Vacanze Romane - NC-17 - Jensen/Jared - part 5
Vacanze Romane - NC-17 - Jensen/Jared - part 5
The trip back home is weird, if weird is even strong enough a word to describe this. They barely talk, they try to avoid every touch and there has definitely shifted something between them for the worse that Jensen can't quite put his finger on.
He's one hundred percent certain that Jared's having second thoughts. He's certain that Jared hates him for what he did and for not stopping Jared back when Jared approached him that drunken night. Jensen might even hate himself for that because now, it's as if he tasted the forbidden fruit, tasted the temptation that is Jared Padalecki and he's never going to taste it again. If his longing has become one thing, then it's stronger and more painful.
Jensen's glad when they're finally in Vancouver and they finally can separate. They part with the promise to call each other, both knowing perfectly fine that they won't. Back at his apartment, Jensen is relieved that they've got another three days until filming starts, three days during which he can ignore Jared and can try to get rid of his feelings for him.
Of course, it doesn't work.
Instead, Jensen spends the three days being miserable. Fucking miserable. He doesn't have the energy to shave or shower. He doesn't have the energy to go out and buy food, living off the last frozen things he finds in his freezer when hunger is finally unbearable. He doesn't have the energy to call anybody or even listen to the messages on his answering machine. Hell, he doesn't even have the energy to get out of bed.
If the whole situation weren't so fucked up, he'd laugh at his own. But fact is, Jensen is not feeling very well at the moment and even though he's not particularly crying, laughing is definitely the last thing on his mind.
This is typical for Jensen and his history of relationships somehow. He never opens up to anyone, so yeah, maybe he's a guy with issues. But once the big fall-out happens, at least it doesn't sting as much. He's an idiot for letting Jared look so deep into his soul, he's an idiot for believing that it would be different with Jared, even though Jared clearly stated that he only wanted to be friends with benefits. Jensen's definitely an idiot for believing that Jared would change his mind once he got a taste of what Jensen could give to him.
He can't stand Jared close because it hurts him to see Jared and not have him but on the other hand, his apartment feels so empty and all he wants is to curl up with Jared and kiss him slow, sweet and sensual. But it doesn't look as if any of this will happen any time soon.
***
The three days pass way too quickly and the day Jensen has been dreading so badly is suddenly there, leaving him unprepared. They're supposed to be back at set. Jensen doesn't know where he takes the energy from, but somehow he manages to heave his sorry ass out of bed and get ready to be picked up.
When the van stops in front of his apartment, Jensen's guts clench. Inside the car he can make out Jared's tall frame and it takes a lot from Jensen not to simply bolt and run.
He walks outside and then the moment he was so scared of is there. His first confrontation with Jared after the trip is happening here and now. Jared doesn't say anything, hell, he doesn't even look properly at Jensen as he lowers his gaze, only nodding briefly. It makes Jensen feel cheap somehow, worthless.
They're not talking to each other in the car, not even looking at each other as both try to be polite and to keep up the conversation with Brandon, their driver, who tells him everything about his fantastic vacation on the beach with his wife and kids.
Jensen doesn't really want to hear it, doesn't want to know about other people's happiness when he's so miserable himself, when what he'd need to be happy is sitting right next to him. But in the end, he's not that much of an asshole to take it out on Brandon.
The morning at set is tense and Jared and Jensen keep avoiding each other. They don't hang out in each other's trailers during breaks like they normally would, they don't even sit next to each other between the various takes.
Eric pulls Jensen aside at some point to ask him what's wrong between the two of them, apparently sensing that something's off. But Jensen only shrugs and says they'll probably just have to get used to each other again after such a long hiatus apart. He sees that Eric doesn't buy a single word of what he just said but Erid chooses not to inquire further. He simply lets Jensen walk off as he goes over to Jared, probably hoping that Jared will tell him what's up.
The day doesn't seem to pass and by the time Jensen finally can go home, he's emotionally exhausted. Back at his apartment, the door closed behind him, he lets himself fall onto the white sofa in his living room. He wants to go to bed but he knows that he won't be able to sleep anyway.
Suspiciously, he eyes the game console underneath the TV set and he's already getting up to call Jared and invite him over for pizza and a round of Madden or Need for Speed, only to be painfully reminded that Jared and he are not particularly speaking at the moment. All that's left for Jensen is to curl up on the couch with a pillow, feeling damn lonely.
***
The days pass and things don't change. He and Jared do start talking to each other but only if they have to. They never talk about anything personal anymore, when this used to be all they talked about in the past, no, these days, it's all business.
The tone is polite, but not overly friendly, professional, not as cheery as it used to be. They never share a laugh anymore. By now, Jensen's been asked by at least five different people whether everything is all right between him and Jared and each time he insists that it is. The make-up girls ask him a few times whether he's sleeping enough because his skin is all gray and flawed, but when Jensen snaps that it's none of their business, they don't press the matter any further.
Jensen sometimes doesn't recognize himself anymore. He's snappy, he doesn't get enough sleep these days, he doesn't feel like eating and he's constantly on edge. He doesn't like himself much at the moment, all just because he's unhappily in love and he fucked up one of the most important things in his life: his friendship with Jared.
Jensen's back home, moping as the telephone rings and just like the last few days, he doesn't feel the least like picking up. He's been pretty much out of touch with everyone since he came back, the dread of people asking him how his trip was and only being reminded with brutal force what a wonderful time he had with Jared while it lasted is something he can live without.
So, instead of picking up, Jensen lets his answering machine do it. It's Tom. Again. Tom's called already a few times and it's kinda sweet how he's not giving up. What he has to say is the same thing he did the last few days: he threatens to break into Jensen's house if Jensen doesn't finally talk to him.
And you know, maybe it's not a bad idea to finally speak to someone, to let the frustration out and maybe Jensen will feel better about himself afterward. That's why he dives for the phone and picks up just as Tom says he's going to hang up now.
"Tom?" Jensen says into the receiver.
"Jensen?" Tom sounds surprised, probably not expecting him to pick up. Ever. "Man, I've been fucking worried about you."
It just sounds like that. Something inside Jensen stings as he realizes how much of an asshole he has been. There are people around him who care about him, who depend on him and all Jensen did was being a mopey asshole.
After that, Jensen can't stop the words as he pours his heart out to Tom. He tells him about everything that happened in Italy, he tells him that he's had a crush on Jared ever since the moment he first shook Jared's gigantic hand and he tells him about the rejection he felt as soon as they returned to Canada.
There are a few tears pooling in the corners of Jensen's eyes and he wishes he wasn't alone right now, but on the other hand, he can't overcome his pride and admit that to anyone. Tom listens to everything Jensen has to say and it feels damn good to just talk to someone about it and let it all out.
Once they hang up, Jensen is relieved somehow, feels a lightness he hasn't felt in days. He's still upset and he's still hurt. And most of all, he's still in love with Jared, but at least, everything seems a little more bearable now.
He agrees to meet Tom for a beer the next evening, just the two of them. Jensen's reluctant at first. It takes Tom a good hour to convince Jensen to go out with him, but in the end, Jensen gives in. He doesn't feel like it, he doesn't feel like going out and pretending to be okay, but he knows that one more day alone in his apartment and he's going to go nuts.
***
The evening is exactly like Jensen knew it would be. By the time it's time to leave, Jensen loses all enthusiasm to not spend the evening on the sofa all by himself, mopey, sad and upset with a bottle of beer in his hand, or tequila if he still can find some. But then, there's another thing that goes exactly like Jensen knew it would be: about 30 minutes into meeting Tom, Tom texts him and threatens him in case Jensen decides not to show up at the bar they set up as a meeting point. And if Jensen doesn't show up, Tom will drive over to his and kick his ass out of the door personally. In moments like these, you better take Tom Welling for his word.
So Jensen gets ready, even though he doesn't feel like it. He wears a pair of comfy jeans and an old shirt, not bothering to dress up.
Somehow, Jensen doesn't have a good feeling about all this as he drives over to the bar. Something feels off to him but Jensen ignores the nagging voice in the back of his mind because everything seems off to him ever since Jared no longer plays the important role in his life like he used to. And damn, Jensen really did not want to think about Jared right now.
