Vacanze Romane - NC-17 - Jensen/Jared - part 2
Vacanze Romane - NC-17 - Jensen/Jared - part 2
By the time they finally manage to leave the hotel the next day, it's already past ten. Jensen still feels the jetlag in each and every one of his bones, the night not bringing nearly enough sleep.
He had time. Way too much time to think about stuff, he'd rather not think about. Stuff like Jared. Jared and Sandy. Jared and Sandy and how it's over. Jensen knows that this doesn't imply he's got any chance now, he knows pretty well that Jared's straight. But somehow, he just couldn't help daydreaming about it. He couldn't help but imagine the what ifs - the what if we were together, what if this whole crush thing wasn't one-sided. Jensen knows that the jetlag is only partly to blame for why he didn't get much sleep last night. There's still that painful longing, he doesn't know how to handle.
He's letting his thoughts drift again. Jared punches his arm playfully, bringing Jensen back to the here and now. They've had a nice breakfast at the hotel, enjoying the homey surroundings, enjoying the fact that there's only very few other guests. And now, they're set and ready to go.
Jared laughs at Jensen when he admits that he made a little program for them, that he came up with a few tours of what to see, or rather, of what to see first. And when Jensen goes as far as telling Jared that he's got the whole vacation planned through and about twelve different tours to choose from, Jared calls him a geek and a nerd, but it makes Jared laugh and that's a good thing. They'll start with a small tour, concentrating on the places nearby. Jared doesn't mind at all and only calls Jensen a control freak one more time.
In fact, Jared seems better than he has in days. He's smiling, he's laughing and he's slowly getting back to being himself. Jensen tries hard to take Jared's mind off Sandy and judging from where Jensen stands, it's working. Jared's still not the old, happy Jared, but Jensen can see that they're getting there.
"Okay, you ready?" Jensen asks as he steps out of the hotel and into the bright, sunny daylight.
"Dude, we look like freaking American tourists," Jared laughs.
Glancing down at themselves, Jensen has to agree. The map in hand, the camera around his neck, the shorts, shirts, the flip-flops and on top of that looking a little lost and overwhelmed by everything.
"Yeah, but that's because we totally are," he says with a wink. "Shall we?"
When Jared nods, they finally get going. Their first destination - the Pantheon - is just around the corner, go figure. There are numerous tourists as they step onto the Piazza della Rotonda, the square where the taxi driver dropped them off the previous day. They stand next to each other in silence for a while, just looking at the antique building, a bit in awe.
"You wanna?" Jensen asks, holding out the travel guide to Jared.
"What? Do the honors of reading out what Lonely Planet has to say? Yeah, I guess," Jared says, taking the book from Jensen.
They're still standing in front of the sight as Jared starts reading about the building's more than 2,000 years of history, its turn from a Roman temple to a Christian church, consecrated to all martyrs. He reads about the architecture, the nifty and impressive dimensions of the concrete dome with the opening to the sky. They decide to go inside to see for themselves, not really believing that there's a hole in the roof of a church, nonetheless, that allows the light to shine through, illuminating the inside.
They pass the large granite columns, entering the huge bronze doors, into the cool interior of the building. It's hard to imagine how the dome once was decorated in pure gold, most of its glamour now lost. The inside seems small and confined, compared to the impression from outside. It feels crowded, many tourists walking through the relatively small room to look at the graves of important kings and artists of times passed.
Jensen and Jared don't speak for a while as they allow the atmosphere to settle. When he looks up, Jensen's blinded by the bright, Italian midday sun; it's almost surreal. There really is a hole in the roof.
"Wow," he hears and when he steals a glance to his side, he finds Jared staring at the sky; just like he did himself seconds ago. He chuckles lightly and when Jared huffs a breath, asking what's so funny, Jensen explains that he's just as impressed as Jared is.
Actually, there's not that much to see inside and after a while, Jensen's slightly uncomfortable with the relation of people versus space. Like a good tourist, he takes a few pictures with his digital camera and then they're leaving for the next sight.
Once outside, they take a few more pictures of the Pantheon and the square (but none of the McDonald's restaurant that's straight opposite of the building). Just as Jensen's fighting with the map, Jared says, "Okay, which direction next, Mister Tour Guide?" a bright smile plastered across his face.
Suddenly there are butterflies in Jensen's stomach. That smile is exactly what he's been dying to see for what, two, three days or so? Jensen totally lost track of time. He smacks Jared's arm playfully before he looks at his map and then points to a small street that leads away from the piazza.
The streets are so incredibly strait that most of them are probably not even wide enough for a car. They walk between brown buildings that are all constructed in the same style, old and quite dirty, but charming nonetheless. He can see why the reception lady back at the hotel told them that the best way to enjoy the heart of the city is by foot.
Jensen keeps the conversation light and cheerful as they find their way through the narrow streets toward their next destination. The last thing he needs is to upset Jared by mentioning Sandy or work or anything else that's going to spoil Jared's good mood. Not when it's finally lightened up again.
They pass Palazzo Madama, a big, several story salmon-colored building. According to their travel guide, it's the seat of Senate but one look at each other is enough to make it clear that they both agree that there're more interesting things to see. That's why they pass it without even snapping a picture.
Their next destination sounds more promising anyway: Piazza Navona; a romantic square with the form of an ancient Roman circus. Jensen's a little overwhelmed at first as they step onto the wide, open piazza from the constricted street.
The square is pulsating with life. Of course, on the one hand it's full of tourists, walking around and taking pictures, but on the other hand, it's crowded with all kinds of artists. There are musicians playing the guitar and singing along, there are painters presenting their drawings of the different kinds. Slowly, Jensen and Jared get closer and it takes only a split second until the first artists encourage them in broken English to look at their pictures.
They dedicate their attention to the square next. In its center, there are three fountains. Jared reads out what's written in the travel guide as they walk around. Jensen closes his eyes for a moment and simply lets Jared's deep, even voice wash over him.
They sit down on one of the plain stone benches, the church Sant'Agnese in Agone behind their backs and the main fountain of the Piazza Navona, the Fontana dei Quattro Fiumi, the Fountain of the Four Rivers right in front of them. There's not a lot of space and in the end, Jensen and Jared have to sit so close together that their thighs touch. Jensen can barely concentrate on what Jared's reading out, while Jared's totally oblivious about what he's doing to Jensen.
"This fountain means to depict allegories for the four great rivers in the four continents recognized by the Renaissance geographers: the Nile in Africa, Ganges in Asia, Danube in Europe, and Río de la Plata in America. Each has animals, plants, or river gods to carry forth the identification," Jared reads as they look at it.
But Jensen's only listening half-heartedly as Jared goes on about the apparent rivalry between two of the most important artists of the time when all of this was build. Jensen's mind is occupied with Jared's thigh hot against his own, Jared's voice a low whisper that tingles in Jensen's belly.
Jared reads about Bernini and how he was one of the most successful architects in Rome during its Baroque period and about his archrival Borromini. He reads about Bernini's fountain, the big fountain they're looking at, located just in front of Borromini's church Sant'Agnese. A legend says that the face of the personification of Nile is covered with a stone cloth, the face of Ganges even turned away, just so that both statues won't have to look at the church.
"D'you think it's true?" Jensen asks, while looking again at the two statues mentioned.
"Nah," Jared answers, a smile on his face, "Says here that it isn't. The fountain was finished before the church was even planned. Just a legend. The face is covered because back then, people didn't know about the Nile's spring."
They don't speak for a while, looking around the square, absorbing its flair. Once they had a look at the third and last fountain of the piazza, they briefly also look into the church. The coolness of the interior is a welcome relief from the hot summer heat outside.
The inside of the church is breathtaking and at first Jensen doesn't know where to start looking. It's clad in gold, decorated with colorful frescos and marble. The church positively screams of splendor and pomp. Just as Jensen begins to wonder how much all of this is worth and just as he wants to speak the thought out loud to Jared, Jared says, "I wonder how much all of this is worth."
Jensen huffs a breath and Jared looks at him a little irritated. Jared's cheeks turn red, as he probably fears he just said something stupid. The fact that Jared just blushed because of Jensen does funny things to his stomach, things that Jensen hopes don't show in his own face. Judging from Jared's expression, he wants to say something else, but Jensen's quicker. "I know! I just thought exactly the same thing."
