There's a similar realization that Linda Kohanov wrote about (can't remember which book it is, either The Tao of Equus or Riding Between the Worlds) where she is in so in tune with one of her horses that she is filled with an intense sense of joy that she knows came from the horse. When she was thinking about that and wondering why humans could rarely if ever feel so joyful, she got mental images from the horse to the effect of "You shut out your pain and so you cannot feel the joy."
Horses are to me (and to Ms. Kohanov) as trees are to you. :)
That is... so beautiful. That is what horses are to me too.
I hate to sidetrack this comment, but that is an amazing quote. I shut down to horses for a while, and lost all joy when riding, and it has only been recently that I have regained it again...
I feel like uncontrolled joy is destructive -- why, I've no idea.
Philosophically, in Traditional Chinese Medicine, too much joy that is uncontained is as destructive as too much anger, grief, or any of the other emotions. It needs to be experienced in moderation. This doesn't mean it needs to be experienced in an inhibited way all the time; but that if it were experienced all the time, people would get physically ill. There are actual physical illnesses and symptoms in the TCM system connected to excessive and uncontrolled joy bursting along our energy meridians.
I think part of me is afraid that if I ever fully open up again, more horrible stuff will come out and I'll fall apart again. And that's not an irrational fear, because I know there is stuff I still haven't dealt with. I know I could handle it much better now, but what if it's so much bigger that it ends up overshadowing my new strength? What if I become useless again? Worse, what if in my breakdown I become scary and untrustworthy to whoever witnesses it?These are natural
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This post is so candid and honest. Thank you for sharing it. I think that no matter what obstacles come into your life, you are deeply committed to growth in whatever form it takes.
I think that resistance to joy is a much more common problem that people imagine. It seems so counter-productive and counter-intuitive. But it happens. I think for me, I shut myself off from joy because I struggle with accepting that I deserve to be happy. Not just happy, but embracing the joyous birthright that we, as humans, are meant to have. I think about all the negative, shameful or hurtful things that I have ever done in the past and use it against myself, sort of saying "Look at what a terrible person you are- you don´t deserve happiness"
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Horses are to me (and to Ms. Kohanov) as trees are to you. :)
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I hate to sidetrack this comment, but that is an amazing quote. I shut down to horses for a while, and lost all joy when riding, and it has only been recently that I have regained it again...
Here's to (all of us) experiencing our joys.
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Adding you to friends if you don't mind. I don't post much lately but I read friends daily and comment when I have something to say.
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Philosophically, in Traditional Chinese Medicine, too much joy that is uncontained is as destructive as too much anger, grief, or any of the other emotions. It needs to be experienced in moderation. This doesn't mean it needs to be experienced in an inhibited way all the time; but that if it were experienced all the time, people would get physically ill. There are actual physical illnesses and symptoms in the TCM system connected to excessive and uncontrolled joy bursting along our energy meridians.
I think part of me is afraid that if I ever fully open up again, more horrible stuff will come out and I'll fall apart again. And that's not an irrational fear, because I know there is stuff I still haven't dealt with. I know I could handle it much better now, but what if it's so much bigger that it ends up overshadowing my new strength? What if I become useless again? Worse, what if in my breakdown I become scary and untrustworthy to whoever witnesses it?These are natural ( ... )
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*hugs*
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I think that resistance to joy is a much more common problem that people imagine. It seems so counter-productive and counter-intuitive. But it happens. I think for me, I shut myself off from joy because I struggle with accepting that I deserve to be happy. Not just happy, but embracing the joyous birthright that we, as humans, are meant to have. I think about all the negative, shameful or hurtful things that I have ever done in the past and use it against myself, sort of saying "Look at what a terrible person you are- you don´t deserve happiness"
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