Jensen's nervous as he enters the bar. His palms are sweating and he tells himself that this is ridiculous. It's only Tom.
He should have known better.
When he enters the bar, there is no Tom. Sitting in the booth where they always sit when they meet up with Tom and Mike, their booth, so to speak, is… Jared. And all of a sudden, Jensen's not the least surprised. It all makes sense that Tom would try so hard to talk him into meeting up and make sure that Jensen's really coming.
He's got the feeling he's been set up.
His stomach jumps when he sees Jared, waiting and still oblivious to having been fooled. Jensen wonders whether Jared is waiting for Tom or for Mike. Not that it makes a big difference.
He's just turning around to leave, he's clearly not ready to deal with Jared right now, when Jared spots him. Jensen can see it from the frown on Jared's face. When Jared's frown turns into an expression of irritation, Jensen realizes that Jared just understood what all of this is about and how he's been played.
So yeah, Jensen could turn around and go, but that would mean being an asshole again and probably only result in Jared never talking to him again. He might be upset and he might be hurt because of Jared rejecting him, but that doesn't equal wanting to fuck up things further and smashing every little chance that's left that they might at least be able to save their friendship.
That leaves Jensen only one option so he slowly walks over to where Jared is sitting. Jared shifts uncomfortably in his seat and it confirms what Jensen has been thinking, Jared wasn't expecting him at all.
Just as Jensen's taking a seat opposite of Jared, his cell buzzes. He fishes it out of his pocket and is not surprised to find a text message from Tom. Reading it, Jensen has to smile to himself, despite the situation.
Ackles, fix this you idiot! - Tom
They sit opposite of each other in silence for a few moments. You wouldn't believe that Jared Padalecki is usually the kind of guy that never shuts up, especially not now, as he's sitting there, not saying anything. There's tension between them, an unknown feeling that's never been there before and that Jensen doesn't know how to handle.
It shouldn't be so hard. Jared and he have been friends for years and it has always been so easy to talk to each other. But now, Jensen's just as speechless as Jared.
The waitress takes their orders and as Jensen asks for a beer, he wonders whether this is going to be strong enough. Jared starts picking at his paper napkin, his eyes cast downward on the table.
Once the beers are set down in front of them and the waitress is out of earshot, Jensen decides they finally should get over this. It was stupid not to talk to Jared about this sooner, unnecessarily torturing himself. It's time to come clean with Jared.
"Who are you waiting for?" Jensen says to break the ice.
Jared looks up briefly and gives him a weak smile. "Mike. You?"
"Tom," Jensen admits. "Looks like we're here on a mission to solve something."
He's stating the obvious of course, but that doesn't stop Jared from flinching and looking miserable again. Jensen wishes he'd have dressed a little better because this is going to be tough and Jensen's the kind of guy that believes what you wear has a positive influence on how you feel about yourself and how others perceive you. So, not selecting old, worn-out clothes would maybe have given him a little more confidence.
They fall into another silence and from underneath his lashes, Jensen sees that Jared is watching him with curious, expecting eyes. Sometimes, the guy's like an open book. Jared once more removes imaginary dirt from his underneath his fingernails, giving away that he's clearly nervous and uncomfortable. The tension that Jensen just tried to break threatens to come back and he quickly needs to say something if he ever wants to get over this.
Briefly, Jensen wonders whether he should take Jared back to his apartment and whether a bar might not be a suitable place to talk about their past sex life with Jared, but then there's a reason why they love this bar so much. Even though it's a public place, it's beautifully private and no one pays them any attention as they're sitting at their little booth. And no one will pay them any attention unless they raise their voices, something Jensen doesn't intend to do. Besides, a bar is a neutral place. Who knows whether Jared would even agree to come with him?
All right. So let's get over with this.
Jensen takes another deep breath before he says quietly, "I'm sorry for being such a jackass."
He sees that Jared opens his mouth to say something but Jensen needs to get this off his chest. He needs to have his say before Jared can make any accusations and before this leads to the fight Jensen fears is coming along.
"Jared, please," he pleads, "Hear me out first."
When Jared nods his agreement, Jensen exhales slowly and goes on. He's nervous and he's scared and he doesn't really know what he wants to say, but all of a sudden, the words just flow out of him.
"I- I'm sorry for taking advantage of you that night when we were drunk. I- I'm sorry for not stopping you when I should have and for not telling you to think again before you did anything. I- I'm sorry that I let it go so far."
Jensen pauses for a moment. Is he really? Is he really sorry for the great time Jared and he spent together? Is he really sorry for the awesome sex they had?
"I know you're straight but then we had this awesome time and I- I just couldn't say no to you. Oh God, I sound like a chick," Jensen laughs which earns him a faint smile from Jared - something he hasn't seen very often in the last few days.
Just like Jared agreed to, he waits until Jensen is done, even though the corners of his mouth are twitching and Jensen knows that Jared wants to say something, that he's dying to finally say something.
"But you gotta know that- that, oh God, I've had a crush on you ever since the first moment I saw your goofy smile and it's only gotten worse." Jensen doesn't even manage to keep looking at Jared. He lowers his gaze to the table as he continues speaking, scared to see anger on Jared's face.
"Then Sandy broke up with you and you needed somebody and I just couldn't let the opportunity slip away to get at least a little bit of you. And- and then things got worse and I fell in love with you and then- then I think there's actually something between us. You know, like we have a connection we- we didn't have before. As if we clicked or something and now- now we have this huge fucked up situation and I don't know what else to say but- oh God, I just want to fix this."
By the time Jensen's finished, he knows he's been rambling and he probably doesn't make much sense anymore. Jensen doesn't really want to but he knows that he'll have to face Jared eventually. It takes all of his strength to look up and when Jensen glances at Jared, Jared only stares at him for a few long, agonizing moments. His face doesn't give away anything and Jensen's palms sweat more and more with every second that passes. Yeah, so much for open book.
Jensen decides to take a long drink from his beer and maybe after he finishes that, he can order whiskey because he definitely needs one now. Somehow he feels light and relieved that it's finally out, that he finally spilled his secret but Jared still hasn't said anything yet and this is definitely not getting easier.
"Fuck," Jared says and Jensen's just as clueless as before.
He can practically hear Jared thinking, can hear how the wheels inside Jared's brain process everything he's just learned. Just as Jensen wants to suggest that maybe they should forget about everything, go into blissful denial and try to act as if nothing had happened, Jared grins. If Jensen had to be honest, he finds that grin a little scary.
And then Jared says something Jensen didn't even dare imagine to ever hear. "Sandy broke up with me because she thought I had a thing for you."
Jared grins like a child on Christmas Eve that just has been told how good it was throughout the year and that Santa has brought many, many gifts. Or he grins like he always does whenever he opens a new box of that rainbow-colored junk that he loves so much that he'd eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner if only Jensen let him.
"Huh, what?" Jensen asks.
"She broke up with me," Jared repeats, still grinning broadly, "Because she thought I had a crush on you. And you know, that's why I couldn't tell you the real reason why we were no longer together."
Jensen's stomach gives a turn, jumping violently because this can't be true. It doesn't even make sense. He must be dreaming. Any minute and this will turn out to be a horrible nightmare with the bad ending still to come. And no, he's not a pessimist, he's a realist.
Suddenly, Jared's grin fades and Jensen concludes the worst. This is where Jared comes up with the sucker punch line. However, Jared's cheeks flush and he blushes a little, lowering his gaze.
"And you know, she was right," Jared admits. Jensen opens his mouth to say something because he just doesn't trust his ears. He's pretty sure he didn't hear right. But this time, it's Jared's turn to ask Jensen to hear him out and it takes a lot from Jensen not to interrupt Jared.
"I guess those last months of our relationship, I just let it slip, you know. I didn't really try to maintain any connection with her that makes us more than friends. I always kept talking about you and how well we got along. I guess, Sandy realized it sooner than I did, but she was right. I had a crush on you," Jared admits, his face deep red now.