That's when Jared winks at him, the relief apparent on his face. They continue walking through the church in silence. Jensen steals a glance at Jared, who's currently studying one of the marble altars. He notices how Jared already seems less tense, less upset than the last few days. Of course, he's happy that he's spending time with Jared again - you would think that practically living in each other's pocket most of the year, he'd be happy about any minute he gets away from Jared, but really, it couldn't be further from the truth - but, no, what he's even happier about is that he's doing a good job at taking Jared's mind off Sandy.
Jared comes up to him with a smile on his face. When he bends over to bring his lips right next to Jensen's ear, Jensen shivers a little. Jared whispers then, his breath is hot and damp against the sensitive skin of Jensen's neck.
"I really could go for something to eat," Jared admits and when he moves back a little, all Jensen can do is nod and leave the church with Jared.
As soon as they step outside, they are confronted with a different, not so pretty side of the city. An old woman with a horrible hunchback, dressed in dirty, holey rags comes up to them, holding up her hands and mumbling something that Jensen doesn't understand. It sends a cold shiver down Jensen's back and that's why he reaches for his wallet and gives the old woman one of those one-euro coins. He knows that this is not little to give to a beggar but the woman seems very grateful before turns away from them and over to the next tourists, so Jensen doesn't really care.
Jensen and Jared look at each other for a moment, neither of them sure what to say. Jensen concludes that whatever he says now is probably cheesy and overly dramatic and he doesn't have to speak it out for both Jared and he to know it. Despite the horrible working hours that come along with their job, at least they don't have to worry about money and can do something they both love. They only nod briefly at each other before they step down the stairs from the church.
The square is not only crowded with tourists and artists in the inner circle, it's also crowded with chairs and tables at the edge of the piazza from the various restaurants that are situated around it. Jensen's aware that due to the touristy location of those restaurants and cafés, they probably cost ten times more than every other place, but he's willing to pay the price if he can enjoy the atmosphere of the square a little longer. They sit down and order a coffee, or espresso more specifically, and something small for lunch.
Jared's quiet and Jensen's tempted to ask what's up and to ask whether he wants to talk about Sandy. Of course, he knows that he's made the offer already and that once Jared's ready, he'll come up with the topic himself, but somehow Jensen wonders whether he should try again.
"She would have loved this," Jared then says sadly before Jensen can even ask. There's this strained vibrato, this tinge of pain in Jared's voice, something that gives away that he's clearly upset and hurt.
Jensen's palms begin to sweat, he's just never been good with relationship talk, especially not when he's secretly got a crush on the person he's supposed to cheer up. He nods though, his hand falling on top of Jared's.
"She said I didn't love her anymore," Jared says, his voice sounds defeated.
Maybe it's a good idea to simply let Jared talk, give him the chance to get rid of the pain he feels. Jensen doesn't know what to say anyway. The realization that he neither can give Jared what he wants nor that he can have what he wants himself, stings in Jensen's chest, threatening to take away his breath.
"I mean, if she…" Jared trails off.
There are tears pooling in the corner of his eyes and when he wipes them away with the back of his hand, Jensen pretends not notice. Jared takes a deep breath before he says, "If she had said that we drifted apart…"
Jensen understands where Jared is coming from and why he'd think that, but still, he doesn't think that Jared should cling to this illusion. "D'you think it would have made this easier? "
"No, probably not," Jared admits sadly.
There's a moment of silence between them, the only sound Jared's heavy breathing as he tries to pull himself together. Jensen knows that he's in danger of falling for a 'If I can't have him, no one else can either' mentality. The temptation to be selfish is there, but then, looking at Jared, Jensen says, "Listen, man. If you want, we can go back to the hotel and you can call her in peace."
He doesn't want to say it because he somehow doesn't want Jared to be Sandy's again and wow, doesn't that make him the biggest asshole on earth? Once Jensen offers to go back to the hotel, Jared's mood lightens noticeably. Jensen has the unpleasant feeling that his selfishness is coming back now to bite him in the ass. When Jared speaks though, it takes Jensen by surprise. Totally.
"What do you think I have been doing those last few weeks until you came to drag my sorry ass out of San Antone? She won't even pick up anymore when she sees it's me." Jared laughs softly.
"Oh," is all that Jensen's eloquent mind can come up with. His cheeks burn slightly and Jensen concludes that he's blushing way too much around Jared lately.
Jared seems totally oblivious though, which is probably a good thing. He's quiet again as if he were thinking about something real hard. When he fiddles with his fingernails, Jensen realizes that Jared's nervous. He barely is, especially not around Jensen. When Jared opens his mouth to speak, Jensen holds his breath for a moment.
"You know," Jared says quietly, "Maybe it's time to let go and move on. Maybe we were not meant to be."
At first, the statement hangs merely between them, neither saying anything to it. There are a million thoughts racing through Jensen's mind, all wanting to be heard. He knows that only because Jared closed the relationship with Sandy and sort of found his mental peace with it, it doesn't automatically mean that he's just been waiting for Jensen. Still, he'll be giving his best to be a supportive best friend. Eventually, he says, "Yeah, maybe."
Jared smiles at him again and they enjoy the rest of their lunch in comfortable silence, letting the happenings on the piazza be all the entertainment they need for now. Jensen watches a middle-aged woman have her portrait drawn, her whole family standing behind the artist's back to watch the picture of their mother or wife come to life.
When there's a hand on top of Jensen's, Jensen turns to look at Jared. Jared smiles shyly again, giving Jensen's hand a squeeze now that he's got Jensen's attention, "Thanks, Jensen for bringing me here. I appreciate it a lot."
Jensen's heart starts beating faster as he sees the warmth and gratitude in Jared's eyes. "Don't mention it," Jensen says quickly. "You would have done the same for me."
"Yeah," Jared admits, grinning broadly now. And man, how much has Jensen missed Jared's happy, cheery self? Jared's grin is infectious. Standing up, Jared says, "Okay, let's get going. Where're we heading to next?"
It's early afternoon already as they leave Piazza Navona, heading south. Their next destination is Palazzo Braschi, where the Museo di Roma, the Museum of Rome is situated.
The tour Jensen contrived, provided for them to go in and learn more about the city's history, but now that they stand in front of it, full with food and a little tired because of the jetlag that's finally getting to them, they spontaneously decide to skip the museum. Besides, it's such a nice day that they both agree they should spend as much time outside as possible.
So, they pass the Museo di Roma and cross the large street in front of them. There are only few broad streets that are suitable and accessible for cars and buses. Those streets almost seem like veins in the compact meat that is the historic center of the city. Once they make it across the street safely, which isn't as easy as it looks, they head toward their next destination.
There are many more piazze and palazzi on their list for the day. Some of them are rather unspectacular compared to the sights they've already seen, others are simply breathtaking and charming in their own ways.
Stealing a glance to the side, Jensen watches Jared yawning tiredly. He laughs lightly and when Jared turns to look at him, he joins in.
"Tired?" Jensen asks the obvious.
"A little. It's the jetlag, you know?" Jared says.
And yeah, Jensen does know. He didn't get much sleep himself last night and he feels it in each and every one of his bones now. Of course, for Jensen the time difference and travel exertions are only partly to blame. All the thinking about Jared that kept him awake most of the night is definitely another factor that adds up to it.
Thank God, they're nearly done with their tour and Jensen thinks it was definitely a good idea to keep the first tour small and easy. Next they take the Via Giulia, a picturesque street full of small shops. They pass an arch that was built by Michelangelo with the intention to function as a bridge between the gardens of Palazzo Farnese and Palazzo Farnesina on the other side of the river Tiber.
They do a bit of window shopping as Via Giulia leads them to Ponte Sisto. Ponte Sisto turns out to be a pedestrian bridge over the river, leading straight into the barrier of Trastevere. The bridge looks small and fragile and Jensen thinks that it is no wonder it's only open to pedestrians. Standing in the middle of the bridge, they take a bit of time to look north and south, their eyes following the river.
"D'you see St. Peter's?" Jensen asks, pointing north of them. The white dome of the basilica is clearly visible from where they stand.
"Where?" Jared says.
When Jensen looks at Jared, he sees that Jared is looking in the totally wrong direction, not even focusing on the way Jensen is pointing at. Jensen laughs loudly and when Jared finally looks at him, irritation on his face, Jensen says, "You gotta look this way, dumbass!"
Quickly, Jared joins in and laughs too as he bumps his hip against Jensen's, knocking him a little to the side. "Yeah," Jared snorts, "Yeah, I see it."
