I might understand where you're coming from. I think by this stage of our lives, we've experienced enough relationships that we begin to feel like we're going through the motions, doing and not doing things we know have succeeded or failed in previous relationships, and it's not a dynamic process anymore. I'm sure we're wrong; there's no way we've got the world figured out in our mid-twenties, we're just not currently being presented with new challenges in this arena.
I certainly know that feeling... I'm 23 and have myself figured out to the core, I know what makes me tick and why. All my 'new' experiences and explorations are those with other people, each new person I come to know has something else to show and teach me.
The downside to it though, is I'm a bit of a homebody lately and haven't met a single person down here locally. Bit crowd-phobic.
Being 23 and having yourself figured out to the core and knowing what makes you tick and why is absolutely wonderful! You are to be applauded and should be extremely proud of that fact. I am, well considerably older than you are and can't make that claim. Your statement about new experiences and exploration regarding new people that come into your life, IMHO, is right on. It took me a while to realize, that if I am willing to look, every person that I cross paths with teaches me something about myself or about life. I also happen to share your downside. It sounds like you are a wonderful and together person. Nicely done!
This post is mainly about friendship -- not sure if that was clear from my phrasing.
And this could just be my thought because every time I've seen you really write about someone you're in a friendship with, it's always on its way to becoming sexual.Nooooooooooooo, this is very not true. It has happened a few times but during the strongest and closest parts of my relationship with Hannah, for instance, there was nothing physical or sexual about it. Even though everyone seems to have assumed that we were headed there, we absolutely were NOT and I find it upsetting that people doubt the platonic nature of our previous relationship because of our three-month romance. Sex is really not that important to me. And I may not mention other relationships as much as lover-relationships but that is not because they're less important but just because they're less confusing (usually
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that's okay ;-) I think it's partly just that most of the time that you and I have known each other, I have been poly, and my two most-talked-about relationships (from the past two years) turned romantic. But yeah, there were quite a few deep friendships before that that were completely platonic -- Kate, Anika, Ash, Rebecca, Kat... and then currently I consider myself deep friends with several people whom I generally don't talk about either because they don't like being mentioned publicly or just because there's no major shift happening in the relationship (which is generally when I post about relationships).
Probably also incoherent, and best served w/ saltladywindJuly 15 2009, 16:17:43 UTC
~head tilt, considers~ So. My household was watching Bulletproof Monk last week. Cheesy well-produced B-movie, plot and character-wise, but it does slide one or two really good bits of philosophy in
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Re: Probably also incoherent, and best served w/ saltbelenenJuly 15 2009, 16:39:06 UTC
hee hee, I think the Protagonist hit it right on the head with "what bullshit!" -- it being bullshit (meaningless) that people chase / hotdogs & buns come in different numbers. Or maybe it means that supply can never meet demand in some things.
mm, yes, I understand that Being -- I've done that consciously with Hannah and Aurilion and Ash and completely unintentionally with Viv. ♥ I want to practice it more with people I feel less safe with, I think that would be a good growth path for me. Thank you so much for sharing that thought!
It's not that the relationships don't "level up," because they do! and it's not too slowly either -- some of them are coming along at quite a fast pace (for once I'm not feeling impatient, haha!) but I don't seem to be leveling up. It's like a video game you've already played all the way through -- playing it over, you miss discovering all those little tricks. You're still "leveling up" but you're not actually learning anything -- your brain is not "leveling up." I want it to be harder dammit.
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And most of the people I meet have already let me in as much as they're going to, so there's not an increase in intimacy.
Perhaps the goal would be, then, to get close enough to them so that they may open up? And maybe when they do, you can find something for you two to focus on, some goal that you didn't know that you shared.
I think that a relationship isn't so much a path as it is a huge field to explore, and when you explore, you find things. Maybe the part of the relationship that you feel is stagnating is actually the part where you've finished finding all of the treasures in the field, and now you have to reap their benefits. Or maybe there's something you need that you haven't found yet. So not comparing this to Okami what are you talking aboutWhile it is gratifying to have relationships that change you and are profound, not all relationships will be like this, because many people do not change and do not attempt to be or look for profound... ness. (I'm not saying that the people with whom you seek to deepen relationships
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i think i know what you saying... the wonder is your magic and if you don't have that wonder, that magic and interested in gone? maybe spread the wonder around, not at all at once. wonder does make a relationship WONDERful. =P it is exciting letting someone into your life, into your heart, into your world...
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I fervently hope not! because I really can't imagine being happy without learning new things about human connection.
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The downside to it though, is I'm a bit of a homebody lately and haven't met a single person down here locally. Bit crowd-phobic.
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And this could just be my thought because every time I've seen you really write about someone you're in a friendship with, it's always on its way to becoming sexual.Nooooooooooooo, this is very not true. It has happened a few times but during the strongest and closest parts of my relationship with Hannah, for instance, there was nothing physical or sexual about it. Even though everyone seems to have assumed that we were headed there, we absolutely were NOT and I find it upsetting that people doubt the platonic nature of our previous relationship because of our three-month romance. Sex is really not that important to me. And I may not mention other relationships as much as lover-relationships but that is not because they're less important but just because they're less confusing (usually ( ... )
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(The comment has been removed)
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mm, yes, I understand that Being -- I've done that consciously with Hannah and Aurilion and Ash and completely unintentionally with Viv. ♥ I want to practice it more with people I feel less safe with, I think that would be a good growth path for me. Thank you so much for sharing that thought!
It's not that the relationships don't "level up," because they do! and it's not too slowly either -- some of them are coming along at quite a fast pace (for once I'm not feeling impatient, haha!) but I don't seem to be leveling up. It's like a video game you've already played all the way through -- playing it over, you miss discovering all those little tricks. You're still "leveling up" but you're not actually learning anything -- your brain is not "leveling up." I want it to be harder dammit. ( ... )
Reply
Perhaps the goal would be, then, to get close enough to them so that they may open up? And maybe when they do, you can find something for you two to focus on, some goal that you didn't know that you shared.
I think that a relationship isn't so much a path as it is a huge field to explore, and when you explore, you find things. Maybe the part of the relationship that you feel is stagnating is actually the part where you've finished finding all of the treasures in the field, and now you have to reap their benefits. Or maybe there's something you need that you haven't found yet. So not comparing this to Okami what are you talking aboutWhile it is gratifying to have relationships that change you and are profound, not all relationships will be like this, because many people do not change and do not attempt to be or look for profound... ness. (I'm not saying that the people with whom you seek to deepen relationships ( ... )
Reply
i think i know what you saying... the wonder is your magic and if you don't have that wonder, that magic and interested in gone? maybe spread the wonder around, not at all at once. wonder does make a relationship WONDERful. =P it is exciting letting someone into your life, into your heart, into your world...
Reply
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