Had? Jensen is so not liking where this is going.
"Then you come to my place and drag me out to Italy! I just realized that I wanted to give us a go because apparently you didn't object when I had enough Dutch courage to make a move on you and I thought that just maybe we could work this out. I- I had a fantastic time with you, Jen."
And this time, Jensen just can't keep his mouth shut. Is Jared just telling him that he felt something for him? Is Jared just telling him that the feeling's not been onesided? This is so surreal. "What?" Jensen asks.
Jared looks at him again and this time there's something in his eyes that Jensen doesn't quite know how to read at first. It's a mixture of fragileness, of fear and something like hope.
"I- I guess the feeling's mutual, Jensen," Jared says.
"Why did it stop then?" Jensen blurts out.
The question is so obvious and out between them so quickly that Jensen almost has to laugh at his own eagerness to clear this mess. Wait, so he's in love with Jared, Jared feels something for him and they're not together… why? Somewhere within this stupid mess, there's a gross error in reasoning.
"I thought you didn't want this anymore," Jared defends himself. "You started to withdraw and that's why I started to withdraw too. I- I thought you only fucked me in Rome out of pity because you thought I couldn't cope with being alone. I- I guess I was scared you wouldn't want me anymore once we're back and that's why I withdrew. I- shit, man."
"You're kidding, right? I started to withdraw? Dude, you gave me the cold shoulder first!" Jensen says agitatedly, trying hard to keep his voice down. Even though the place is relatively private, he doesn't really want to shout this out.
"Does it matter?" Jared asks, totally ignoring Jensen's question.
At first, Jensen's puzzled by Jared's counter question. "What?"
This only makes Jared repeat it, "Does it matter who gave who the cold shoulder first?"
"No, guess not," Jensen admits. Jared's right. It doesn't matter who started withdrawing from the other first. The important thing is that it happened and that neither did anything to stop it.
Now that Jensen thinks about it, he really might have acted strangely around Jared because of his fear of rejection. Maybe Jared interpreted this wrong and withdrew himself until it all got out of control. And then it hits Jensen. "Wait! Are you saying that I've been miserable the last few days because of a fucking misunderstanding?"
"I guess so," Jared laughs lightly all of a sudden. The nervousness and tension fall from his shoulders as he slouches down in his seat, his whole posture relaxing. Jensen was so busy with his own state of mind that he didn't even notice how uncomfortable Jared was until now.
"This can't be true," Jensen says, joining Jared's light laughter. At least he knows that Jared wanted this too and there should be no hard feelings now. Saving their friendship should be an achievable goal after all. He's relaxing himself for a moment, only to slightly tense again. There's still one question he needs an answer to.
"So what now?" Jared asks before Jensen can come up with what he wanted to say.
"Do- do you still want me?" And there it is, the inevitable question that's still on his mind. Only because there has been a misunderstanding in the past that kept them from giving each other a chance and giving them a chance, it doesn't mean it'll have to be this way in the future, right? Only because there was something between them in the past, doesn't mean that whatever this was is still there.
Jensen's more than willing to give them another try. If his feelings for Jared have become one thing ever since they returned from Rome, it's stronger and more intense. He's longing, he's aching for Jared more than ever. And yeah, he still wants to be with Jared. If- if Jared wants, that is.
"Yes, I still do," Jared grins. There's a hint of seduction in his eyes that Jensen doesn't miss. It makes the next steps all clear.
"Right," Jensen says, as he reaches across the table to grab Jared's hand. While his own hand is hot and sweaty, Jared's is ice-cold and dry. It only takes a moment until Jared twists his fingers in Jensen's, linking their hands together and giving them a little squeeze. "I'm taking you home then!"
They leave for Jensen's apartment, each in their own car. As Jensen drives down to the underground parking lot, the anticipation and excitement in his belly start to grow. He's excited and also a little nervous, but in the end, he can't wait to finally have Jared again like he's been craving for days. Naked and sprawled out against his black sheets.
Maybe having sex with Jared now is not the best way to solve this mess and yeah, maybe they should talk about this new turn in their relationship first and come clean with each other in terms of what each of them expects from this, but it's not what Jensen needs the most right now. He needs to feel Jared; he needs to bond with Jared. They still can talk once they've communicated in that other way.
Thank God, it doesn't take long for that to happen.
The minute Jared enters the apartment, Jensen slams him against the door and claims his mouth in a fierce kiss. Jared tastes just as sweet as last time and Jensen doesn't ever want to stop running his tongue over Jared's bottom lip, over the back of his teeth and the roof of his mouth. Jared lets Jensen control the kiss for a moment until he sweeps out his tongue and pushes it into Jensen's mouth.
There's nothing soft and tender about the kiss, there's no time for doing this slow and easy as raw passion and need take over. They shed as many clothes as possible as they walk to Jensen's bedroom. More than one button falls prey to their eagerness to be naked, but they don't really mind at all.
"God," Jensen moans as he bites down at Jared's throat. "Want you so bad."
Jared doesn't answer and only thrusts his hips against Jensen's, the firm outline of his erection the best indicator what Jared wants right now, needs right now. By the time, they finally reach the bedroom - since when is Jensen's apartment that huge? - they're down to their boxers and socks.
There's a soft thud as Jensen pushes Jared down on the bed. Jared smiles at him seductively and for a moment, Jensen simply enjoys the view of Jared, almost naked, on his bed.
Jared bites his lip as he runs a hand over his own torso. He scrapes his nails lightly over his chest, playing with his nipples before he moves further down to the waistband of his boxer briefs.
"Hmm, 'm imagining it's you touching me," Jared hums softly, closing his eyes. His second hand joins the first, slowly sliding over his skin. Jensen continues watching for a moment as Jared strokes himself, one of his hands slipping underneath the material of his underwear. Jared moans as he moves his fist up and down his erection and finally, Jensen can't hold back anymore, he has to touch Jared.
After lying down on the bed, next to Jared, Jensen presses his lips to Jared's again. Their tongues immediately find the other as they slip and slide over the other. Jared's mouth is sinfully hot and wet and Jensen's reminded why he liked kissing Jared so much in the first place. Jared kisses him like he does everything in life. He pours all of his soul into it, does it with a passion that Jensen finds admirable, just as much as it turns him on.
Jensen's hands dance over Jared's smooth chest, scratching his nipples lightly and stroking over Jared's strong abs. He pauses only for a second, never breaking the kiss, before he pushes Jared's boxers down, finally freeing Jared's erection.
Jensen's hand joins Jared's, running up and down his hard cock. When Jared squirms and writhes, his moans swallowed by Jensen's mouth, Jensen suddenly needs more. His lips move from Jared's mouth to his jaw, along his throat and over his chest. Jensen takes great pleasure in sucking Jared's skin into his mouth, biting and nibbling and licking. He's aware that Jared will have a few love bites the next morning but the thought doesn't disturb him the least. Far from it, there's a strong feeling of possession, of wanting to mark Jared and show everyone that Jared is finally his.
Jensen suckles at Jared's nipples and then over his stomach until he reaches what he's been dying for like a thirsty man in the desert, the head of Jared's cock. It's already leaking pre-come, smearing against Jensen's skin as Jensen trails kisses along Jared's body. Jensen shuts his eyes as he closes his mouth around Jared's hot dick, engulfing him in the warm wetness of his mouth. Jared releases a long, loud moan as his hips almost automatically thrust up, trying to shove his cock deeper inside.
Jensen's more than happy to open up a little wider, allowing Jared's erection to slide further in. At first, he's only sucking lightly around the head, while his hand strokes up and down the shaft. With his tongue, he teases the little bundle of nerves directly below the crown at the underside, where he knows Jared is the most sensitive.
He takes great pleasure in making obscene slurping sounds while he tries to swallow as much spit and pre-come as possible. Jared's groans become more and more desperate each time Jensen scrapes his teeth over his cock and when Jensen pulls off, there's a sound that's dangerously close to a whine.