It feels good to see Jared laughing again and as soon as he's by himself that night, Jensen's going to pat himself on the back for being such an awesome best friend. Just as Jensen's about to suggest that they move on, Jared's stomach decides to rumble so loudly that it's impossible for Jensen to overhear. He bursts out laughing at which Jared turns crimson red, hand moving to his belly as if that would stop it making any more sounds.
Once Jensen's done snickering at Jared - Jensen's made a fool of himself a few times those last few days so he thinks that it's his goddamn right to laugh at Jared now that Jared's apparently better - he says, "Looks like you could eat again."
Jared grins broadly and says, "Dude, you know me! When can't I eat?"
"Good point," Jensen admits. "What d'you say, should we try and find a restaurant?"
Jensen's happy that apparently not only is Jared's light mood back, but also his appetite. As he was packing Jared's bag together with Mrs. Padalecki, she told him how worried she was about Jared because he barely ate or slept and that this wasn't how her baby usually was. He makes a mental note to tease Jared some other day about the fact that his Momma called him her baby in front of his best friend.
When Jensen looks at his watch, he sees that it's already past his usual dinnertime. They follow Ponte Sisto until they finally reach the other Tiber bank. Last night, the hotel lady had advised them to go to Trastevere and grab a bite there but after getting lost, they never made it. Apparently, Trastevere is still charmingly Roman, with its clotheslines from house to house, with a flair from the 50s or 60s and full of traditional, not-yet-so-much touristy restaurants. Jensen has planned this part of town for another day because there are also a few sights to see, but right now his only focus is on finding a place to eat.
They walk around for a little bit and eventually settle for a small restaurant with an ancient basement-like décor. It's still warm outside, despite the late hour but unfortunately there are no tables outside, so all they can do is go inside. The restaurant is cool but not chilly and that's fine for Jensen. A round woman leads them to a table and hands them menus.
"God," Jared groans, "My feet are killing me."
Jensen releases a sigh because he's just had the same thought as he finally sat down. "You do realize that today was only the small tour, Bigfoot, right?" Jensen teases.
Jared gives him a look that is something between shocked and amused, a look that Jensen finds pretty adorable. They study the menu in silence for a bit and Jensen has a hard time deciding what he wants. Everything sounds delicious and foreign at once. Of course, there are plenty of Italian restaurants in America where you can eat Italian cuisine, but still, there are things that sound quite exotic to Jensen. Supplì alla romana, stracciatella alla romana, fiori di zucca and saltimbocca alla romana, all sounding rather strange to his ears. Jensen's grateful for the translations on the menu that tell him he'd either be ordering fried rice balls, a soup with Parmesan flakes, fried zucchini flowers or veal in sage.
In the end, he goes for pizza. Jared and he decide to share a bottle of red wine. Once both their glasses are full, Jared lifts his for what looks like a toast. Jensen reaches for his own glass as Jared says, "To this fantastic trip. And to you, the best friend I could ever wish for."
Jensen's cheeks burn because of Jared's little speech. He's a bit embarrassed because he doesn't know what to say. Jared simply smiles at him, that god honest puppy dog smile he has perfected over the years. Jensen cracks a grin himself as he says, "And to you, the biggest girl on earth."
Jared bursts out laughing as Jensen clinks their glasses together. They enjoy their meal, only interrupted by the occasional "Hm, this is so good," and ordering more wine. In fact, Jensen's already a little tipsy. Not that he'd ever admit being tipsy to Jared, but yeah, there you go, he is. He hasn't drunk wine in a good while and Jensen's problem with wine is that he tends to drink it like beer, all the while forgetting about the higher percentage of alcohol.
Jared's just as tipsy though, his drawl a lot stronger already. He's currently telling a story about his time in high school and he's gesticulating so wildly with his arms that he nearly knocks the waitress over. Nothing happens, thank God, but for Jensen it's a sign that maybe they should go back to the hotel. His head is definitely spinning already; it was not a good idea to order that last bottle of wine.
Thankfully, it doesn't take much to convince Jared to leave and within minutes they pay their bill and stand outside to call a cab. They're relatively lucky and don't end up having to wait too long.
Jensen climbs inside the taxi quickly, Jared following suit. Once they tell the driver where they need to go, Jensen realizes just how close Jared is sitting next to him. One of Jared's big hands falls onto Jensen's thigh, squeezing it a little. Jared's hand has been on Jensen's thighs more times than Jensen can count, but still, something about this touch feels different.
There's a different heat to it, a different pressure, a different something that Jensen can't define yet. He gulps as he immediately grows half-hard, the touch and the alcohol in his system doing their job. If it weren't physically impossible, Jensen'd say that Jared just slid even closer.
Jensen's about to panic because the last thing Jared needs to see is that Jensen's getting hard because of his touch. Just as he wants to say something, the hand on his thigh is moving another bit up his leg and to the inside. At first, Jensen thinks he must be dreaming or hallucinating. So when he looks at Jared and sees that his pupils are wide and that there's lust in them, he doesn't trust his eyes. Jared licks his lips as his hand moves another inch up Jensen's thigh. Jensen writhes a little in his seat, torn between scooting away and pressing closer.
When the driver tells them that they're there, Jensen immediately goes rigid. Jared gives him a wink as he gets out of the cab, leaving it to Jensen to pay the bill. Staggering over the Piazza della Rotonda toward their hotel, Jensen thinks he just felt, or imagined, a ghosting touch on his ass.
When he glares at Jared, Jared only grins goofily, confirming what Jensen thought. There definitely was ass groping involved. He chooses not to say anything about it as they make their way into the hotel, through the lobby and up the narrow staircase. Halfway up the stairs, Jared almost tumbles backwards, nearly breaking his neck and crushing Jensen underneath him, but Jensen manages to steady him with both hands from behind. Jensen reminds himself again that they shouldn't underestimate wine again. Ever.
Finally, they come to a stand in front of their rooms. Jared's face is flushed; his cheeks pink and his eyes have this predatory look that makes Jensen incredibly uncomfortable. He's never seen this side of Jared, of his straight best friend Jared. This is so surreal.
Just as Jensen wants to ask whether Jared needs help with the keys (even though he doubts he'd be any better with fiddling with them because he's just as drunk as Jared), Jared slams him into the wall and presses his mouth to Jensen's. Jensen's so shocked at first that he can't do anything.
Jared's tongue moves against Jensen's lips, demanding entrance and when Jensen opens up, it immediately seeks out his own tongue. The kiss is sloppy with way too much spit and it's pretty uncoordinated and you know, it's actually not very good, but who is Jensen to complain?
And then realization hits him like an eighteen-wheeler. Jared is kissing him. His straight best friend Jared. And even though Jensen wants Jared, he doesn't want him like this, drunk and not able to even remember the next morning. Just as Jensen's about to shove Jared away, Jared takes a step back all by himself.
Jared's lips are puffy and slick with spit, their spit, there's drool all over, but fuck, it's still sexy as hell. Jensen's once again reminded how much he's turned on, how hard he is, how hard Jared makes him.
"Come to my room with me?" Jared then drawls. "I don't wanna be alone tonight."
Jensen can hear the lust in Jared's voice, can see it so clearly written all over Jared's face. He's tempted to just go with Jared and take what he has been longing for for so long, but there's something that's just not right about what Jared said. I don't want to be alone, he said, not I want to be with you. It's not about wanting Jensen like Jensen wants him, it's about having no one else to do the job. Finishing the thought, Jensen's throat tightens and it takes a little while until he finds his voice to speak, all while Jared looks at him expectantly.
Finally, Jensen says, "Jay, I don't think this is a good idea. Look, we're both wasted. We're just-"
Jensen doesn't go on. We're just going to regret this come morning is not quite what he wants to say. He knows he won't regret anything.
"Yeah," Jared says, rubbing a hand over his mouth.
When he takes a step back, no longer crowding Jensen against the wall, Jensen ducks out from underneath him and goes to his own door. He turns to Jared one last time before he enters the room and says, "Goodnight, Jared."
"Night," he hears from the other side of the door after he closes it.
***
The room doesn't stop spinning once Jensen lies down in his bed. He tries to go to sleep but it's impossible with the roller coaster ride of emotions he's going through. Jared just kissed him. Jared just hit on him. Hard. And Jensen said no.
