Maybe it's not that they think I'm too 'nice' but that I've got it too easy.I don't know whether it's the case here but as an alternative view on this, I often feel incredibly strong guilt for sharing whatever adversity I'm going through (be it financial, the ongoing health saga etc. etc.) with my partner who currently has what anyone would consider a cushy life. I feel like it makes our relationship unfair when Joost sails through everything and I'm a drama followed by a crisis followed by a disaster, like I'm taking too much out of him and being a burden. I used to bite my tongue a lot when asked how I was because I didn't see the point in making both of us miserable even though I know now that dishonesty makes things worse
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Oh, all too familiar with that feeling! For me, it's my family 'back home' that are a source of constant drama. I know I could cut ties with them, but until they do something truly wrong I can't bring myself to.
You write that you used to be this, that, and the other thing and that you're not now anymore. How did you get there? How did you stop? I want/need to do that.
well each thing was a journey of its own... I think for me a lot of it came from changing my thoughts consciously and having a clear goal -- like, I worked really hard to never even think negative things about myself (if I did, to immediately throw out the thought and replace it with a positive one, say it out loud, and try my best to believe it) and to remind myself to consider WHY someone might do something (because that helped me to have compassion). And also I was in counseling for about 3 years -- the first three counselors didn't help me much but then I found someone whom I really connected with and it was incredibly helpful. And cutting negative people out of my life and actively seeking positive people was helpful -- even though I was alone for a while I think my attitude about it is what helped to create the UNBELIEVABLY AMAZING web of friends I have now. I was going to write about this last thing but I'll give you the short version -- it's easy to discount one person who really loves you for who you are (maybe they're
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Josh is not being supportive at all right now and he is just so negative. Not that I'm not negative but he's not helping by his own negativity. Being that we are married I don't know what I'm meant to do but it's getting to the point where I'm constantly annoyed by this [see the post I just made]. I have no clue what to do. If I'm slumped on my sofa wanting to die what on earth makes him think I can just get up and go exercise so I can feel better? I'm so confused that I can't tell if he's being that much of a nightmare of if it's me being a total bitch.
I'm glad the two of you are back on friendly terms. I know what it's like to lose someone who means that much to you.
I can understand where they're coming from though. It's somewhat intimidating to be in the presence of someone in a better state of being than you are. Even though I know I can't change overnight, I become critical of myself for being so negative and then I expect the other person to be feeling the same way.
mmmm, I like what you said about having seen me when I was hurting, I do think that's part of it... a lot of things that might bowl someone else under (and would certainly have crushed me in the past) are pretty easy for me to handle now, and if a person never sees me getting swept under I suppose it can look like I'm invulnerable. Yet it is hard for me to share my vulnerability (still) so that creates a paradox. But this gives me more motivation to work on sharing my vulnerability. ♥
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I can understand where they're coming from though. It's somewhat intimidating to be in the presence of someone in a better state of being than you are. Even though I know I can't change overnight, I become critical of myself for being so negative and then I expect the other person to be feeling the same way.
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mmm, yeah, I hear you on that :-( that's hard.
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Aside from the oo-ing and aw-ing over your icon-y goodness, though, I agree!!! :)
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mmmm, I like what you said about having seen me when I was hurting, I do think that's part of it... a lot of things that might bowl someone else under (and would certainly have crushed me in the past) are pretty easy for me to handle now, and if a person never sees me getting swept under I suppose it can look like I'm invulnerable. Yet it is hard for me to share my vulnerability (still) so that creates a paradox. But this gives me more motivation to work on sharing my vulnerability. ♥
hee hee *hugs!!!*
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