue listening to their audio guides. There are frescos everywhere, the walls, the whole ceiling. There's not one single white spot. They learn that many great artists spent years working on it. What they also learn about is the various subjects of the paintings: the ancestors of Christ, the life of Christ, the life of Moses, God's creation of the World and The last Judgment.
Jensen's currently listening to the specifications of the most famous fresco on the ceiling - Michelangelo's Creation of Adam. He's torn from his thoughts as he feels a hand slip into his own, squeezing it a little. When he looks to the side, Jared is smiling at him secretly, squeezes his hand one last time before he lets go.
Jensen's belly dances at the combination of touch and the look in Jared's eyes. They quickly decide to make their way out of the museum so that they can go on with the rest of today's tour. A last highlight on their way out is the modern staircase, a gigantic helix that looks like a nautilus shell cut into a half.
Once they finally step out of the building and walk a few steps towards the Piazza San Pietro, Jensen takes some deep breaths as the feeling of constriction and over-crowdedness finally leaves him.
"Wow," Jared says out of the blue. "I can't believe that they really painted over all the willies in The last Judgment. There was a freaking lot of them! And all just because some dudes had censorship issues all of a sudden."
Jared sounds truly offended and serious about the whole thing and all Jensen can do is burst out laughing. Hard. "Dude!" Jensen snickers, bumping his shoulder against Jared's, "I can't believe you just said willies."
Jared immediately joins Jensen's laughter and for good measure, repeats the word over and over again until tears pool in Jensen's eyes and his sides hurt because he can't stop laughing. On their way back to St. Peter's Square, they grab a bite to eat and as soon as they move out from underneath the curved colonnades, they realize with shock that there's some kind of déjà-vu waiting for them. Waiting in line.
Like good tourists, Jensen and Jared get in line. Looking at the prominent basilica, the long line trails on the right side of the church, along the colonnades. There seems to be some kind of security control as people have to pass through a gate where they have to open their bags for Vatican staff.
While they wait, Jensen and Jared shift their attention back to the square. It's fairly big and in the center, there's a reddish-brownish obelisk. The square is framed by colonnades left and right, which give the piazza a certain feeling of restriction on the one hand, and on the other, a gracious feeling of space and wideness. On top of them, there are plenty of marble statues.
One thing that immediately catches your eye is the fact that everything is so white. The colonnades, the façade of the basilica, everything shines in an almost blinding light. It's a weird contrast to the historic center of the city, which is dominated by brownish, reddish colors.
The staff doesn't find anything in their pockets that they can't bring into the church and they're let through very quickly. They snap a few pictures as they walk toward the enormous entrance hall. Jensen and Jared follow the swarm of tourists inside the basilica where it takes them a few moments until their eyes adjust to the new lightening conditions. A cool breeze dances over Jensen's skin as he waits for Jared to stand next to him.
"Amazing," Jared says and as Jensen looks around, taking in the ostentatious decorations of gold and blue and red.
"I don't even know where to look first," Jensen admits, twisting his neck to stare at the art on the ceiling, the golden bordures the most remarking.
The place is crowded with tourists and all of a sudden, the entry regulations all make sense. There are constant flashes of camera lightening here and there. Finally, they begin their tour through St. Peter's, starting by walking down the right aisle, just like the travel guide suggests.
Jensen's surprised when he sees what turns out to be Michelangelo's Pietà behind bulletproof glass, shielding it from the large crowd. He's seen the statue of Virgin Mary with the dead corpse of Jesus in her lap hundreds of times in various publications that lay around his local church back home. Never had it occurred to him that the statue is situated in Rome.
"Looks like some nut job attacked it with a hammer 30 years ago," Jared says, his face buried in the Lonely Planet book.
This is one of the rare moments in which Jensen's really grateful to be so tall and to tower over most people. Even though there are quite a lot of people standing in front of Jensen and Jared, both of them can see pretty well thanks to their heights. They move along the aisle, looking at the various marble statues of late Popes and saints that pompously decorate tombs and crypts.