Of course, he knows that he should be proud of himself because even though he wants Jared, has wanted him for months now, he doesn't want it to be a drunken fumbling that they'll both regret the next morning, if they even can remember it properly. But there's this nagging voice in the back of his head that makes him have second thoughts. Jared wants him and maybe this is the only chance he'll ever get. Shouldn't he use it? It's not that he was forcing himself on Jared but Jared made a move on him. Shouldn't he give Jared that little bit of comfort that he craves even if it's just a one-time thing?
Jensen's out of bed in no time. Once he stands in front of Jared's door, he's ready to turn around and go back to his own bed, but somehow he doesn't chicken out this time. He knocks lightly and when he doesn't hear Jared answer, he pushes the handle down. He's a little surprised to find the door unlocked, almost as if Jared was expecting him to come back.
"Jay?" he asks quietly. Maybe Jared's already asleep and he missed his chance.
Jensen wants to turn around and go back to his own room as the comforter of Jared's bed is peeled back for Jensen to slip underneath. Jared didn't bother close the blinds so the pale moonlight illuminates the room enough for Jensen to find his way around without tripping over things. The light is only weak, but once Jensen lies down next to Jared, it's enough to see Jared's face and that he's smiling.
They don't speak for a moment and then Jared says, "Glad you're here."
Jensen doesn't know how to answer that, doesn't want to give Jared enough time to change his mind again, so he simply scoots a little closer to Jared and captures his lips in a tentative kiss. Their mouths fit together perfectly, Jared's lips warm and soft and wet against Jensen's. The image of how swollen and red Jared's lips were earlier comes back to Jensen's mind and his cock immediately twitches again in excitement.
They just lay there, kissing for a while. This kiss is better than the last one, there's less spit but more coordination as they learn each other's mouth. Jensen runs his tongue against Jared's lips, against his teeth and the roof of his mouth. He explores Jared's tongue with his own as they writhe and rub.
"God, want you," Jared groans. His hands move to Jensen's shoulders and seconds later he rolls Jensen onto his back and settles on top of him. Jensen sucks in a breath as Jared's erection brushes against his own. It's a good feeling, knowing that this is making Jared just as hot as him. And there's no denying that the heat and delicate pressure against his groin turn him on even more.
Jensen's more than happy to let Jared lead the way, to let him take what he wants and do this at his own pace. The way Jared's hands move over Jensen's body, firm and secure, definitely knowing what they're looking for makes Jensen wonder whether this is really the first time Jared's been with a guy. Maybe… maybe Jared is not as straight as Jensen thinks he is.
Jared's lips move from Jensen's mouth over his chin to his throat, down to his chest and belly. Jared kisses, licks and bites, sucking Jensen's flesh into his mouth, a sensation that nearly drives Jensen crazy. When he reaches the waistband of Jensen's boxers, Jared hesitates before he moves back up and kisses Jensen on the lips again.
They don't speak, just kiss and touch. Jensen runs his hands over Jared's naked back, feels how Jared's hard muscles flex underneath his touch. The room's spinning and Jensen knows that this time the alcohol is only partly to blame. He's feeling ecstatic because of Jared touching and kissing him. Finally. Only now does he realize how badly he's been craving this.
Jensen's so turned on by Jared moaning and panting above him that he fears his cock is to explode any minute if he doesn't do something. Jared's making these sexy sounds, his breath damp against Jensen's throat as he humps him, rubbing his erection against Jensen's thigh. When Jensen slides his hands down Jared's back, further and further down, and finally slips them underneath Jared's boxers, Jared groans loudly.
"Jared," Jensen whimpers as Jared presses his hips even harder into Jensen.
They're quick to slide down their boxers, their cocks finally springing free. Once their hard and hot dicks touch for the first time, trapped between their bellies, Jensen sees stars sparkling in front of his eyes. They're both leaking pre-come already, smearing wetly against their skins. The room's too dark to see much but bright enough for Jensen to see all he needs. He doesn't really make an effort to look down at their erections, way too fascinated by the ecstasy on Jared's face. His eyes are squeezed shut, his mouth the perfect shape of an O.
Jensen's hand moves between them, reaching for Jared's cock, drawing another loud groan from Jared. Jared's erection is hard and heavy in Jensen's palm as he closes his fingers around it. At first, he's only stroking lightly, getting used to the feeling of Jared in his hand. He's a little nervous, he can't deny that, but he's so aroused that he doesn't give it a second thought.
With his thumb, Jensen collects pre-come from the head of Jared's cock and spreads it along the thick, hot shaft. Jared continues groaning as he starts thrusting into Jensen's tight fist.
"Yeah, come on," Jensen encourages, squeezing Jared's dick a little each time he reaches the tip.
"Fuck, God, fuck, fuck, fuck," Jared pants loudly against Jensen's throat.
Jared's cock is twitching in his hand and the way Jared's moans become yet louder, tells Jensen that it's not going to take long for Jared to come anymore. And indeed, a few more good strokes and Jared's come splashes wetly onto their bellies. Jared cries out as he trips over the metaphorical edge, his whole body spasming.
"Wow," Jared pants as he slowly comes down from his orgasm. Jensen continues stroking Jared's still twitching cock for a little bit, when Jared says, "Hey, let me lend you a hand there."
He smiles at Jensen as his hand circles around Jensen's painfully hard dick. His strokes are a little too soft and a little too slow for Jensen's liking though. He desperately needs to get off, his cock probably already purple by now.
"Just a little harder, Jay," Jensen groans as his hand falls on top of Jared's, showing him how he wants to be touched, needs to be touched.
"Okay, okay," Jared breathes against the corner for Jensen's mouth.
Once Jared's got the right amount of pressure, it only takes a few firm strokes until Jensen feels his balls draw close and the tingling sensation in the pit of his stomach that tells him he's close. With a soft cry, he comes all over Jared and himself. Jared soothes him through the orgasm until Jensen's coming down from the ecstasy he just felt. The orgasm itself maybe wasn't his most intense ever, no, definitely not, but there's Jared and that makes up for everything.
"Hey," Jared says softly, tearing Jensen out of his thoughts. "You okay?"
Despite the low light, Jensen can see the look of insecurity on Jared's face, the unease that hushes across it. He nods at Jared, smiles and then lifts his head until their lips connect for a soft kiss.
"Better than okay," Jensen admits. "You?"
Jared simply grins at him and that's all the answer Jensen needs. There's tension building between them because Jensen doesn't know what Jared wants now. Does he want Jensen to leave? Does he want Jensen to stay? Is he going to regret this as soon as he's coming down?
Jensen's about to say something when Jared nuzzles his face in the crook of his neck and laughs, "Stop thinking. It's disturbing."
"Right," Jensen says, joining Jared's laughter. Jared pulls him close and Jensen concludes that his burning questions can wait for another while. He's starting to feel pretty disgusting with the cool, sticky come between them. When he orders Jared playfully to roll over so that they can get cleaned up, Jared does as he's told.
On his way to the en suite bathroom, Jensen has the impression that he is being watched. Turning around, he catches Jared staring at his naked butt. Suddenly, Jensen feels incredibly self-conscious and even a little embarrassed.
"Pervert," he laughs softly to lighten the atmosphere. Jared joins in but doesn't say anything.
Jensen's quick to retrieve a warm washcloth and after he cleaned himself, he goes back into the room to clean up Jared. When Jensen runs the cloth over Jared's chest, he sees from underneath his eyelashes that Jared is giving him another leer smile. Jensen's glad for the dimness of the room and that Jared can't see him blushing. Jensen must be blushing.
So what now? It's the old question, should I stay or should I go? Jensen doesn't know what to do. This is turning a little awkward because Jensen just had sex with his best friend that he's been crushing on hard for months now, thanks very much. He never thought he'd ever get this far and that's why he never thought about what he'd do after they'd be done with the sex part. Jensen's more the rational thinking kind of person. He likes to think things through and make plans. He's a little lost right now.
Before he even can get up to leave, he totally wants to, or rather he thinks he should, Jared reaches for his wrist and pulls slightly. "C'mere," he whispers as he once more opens the covers for Jensen to slip underneath.
"You serious about this?" Jensen asks, just to be sure.
But when Jared grins broadly and says, "Yeah, come on before I change my mind," Jensen lays down next to Jared without any further questions.
It's weird at first to share a bed with Jared. It's been a long time since Jensen shared a bed with anyone and he's never shared it with someone like Jared who practically drapes himself all over Jensen like a second, human blanket. It takes a while until the room stops spinning and Jensen manages to fall asleep, but when he finally does, it's the best sleep he's gotten in a while.
