feeling urges for friend changes / intimacy practice planning / bad dreams / relationship updates

[belenen]

icon: "exuviate (photo of a dragonfly with shimmery green wings after its last metamorphosis, standing next to its previous exoskeleton)"I haven't felt fully seen by someone other than Topaz in a long time and I yearn for that. I don't know if I'm just bad at sharing or if most people have to feel romantic to actually try to see someone or if

Comments

[fragbert]

I usually don't mind when people rarely comment, but there are some people I was hoping to build with who just aren't showing any interest.Two things to consider

[belenen]

I understand these things and I agree that being up front about needs, wants, and desires is preferable. I get hesitant when I don't know them well enough to tell if we'd get on at a more intimate level, because I don't want them to go out of their way only for me to realize that we don't actually click. Honestly if I am 100% sure that I want to know them and want to be close, I nearly always tell them. I say nearly because I may have forgotten someone, but I can't remember ever NOT telling someone I wanted to be close if I felt sure I wanted to.

[freshwaterdame]

I was having a conversation with an old friend the other day about how drained I feel all the time and how making new friends seems like so much work and I don't know when exactly that happened.

I remember loving to make new friends and getting to know people was exciting. Now it seems like work.

The more I think about, it's because the I've found that once you really put the time and energy in to getting to know someone and creating a bond, you find out they aren't the person I thought they were.

[lilywolfsolomon]

I don't know you but I love friendships that get started in a fun way without the work. I'm like this little kid that doesn't get the way adults fuck up and complicate things. Let's just play!

[freshwaterdame]

I agree with this. I've always made the best friends from connecting over things like TV shows or random interests that the "mainstream" doesn't get. There's a certain connection with someone who's just as weird as I am that feels effortless...but it's hard to find my fellows weirdos :)

It is significantly easier on LJ.

[aubkabob]

The two friends that I remained closest to after I graduated from nursing school and I pretty much bonded over a ton of super random nerderies. I think those friendships tend to work out fairly well at times because there's already that particular established mentality that brought you to the fandom in the first place, and there needs to be a level mental playing field for you to both "get" them.

[kiwi]

There is nothing more frustrating than putting a lot of effort into making a plan and having everyone bail on you. Nothing. I have a friend who would say something like "let's have a get together in three days!" and everyone on earth would show up and meanwhile I would plan for weeks and nothing. So I feel for you.

I also get the feelings of embarrassment that you put yourself out there and get nothing in return (re: drunk texting) but if there is one thing I have learned at this point in life - nothing ventured, nothing gained. I know that's easy to say and much more difficult to LIVE...

I hope things turn around for you.

[aubkabob]

My brother is one of these people. He will throw a BBQ two nights in a row and have half the town show up for the first night, and the other half the second night. I plan for half a year and I get FOUR PEOPLE that don't even show up at the same time, so it's me and one person sitting across from me going "... yup."

[lilywolfsolomon]

There is so much here that I relate to even more deeply than I thought I might. I just told a friend about a wish for more closeness too. That's such a hard awkward thing to do, but why not just put it out there.. own my truth... I long for greater closeness with all my friends, it seems like most of us are wanting more closeness not more distant so why does the world seem so reluctant to go there? There's that part of me that's not afraid to go anywhere.

[lilywolfsolomon]

Also it's the hardest thing feeling that if I didn't initiate most of my friendships would fall away. Kind of depressing. How to keep the faith with it?