There are several chapels and altars within the basilica, giving Jensen a feeling of church-within-church. He's definitely impressed by the dimension of this all. It's bigger than every other church he's seen before. Also, the basilica is absolutely not comparable to the plain, white church his parents go to every Sunday in Richardson.
They take their time as they walk around looking at various things. Every now and then they come to a stop in front of a special sight of interest where Jared reads from the travel guide. He keeps his voice down, only for Jensen to hear and to Jensen it feels as if it were only Jared and him. He closes his eyes so that he can concentrate better on Jared's voice, letting the soft, low timbre crawl over his skin like he wishes Jared's hands were. Finishing the thought, Jensen's eyes spring wide open and blood rushes to his face because of the inappropriate thought.
"You okay?" Jared asks, his hand landing on top of Jensen's forearm, definitely not helping the matter.
"Yeah," Jensen pants a little hoarsely.
Jared seems to be entirely oblivious to what his low whisper and the touch of his hand do to Jensen. And if he's not, then he's simply better at hiding things than Jensen is. Jensen's perfectly comfortable around Jared, only now, only last night things have shifted between them and all of a sudden, Jensen reacts to things he's never reacted to before. Even the simple touch of Jared on his arm feels different to him now.
Jensen knows that he should keep this low, be a bit more rational and less emotional about it. He knows that he shouldn't get worked up about what's between Jared and he now because all Jared and he did agree on was friends with benefits and that's cool, that's more than he ever dared imagine he'd get from Jared, but somehow, his emotions haven't got the memo yet.
Jensen's torn from his thoughts when Jared asks, "You ready to go on?"
Once Jensen nods, they continue with their tour. The next destination is the altar in the center of the basilica. It's placed underneath the cupola, canopied by a huge bronze baldachin, designed by Bernini. Again, all that's left for Jensen and Jared is to stare at the obvious splendor and dimension of this all.
The baldachin is about 100 feet high and generously decorated with gold. On the top there are four statues of saints - St. Helen, St. Longinus, St. Andrew and St. Veronica - and below the altar is said to be the tomb of St. Peter.
Looking up to the cupola above the baldachin, the bright colors and the rich decorations once more catch Jensen's attention. There's a Latin inscription that he doesn't understand. Turning around to Jared, he asks, "What d'you think this means?"
Jared's gaze follows to where Jensen is pointing to before he shrugs and flicks through the pages of the travel guide. "Only one way to find out."
Jensen studies Jared from the side as Jared licks his lips in concentration. He'd die for a kiss right now, but once more Jensen becomes aware that his desire is absolutely inappropriate for his current location.
"Ah, there," Jared mumbles. "It's an extract from Matthew and it says: you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven."
"Makes sense, I guess," Jensen says as he shifts his attention back to Jared. His neck's already getting sore from all the staring at ceilings.
They also take their time walking through the various transepts, the apse and the nave. They walk through the grottoes as far as entrance is permitted and once they're finished, they take the 537 narrow steps up to the dome. Once they make their way to the top, they are greeted by a breathtaking view over St. Peter's Square and the city.
The Italian summer heat hits them as soon as they leave the church and its welcomed coolness. They leave the portico through its south side, passing two Swiss Guards that are dressed in their traditional blue, yellow and red uniforms. Walking toward St. Peter's square to leave for their next destination, they come to another stop.
Back in the hotel, Flavia told them that if they wanted to send postcards they should use the Vatican post instead of the Italian one since it was faster and more reliable. They're standing in front of the post office that's situated on the side of the square, just right before the colonnades start.
"Let's get over with this," Jared says as he drags Jensen into the small and over-crowded room. There are counters on the sides with people selling stamps and accepting packages and in the middle, there are a few, dark wooden tables with people standing around, scribbling their postcards in concentration.
"Yeah," Jensen agrees with a wink, "Our mothers are probably gonna kill us if we don't send a postcard."
They both bought a postcard each yesterday so that they could get over with postcard duties and making mothers happy and then simply go on with enjoying the rest of their stay. They find a free space and unpack their cards. When Jensen looks to the side, Jared licks his lips as he writes something onto his card. Jensen wishes he could just reach over and kiss the hell out of Jared, wishes he could run his tongue over Jared's moist lips while he pushes his hands underneath Jared's shirt and over his strong chest.