But when Jensen kisses along Jared's cock, closer and closer to the base and finally sucks Jared's balls into his mouth, first one, then the other, Jared releases a hoarse scream. It makes Jensen ridiculously proud that he can do that to Jared, that he can draw all those noises and whimpers and moans from Jared.
"C'mon, fuck my mouth, Jay," Jensen moans, before he wraps his lips around Jared's cock once more.
He knows that Jared wants to and right now, Jensen can't think of anything hotter than Jared thrusting into him again and again. Turns out that Jared's more than happy to oblige and as his arousal grows, his thrusts become more and more forceful. It's hard for Jensen not to hump the mattress when he needs to get off so desperately, but he's got something else planned and he doesn't want to come yet.
When he reaches for Jared's balls, rolling and massaging them in his hands, it takes Jared only a few more thrusts until he's coming down Jensen's throat, hot and bitter. Jensen tries to swallow as much as he can, but in the end, he misses a little bit, sticky come running down his jaw. Jared looks truly fucked out and for a few moments, he doesn't move, barely even breathes.
"Fuck yeah," Jared pants before he pulls Jensen up for a fierce kiss. He grins lazily before he licks the fine line of spilled come from Jensen's jaw and lips. That alone nearly makes Jensen shoot his load.
"What d'you need, Jen?" Jared asks, his hand landing on Jensen's hard-on, slowly stroking up and down.
Jensen groans. He closes his eyes and simply lets himself enjoy the sensation of Jared's big hand taking care of him for a while before he says, "I- I want to fuck you."
Jared smiles at him, kissing him heatedly again. When he whispers into Jensen's ear that Jensen can have him any way he wants to, only to ask him immediately after that how Jensen wants him, Jensen nearly comes. Jared looks way too smug for Jensen's liking and somehow Jensen's got the impression that Jared will be a handful to handle in the future. Right now though, he doesn't mind much as he asks Jared to turn over, chest to the mattress, ass in the air.
Jensen's got plans.
Licking his lips, he slowly parts Jared's asscheeks, running a teasing finger from Jared's tailbone down to his balls. Jared moans and just as he's becoming a little bossy, whining for Jensen to fucking do something, Jensen bends forward and lets his tongue follow the movement of his finger.
Jared groans again as Jensen's tongue teases him, first circling his entrance, running around the rim and then slowly pushing inside, only the very tip. The musky taste of Jared explodes on Jensen's tongue, sending a jolt directly to Jensen's cock. He takes great pleasure in teasing Jared, running his tongue over Jared's entrance, never pushing in far enough according to Jared's incoherent ramblings.
It doesn't take very long until Jared's reduced to nothing but whimpering, his mind apparently no longer able to produce any clear thoughts. Jensen continues what he's doing, every once in a while softly biting at Jared's buttocks until he goes back to licking and lapping at Jared's most intimate place.
Once more, it takes a lot of self-restraint from Jensen to not simply rub against the mattress or to run a hand over his own erection. He's sure it wouldn't take him more than a few strokes to get off. It turns him on so ridiculously much to see and feel Jared fall apart underneath his mouth, that he can drive Jared so crazy.
Jared's already hard again and underneath his lips and tongue, Jensen notices how he's relaxing more and more. For a brief moment, Jensen draws himself away from Jared only to suck two of his fingers into his mouth, getting them nice and slick. When he's back to rimming Jared, he pushes those two fingers into Jared, wriggling them in next to his tongue.
"Please, Jen, please, please," Jared whimpers and Jensen knows exactly what he wants, what he needs. He twists his fingers one last time, scissoring them again before he pulls them out of Jared to get lube and a condom.
"Hurry, Jen," Jared commands and if Jensen weren't so desperate himself, he'd laugh at Jared's eagerness to be fucked.
Once he's rolled the condom down on his hard dick and slicked Jared and himself up, Jensen positions himself behind Jared. Teasingly slow, he thrusts in, as deep as his cock will go from this angle. Jared groans low and guttural again while Jensen gives him a moment to adjust.
"You okay?" Jensen asks as he runs a soothing hand over Jared's sweaty back.
"Fuck yeah," Jared moans, indicating Jensen to move with a push back on his cock.
Jensen's doing Jared slowly, more because he wants to tease him and because he wants them to last longer, not because he thinks Jared couldn't handle it. But the tight heat of Jared around his cock is making it harder with each stroke for Jensen to draw this out. Soon enough, the thrusts become more urgent, more passionate.
Jensen can tell exactly whenever he gets the angle right and manages to hit Jared's prostate. It's those thrusts when Jared's whole body shakes, accompanied by a desperate cry.
Heat starts spreading in the pit of Jensen's stomach, that fuzzy feeling that soon will unfurl through his whole body to tickle each and every one of his nerves. It's only a matter of a few more thrusts until Jensens's coming, that he can tell for sure. His balls are already drawn close to his body, the heat in his groin the hottest now.
"Jay, god. Fuck. Gonna- gonna," Jensen pants wetly as one of his arms wraps around Jared's waist to pull him up. Jared's half upright now, kneeling on the bed, hands on the headboard while Jensen's pushing fiercely into him from behind. The hand that's not wrapped around Jared's waist is stroking up and down Jared's leaking cock, bringing him closer and closer to release with each flicker of his wrist.
And then, orgasm washes over Jensen, spreading from his lower regions all over his body. He keeps thrusting into Jared while his hand keeps working Jared's cock, intent on drawing another climax from Jared.
"Come on now, come for me," Jensen whispers into Jared's ear and then Jared quivers and spills over Jensen's hand.
"Fuck," Jared cries out as he comes, collapsing forward until his forehead rests on his outstretched arms, still clutching the headboard. Jensen lets himself fall forward too, until his chest is fully touching Jared's back. He's not ready to pull out of Jared, the tightness still so blissfully hot around his dick that he doesn't want to give it up yet. He also continues stroking up and down Jared's sensitive cock, the erection slowly diminishing. Jared whimpers at the stimulation, still slightly quivering around Jensen and only now beginning to catch his breath.
Eventually, Jensen pulls out and off though, falling onto the bed. He removes the condom and tosses it somewhere into the bedroom without even looking where when the bed dips next to him. He didn't even notice Jared getting up, but now there's Jared with a warm washcloth, thoroughly cleaning him up. After he dumps it onto the nightstand, Jared lies down next to Jensen, almost immediately draping himself all over him. Not that Jensen minds.
They don't speak for a while and simply enjoy the sensation of good, satisfying sex. Jared traces invisible patterns over Jensen's skin, a gesture that Jensen's been aching for so much during the last few days.
"I can't believe we missed out on this only because of a misunderstanding," Jensen admits, finally breaking the silence.
Jared doesn't answer straight away, but instead he kisses Jensen long and slow. "Yeah, and all because we both were too chicken to talk about it. Guess we should be glad for Tom and Mike."
Jensen considers what Jared just has said. Jared's right. If it weren't for Tom and Mike, they'd probably still avoid each other. "We totally should invite them for a beer or something."
Jared nods and then all of sudden, there's this predatory gleam in his eyes again. "But only once I've had enough sex with you to make up for the lost time that I won't have to jump you in the bathroom of the bar."
Jensen grins as he thinks about Jared and sex and doing it in all kinds of public places. If he weren't so exhausted, he'd give the little twitch his dick just made a second thought. "D'you think this is ever gonna happen?"
"Nah, fat chance," Jared then snickers.
They simply lie there, smiling at each other for a while. Jared reaches for the covers and tucks them both in as they snuggle a little closer. Then, out of the blue, Jared says, "Jensen?"
"Hm?" Jensen murmurs, trying to bury his face in the crook of Jared's neck.
"I- I want to try this," Jared says softly. "I mean, this thing between us. I- I want us to be together. You and me. For real."
That's the moment when Jensen removes his face from his comfortably warm hiding place and looks directly into Jared's eyes. He doesn't answer straight away, planting a kiss on Jared's nose and then finally whispering, "Yeah, I want that too."
As Jared and he spend the evening in Jensen's bed, lightly making out and re-learning each other, Jensen makes a mental note to write Tom and Mike a Hallmark Thank You card as soon as he manages to tear himself away from Jared.