Index page| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Picspam | Fan mix
By the time they finally manage to leave the hotel the next day, it's already past ten. Jensen still feels the jetlag in each and every one of his bones, the night not bringing nearly enough sleep.
He had time. Way too much time to think about stuff, he'd rather not think about. Stuff like Jared. Jared and Sandy. Jared and Sandy and how it's over. Jensen knows that this doesn't imply he's got any chance now, he knows pretty well that Jared's straight. But somehow, he just couldn't help daydreaming about it. He couldn't help but imagine the what ifs - the what if we were together, what if this whole crush thing wasn't one-sided. Jensen knows that the jetlag is only partly to blame for why he didn't get much sleep last night. There's still that painful longing, he doesn't know how to handle.
He's letting his thoughts drift again. Jared punches his arm playfully, bringing Jensen back to the here and now. They've had a nice breakfast at the hotel, enjoying the homey surroundings, enjoying the fact that there's only very few other guests. And now, they're set and ready to go.
Jared laughs at Jensen when he admits that he made a little program for them, that he came up with a few tours of what to see, or rather, of what to see first. And when Jensen goes as far as telling Jared that he's got the whole vacation planned through and about twelve different tours to choose from, Jared calls him a geek and a nerd, but it makes Jared laugh and that's a good thing. They'll start with a small tour, concentrating on the places nearby. Jared doesn't mind at all and only calls Jensen a control freak one more time.
In fact, Jared seems better than he has in days. He's smiling, he's laughing and he's slowly getting back to being himself. Jensen tries hard to take Jared's mind off Sandy and judging from where Jensen stands, it's working. Jared's still not the old, happy Jared, but Jensen can see that they're getting there.
"Okay, you ready?" Jensen asks as he steps out of the hotel and into the bright, sunny daylight.
"Dude, we look like freaking American tourists," Jared laughs.
Glancing down at themselves, Jensen has to agree. The map in hand, the camera around his neck, the shorts, shirts, the flip-flops and on top of that looking a little lost and overwhelmed by everything.
"Yeah, but that's because we totally are," he says with a wink. "Shall we?"
When Jared nods, they finally get going. Their first destination - the Pantheon - is just around the corner, go figure. There are numerous tourists as they step onto the Piazza della Rotonda, the square where the taxi driver dropped them off the previous day. They stand next to each other in silence for a while, just looking at the antique building, a bit in awe.
"You wanna?" Jensen asks, holding out the travel guide to Jared.
"What? Do the honors of reading out what Lonely Planet has to say? Yeah, I guess," Jared says, taking the book from Jensen.
They're still standing in front of the sight as Jared starts reading about the building's more than 2,000 years of history, its turn from a Roman temple to a Christian church, consecrated to all martyrs. He reads about the architecture, the nifty and impressive dimensions of the concrete dome with the opening to the sky. They decide to go inside to see for themselves, not really believing that there's a hole in the roof of a church, nonetheless, that allows the light to shine through, illuminating the inside.
They pass the large granite columns, entering the huge bronze doors, into the cool interior of the building. It's hard to imagine how the dome once was decorated in pure gold, most of its glamour now lost. The inside seems small and confined, compared to the impression from outside. It feels crowded, many tourists walking through the relatively small room to look at the graves of important kings and artists of times passed.
Jensen and Jared don't speak for a while as they allow the atmosphere to settle. When he looks up, Jensen's blinded by the bright, Italian midday sun; it's almost surreal. There really is a hole in the roof.
"Wow," he hears and when he steals a glance to his side, he finds Jared staring at the sky; just like he did himself seconds ago. He chuckles lightly and when Jared huffs a breath, asking what's so funny, Jensen explains that he's just as impressed as Jared is.
Actually, there's not that much to see inside and after a while, Jensen's slightly uncomfortable with the relation of people versus space. Like a good tourist, he takes a few pictures with his digital camera and then they're leaving for the next sight.
Once outside, they take a few more pictures of the Pantheon and the square (but none of the McDonald's restaurant that's straight opposite of the building). Just as Jensen's fighting with the map, Jared says, "Okay, which direction next, Mister Tour Guide?" a bright smile plastered across his face.
Suddenly there are butterflies in Jensen's stomach. That smile is exactly what he's been dying to see for what, two, three days or so? Jensen totally lost track of time. He smacks Jared's arm playfully before he looks at his map and then points to a small street that leads away from the piazza.
The streets are so incredibly strait that most of them are probably not even wide enough for a car. They walk between brown buildings that are all constructed in the same style, old and quite dirty, but charming nonetheless. He can see why the reception lady back at the hotel told them that the best way to enjoy the heart of the city is by foot.
Jensen keeps the conversation light and cheerful as they find their way through the narrow streets toward their next destination. The last thing he needs is to upset Jared by mentioning Sandy or work or anything else that's going to spoil Jared's good mood. Not when it's finally lightened up again.
They pass Palazzo Madama, a big, several story salmon-colored building. According to their travel guide, it's the seat of Senate but one look at each other is enough to make it clear that they both agree that there're more interesting things to see. That's why they pass it without even snapping a picture.
Their next destination sounds more promising anyway: Piazza Navona; a romantic square with the form of an ancient Roman circus. Jensen's a little overwhelmed at first as they step onto the wide, open piazza from the constricted street.
The square is pulsating with life. Of course, on the one hand it's full of tourists, walking around and taking pictures, but on the other hand, it's crowded with all kinds of artists. There are musicians playing the guitar and singing along, there are painters presenting their drawings of the different kinds. Slowly, Jensen and Jared get closer and it takes only a split second until the first artists encourage them in broken English to look at their pictures.
They dedicate their attention to the square next. In its center, there are three fountains. Jared reads out what's written in the travel guide as they walk around. Jensen closes his eyes for a moment and simply lets Jared's deep, even voice wash over him.
They sit down on one of the plain stone benches, the church Sant'Agnese in Agone behind their backs and the main fountain of the Piazza Navona, the Fontana dei Quattro Fiumi, the Fountain of the Four Rivers right in front of them. There's not a lot of space and in the end, Jensen and Jared have to sit so close together that their thighs touch. Jensen can barely concentrate on what Jared's reading out, while Jared's totally oblivious about what he's doing to Jensen.
"This fountain means to depict allegories for the four great rivers in the four continents recognized by the Renaissance geographers: the Nile in Africa, Ganges in Asia, Danube in Europe, and Río de la Plata in America. Each has animals, plants, or river gods to carry forth the identification," Jared reads as they look at it.
But Jensen's only listening half-heartedly as Jared goes on about the apparent rivalry between two of the most important artists of the time when all of this was build. Jensen's mind is occupied with Jared's thigh hot against his own, Jared's voice a low whisper that tingles in Jensen's belly.
Jared reads about Bernini and how he was one of the most successful architects in Rome during its Baroque period and about his archrival Borromini. He reads about Bernini's fountain, the big fountain they're looking at, located just in front of Borromini's church Sant'Agnese. A legend says that the face of the personification of Nile is covered with a stone cloth, the face of Ganges even turned away, just so that both statues won't have to look at the church.
"D'you think it's true?" Jensen asks, while looking again at the two statues mentioned.
"Nah," Jared answers, a smile on his face, "Says here that it isn't. The fountain was finished before the church was even planned. Just a legend. The face is covered because back then, people didn't know about the Nile's spring."
They don't speak for a while, looking around the square, absorbing its flair. Once they had a look at the third and last fountain of the piazza, they briefly also look into the church. The coolness of the interior is a welcome relief from the hot summer heat outside.
The inside of the church is breathtaking and at first Jensen doesn't know where to start looking. It's clad in gold, decorated with colorful frescos and marble. The church positively screams of splendor and pomp. Just as Jensen begins to wonder how much all of this is worth and just as he wants to speak the thought out loud to Jared, Jared says, "I wonder how much all of this is worth."
Jensen huffs a breath and Jared looks at him a little irritated. Jared's cheeks turn red, as he probably fears he just said something stupid. The fact that Jared just blushed because of Jensen does funny things to his stomach, things that Jensen hopes don't show in his own face. Judging from Jared's expression, he wants to say something else, but Jensen's quicker. "I know! I just thought exactly the same thing."
