belonging: being part of a unit
A lot of the people I know consider their family a unit they are part of, even if they hate it. I don't think you can understand what it's like to not belong unless you haven't had that feeling (or haven't had it since before kindergarten). A dysfunctional unit is still a unit
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What you describe is heart-wrenching to me. I don't really agree with the thought that a terrible parent is still your parent - a man who helps raise someone else's child can be that child's father whereas the one who provided the sperm is essentially...a sperm donor. He could say "I'm the father" and from a biological standpoint, yes, he could be considered as such but unless he actually had a hand in raising that child (was he the one who rocked the child to sleep at night? Was he the one who put food on the table? Was he the one who helped the child learn to catch a ball, colored with the child, nourished the child's heart and mind as well as the body?), much of society would actually agree - he's not really a father. If that makes sense. So I understand what you mean when you say that your bioparents weren't your parents. It's multiple definitions of the word and what you needed, more than anything, was a mom and a dad. Not employers. And it breaks my heart that you didn't get that and still don't get that. I can't even begin to wrap my head around how lonely that feeling must be.
You have my utter respect and admiration, for what it's worth. (Sorry, this is long, at least in my terms as far as comments go...I don't think I worded everything right, either, but I can see how this could definitely be such a painful experience.)
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I agree with you -- a terrible parent is not a parent. But in the people I have been exposed to I would say that at least 95% of them would consider the person 'still your parent' as long as they didn't overtly physically abuse or abandon you.
*hugs lots* I appreciate your empathy in this so much. <3
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