- End
Index page| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Picspam | Fan mix
The trip back home is weird, if weird is even strong enough a word to describe this. They barely talk, they try to avoid every touch and there has definitely shifted something between them for the worse that Jensen can't quite put his finger on.
He's one hundred percent certain that Jared's having second thoughts. He's certain that Jared hates him for what he did and for not stopping Jared back when Jared approached him that drunken night. Jensen might even hate himself for that because now, it's as if he tasted the forbidden fruit, tasted the temptation that is Jared Padalecki and he's never going to taste it again. If his longing has become one thing, then it's stronger and more painful.
Jensen's glad when they're finally in Vancouver and they finally can separate. They part with the promise to call each other, both knowing perfectly fine that they won't. Back at his apartment, Jensen is relieved that they've got another three days until filming starts, three days during which he can ignore Jared and can try to get rid of his feelings for him.
Of course, it doesn't work.
Instead, Jensen spends the three days being miserable. Fucking miserable. He doesn't have the energy to shave or shower. He doesn't have the energy to go out and buy food, living off the last frozen things he finds in his freezer when hunger is finally unbearable. He doesn't have the energy to call anybody or even listen to the messages on his answering machine. Hell, he doesn't even have the energy to get out of bed.
If the whole situation weren't so fucked up, he'd laugh at his own. But fact is, Jensen is not feeling very well at the moment and even though he's not particularly crying, laughing is definitely the last thing on his mind.
This is typical for Jensen and his history of relationships somehow. He never opens up to anyone, so yeah, maybe he's a guy with issues. But once the big fall-out happens, at least it doesn't sting as much. He's an idiot for letting Jared look so deep into his soul, he's an idiot for believing that it would be different with Jared, even though Jared clearly stated that he only wanted to be friends with benefits. Jensen's definitely an idiot for believing that Jared would change his mind once he got a taste of what Jensen could give to him.
He can't stand Jared close because it hurts him to see Jared and not have him but on the other hand, his apartment feels so empty and all he wants is to curl up with Jared and kiss him slow, sweet and sensual. But it doesn't look as if any of this will happen any time soon.
***
The three days pass way too quickly and the day Jensen has been dreading so badly is suddenly there, leaving him unprepared. They're supposed to be back at set. Jensen doesn't know where he takes the energy from, but somehow he manages to heave his sorry ass out of bed and get ready to be picked up.
When the van stops in front of his apartment, Jensen's guts clench. Inside the car he can make out Jared's tall frame and it takes a lot from Jensen not to simply bolt and run.
He walks outside and then the moment he was so scared of is there. His first confrontation with Jared after the trip is happening here and now. Jared doesn't say anything, hell, he doesn't even look properly at Jensen as he lowers his gaze, only nodding briefly. It makes Jensen feel cheap somehow, worthless.
They're not talking to each other in the car, not even looking at each other as both try to be polite and to keep up the conversation with Brandon, their driver, who tells him everything about his fantastic vacation on the beach with his wife and kids.
Jensen doesn't really want to hear it, doesn't want to know about other people's happiness when he's so miserable himself, when what he'd need to be happy is sitting right next to him. But in the end, he's not that much of an asshole to take it out on Brandon.
The morning at set is tense and Jared and Jensen keep avoiding each other. They don't hang out in each other's trailers during breaks like they normally would, they don't even sit next to each other between the various takes.
Eric pulls Jensen aside at some point to ask him what's wrong between the two of them, apparently sensing that something's off. But Jensen only shrugs and says they'll probably just have to get used to each other again after such a long hiatus apart. He sees that Eric doesn't buy a single word of what he just said but Erid chooses not to inquire further. He simply lets Jensen walk off as he goes over to Jared, probably hoping that Jared will tell him what's up.
The day doesn't seem to pass and by the time Jensen finally can go home, he's emotionally exhausted. Back at his apartment, the door closed behind him, he lets himself fall onto the white sofa in his living room. He wants to go to bed but he knows that he won't be able to sleep anyway.
Suspiciously, he eyes the game console underneath the TV set and he's already getting up to call Jared and invite him over for pizza and a round of Madden or Need for Speed, only to be painfully reminded that Jared and he are not particularly speaking at the moment. All that's left for Jensen is to curl up on the couch with a pillow, feeling damn lonely.
***
The days pass and things don't change. He and Jared do start talking to each other but only if they have to. They never talk about anything personal anymore, when this used to be all they talked about in the past, no, these days, it's all business.
The tone is polite, but not overly friendly, professional, not as cheery as it used to be. They never share a laugh anymore. By now, Jensen's been asked by at least five different people whether everything is all right between him and Jared and each time he insists that it is. The make-up girls ask him a few times whether he's sleeping enough because his skin is all gray and flawed, but when Jensen snaps that it's none of their business, they don't press the matter any further.
Jensen sometimes doesn't recognize himself anymore. He's snappy, he doesn't get enough sleep these days, he doesn't feel like eating and he's constantly on edge. He doesn't like himself much at the moment, all just because he's unhappily in love and he fucked up one of the most important things in his life: his friendship with Jared.
Jensen's back home, moping as the telephone rings and just like the last few days, he doesn't feel the least like picking up. He's been pretty much out of touch with everyone since he came back, the dread of people asking him how his trip was and only being reminded with brutal force what a wonderful time he had with Jared while it lasted is something he can live without.
So, instead of picking up, Jensen lets his answering machine do it. It's Tom. Again. Tom's called already a few times and it's kinda sweet how he's not giving up. What he has to say is the same thing he did the last few days: he threatens to break into Jensen's house if Jensen doesn't finally talk to him.
And you know, maybe it's not a bad idea to finally speak to someone, to let the frustration out and maybe Jensen will feel better about himself afterward. That's why he dives for the phone and picks up just as Tom says he's going to hang up now.
"Tom?" Jensen says into the receiver.
"Jensen?" Tom sounds surprised, probably not expecting him to pick up. Ever. "Man, I've been fucking worried about you."
It just sounds like that. Something inside Jensen stings as he realizes how much of an asshole he has been. There are people around him who care about him, who depend on him and all Jensen did was being a mopey asshole.
After that, Jensen can't stop the words as he pours his heart out to Tom. He tells him about everything that happened in Italy, he tells him that he's had a crush on Jared ever since the moment he first shook Jared's gigantic hand and he tells him about the rejection he felt as soon as they returned to Canada.
There are a few tears pooling in the corners of Jensen's eyes and he wishes he wasn't alone right now, but on the other hand, he can't overcome his pride and admit that to anyone. Tom listens to everything Jensen has to say and it feels damn good to just talk to someone about it and let it all out.
Once they hang up, Jensen is relieved somehow, feels a lightness he hasn't felt in days. He's still upset and he's still hurt. And most of all, he's still in love with Jared, but at least, everything seems a little more bearable now.
He agrees to meet Tom for a beer the next evening, just the two of them. Jensen's reluctant at first. It takes Tom a good hour to convince Jensen to go out with him, but in the end, Jensen gives in. He doesn't feel like it, he doesn't feel like going out and pretending to be okay, but he knows that one more day alone in his apartment and he's going to go nuts.
***
The evening is exactly like Jensen knew it would be. By the time it's time to leave, Jensen loses all enthusiasm to not spend the evening on the sofa all by himself, mopey, sad and upset with a bottle of beer in his hand, or tequila if he still can find some. But then, there's another thing that goes exactly like Jensen knew it would be: about 30 minutes into meeting Tom, Tom texts him and threatens him in case Jensen decides not to show up at the bar they set up as a meeting point. And if Jensen doesn't show up, Tom will drive over to his and kick his ass out of the door personally. In moments like these, you better take Tom Welling for his word.
So Jensen gets ready, even though he doesn't feel like it. He wears a pair of comfy jeans and an old shirt, not bothering to dress up.
Somehow, Jensen doesn't have a good feeling about all this as he drives over to the bar. Something feels off to him but Jensen ignores the nagging voice in the back of his mind because everything seems off to him ever since Jared no longer plays the important role in his life like he used to. And damn, Jensen really did not want to think about Jared right now.