That's when Jared winks at him, the relief apparent on his face. They continue walking through the church in silence. Jensen steals a glance at Jared, who's currently studying one of the marble altars. He notices how Jared already seems less tense, less upset than the last few days. Of course, he's happy that he's spending time with Jared again - you would think that practically living in each other's pocket most of the year, he'd be happy about any minute he gets away from Jared, but really, it couldn't be further from the truth - but, no, what he's even happier about is that he's doing a good job at taking Jared's mind off Sandy.
Jared comes up to him with a smile on his face. When he bends over to bring his lips right next to Jensen's ear, Jensen shivers a little. Jared whispers then, his breath is hot and damp against the sensitive skin of Jensen's neck.
"I really could go for something to eat," Jared admits and when he moves back a little, all Jensen can do is nod and leave the church with Jared.
As soon as they step outside, they are confronted with a different, not so pretty side of the city. An old woman with a horrible hunchback, dressed in dirty, holey rags comes up to them, holding up her hands and mumbling something that Jensen doesn't understand. It sends a cold shiver down Jensen's back and that's why he reaches for his wallet and gives the old woman one of those one-euro coins. He knows that this is not little to give to a beggar but the woman seems very grateful before turns away from them and over to the next tourists, so Jensen doesn't really care.
Jensen and Jared look at each other for a moment, neither of them sure what to say. Jensen concludes that whatever he says now is probably cheesy and overly dramatic and he doesn't have to speak it out for both Jared and he to know it. Despite the horrible working hours that come along with their job, at least they don't have to worry about money and can do something they both love. They only nod briefly at each other before they step down the stairs from the church.
The square is not only crowded with tourists and artists in the inner circle, it's also crowded with chairs and tables at the edge of the piazza from the various restaurants that are situated around it. Jensen's aware that due to the touristy location of those restaurants and cafés, they probably cost ten times more than every other place, but he's willing to pay the price if he can enjoy the atmosphere of the square a little longer. They sit down and order a coffee, or espresso more specifically, and something small for lunch.
Jared's quiet and Jensen's tempted to ask what's up and to ask whether he wants to talk about Sandy. Of course, he knows that he's made the offer already and that once Jared's ready, he'll come up with the topic himself, but somehow Jensen wonders whether he should try again.
"She would have loved this," Jared then says sadly before Jensen can even ask. There's this strained vibrato, this tinge of pain in Jared's voice, something that gives away that he's clearly upset and hurt.
Jensen's palms begin to sweat, he's just never been good with relationship talk, especially not when he's secretly got a crush on the person he's supposed to cheer up. He nods though, his hand falling on top of Jared's.
"She said I didn't love her anymore," Jared says, his voice sounds defeated.
Maybe it's a good idea to simply let Jared talk, give him the chance to get rid of the pain he feels. Jensen doesn't know what to say anyway. The realization that he neither can give Jared what he wants nor that he can have what he wants himself, stings in Jensen's chest, threatening to take away his breath.
"I mean, if she…" Jared trails off.
There are tears pooling in the corner of his eyes and when he wipes them away with the back of his hand, Jensen pretends not notice. Jared takes a deep breath before he says, "If she had said that we drifted apart…"
Jensen understands where Jared is coming from and why he'd think that, but still, he doesn't think that Jared should cling to this illusion. "D'you think it would have made this easier? "
"No, probably not," Jared admits sadly.
There's a moment of silence between them, the only sound Jared's heavy breathing as he tries to pull himself together. Jensen knows that he's in danger of falling for a 'If I can't have him, no one else can either' mentality. The temptation to be selfish is there, but then, looking at Jared, Jensen says, "Listen, man. If you want, we can go back to the hotel and you can call her in peace."
He doesn't want to say it because he somehow doesn't want Jared to be Sandy's again and wow, doesn't that make him the biggest asshole on earth? Once Jensen offers to go back to the hotel, Jared's mood lightens noticeably. Jensen has the unpleasant feeling that his selfishness is coming back now to bite him in the ass. When Jared speaks though, it takes Jensen by surprise. Totally.
"What do you think I have been doing those last few weeks until you came to drag my sorry ass out of San Antone? She won't even pick up anymore when she sees it's me." Jared laughs softly.
"Oh," is all that Jensen's eloquent mind can come up with. His cheeks burn slightly and Jensen concludes that he's blushing way too much around Jared lately.
Jared seems totally oblivious though, which is probably a good thing. He's quiet again as if he were thinking about something real hard. When he fiddles with his fingernails, Jensen realizes that Jared's nervous. He barely is, especially not around Jensen. When Jared opens his mouth to speak, Jensen holds his breath for a moment.
"You know," Jared says quietly, "Maybe it's time to let go and move on. Maybe we were not meant to be."
At first, the statement hangs merely between them, neither saying anything to it. There are a million thoughts racing through Jensen's mind, all wanting to be heard. He knows that only because Jared closed the relationship with Sandy and sort of found his mental peace with it, it doesn't automatically mean that he's just been waiting for Jensen. Still, he'll be giving his best to be a supportive best friend. Eventually, he says, "Yeah, maybe."
Jared smiles at him again and they enjoy the rest of their lunch in comfortable silence, letting the happenings on the piazza be all the entertainment they need for now. Jensen watches a middle-aged woman have her portrait drawn, her whole family standing behind the artist's back to watch the picture of their mother or wife come to life.
When there's a hand on top of Jensen's, Jensen turns to look at Jared. Jared smiles shyly again, giving Jensen's hand a squeeze now that he's got Jensen's attention, "Thanks, Jensen for bringing me here. I appreciate it a lot."
Jensen's heart starts beating faster as he sees the warmth and gratitude in Jared's eyes. "Don't mention it," Jensen says quickly. "You would have done the same for me."
"Yeah," Jared admits, grinning broadly now. And man, how much has Jensen missed Jared's happy, cheery self? Jared's grin is infectious. Standing up, Jared says, "Okay, let's get going. Where're we heading to next?"
It's early afternoon already as they leave Piazza Navona, heading south. Their next destination is Palazzo Braschi, where the Museo di Roma, the Museum of Rome is situated.
The tour Jensen contrived, provided for them to go in and learn more about the city's history, but now that they stand in front of it, full with food and a little tired because of the jetlag that's finally getting to them, they spontaneously decide to skip the museum. Besides, it's such a nice day that they both agree they should spend as much time outside as possible.
So, they pass the Museo di Roma and cross the large street in front of them. There are only few broad streets that are suitable and accessible for cars and buses. Those streets almost seem like veins in the compact meat that is the historic center of the city. Once they make it across the street safely, which isn't as easy as it looks, they head toward their next destination.
There are many more piazze and palazzi on their list for the day. Some of them are rather unspectacular compared to the sights they've already seen, others are simply breathtaking and charming in their own ways.
Stealing a glance to the side, Jensen watches Jared yawning tiredly. He laughs lightly and when Jared turns to look at him, he joins in.
"Tired?" Jensen asks the obvious.
"A little. It's the jetlag, you know?" Jared says.
And yeah, Jensen does know. He didn't get much sleep himself last night and he feels it in each and every one of his bones now. Of course, for Jensen the time difference and travel exertions are only partly to blame. All the thinking about Jared that kept him awake most of the night is definitely another factor that adds up to it.
Thank God, they're nearly done with their tour and Jensen thinks it was definitely a good idea to keep the first tour small and easy. Next they take the Via Giulia, a picturesque street full of small shops. They pass an arch that was built by Michelangelo with the intention to function as a bridge between the gardens of Palazzo Farnese and Palazzo Farnesina on the other side of the river Tiber.
They do a bit of window shopping as Via Giulia leads them to Ponte Sisto. Ponte Sisto turns out to be a pedestrian bridge over the river, leading straight into the barrier of Trastevere. The bridge looks small and fragile and Jensen thinks that it is no wonder it's only open to pedestrians. Standing in the middle of the bridge, they take a bit of time to look north and south, their eyes following the river.
"D'you see St. Peter's?" Jensen asks, pointing north of them. The white dome of the basilica is clearly visible from where they stand.
"Where?" Jared says.
When Jensen looks at Jared, he sees that Jared is looking in the totally wrong direction, not even focusing on the way Jensen is pointing at. Jensen laughs loudly and when Jared finally looks at him, irritation on his face, Jensen says, "You gotta look this way, dumbass!"
Quickly, Jared joins in and laughs too as he bumps his hip against Jensen's, knocking him a little to the side. "Yeah," Jared snorts, "Yeah, I see it."
