well each thing was a journey of its own... I think for me a lot of it came from changing my thoughts consciously and having a clear goal -- like, I worked really hard to never even think negative things about myself (if I did, to immediately throw out the thought and replace it with a positive one, say it out loud, and try my best to believe it) and to remind myself to consider WHY someone might do something (because that helped me to have compassion). And also I was in counseling for about 3 years -- the first three counselors didn't help me much but then I found someone whom I really connected with and it was incredibly helpful. And cutting negative people out of my life and actively seeking positive people was helpful -- even though I was alone for a while I think my attitude about it is what helped to create the UNBELIEVABLY AMAZING web of friends I have now. I was going to write about this last thing but I'll give you the short version -- it's easy to discount one person who really loves you for who you are (maybe they're just specially kind), but when you have a whole group of people whom you really admire who admire and support you, you eventually are simply forced to realize that you are just as amazing as they are. And specifically with depression, I sought out things that brought me joy and made a big deal out of them and really focused on them, and when something bad would happen I would take it in manageable chunks, interspersed with happy distractions (like watching a sitcom) instead of doing what I used to do and trying to handle it all at once and getting completely stomped. I also made a point to treat myself -- at first I pretended like I was someone else giving it to me because that helped me to not feel guilty about it and feel loved by it, and eventually I was able to feel loved by myself without the pretense of separation. Actually that was really useful for me -- treating myself like I would treat someone else, because I knew how to love others but I didn't know how to love myself.
That's all very disorganized and off-the-cuff so let me know if anything needs explaining. ;-)
Josh is not being supportive at all right now and he is just so negative. Not that I'm not negative but he's not helping by his own negativity. Being that we are married I don't know what I'm meant to do but it's getting to the point where I'm constantly annoyed by this [see the post I just made]. I have no clue what to do. If I'm slumped on my sofa wanting to die what on earth makes him think I can just get up and go exercise so I can feel better? I'm so confused that I can't tell if he's being that much of a nightmare of if it's me being a total bitch.
That's all very disorganized and off-the-cuff so let me know if anything needs explaining. ;-)
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