Jensen's nervous as he enters the bar. His palms are sweating and he tells himself that this is ridiculous. It's only Tom.
He should have known better.
When he enters the bar, there is no Tom. Sitting in the booth where they always sit when they meet up with Tom and Mike, their booth, so to speak, is… Jared. And all of a sudden, Jensen's not the least surprised. It all makes sense that Tom would try so hard to talk him into meeting up and make sure that Jensen's really coming.
He's got the feeling he's been set up.
His stomach jumps when he sees Jared, waiting and still oblivious to having been fooled. Jensen wonders whether Jared is waiting for Tom or for Mike. Not that it makes a big difference.
He's just turning around to leave, he's clearly not ready to deal with Jared right now, when Jared spots him. Jensen can see it from the frown on Jared's face. When Jared's frown turns into an expression of irritation, Jensen realizes that Jared just understood what all of this is about and how he's been played.
So yeah, Jensen could turn around and go, but that would mean being an asshole again and probably only result in Jared never talking to him again. He might be upset and he might be hurt because of Jared rejecting him, but that doesn't equal wanting to fuck up things further and smashing every little chance that's left that they might at least be able to save their friendship.
That leaves Jensen only one option so he slowly walks over to where Jared is sitting. Jared shifts uncomfortably in his seat and it confirms what Jensen has been thinking, Jared wasn't expecting him at all.
Just as Jensen's taking a seat opposite of Jared, his cell buzzes. He fishes it out of his pocket and is not surprised to find a text message from Tom. Reading it, Jensen has to smile to himself, despite the situation.
Ackles, fix this you idiot! - Tom
They sit opposite of each other in silence for a few moments. You wouldn't believe that Jared Padalecki is usually the kind of guy that never shuts up, especially not now, as he's sitting there, not saying anything. There's tension between them, an unknown feeling that's never been there before and that Jensen doesn't know how to handle.
It shouldn't be so hard. Jared and he have been friends for years and it has always been so easy to talk to each other. But now, Jensen's just as speechless as Jared.
The waitress takes their orders and as Jensen asks for a beer, he wonders whether this is going to be strong enough. Jared starts picking at his paper napkin, his eyes cast downward on the table.
Once the beers are set down in front of them and the waitress is out of earshot, Jensen decides they finally should get over this. It was stupid not to talk to Jared about this sooner, unnecessarily torturing himself. It's time to come clean with Jared.
"Who are you waiting for?" Jensen says to break the ice.
Jared looks up briefly and gives him a weak smile. "Mike. You?"
"Tom," Jensen admits. "Looks like we're here on a mission to solve something."
He's stating the obvious of course, but that doesn't stop Jared from flinching and looking miserable again. Jensen wishes he'd have dressed a little better because this is going to be tough and Jensen's the kind of guy that believes what you wear has a positive influence on how you feel about yourself and how others perceive you. So, not selecting old, worn-out clothes would maybe have given him a little more confidence.
They fall into another silence and from underneath his lashes, Jensen sees that Jared is watching him with curious, expecting eyes. Sometimes, the guy's like an open book. Jared once more removes imaginary dirt from his underneath his fingernails, giving away that he's clearly nervous and uncomfortable. The tension that Jensen just tried to break threatens to come back and he quickly needs to say something if he ever wants to get over this.
Briefly, Jensen wonders whether he should take Jared back to his apartment and whether a bar might not be a suitable place to talk about their past sex life with Jared, but then there's a reason why they love this bar so much. Even though it's a public place, it's beautifully private and no one pays them any attention as they're sitting at their little booth. And no one will pay them any attention unless they raise their voices, something Jensen doesn't intend to do. Besides, a bar is a neutral place. Who knows whether Jared would even agree to come with him?
All right. So let's get over with this.
Jensen takes another deep breath before he says quietly, "I'm sorry for being such a jackass."
He sees that Jared opens his mouth to say something but Jensen needs to get this off his chest. He needs to have his say before Jared can make any accusations and before this leads to the fight Jensen fears is coming along.
"Jared, please," he pleads, "Hear me out first."
When Jared nods his agreement, Jensen exhales slowly and goes on. He's nervous and he's scared and he doesn't really know what he wants to say, but all of a sudden, the words just flow out of him.
"I- I'm sorry for taking advantage of you that night when we were drunk. I- I'm sorry for not stopping you when I should have and for not telling you to think again before you did anything. I- I'm sorry that I let it go so far."
Jensen pauses for a moment. Is he really? Is he really sorry for the great time Jared and he spent together? Is he really sorry for the awesome sex they had?
"I know you're straight but then we had this awesome time and I- I just couldn't say no to you. Oh God, I sound like a chick," Jensen laughs which earns him a faint smile from Jared - something he hasn't seen very often in the last few days.
Just like Jared agreed to, he waits until Jensen is done, even though the corners of his mouth are twitching and Jensen knows that Jared wants to say something, that he's dying to finally say something.
"But you gotta know that- that, oh God, I've had a crush on you ever since the first moment I saw your goofy smile and it's only gotten worse." Jensen doesn't even manage to keep looking at Jared. He lowers his gaze to the table as he continues speaking, scared to see anger on Jared's face.
"Then Sandy broke up with you and you needed somebody and I just couldn't let the opportunity slip away to get at least a little bit of you. And- and then things got worse and I fell in love with you and then- then I think there's actually something between us. You know, like we have a connection we- we didn't have before. As if we clicked or something and now- now we have this huge fucked up situation and I don't know what else to say but- oh God, I just want to fix this."
By the time Jensen's finished, he knows he's been rambling and he probably doesn't make much sense anymore. Jensen doesn't really want to but he knows that he'll have to face Jared eventually. It takes all of his strength to look up and when Jensen glances at Jared, Jared only stares at him for a few long, agonizing moments. His face doesn't give away anything and Jensen's palms sweat more and more with every second that passes. Yeah, so much for open book.
Jensen decides to take a long drink from his beer and maybe after he finishes that, he can order whiskey because he definitely needs one now. Somehow he feels light and relieved that it's finally out, that he finally spilled his secret but Jared still hasn't said anything yet and this is definitely not getting easier.
"Fuck," Jared says and Jensen's just as clueless as before.
He can practically hear Jared thinking, can hear how the wheels inside Jared's brain process everything he's just learned. Just as Jensen wants to suggest that maybe they should forget about everything, go into blissful denial and try to act as if nothing had happened, Jared grins. If Jensen had to be honest, he finds that grin a little scary.
And then Jared says something Jensen didn't even dare imagine to ever hear. "Sandy broke up with me because she thought I had a thing for you."
Jared grins like a child on Christmas Eve that just has been told how good it was throughout the year and that Santa has brought many, many gifts. Or he grins like he always does whenever he opens a new box of that rainbow-colored junk that he loves so much that he'd eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner if only Jensen let him.
"Huh, what?" Jensen asks.
"She broke up with me," Jared repeats, still grinning broadly, "Because she thought I had a crush on you. And you know, that's why I couldn't tell you the real reason why we were no longer together."
Jensen's stomach gives a turn, jumping violently because this can't be true. It doesn't even make sense. He must be dreaming. Any minute and this will turn out to be a horrible nightmare with the bad ending still to come. And no, he's not a pessimist, he's a realist.
Suddenly, Jared's grin fades and Jensen concludes the worst. This is where Jared comes up with the sucker punch line. However, Jared's cheeks flush and he blushes a little, lowering his gaze.
"And you know, she was right," Jared admits. Jensen opens his mouth to say something because he just doesn't trust his ears. He's pretty sure he didn't hear right. But this time, it's Jared's turn to ask Jensen to hear him out and it takes a lot from Jensen not to interrupt Jared.
"I guess those last months of our relationship, I just let it slip, you know. I didn't really try to maintain any connection with her that makes us more than friends. I always kept talking about you and how well we got along. I guess, Sandy realized it sooner than I did, but she was right. I had a crush on you," Jared admits, his face deep red now.
