Personally I really struggle with that same issue. I'm not afraid to voice my opinions to close friends, whom either agree with me or highly respect my point of view. I struggle the hardest to voice my opinion at work, especially because the culture here can be rather judgmental of people who don't live life fitted to a particular mold. (Though I continue to work here because I do love the actual work).
If I can, I try to just say what I think in passing and not make a big issue about it unless pressed for more information. If I don't "feel" like the situation is appropriate for my own opinions, I'll remain silent. There have been a number of occasions when the other person's opinion was just so strong, I felt actually ill. But again, if this person is not a close friend and I suspect they will not be respective of my views, I find it better to ignore them and excuse myself and not subject myself that that sort of "mental torture".
Do you think Lookism is only applied to "attractiveness" or can it also be applied other things? For example, when I get on a late night train, I always try to avoid the carriages that contain people whom I view as potential "trouble makers", such as young teenagers, wearing ripped jeans and skateboards, or just anyone who doesn't look "clean cut" (not sure how else to say it without sounding judgmental). And I try and sit with people who appear to me around my age, well dressed etc. This is because I feel safer since people have been known to be attacked / robbed on the trains by the former (not to say the latter wouldn't do the same, but generally based on what the media tells us which is all I have to go by), so I do judge people based on appearance to protect myself. I'm not sure if you see this as Lookism, but I find it very difficult to "fight off" this internal "survival" way of thinking.
The teenagers that you are afraid of may be more wholesome than the people you're choosing to be near. In high school, I dressed like that -- well, maybe I dressed even "scarier" than the people you're avoiding -- but I was a very nice, harmless, clean-cut kid. This applied also to most of my friends, who -- though some made poor choices about substance abuse -- would never accost a stranger and had a strong moral compass regarding violence and kindness to others.
Take, for instance, my friend E--. He was a huge guy, dressed gothic, with wild, curly hair, mutton chops and a tongue ring. He was a veritable Hulk even without his big boots on. He came trotting up to an old lady in a parking lot, who was extremely alarmed to see him standing there... offering to help her put her groceries into the car. :)
I'm not saying you shouldn't trust your gut. Sometimes we have intuitive feelings that I don't feel we should ignore. But sometimes looks can be deceiving. :)
Yep, that's why I mentioned in my post that "not to say the latter wouldn't do the same, but generally based on what the media tells us which is all I have to go by".
I should clarify that I don't at all judge people based on appearance at all for virtually anything else I can think of. The people I love the most in my life are covered in piercings, tattoos, cry "bloody murder" and as much as it breaks my heart, many of them so have substance abuse problems(aka, people my mother would never approve of ;) ), but I love them all so much, they have hearts of pure gold and I trust them with my life. I actually get told a lot by my co-workers that the people I am friends with don't seem to match me (which is absurd) because I am very "clean cut", no piercings, no tattoos, never even dyed my hair! Goodness, I don't drink alcohol, nor coffee or smoke lol. I get labeled "good girl" a lot, even though I think the term is just too strange.
On the flip side, working in the "corporate world", I've met one too many characters who are the exact opposite, though they are "well" dressed and clean cut. So much so I have had to file complaints to HR or confront them myself.
At the end of the day, I've (fortunately) never seen or been attacked on a train before, but I read about it (hence me mentioning the media, honestly if I didn't read the newspaper, I'd have no idea people could be attacked on trains! And the newspaper always seems to claim people with a "rough" appearance were the attackers) and know it's a real possibility. When I step on a train late at night, my intuition guides me and I sit around the people who I feel are safest to be with. Unfortunately, because I don't know any one on the train personally, I have nothing but their appearance to judge them with. I am completely against people who do judge based on looks, but in a situation like this? I'm often at a loss as what is the "right" thing to do, given I am absolutely terrified of ever being attacked :(
I consider myself to be an open-minded person, but the way my mind always seems to jump to conclusions in these sorts of situations always makes me wonder how open minded am I really? :( It's confusing.
Well, I think that being biased in the social sphere is different from being biased when you're dealing with your safety. While weird frottage perverts seem to tend to be well-dressed, muggers seem to tend not to be.
I don't think it's wrong for you to get on the train car with clean-cut people if only because they're similar to you in appearance -- you aren't obvious there and maybe less likely to be targeted? Whereas when you're the one tidy-looking person in a train car full of people who dress in a more alternative or aggressive manner, you are more apparent and sort of the odd man out?