"Hey!" Jared exclaims, nudging Jensen in the ribs. When Jensen glances at him, Jared grins cheekily at him. "Stop staring, psycho," he says good-naturedly.
Jensen's cheeks burn because he's indeed just been caught staring at Jared. He probably should come back with a witty remark, but the thought of what was on his mind and what he wants to do to Jared makes him blush even harder, leaving him unable to say anything in return.
"What were you thinking about?" Jared asks curiously. It sounds perfectly innocent how Jared says it.
Jensen's unsure as what he can say to Jared and what not. Can he tell him that he just wished they were alone and that they could pick up where they left off last night? How does that go with the whole friends with benefits thing? Would it freak Jared out and send him running in the opposite direction? Would Jared be uncomfortable because he thinks Jensen was rushing this? Jensen's stomach twists at the idea that he has no clue as to where Jared and he stand.
In the end, Jensen goes for a little white lie, deciding not to take any risks. "Thinking about what to write on the damn postcard."
Jared laughs lightly and shoves his own card over to Jensen, encouraging Jensen to simply copy his text. "I don't really think they're gonna call each other to compare, you know? I think we're safe."
Jensen smiles and starts writing. The text says something about a great time, a beautiful city, nice company and fantastic weather. Once Jensen's done, Jared moves to stand behind him, looking over Jensen's shoulder. Jared stands so close that his chest is touching Jensen's back, his crotch nestled against Jensen's ass. A slight shiver runs down Jensen's spine and when Jared leans in to whisper, Jensen shivers more violently.
"You done already?" Jared asks a little impatiently.
"Huh? What?" Jensen huffs and as soon as he's said it, he wants to hit himself for his apparent ineloquence.
"Let's get out of here," Jared whispers, his lips right next to Jensen's ear. "The sooner we're done with our tour, the sooner I get you in private."
When Jared steps away, fetching the postcards and walking towards the counter to buy stamps, he laughs and gives Jensen a wink. Jensen wonders whether he accidentally said "Oh fuck" out loud.
Once they're over postcard duty, they step back onto St. Peter's Square, cross it and leave it, heading east. The square leads into Via della Conciliazione, an untypically large avenue of the city. Jared reads from the travel guide that many houses and other buildings have been torn down in order to create such an impressive street that would put St. Peter's in the best figurative light.
On their way, they pass many little souvenir shops that sell all kind of religious kitsch, from colorful rosaries to mugs with the picture of Pope Benedict XVI on them. It's a little bizarre. After a short walk, they finally reach the Castel Sant'Angelo.
They decide not to go in and check out the museum. After all the walking, their feet are killing them and they've both reached a level of information overkill where they can't take in anything else anymore. The city's great and beautiful and all, but Jensen and Jared agree that they don't have to over-do it.
They sit down on a stone bench and after a while Jared groans miserably, "I don't think I can ever get up again. My feet feel as if they're on fire."
"I don't even wanna think about the smell of your feet," Jensen laughs and when Jared gives him an irritated look, he only laughs harder. After a moment, Jared joins in and they spend a few good minutes laughing carefreely.
"But I hear you," Jensen eventually admits. His feet are hurting so badly that he knows exactly what Jared means. Yet, they can't quite call it a day yet, there's still one last destination.
Jensen's just about to suggest they move on, when Jared's stomach rumbles so loudly that they both immediately burst out laughing again. Quickly, they agree to find a restaurant and Jensen decides to postpone telling Jared about the last destination until after dinner. His stomach is fluttering a little because he doesn't know what Jared will say about today's final stop. It's something Jensen had made no hints about when telling Jared briefly about today's tour this morning and for Jensen, it's definitely the highlight of all the marvelous things they've already seen today.
The good thing about all those touristy places is that there's always a restaurant nearby. Tonight's choice isn't as homey and cozy as yesterday's but there's no sense in driving all the way down to Trastevere and then coming back up to where they currently are. The food is good though and they're even a little more careful with the wine today.
