belonging: being part of a unit

[belenen]

A lot of the people I know consider their family a unit they are part of, even if they hate it. I don't think you can understand what it's like to not belong unless you haven't had that feeling (or haven't had it since before kindergarten). A dysfunctional unit is still a unit

Comments

[belenen]

something like "we put a roof over your head and food in your belly so you better obey. It's not a lot to ask for you to do (various chores, caretaking my siblings)." I don't think the intention was to threaten me with taking that stuff away, but that's how it came across and since they never valued me for anything but obedience and labor, it got reinforced. I think it was also reinforced by the fact that they didn't do caretaking of me (like listening to me, showing interest in my life, encouraging me, investing effort in things I wanted to do) but they did caretake my siblings even when my siblings were 'bad.'

[kiwi]

You're right - I don't understand that. I know in your previous post I said I knew how it felt to try and find a unit to relate to and fail at finding it but I certainly wasn't speaking from a familial point of view. I may have misunderstood and taken a different approach and for that I apologize

[belenen]

nnta, I understand, there are various levels of relating so I don't mind.

I agree with you -- a terrible parent is not a parent. But in the people I have been exposed to I would say that at least 95% of them would consider the person 'still your parent' as long as they didn't overtly physically abuse or abandon you.

*hugs lots* I appreciate your empathy in this so much. <3

[belenen]

thank you <3 this was really encouraging!

[fyrebard]

Just 'cause it isn't happening now doesn't mean it won't ever. I mean to type some encouragement here, so hopefully the words come out right, but maybe it is a timing/location thing. I have belonged before briefly in places, or felt I did. I lucked out with beautiful husband and brother, but there was searching first. Anyway, I am still lonely when I think about it, as though that easily accessible freind circle of people who are - to use your word - kin is missing, not entirely here yet, but then I always did think I wouldn't reach my self until I hit 33, and I am still two and a half years away from that time now. Remember your thoughts on 44 ages ago? Maybe there is a coming Age for you too, or a coming place - when I think on it though, I feel it to be truth that you will Have Truly in the future and it will be gloriously vibrant purple and you will be love and fulfilling and nourishing. ♡

My apologies in advance for any clumsiness in expressing. ♡

[belenen]

No, I don't remember my thoughts on 44 but I would love to know them if you remember?

Nnta, I appreciated this comment. I feel like in verbalizing/sharing/processing this I have actually already moved closer to it and I no longer feel like it is impossible <3

[classical_wolf]

Lots of hugs! Take strength and good feelings from the positive people in your life who love you ♥

[belenen]

thanks!