It is a tough situation to consider, but maybe "sticking with your tribe" is the best way to be safe.
But again, if this person is not a close friend and I suspect they will not be respective of my views, I find it better to ignore them and excuse myself and not subject myself that that sort of "mental torture".
That really resonated with me.
And as for your dilemma you presented... to sit with those who appear less suspect is a false sense of security. However, if I presumed everyone to be potentially harmful I wouldn't make it pass the front door!
If I can, I try to just say what I think in passing and not make a big issue about it unless pressed for more information. If I don't "feel" like the situation is appropriate for my own opinions, I'll remain silent. There have been a number of occasions when the other person's opinion was just so strong, I felt actually ill. But again, if this person is not a close friend and I suspect they will not be respective of my views, I find it better to ignore them and excuse myself and not subject myself that that sort of "mental torture".
Do you think Lookism is only applied to "attractiveness" or can it also be applied other things? For example, when I get on a late night train, I always try to avoid the carriages that contain people whom I view as potential "trouble makers", such as young teenagers, wearing ripped jeans and skateboards, or just anyone who doesn't look "clean cut" (not sure how else to say it without sounding judgmental). And I try and sit with people who appear to me around my age, well dressed etc. This is because I feel safer since people have been known to be attacked / robbed on the trains by the former (not to say the latter wouldn't do the same, but generally based on what the media tells us which is all I have to go by), so I do judge people based on appearance to protect myself. I'm not sure if you see this as Lookism, but I find it very difficult to "fight off" this internal "survival" way of thinking.
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Take, for instance, my friend E--. He was a huge guy, dressed gothic, with wild, curly hair, mutton chops and a tongue ring. He was a veritable Hulk even without his big boots on. He came trotting up to an old lady in a parking lot, who was extremely alarmed to see him standing there... offering to help her put her groceries into the car. :)
I'm not saying you shouldn't trust your gut. Sometimes we have intuitive feelings that I don't feel we should ignore. But sometimes looks can be deceiving. :)
Reply
I should clarify that I don't at all judge people based on appearance at all for virtually anything else I can think of. The people I love the most in my life are covered in piercings, tattoos, cry "bloody murder" and as much as it breaks my heart, many of them so have substance abuse problems(aka, people my mother would never approve of ;) ), but I love them all so much, they have hearts of pure gold and I trust them with my life. I actually get told a lot by my co-workers that the people I am friends with don't seem to match me (which is absurd) because I am very "clean cut", no piercings, no tattoos, never even dyed my hair! Goodness, I don't drink alcohol, nor coffee or smoke lol. I get labeled "good girl" a lot, even though I think the term is just too strange.
On the flip side, working in the "corporate world", I've met one too many characters who are the exact opposite, though they are "well" dressed and clean cut. So much so I have had to file complaints to HR or confront them myself.
At the end of the day, I've (fortunately) never seen or been attacked on a train before, but I read about it (hence me mentioning the media, honestly if I didn't read the newspaper, I'd have no idea people could be attacked on trains! And the newspaper always seems to claim people with a "rough" appearance were the attackers) and know it's a real possibility. When I step on a train late at night, my intuition guides me and I sit around the people who I feel are safest to be with. Unfortunately, because I don't know any one on the train personally, I have nothing but their appearance to judge them with. I am completely against people who do judge based on looks, but in a situation like this? I'm often at a loss as what is the "right" thing to do, given I am absolutely terrified of ever being attacked :(
I consider myself to be an open-minded person, but the way my mind always seems to jump to conclusions in these sorts of situations always makes me wonder how open minded am I really? :( It's confusing.
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I don't think it's wrong for you to get on the train car with clean-cut people if only because they're similar to you in appearance -- you aren't obvious there and maybe less likely to be targeted? Whereas when you're the one tidy-looking person in a train car full of people who dress in a more alternative or aggressive manner, you are more apparent and sort of the odd man out?
It is a tough situation to consider, but maybe "sticking with your tribe" is the best way to be safe.
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That really resonated with me.
And as for your dilemma you presented... to sit with those who appear less suspect is a false sense of security. However, if I presumed everyone to be potentially harmful I wouldn't make it pass the front door!
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