The conversation is light between them, they look back at the day and all the things they've seen. Sandy doesn't come up even once and neither does the thing that's happening between them. Jensen is a little frustrated because he still doesn't know where they stand but his fear of rejection is stronger than the pressing need to talk about what's happening between them. When Jared reaches for Jensen's hand a few times, lightly running his fingers over it, Jensen shoos those thoughts away and simply lets himself enjoy the touch. It'll all work out sooner or later.
After the meal has been eaten and the bill paid, they reluctantly get up, cozy and comfortable due to the good food and wine. Jared smiles as they step outside, rubbing his belly and groaning happily.
"Shall we get a cab?" Jared asks, walking towards one of the main streets.
Jensen smiles secretively, strangely excited as the next part of the plan comes closer. His hand falls onto Jared's arm, effectively holding him back from the street.
"Actually, no," Jensen says. For a moment, he sees confusion written all over Jared's face, but soon it is replaced by genuine curiosity. "We have one last stop for today," Jensen goes on with a smile.
"We do?" Jared asks.
"Yeah. Come on." It takes Jensen a moment to find his orientation again but quickly he spots what he is looking for, exactly where the travel guide told him it would be. The bus stop. As he half-drags, half-shoves Jared over to what is nothing more than a sign in front of what looks like a hospital and many people waiting, Jared looks at him with curious eyes.
"We're going to take the bus. I heard it's quite special," Jensen says with a wink.
When the bus finally arrives, they see that it is special all right. It's a very small bus, nothing like those big ones you usually see in public transport. The one that's currently approaching looks like half, or maybe even only a third, of those normal buses and not much bigger than your usual soccer mom car in the US.
"You sure this is our bus?" Jared asks incredulously.
Jensen only grins at him, grabs Jared by the arm and says, "Absolutely!"
They get on board, just like everyone else waiting at the bus stop. Or so it seems. Because of the big crowd, Jensen and Jared have to stand real close together and Jensen certainly doesn't mind as Jared's lean, strong body is pressed so flush against his.
"Why wouldn't they just get a bigger bus?" Jared asks, a little unnerved. And just as Jensen opens his mouth to ask Jared whether he minds much that they have to stand so close to each other, it becomes perfectly clear why the bus isn't bigger. Slowly, it worms its way up the serpentines as they drive up a hill. A normal-sized bus would never be able to fit through the incredibly curvy and narrow streets, especially not since there are cars coming down on the other lane.
It only takes a few stops until they reach their destination, the top of the hill. They get off at a roundish piazza, Piazzale Giuseppe Garibaldi, with a statue in its center. As soon as they leave the bus, Jensen is nervous. What if Jared doesn't like this? What if he thinks this whole scenery is cheesy?
It's already dim and as they step out from underneath the trees and onto the open space of the square, the breathtaking view over the city unfolds. The historic center and all of its beautiful monuments lie at the foot of the hill, the viewing platform maybe giving away the most impressive sight.
They step to the edge of the platform where a whitish wall borders the square, shutting of the steep fall of the hill. There are plenty of young couples around them, some making out, others not. With each minute that passes in silence, Jensen grows more nauseous. What if he's just given Jared a totally wrong impression of what he wants from him? What if he just came across as wanting to rush things and push Jared into something that Jared's not yet ready for or doesn't even want to begin with?
They walk around for a little bit. There's a small park with benches and busts and when they stand next to each other, studying a plate that tells them something about who Garibaldi was and what role he played in modern Italian history, Jensen notices that there really are couples everywhere that walk around or simply enjoy the romantic view over a very romantic city.
And wow, doesn't this show how much of a fuck up Jensen is?
Finally, Jared says something. "You brought me up here to get lucky?"
The blood in Jensen's veins immediately freezes. Is he that obvious? He quickly starts murmuring something about being sorry and that he didn't mean to. That he doesn't want Jared to get a wrong impression and that he simply read that the view from up here is one of the best you can get. He keeps on rambling until Jared silences him with a kiss.