It feels good to see Jared laughing again and as soon as he's by himself that night, Jensen's going to pat himself on the back for being such an awesome best friend. Just as Jensen's about to suggest that they move on, Jared's stomach decides to rumble so loudly that it's impossible for Jensen to overhear. He bursts out laughing at which Jared turns crimson red, hand moving to his belly as if that would stop it making any more sounds.
Once Jensen's done snickering at Jared - Jensen's made a fool of himself a few times those last few days so he thinks that it's his goddamn right to laugh at Jared now that Jared's apparently better - he says, "Looks like you could eat again."
Jared grins broadly and says, "Dude, you know me! When can't I eat?"
"Good point," Jensen admits. "What d'you say, should we try and find a restaurant?"
Jensen's happy that apparently not only is Jared's light mood back, but also his appetite. As he was packing Jared's bag together with Mrs. Padalecki, she told him how worried she was about Jared because he barely ate or slept and that this wasn't how her baby usually was. He makes a mental note to tease Jared some other day about the fact that his Momma called him her baby in front of his best friend.
When Jensen looks at his watch, he sees that it's already past his usual dinnertime. They follow Ponte Sisto until they finally reach the other Tiber bank. Last night, the hotel lady had advised them to go to Trastevere and grab a bite there but after getting lost, they never made it. Apparently, Trastevere is still charmingly Roman, with its clotheslines from house to house, with a flair from the 50s or 60s and full of traditional, not-yet-so-much touristy restaurants. Jensen has planned this part of town for another day because there are also a few sights to see, but right now his only focus is on finding a place to eat.
They walk around for a little bit and eventually settle for a small restaurant with an ancient basement-like décor. It's still warm outside, despite the late hour but unfortunately there are no tables outside, so all they can do is go inside. The restaurant is cool but not chilly and that's fine for Jensen. A round woman leads them to a table and hands them menus.
"God," Jared groans, "My feet are killing me."
Jensen releases a sigh because he's just had the same thought as he finally sat down. "You do realize that today was only the small tour, Bigfoot, right?" Jensen teases.
Jared gives him a look that is something between shocked and amused, a look that Jensen finds pretty adorable. They study the menu in silence for a bit and Jensen has a hard time deciding what he wants. Everything sounds delicious and foreign at once. Of course, there are plenty of Italian restaurants in America where you can eat Italian cuisine, but still, there are things that sound quite exotic to Jensen. Supplì alla romana, stracciatella alla romana, fiori di zucca and saltimbocca alla romana, all sounding rather strange to his ears. Jensen's grateful for the translations on the menu that tell him he'd either be ordering fried rice balls, a soup with Parmesan flakes, fried zucchini flowers or veal in sage.
In the end, he goes for pizza. Jared and he decide to share a bottle of red wine. Once both their glasses are full, Jared lifts his for what looks like a toast. Jensen reaches for his own glass as Jared says, "To this fantastic trip. And to you, the best friend I could ever wish for."
Jensen's cheeks burn because of Jared's little speech. He's a bit embarrassed because he doesn't know what to say. Jared simply smiles at him, that god honest puppy dog smile he has perfected over the years. Jensen cracks a grin himself as he says, "And to you, the biggest girl on earth."
Jared bursts out laughing as Jensen clinks their glasses together. They enjoy their meal, only interrupted by the occasional "Hm, this is so good," and ordering more wine. In fact, Jensen's already a little tipsy. Not that he'd ever admit being tipsy to Jared, but yeah, there you go, he is. He hasn't drunk wine in a good while and Jensen's problem with wine is that he tends to drink it like beer, all the while forgetting about the higher percentage of alcohol.
Jared's just as tipsy though, his drawl a lot stronger already. He's currently telling a story about his time in high school and he's gesticulating so wildly with his arms that he nearly knocks the waitress over. Nothing happens, thank God, but for Jensen it's a sign that maybe they should go back to the hotel. His head is definitely spinning already; it was not a good idea to order that last bottle of wine.
Thankfully, it doesn't take much to convince Jared to leave and within minutes they pay their bill and stand outside to call a cab. They're relatively lucky and don't end up having to wait too long.
Jensen climbs inside the taxi quickly, Jared following suit. Once they tell the driver where they need to go, Jensen realizes just how close Jared is sitting next to him. One of Jared's big hands falls onto Jensen's thigh, squeezing it a little. Jared's hand has been on Jensen's thighs more times than Jensen can count, but still, something about this touch feels different.
There's a different heat to it, a different pressure, a different something that Jensen can't define yet. He gulps as he immediately grows half-hard, the touch and the alcohol in his system doing their job. If it weren't physically impossible, Jensen'd say that Jared just slid even closer.
Jensen's about to panic because the last thing Jared needs to see is that Jensen's getting hard because of his touch. Just as he wants to say something, the hand on his thigh is moving another bit up his leg and to the inside. At first, Jensen thinks he must be dreaming or hallucinating. So when he looks at Jared and sees that his pupils are wide and that there's lust in them, he doesn't trust his eyes. Jared licks his lips as his hand moves another inch up Jensen's thigh. Jensen writhes a little in his seat, torn between scooting away and pressing closer.
When the driver tells them that they're there, Jensen immediately goes rigid. Jared gives him a wink as he gets out of the cab, leaving it to Jensen to pay the bill. Staggering over the Piazza della Rotonda toward their hotel, Jensen thinks he just felt, or imagined, a ghosting touch on his ass.
When he glares at Jared, Jared only grins goofily, confirming what Jensen thought. There definitely was ass groping involved. He chooses not to say anything about it as they make their way into the hotel, through the lobby and up the narrow staircase. Halfway up the stairs, Jared almost tumbles backwards, nearly breaking his neck and crushing Jensen underneath him, but Jensen manages to steady him with both hands from behind. Jensen reminds himself again that they shouldn't underestimate wine again. Ever.
Finally, they come to a stand in front of their rooms. Jared's face is flushed; his cheeks pink and his eyes have this predatory look that makes Jensen incredibly uncomfortable. He's never seen this side of Jared, of his straight best friend Jared. This is so surreal.
Just as Jensen wants to ask whether Jared needs help with the keys (even though he doubts he'd be any better with fiddling with them because he's just as drunk as Jared), Jared slams him into the wall and presses his mouth to Jensen's. Jensen's so shocked at first that he can't do anything.
Jared's tongue moves against Jensen's lips, demanding entrance and when Jensen opens up, it immediately seeks out his own tongue. The kiss is sloppy with way too much spit and it's pretty uncoordinated and you know, it's actually not very good, but who is Jensen to complain?
And then realization hits him like an eighteen-wheeler. Jared is kissing him. His straight best friend Jared. And even though Jensen wants Jared, he doesn't want him like this, drunk and not able to even remember the next morning. Just as Jensen's about to shove Jared away, Jared takes a step back all by himself.
Jared's lips are puffy and slick with spit, their spit, there's drool all over, but fuck, it's still sexy as hell. Jensen's once again reminded how much he's turned on, how hard he is, how hard Jared makes him.
"Come to my room with me?" Jared then drawls. "I don't wanna be alone tonight."
Jensen can hear the lust in Jared's voice, can see it so clearly written all over Jared's face. He's tempted to just go with Jared and take what he has been longing for for so long, but there's something that's just not right about what Jared said. I don't want to be alone, he said, not I want to be with you. It's not about wanting Jensen like Jensen wants him, it's about having no one else to do the job. Finishing the thought, Jensen's throat tightens and it takes a little while until he finds his voice to speak, all while Jared looks at him expectantly.
Finally, Jensen says, "Jay, I don't think this is a good idea. Look, we're both wasted. We're just-"
Jensen doesn't go on. We're just going to regret this come morning is not quite what he wants to say. He knows he won't regret anything.
"Yeah," Jared says, rubbing a hand over his mouth.
When he takes a step back, no longer crowding Jensen against the wall, Jensen ducks out from underneath him and goes to his own door. He turns to Jared one last time before he enters the room and says, "Goodnight, Jared."
"Night," he hears from the other side of the door after he closes it.
***
The room doesn't stop spinning once Jensen lies down in his bed. He tries to go to sleep but it's impossible with the roller coaster ride of emotions he's going through. Jared just kissed him. Jared just hit on him. Hard. And Jensen said no.
