Personally I really struggle with that same issue. I'm not afraid to voice my opinions to close friends, whom either agree with me or highly respect my point of view. I struggle the hardest to voice my opinion at work, especially because the culture here can be rather judgmental of people who don't live life fitted to a particular mold. (Though I continue to work here because I do love the actual work
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The teenagers that you are afraid of may be more wholesome than the people you're choosing to be near. In high school, I dressed like that -- well, maybe I dressed even "scarier" than the people you're avoiding -- but I was a very nice, harmless, clean-cut kid. This applied also to most of my friends, who -- though some made poor choices about substance abuse -- would never accost a stranger and had a strong moral compass regarding violence and kindness to others.
Take, for instance, my friend E--. He was a huge guy, dressed gothic, with wild, curly hair, mutton chops and a tongue ring. He was a veritable Hulk even without his big boots on. He came trotting up to an old lady in a parking lot, who was extremely alarmed to see him standing there... offering to help her put her groceries into the car. :)
I'm not saying you shouldn't trust your gut. Sometimes we have intuitive feelings that I don't feel we should ignore. But sometimes looks can be deceiving. :)
Yep, that's why I mentioned in my post that "not to say the latter wouldn't do the same, but generally based on what the media tells us which is all I have to go by
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Well, I think that being biased in the social sphere is different from being biased when you're dealing with your safety. While weird frottage perverts seem to tend to be well-dressed, muggers seem to tend not to be.
I don't think it's wrong for you to get on the train car with clean-cut people if only because they're similar to you in appearance -- you aren't obvious there and maybe less likely to be targeted? Whereas when you're the one tidy-looking person in a train car full of people who dress in a more alternative or aggressive manner, you are more apparent and sort of the odd man out?
It is a tough situation to consider, but maybe "sticking with your tribe" is the best way to be safe.
I'm incredibly confrontational with people I trust or people I'll never see again, and painfully indirect with the folk in between those two extremes
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Only difference between him and me (besides a diagnosis of a on-Spectrum neuro-thing) was that by the time I was his age, I'd gotten the Intimidating Crazy Person vibe down pat, and had learnt to hide behind it to watch people. Rob was awesome, he just needed space to show folk he was awesome.
I'm'a go out on a limb, based on your profile here and your presence on Bel's list and guess that you're awesome, too. :) <3
Me, I am still figuring out how to navigate the social waters. You'd think four years of college might have taught me that by now, but, it's a process! :D
Hmm... well, I think there are ways to bring up the topic without saying "You're wrong!" Maybe stop the person and ask "Why do you think XYZ? Have you thought about it this way instead?" and turn the problem into a conversation of ideas. Generally speaking, people are much more receptive when they don't feel attacked, even if you're not actually trying to attack someone. By starting up a conversation, you may not convert someone right away, but you can at least get the wheels turning. Sometimes people don't know any different, so the conversation could open up an entirely different way of thinking
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I relate to not knowing when to speak and when to let something slide as well. If it's a close friend, I will state my disagreement and why, sometimes more eloquently than others. If it's an authority figure, such as a teacher or boss, I will usually state a disagreement if I feel strongly enough as they are in a position that requires a lack of prejudice.
However, with a stranger I tend to not speak up. I have stated "Nah, I disgaree with that," without engaging in a debate where it was something I felt very passionate about but I generally feel I do not know strangers well enough to know if they're willing to grow or even see a need to.
It's really hard to know. Sometimes I only know by how I feel afterwards. If I should have spoken up and didn't, it eats away at me for ages afterwards.
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Take, for instance, my friend E--. He was a huge guy, dressed gothic, with wild, curly hair, mutton chops and a tongue ring. He was a veritable Hulk even without his big boots on. He came trotting up to an old lady in a parking lot, who was extremely alarmed to see him standing there... offering to help her put her groceries into the car. :)
I'm not saying you shouldn't trust your gut. Sometimes we have intuitive feelings that I don't feel we should ignore. But sometimes looks can be deceiving. :)
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I don't think it's wrong for you to get on the train car with clean-cut people if only because they're similar to you in appearance -- you aren't obvious there and maybe less likely to be targeted? Whereas when you're the one tidy-looking person in a train car full of people who dress in a more alternative or aggressive manner, you are more apparent and sort of the odd man out?
It is a tough situation to consider, but maybe "sticking with your tribe" is the best way to be safe.
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I'm'a go out on a limb, based on your profile here and your presence on Bel's list and guess that you're awesome, too. :) <3
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Me, I am still figuring out how to navigate the social waters. You'd think four years of college might have taught me that by now, but, it's a process! :D
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However, with a stranger I tend to not speak up. I have stated "Nah, I disgaree with that," without engaging in a debate where it was something I felt very passionate about but I generally feel I do not know strangers well enough to know if they're willing to grow or even see a need to.
It's really hard to know. Sometimes I only know by how I feel afterwards. If I should have spoken up and didn't, it eats away at me for ages afterwards.
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