Jensen's taken aback at first so that he can't even react to the kiss. When Jared slings his arm around Jensen's waist and pulls him close so that their bodies are flush together, Jensen's knees go weak. Right now, Jensen's really glad for Jared holding him. If the world ended right now, Jensen wouldn't even notice. The kiss is not very heated but still it makes Jensen's head spin. A kiss is a good thing because it means Jared's not going to run away screaming, hell no, he's not.
"I was just joking, okay?" Jared says, a big grin on his face. His arm hasn't moved from around Jensen and Jensen doesn't mind at all.
"Okay," he says hoarsely and for a moment they just look at each other before Jared kisses him again. There's tongue now, teasing and tickling, there's wet panting and it all turns a little more urgent.
"Dude," Jared laughs only for Jensen to hear as they break apart, "We're in public."
"Wasn't my idea," Jensen pretends to defend himself, thinking he won the little mock argument.
He shouldn't count the chickens before they're hatched though, especially not when Jared's involved. "So now you're pretending this wasn't your evil intention when you dragged me up here?" Jared asks teasingly.
"Oh, shut up and enjoy the view," Jensen laughs as he lightly slaps Jared's arm.
They walk back to the edge of the platform, sitting down next to each other and simply appreciate the sight in front of them. Their feet dangle freely as they try to point out certain monuments that they can make out in the vast flood of terracotta-colored roofs.
They fall silent after a while, but it's not an uncomfortable silence. They've known each other long enough to have reached a point where there's not always need for someone to say something. When Jared's hand lands on top of Jensen's, radiating heat through such a simple touch, Jensen smiles.
"It's nice up here," Jared eventually says and all Jensen does is hum his agreement.
They sit there for another while, eyes wandering over the dim lights of the city at their feet, their hands holding, fingers rubbing softly. Jared shifts a little closer to Jensen, so close that their thighs touch. Jared is hot against him, is firm, is all Jensen wants.
He makes a decision.
"I want to be alone with you," he whispers, low and hotly.
"Yeah," Jared says, equally low and equally hot.
Their final destination of the day doesn't have to be spoken out.
***
The door falls into the lock with a barely audible clack. This time, with less wine involved, they're a little more conscious about the noises they make when going to their room and about disturbing the other guests.
As soon as the door is closed though, there's no holding back. Jensen pushes Jared against the wall before he captures his lips in a fierce kiss. Jared immediately opens up and his tongue seeks out Jensen's. They're getting better at this whole kissing thing, Jensen thinks as he enjoys the sensation of Jared's tongue in his mouth. And then, he doesn't think about anything at all. They're both fighting for dominance, trying to control the kiss. As they get more and more worked up, there is even biting and sucking at tongues and bottom lips involved.
Their bodies are pressed flushed together. Jared's strong, muscular frame alone is enough to make Jensen harden in his pants. One of Jared's arms comes around Jensen's waist to pull him even closer.
The outline of Jared's erection is hard and hot against Jensen's crotch. Jensen's mouth waters at the image of Jared from last night that comes to his mind; Jared desperate and needy for him, his arousal so clearly visible. They keep kissing as hands start their exploration over still fairly new territory.
"Want you," Jensen pants wetly against Jared's throat. He's already too worked up, too turned on and if he doesn't get Jared naked soon, something embarrassing will happen.
"Yeah," Jared agrees, walking Jensen backward to the bed.
They drop down with a soft thud. Jared lands on top of Jensen, knocking the air out of his lungs. They're immediately back to kissing as they try urgently to shed the fabric in their way. Jensen gasps when Jared's strong hands run over his torso, pushing his shirt up and finally off.
"Way too many clothes," Jared moans and Jensen couldn't agree more.
By the time they're finally naked, the blood is already rushing in Jensen's ears, his body already trembling. He let Jared take control last night, tonight is his turn. That's why he pushes Jared over, rolls him onto his back and immediately straddles his lap. He's placing wet kisses along Jared's strong, muscular torso, going further down, further down.
Jared moans loudly and Jensen only hesitates for a second before he takes Jared's leaking cock in his hand and closes his lips around the tip. Jensen's taste buds almost explode at the first taste of Jared. It's like finally tasting the forbidden fruit you have been wanting for so long.