Of course, he knows that he should be proud of himself because even though he wants Jared, has wanted him for months now, he doesn't want it to be a drunken fumbling that they'll both regret the next morning, if they even can remember it properly. But there's this nagging voice in the back of his head that makes him have second thoughts. Jared wants him and maybe this is the only chance he'll ever get. Shouldn't he use it? It's not that he was forcing himself on Jared but Jared made a move on him. Shouldn't he give Jared that little bit of comfort that he craves even if it's just a one-time thing?
Jensen's out of bed in no time. Once he stands in front of Jared's door, he's ready to turn around and go back to his own bed, but somehow he doesn't chicken out this time. He knocks lightly and when he doesn't hear Jared answer, he pushes the handle down. He's a little surprised to find the door unlocked, almost as if Jared was expecting him to come back.
"Jay?" he asks quietly. Maybe Jared's already asleep and he missed his chance.
Jensen wants to turn around and go back to his own room as the comforter of Jared's bed is peeled back for Jensen to slip underneath. Jared didn't bother close the blinds so the pale moonlight illuminates the room enough for Jensen to find his way around without tripping over things. The light is only weak, but once Jensen lies down next to Jared, it's enough to see Jared's face and that he's smiling.
They don't speak for a moment and then Jared says, "Glad you're here."
Jensen doesn't know how to answer that, doesn't want to give Jared enough time to change his mind again, so he simply scoots a little closer to Jared and captures his lips in a tentative kiss. Their mouths fit together perfectly, Jared's lips warm and soft and wet against Jensen's. The image of how swollen and red Jared's lips were earlier comes back to Jensen's mind and his cock immediately twitches again in excitement.
They just lay there, kissing for a while. This kiss is better than the last one, there's less spit but more coordination as they learn each other's mouth. Jensen runs his tongue against Jared's lips, against his teeth and the roof of his mouth. He explores Jared's tongue with his own as they writhe and rub.
"God, want you," Jared groans. His hands move to Jensen's shoulders and seconds later he rolls Jensen onto his back and settles on top of him. Jensen sucks in a breath as Jared's erection brushes against his own. It's a good feeling, knowing that this is making Jared just as hot as him. And there's no denying that the heat and delicate pressure against his groin turn him on even more.
Jensen's more than happy to let Jared lead the way, to let him take what he wants and do this at his own pace. The way Jared's hands move over Jensen's body, firm and secure, definitely knowing what they're looking for makes Jensen wonder whether this is really the first time Jared's been with a guy. Maybe… maybe Jared is not as straight as Jensen thinks he is.
Jared's lips move from Jensen's mouth over his chin to his throat, down to his chest and belly. Jared kisses, licks and bites, sucking Jensen's flesh into his mouth, a sensation that nearly drives Jensen crazy. When he reaches the waistband of Jensen's boxers, Jared hesitates before he moves back up and kisses Jensen on the lips again.
They don't speak, just kiss and touch. Jensen runs his hands over Jared's naked back, feels how Jared's hard muscles flex underneath his touch. The room's spinning and Jensen knows that this time the alcohol is only partly to blame. He's feeling ecstatic because of Jared touching and kissing him. Finally. Only now does he realize how badly he's been craving this.
Jensen's so turned on by Jared moaning and panting above him that he fears his cock is to explode any minute if he doesn't do something. Jared's making these sexy sounds, his breath damp against Jensen's throat as he humps him, rubbing his erection against Jensen's thigh. When Jensen slides his hands down Jared's back, further and further down, and finally slips them underneath Jared's boxers, Jared groans loudly.
"Jared," Jensen whimpers as Jared presses his hips even harder into Jensen.
They're quick to slide down their boxers, their cocks finally springing free. Once their hard and hot dicks touch for the first time, trapped between their bellies, Jensen sees stars sparkling in front of his eyes. They're both leaking pre-come already, smearing wetly against their skins. The room's too dark to see much but bright enough for Jensen to see all he needs. He doesn't really make an effort to look down at their erections, way too fascinated by the ecstasy on Jared's face. His eyes are squeezed shut, his mouth the perfect shape of an O.
Jensen's hand moves between them, reaching for Jared's cock, drawing another loud groan from Jared. Jared's erection is hard and heavy in Jensen's palm as he closes his fingers around it. At first, he's only stroking lightly, getting used to the feeling of Jared in his hand. He's a little nervous, he can't deny that, but he's so aroused that he doesn't give it a second thought.
With his thumb, Jensen collects pre-come from the head of Jared's cock and spreads it along the thick, hot shaft. Jared continues groaning as he starts thrusting into Jensen's tight fist.
"Yeah, come on," Jensen encourages, squeezing Jared's dick a little each time he reaches the tip.
"Fuck, God, fuck, fuck, fuck," Jared pants loudly against Jensen's throat.
Jared's cock is twitching in his hand and the way Jared's moans become yet louder, tells Jensen that it's not going to take long for Jared to come anymore. And indeed, a few more good strokes and Jared's come splashes wetly onto their bellies. Jared cries out as he trips over the metaphorical edge, his whole body spasming.
"Wow," Jared pants as he slowly comes down from his orgasm. Jensen continues stroking Jared's still twitching cock for a little bit, when Jared says, "Hey, let me lend you a hand there."
He smiles at Jensen as his hand circles around Jensen's painfully hard dick. His strokes are a little too soft and a little too slow for Jensen's liking though. He desperately needs to get off, his cock probably already purple by now.
"Just a little harder, Jay," Jensen groans as his hand falls on top of Jared's, showing him how he wants to be touched, needs to be touched.
"Okay, okay," Jared breathes against the corner for Jensen's mouth.
Once Jared's got the right amount of pressure, it only takes a few firm strokes until Jensen feels his balls draw close and the tingling sensation in the pit of his stomach that tells him he's close. With a soft cry, he comes all over Jared and himself. Jared soothes him through the orgasm until Jensen's coming down from the ecstasy he just felt. The orgasm itself maybe wasn't his most intense ever, no, definitely not, but there's Jared and that makes up for everything.
"Hey," Jared says softly, tearing Jensen out of his thoughts. "You okay?"
Despite the low light, Jensen can see the look of insecurity on Jared's face, the unease that hushes across it. He nods at Jared, smiles and then lifts his head until their lips connect for a soft kiss.
"Better than okay," Jensen admits. "You?"
Jared simply grins at him and that's all the answer Jensen needs. There's tension building between them because Jensen doesn't know what Jared wants now. Does he want Jensen to leave? Does he want Jensen to stay? Is he going to regret this as soon as he's coming down?
Jensen's about to say something when Jared nuzzles his face in the crook of his neck and laughs, "Stop thinking. It's disturbing."
"Right," Jensen says, joining Jared's laughter. Jared pulls him close and Jensen concludes that his burning questions can wait for another while. He's starting to feel pretty disgusting with the cool, sticky come between them. When he orders Jared playfully to roll over so that they can get cleaned up, Jared does as he's told.
On his way to the en suite bathroom, Jensen has the impression that he is being watched. Turning around, he catches Jared staring at his naked butt. Suddenly, Jensen feels incredibly self-conscious and even a little embarrassed.
"Pervert," he laughs softly to lighten the atmosphere. Jared joins in but doesn't say anything.
Jensen's quick to retrieve a warm washcloth and after he cleaned himself, he goes back into the room to clean up Jared. When Jensen runs the cloth over Jared's chest, he sees from underneath his eyelashes that Jared is giving him another leer smile. Jensen's glad for the dimness of the room and that Jared can't see him blushing. Jensen must be blushing.
So what now? It's the old question, should I stay or should I go? Jensen doesn't know what to do. This is turning a little awkward because Jensen just had sex with his best friend that he's been crushing on hard for months now, thanks very much. He never thought he'd ever get this far and that's why he never thought about what he'd do after they'd be done with the sex part. Jensen's more the rational thinking kind of person. He likes to think things through and make plans. He's a little lost right now.
Before he even can get up to leave, he totally wants to, or rather he thinks he should, Jared reaches for his wrist and pulls slightly. "C'mere," he whispers as he once more opens the covers for Jensen to slip underneath.
"You serious about this?" Jensen asks, just to be sure.
But when Jared grins broadly and says, "Yeah, come on before I change my mind," Jensen lays down next to Jared without any further questions.
It's weird at first to share a bed with Jared. It's been a long time since Jensen shared a bed with anyone and he's never shared it with someone like Jared who practically drapes himself all over Jensen like a second, human blanket. It takes a while until the room stops spinning and Jensen manages to fall asleep, but when he finally does, it's the best sleep he's gotten in a while.
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