Had? Jensen is so not liking where this is going.
"Then you come to my place and drag me out to Italy! I just realized that I wanted to give us a go because apparently you didn't object when I had enough Dutch courage to make a move on you and I thought that just maybe we could work this out. I- I had a fantastic time with you, Jen."
And this time, Jensen just can't keep his mouth shut. Is Jared just telling him that he felt something for him? Is Jared just telling him that the feeling's not been onesided? This is so surreal. "What?" Jensen asks.
Jared looks at him again and this time there's something in his eyes that Jensen doesn't quite know how to read at first. It's a mixture of fragileness, of fear and something like hope.
"I- I guess the feeling's mutual, Jensen," Jared says.
"Why did it stop then?" Jensen blurts out.
The question is so obvious and out between them so quickly that Jensen almost has to laugh at his own eagerness to clear this mess. Wait, so he's in love with Jared, Jared feels something for him and they're not together… why? Somewhere within this stupid mess, there's a gross error in reasoning.
"I thought you didn't want this anymore," Jared defends himself. "You started to withdraw and that's why I started to withdraw too. I- I thought you only fucked me in Rome out of pity because you thought I couldn't cope with being alone. I- I guess I was scared you wouldn't want me anymore once we're back and that's why I withdrew. I- shit, man."
"You're kidding, right? I started to withdraw? Dude, you gave me the cold shoulder first!" Jensen says agitatedly, trying hard to keep his voice down. Even though the place is relatively private, he doesn't really want to shout this out.
"Does it matter?" Jared asks, totally ignoring Jensen's question.
At first, Jensen's puzzled by Jared's counter question. "What?"
This only makes Jared repeat it, "Does it matter who gave who the cold shoulder first?"
"No, guess not," Jensen admits. Jared's right. It doesn't matter who started withdrawing from the other first. The important thing is that it happened and that neither did anything to stop it.
Now that Jensen thinks about it, he really might have acted strangely around Jared because of his fear of rejection. Maybe Jared interpreted this wrong and withdrew himself until it all got out of control. And then it hits Jensen. "Wait! Are you saying that I've been miserable the last few days because of a fucking misunderstanding?"
"I guess so," Jared laughs lightly all of a sudden. The nervousness and tension fall from his shoulders as he slouches down in his seat, his whole posture relaxing. Jensen was so busy with his own state of mind that he didn't even notice how uncomfortable Jared was until now.
"This can't be true," Jensen says, joining Jared's light laughter. At least he knows that Jared wanted this too and there should be no hard feelings now. Saving their friendship should be an achievable goal after all. He's relaxing himself for a moment, only to slightly tense again. There's still one question he needs an answer to.
"So what now?" Jared asks before Jensen can come up with what he wanted to say.
"Do- do you still want me?" And there it is, the inevitable question that's still on his mind. Only because there has been a misunderstanding in the past that kept them from giving each other a chance and giving them a chance, it doesn't mean it'll have to be this way in the future, right? Only because there was something between them in the past, doesn't mean that whatever this was is still there.
Jensen's more than willing to give them another try. If his feelings for Jared have become one thing ever since they returned from Rome, it's stronger and more intense. He's longing, he's aching for Jared more than ever. And yeah, he still wants to be with Jared. If- if Jared wants, that is.
"Yes, I still do," Jared grins. There's a hint of seduction in his eyes that Jensen doesn't miss. It makes the next steps all clear.
"Right," Jensen says, as he reaches across the table to grab Jared's hand. While his own hand is hot and sweaty, Jared's is ice-cold and dry. It only takes a moment until Jared twists his fingers in Jensen's, linking their hands together and giving them a little squeeze. "I'm taking you home then!"
They leave for Jensen's apartment, each in their own car. As Jensen drives down to the underground parking lot, the anticipation and excitement in his belly start to grow. He's excited and also a little nervous, but in the end, he can't wait to finally have Jared again like he's been craving for days. Naked and sprawled out against his black sheets.
Maybe having sex with Jared now is not the best way to solve this mess and yeah, maybe they should talk about this new turn in their relationship first and come clean with each other in terms of what each of them expects from this, but it's not what Jensen needs the most right now. He needs to feel Jared; he needs to bond with Jared. They still can talk once they've communicated in that other way.
Thank God, it doesn't take long for that to happen.
The minute Jared enters the apartment, Jensen slams him against the door and claims his mouth in a fierce kiss. Jared tastes just as sweet as last time and Jensen doesn't ever want to stop running his tongue over Jared's bottom lip, over the back of his teeth and the roof of his mouth. Jared lets Jensen control the kiss for a moment until he sweeps out his tongue and pushes it into Jensen's mouth.
There's nothing soft and tender about the kiss, there's no time for doing this slow and easy as raw passion and need take over. They shed as many clothes as possible as they walk to Jensen's bedroom. More than one button falls prey to their eagerness to be naked, but they don't really mind at all.
"God," Jensen moans as he bites down at Jared's throat. "Want you so bad."
Jared doesn't answer and only thrusts his hips against Jensen's, the firm outline of his erection the best indicator what Jared wants right now, needs right now. By the time, they finally reach the bedroom - since when is Jensen's apartment that huge? - they're down to their boxers and socks.
There's a soft thud as Jensen pushes Jared down on the bed. Jared smiles at him seductively and for a moment, Jensen simply enjoys the view of Jared, almost naked, on his bed.
Jared bites his lip as he runs a hand over his own torso. He scrapes his nails lightly over his chest, playing with his nipples before he moves further down to the waistband of his boxer briefs.
"Hmm, 'm imagining it's you touching me," Jared hums softly, closing his eyes. His second hand joins the first, slowly sliding over his skin. Jensen continues watching for a moment as Jared strokes himself, one of his hands slipping underneath the material of his underwear. Jared moans as he moves his fist up and down his erection and finally, Jensen can't hold back anymore, he has to touch Jared.
After lying down on the bed, next to Jared, Jensen presses his lips to Jared's again. Their tongues immediately find the other as they slip and slide over the other. Jared's mouth is sinfully hot and wet and Jensen's reminded why he liked kissing Jared so much in the first place. Jared kisses him like he does everything in life. He pours all of his soul into it, does it with a passion that Jensen finds admirable, just as much as it turns him on.
Jensen's hands dance over Jared's smooth chest, scratching his nipples lightly and stroking over Jared's strong abs. He pauses only for a second, never breaking the kiss, before he pushes Jared's boxers down, finally freeing Jared's erection.
Jensen's hand joins Jared's, running up and down his hard cock. When Jared squirms and writhes, his moans swallowed by Jensen's mouth, Jensen suddenly needs more. His lips move from Jared's mouth to his jaw, along his throat and over his chest. Jensen takes great pleasure in sucking Jared's skin into his mouth, biting and nibbling and licking. He's aware that Jared will have a few love bites the next morning but the thought doesn't disturb him the least. Far from it, there's a strong feeling of possession, of wanting to mark Jared and show everyone that Jared is finally his.
Jensen suckles at Jared's nipples and then over his stomach until he reaches what he's been dying for like a thirsty man in the desert, the head of Jared's cock. It's already leaking pre-come, smearing against Jensen's skin as Jensen trails kisses along Jared's body. Jensen shuts his eyes as he closes his mouth around Jared's hot dick, engulfing him in the warm wetness of his mouth. Jared releases a long, loud moan as his hips almost automatically thrust up, trying to shove his cock deeper inside.
Jensen's more than happy to open up a little wider, allowing Jared's erection to slide further in. At first, he's only sucking lightly around the head, while his hand strokes up and down the shaft. With his tongue, he teases the little bundle of nerves directly below the crown at the underside, where he knows Jared is the most sensitive.
He takes great pleasure in making obscene slurping sounds while he tries to swallow as much spit and pre-come as possible. Jared's groans become more and more desperate each time Jensen scrapes his teeth over his cock and when Jensen pulls off, there's a sound that's dangerously close to a whine.
But when Jensen kisses along Jared's cock, closer and closer to the base and finally sucks Jared's balls into his mouth, first one, then the other, Jared releases a hoarse scream. It makes Jensen ridiculously proud that he can do that to Jared, that he can draw all those noises and whimpers and moans from Jared.