Taking more of Jared into his mouth, Jensen enjoys the sensation of Jared's dick against his tongue, hot and heavy. Jared groans loudly, his hips involuntarily thrusting up to get in even further. One of Jensen's hands falls on Jared's hips to hold him down until Jensen gets used to the feeling of Jared in his mouth, his other hand circled around Jared's dick.
"Fuck, yeah," Jared groans, his attempts to thrust up not stopping.
Jensen grins around Jared's dick before he finally gets round to what he hopes will be the best blowjob in Jared's life. He uses his tongue and teeth, opens up his throat as he eventually lets Jared thrust into him. One look at Jared from underneath his eyelashes and a quick nod are all it needs until Jared's hips start pushing up, deeper and deeper into the wetness of Jensen's mouth.
Jensen just lets him thrust for a moment before he pulls off completely. Jared whines at the lack of contact, his cock standing up, deep red and shiny with Jensen's spit. Jensen has to squeeze the base of his own dick in order not to come right then. He winks at Jared before he goes back down on him, this time only suckling lightly at the head.
The taste is intense and Jensen knows he's addicted already. He presses the tip of his tongue against the sensitive spot underneath the crown, against the bundle of nerves, drawing another deep moan from Jared. He dedicates his time to the shaft and Jared's balls, sucking and nipping.
"God. I- I'm gonna- gonna come," Jared groans deeply.
Jensen's hand then strokes up and down Jared's cock until it twitches and white splashes of come splatter on Jared's chest. Jared's back arches as he does, his hips lifting from the bed to push up into Jensen's tight fist. There's pure ecstasy on Jared's face. It's one of the most beautiful sights Jensen has ever seen.
Slowly, Jared comes down from his orgasm, his cheeks still flushed and his eyes a little glassy. He looks happy though, satisfied, and Jensen's proud that he can do that to Jared.
"Oh God," Jared moans again, this time lazy and worn out. His fingers move up to his belly where his come is cooling. Absent-mindedly, he drags them through the puddle, smearing the liquid all over himself.
Jensen's cock twitches at the sight in front of him. Almost automatically, he grabs Jared's wrist and brings the soiled fingers to his mouth. He engulfs them before he sucks lightly, licking the come from Jared's fingers. Jared's eyes widen again and he moans softly. Jensen then bends down and laps up the rest of the sticky, bitter fluid from Jared's torso.
Jared hums low in his throat and before Jensen even registers what's happening, Jared pushes him onto his back and is suddenly all over Jensen. He moves down Jensen's body and just as Jensen says, "Jay, you don't have to," Jared takes Jensen's cock into his mouth. It's almost as if fireworks are exploding around him, the sensation so heavenly and perfect.
Jared's mouth is hot and it's soft and it's wet and there's no better place to be right now. This is perfection. Jared immediately takes him almost all the way in. Slowly he starts with the sucking and somehow Jensen can't shake the feeling that he's having a bit of a problem with giving a blowjob. Jared's practically drooling onto him but Jensen doesn't mind because hot, soft, wet, remember?
At first, Jared's hands are on Jensen's hips but once they're gone, Jensen takes this as an invitation to thrust a little. There's a bit too much teeth and definitely too much spit but Jensen doesn't care because it still feels good. Maybe not quite perfect, but good.
His arousal increases in sync with his thrusts becoming a little more desperate. Jared gags but Jensen's too far gone to even notice properly. There's the tickling sensation in the pit of his stomach and Jensen knows it probably won't take much more. He tries to warn Jared but when Jared starts massaging Jensen's balls, rolling them in his big palms, the orgasm washes over Jensen all of a sudden.
Jared gags even more and for a moment, Jensen fears he's going to choke on his dick and die. What a way to go. Jared pulls off and coughs for a few minutes and only after Jensen pats him on the back, he calms down.
Jensen's still in a haze, slowly coming down from his orgasm as he says, "Dude-" But then he trails off, not sure how he should apologize.
Jared's eyes are a little watery from the coughing and when he lowers his head, Jensen worries that he fucked up, in a weird sense of the word.
"I wasn't very good," Jared says. He sounds disappointed and defeated and at first Jensen doesn't even get what he's talking about.