"C'mon, fuck my mouth, Jay," Jensen moans, before he wraps his lips around Jared's cock once more.
He knows that Jared wants to and right now, Jensen can't think of anything hotter than Jared thrusting into him again and again. Turns out that Jared's more than happy to oblige and as his arousal grows, his thrusts become more and more forceful. It's hard for Jensen not to hump the mattress when he needs to get off so desperately, but he's got something else planned and he doesn't want to come yet.
When he reaches for Jared's balls, rolling and massaging them in his hands, it takes Jared only a few more thrusts until he's coming down Jensen's throat, hot and bitter. Jensen tries to swallow as much as he can, but in the end, he misses a little bit, sticky come running down his jaw. Jared looks truly fucked out and for a few moments, he doesn't move, barely even breathes.
"Fuck yeah," Jared pants before he pulls Jensen up for a fierce kiss. He grins lazily before he licks the fine line of spilled come from Jensen's jaw and lips. That alone nearly makes Jensen shoot his load.
"What d'you need, Jen?" Jared asks, his hand landing on Jensen's hard-on, slowly stroking up and down.
Jensen groans. He closes his eyes and simply lets himself enjoy the sensation of Jared's big hand taking care of him for a while before he says, "I- I want to fuck you."
Jared smiles at him, kissing him heatedly again. When he whispers into Jensen's ear that Jensen can have him any way he wants to, only to ask him immediately after that how Jensen wants him, Jensen nearly comes. Jared looks way too smug for Jensen's liking and somehow Jensen's got the impression that Jared will be a handful to handle in the future. Right now though, he doesn't mind much as he asks Jared to turn over, chest to the mattress, ass in the air.
Jensen's got plans.
Licking his lips, he slowly parts Jared's asscheeks, running a teasing finger from Jared's tailbone down to his balls. Jared moans and just as he's becoming a little bossy, whining for Jensen to fucking do something, Jensen bends forward and lets his tongue follow the movement of his finger.
Jared groans again as Jensen's tongue teases him, first circling his entrance, running around the rim and then slowly pushing inside, only the very tip. The musky taste of Jared explodes on Jensen's tongue, sending a jolt directly to Jensen's cock. He takes great pleasure in teasing Jared, running his tongue over Jared's entrance, never pushing in far enough according to Jared's incoherent ramblings.
It doesn't take very long until Jared's reduced to nothing but whimpering, his mind apparently no longer able to produce any clear thoughts. Jensen continues what he's doing, every once in a while softly biting at Jared's buttocks until he goes back to licking and lapping at Jared's most intimate place.
Once more, it takes a lot of self-restraint from Jensen to not simply rub against the mattress or to run a hand over his own erection. He's sure it wouldn't take him more than a few strokes to get off. It turns him on so ridiculously much to see and feel Jared fall apart underneath his mouth, that he can drive Jared so crazy.
Jared's already hard again and underneath his lips and tongue, Jensen notices how he's relaxing more and more. For a brief moment, Jensen draws himself away from Jared only to suck two of his fingers into his mouth, getting them nice and slick. When he's back to rimming Jared, he pushes those two fingers into Jared, wriggling them in next to his tongue.
"Please, Jen, please, please," Jared whimpers and Jensen knows exactly what he wants, what he needs. He twists his fingers one last time, scissoring them again before he pulls them out of Jared to get lube and a condom.
"Hurry, Jen," Jared commands and if Jensen weren't so desperate himself, he'd laugh at Jared's eagerness to be fucked.
Once he's rolled the condom down on his hard dick and slicked Jared and himself up, Jensen positions himself behind Jared. Teasingly slow, he thrusts in, as deep as his cock will go from this angle. Jared groans low and guttural again while Jensen gives him a moment to adjust.
"You okay?" Jensen asks as he runs a soothing hand over Jared's sweaty back.
"Fuck yeah," Jared moans, indicating Jensen to move with a push back on his cock.
Jensen's doing Jared slowly, more because he wants to tease him and because he wants them to last longer, not because he thinks Jared couldn't handle it. But the tight heat of Jared around his cock is making it harder with each stroke for Jensen to draw this out. Soon enough, the thrusts become more urgent, more passionate.
Jensen can tell exactly whenever he gets the angle right and manages to hit Jared's prostate. It's those thrusts when Jared's whole body shakes, accompanied by a desperate cry.
Heat starts spreading in the pit of Jensen's stomach, that fuzzy feeling that soon will unfurl through his whole body to tickle each and every one of his nerves. It's only a matter of a few more thrusts until Jensens's coming, that he can tell for sure. His balls are already drawn close to his body, the heat in his groin the hottest now.
"Jay, god. Fuck. Gonna- gonna," Jensen pants wetly as one of his arms wraps around Jared's waist to pull him up. Jared's half upright now, kneeling on the bed, hands on the headboard while Jensen's pushing fiercely into him from behind. The hand that's not wrapped around Jared's waist is stroking up and down Jared's leaking cock, bringing him closer and closer to release with each flicker of his wrist.
And then, orgasm washes over Jensen, spreading from his lower regions all over his body. He keeps thrusting into Jared while his hand keeps working Jared's cock, intent on drawing another climax from Jared.
"Come on now, come for me," Jensen whispers into Jared's ear and then Jared quivers and spills over Jensen's hand.
"Fuck," Jared cries out as he comes, collapsing forward until his forehead rests on his outstretched arms, still clutching the headboard. Jensen lets himself fall forward too, until his chest is fully touching Jared's back. He's not ready to pull out of Jared, the tightness still so blissfully hot around his dick that he doesn't want to give it up yet. He also continues stroking up and down Jared's sensitive cock, the erection slowly diminishing. Jared whimpers at the stimulation, still slightly quivering around Jensen and only now beginning to catch his breath.
Eventually, Jensen pulls out and off though, falling onto the bed. He removes the condom and tosses it somewhere into the bedroom without even looking where when the bed dips next to him. He didn't even notice Jared getting up, but now there's Jared with a warm washcloth, thoroughly cleaning him up. After he dumps it onto the nightstand, Jared lies down next to Jensen, almost immediately draping himself all over him. Not that Jensen minds.
They don't speak for a while and simply enjoy the sensation of good, satisfying sex. Jared traces invisible patterns over Jensen's skin, a gesture that Jensen's been aching for so much during the last few days.
"I can't believe we missed out on this only because of a misunderstanding," Jensen admits, finally breaking the silence.
Jared doesn't answer straight away, but instead he kisses Jensen long and slow. "Yeah, and all because we both were too chicken to talk about it. Guess we should be glad for Tom and Mike."
Jensen considers what Jared just has said. Jared's right. If it weren't for Tom and Mike, they'd probably still avoid each other. "We totally should invite them for a beer or something."
Jared nods and then all of sudden, there's this predatory gleam in his eyes again. "But only once I've had enough sex with you to make up for the lost time that I won't have to jump you in the bathroom of the bar."
Jensen grins as he thinks about Jared and sex and doing it in all kinds of public places. If he weren't so exhausted, he'd give the little twitch his dick just made a second thought. "D'you think this is ever gonna happen?"
"Nah, fat chance," Jared then snickers.
They simply lie there, smiling at each other for a while. Jared reaches for the covers and tucks them both in as they snuggle a little closer. Then, out of the blue, Jared says, "Jensen?"
"Hm?" Jensen murmurs, trying to bury his face in the crook of Jared's neck.
"I- I want to try this," Jared says softly. "I mean, this thing between us. I- I want us to be together. You and me. For real."
That's the moment when Jensen removes his face from his comfortably warm hiding place and looks directly into Jared's eyes. He doesn't answer straight away, planting a kiss on Jared's nose and then finally whispering, "Yeah, I want that too."
As Jared and he spend the evening in Jensen's bed, lightly making out and re-learning each other, Jensen makes a mental note to write Tom and Mike a Hallmark Thank You card as soon as he manages to tear himself away from Jared.
- End
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