Jared thinks he gave a lousy blowjob.
Which, fair enough, Jensen has received better oral sex and maybe if he looked down on himself now he'd see whether his dick is all wrinkled or not, but only because the blowjob wasn't perfect, doesn't mean it wasn't good.
"What? Bullshit," Jensen says, pushing Jared on his back and settling down on top of him.
"Bullshit?" Jared asks, looking insecure as his eyes meet Jensen's.
"Yeah, bullshit," Jensen says again. He takes a moment and kisses Jared, the taste of himself still faint on Jared's lips. Jared responds hesitantly to the kiss and Jensen realizes that he has to clarify a few things.
"Sorry for not warning you. I shouldn't just have come down your throat," he admits.
Jared blushes so hard that next to his cheeks even his throat and his shoulders are turning red. He doesn't say anything right away but when he does, it's not what Jensen expects him to say either. "I've never done this before."
What?
Jensen doesn't trust his ears at first. Has Jared just told him that he's never done anything like this before? The thing is that Jensen always assumed that Jared had been with guys before because he seemed so confident around him, so confident about the whole thing. If this is the first time ever that Jared's with a man, then clearly, Jensen's an idiot who deserves a kick in the nuts.
"What do you mean, Jared? You've never done what before?" Jensen asks just to be sure.
Jared blushes even more and Jensen never thought this was humanly possible. "I've never been with- with a man before," Jared admits quietly, not meeting Jensen's eyes.
He definitely deserves that kick in the nuts. Jensen's such an idiot for simply assuming something he shouldn't have taken for granted. He really feels like a moron and wishes he could turn back time a little and do a few things differently. Like maybe not rushing Jared into things and making sure he's all right.
"What?" Jensen asks. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Jared squirms underneath him, clearly uncomfortable, but Jensen's not budging one bit.
"I don't know," Jared then says. "Maybe I thought it didn't matter. Maybe I thought you wouldn't want me then. Maybe I didn't even want to think about all this more than I have to." He pauses and before Jensen can say anything, he goes on, "Maybe I didn't want you to treat me like a blushing virgin."
The statement hits home hard. Jensen tenses and when he comes to think about it, he realizes that that is exactly what he would have done. Jared and he have been friends for a long time now and they're closer than Jensen is with most other people he's ever met. Jared would have told him no if things were moving too fast for him and if he were uncomfortable with the pace. That realization settles some of the unease in Jensen's stomach.
Jensen snorts and shakes his head and after a moment of irritation, Jared pokes him in the side with a big grin and asks what's up. Jared gives him a good natured push so that Jensen rolls off of him and only seconds later, Jared straddles him, naked and hot.
"I'll tickle it out of you, if I have to! Don't think I won't," Jared teases.
"Okay, okay," Jensen laughs. "You know, I was just thinking that this is exactly how I would have treated you. Like a blushing virgin."
"Yeah," Jared says, leaning down to kiss Jensen softly. "I don't want you to, okay? I want to do everything. I want to learn everything. I want this to go fast."
Jensen wants to protest and wants to say that they don't have to do everything at once because they've got plenty of time. Briefly, he wonders where Jared's urgency comes from and whether it wouldn't be better to slow things down a bit, but then, Jensen's weak. There's this longing back and somehow he can't force himself to reject everything that's being offered to him on a silver plate.
He studies Jared for a moment, lets his eyes wander over the beautiful, strong features. Looking Jared in the eyes, he says seriously, "Okay. But you promise that you'll tell me if we're going too fast. You have to promise, Jay."
Jared beams at him and kisses him again. His tongue slips past Jensen's lips that part so eagerly for him. "Yeah, I promise," Jared pants against Jensen's mouth.
After quickly cleaning up and going through the get-ready-for-bed rituals, they settle back down. Jensen lies in Jared's arms, his head on Jared's chest so he can hear the steady thud, thud, thud of Jared's heartbeat. There are a few thoughts on his mind, about what he just found out, about what this means for them and what kind of future they have together, but he quickly pushes them away for another time. Once his mind is at ease, Jensen falls into a deep, relaxing sleep.
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