I'm incredibly confrontational with people I trust or people I'll never see again, and painfully indirect with the folk in between those two extremes.
Example: when I was in highschool, I was a member of a church that kindof fit me and a youth group that SO didn't. I wanted to know what was truth; for the most part, the rest of the group wanted to know what was in style. One year, we got a new guy, younger than most of us, but painfully bright and not very socially savvy. Didn't grok unspoken cues; didn't take hints. Asperger's can do interesting things to how a person processes interactions. I took to him, though, because he asked questions like, "When you dream, what are the camera angles?" and he had the same memory for comedians that I have for musicians. Finally a kindred spirit! So the social stuff, I tried to fill him in on like an anthropologist ("Generally when folk make W face or say X, they mean Y, and Z is what keeps them from saying it plainly or out loud. Except when it's something else. But Z's a safe bet. If you ask what their Z is, they might actually tell you; they might not. Either way, data."), and we got through group things together. Less alone.
Still, there was teasing and nastiness from some of the other kids. And one morning, before we left for some mission-type adventure, I waited till my friend had left the room and cornered the folk who'd been bugging him. "Hey guys? How about giving Rob a bit less grief, huh?" "But he's such a little nerd. He's so clueless." "Yeah, and you harassing him isn't doing much to give him a clue." "But it's fun!" "For you. Look. You guys want to do something besides flip burgers for a living once you grow up?" "...Yeah." "Yeah. Tell me, what do you think Bill Gates was like as a kid?" Silence. "Think you might want to reconsider the way you treat cats like Rob? 'Cause they might well the ones signing your paychecks someday."
Best way to handle it? Maybe not. Intimidation and appeals to self-interest are base. But effective. They laid off of him, started actually listening when he spoke, and life got easier.
Only difference between him and me (besides a diagnosis of a on-Spectrum neuro-thing) was that by the time I was his age, I'd gotten the Intimidating Crazy Person vibe down pat, and had learnt to hide behind it to watch people. Rob was awesome, he just needed space to show folk he was awesome.
I'm'a go out on a limb, based on your profile here and your presence on Bel's list and guess that you're awesome, too. :) <3
Me, I am still figuring out how to navigate the social waters. You'd think four years of college might have taught me that by now, but, it's a process! :D
Thanks for posting that video. I find a lot of people I know walk a fine line between trying to be funny and saying something that sounds genuinely homophobic or racist, and there are times when I've wanted to confront them but haven't known how to go about it. Keeping this video in mind will definitely help.
Example: when I was in highschool, I was a member of a church that kindof fit me and a youth group that SO didn't. I wanted to know what was truth; for the most part, the rest of the group wanted to know what was in style. One year, we got a new guy, younger than most of us, but painfully bright and not very socially savvy. Didn't grok unspoken cues; didn't take hints. Asperger's can do interesting things to how a person processes interactions. I took to him, though, because he asked questions like, "When you dream, what are the camera angles?" and he had the same memory for comedians that I have for musicians. Finally a kindred spirit! So the social stuff, I tried to fill him in on like an anthropologist ("Generally when folk make W face or say X, they mean Y, and Z is what keeps them from saying it plainly or out loud. Except when it's something else. But Z's a safe bet. If you ask what their Z is, they might actually tell you; they might not. Either way, data."), and we got through group things together. Less alone.
Still, there was teasing and nastiness from some of the other kids. And one morning, before we left for some mission-type adventure, I waited till my friend had left the room and cornered the folk who'd been bugging him. "Hey guys? How about giving Rob a bit less grief, huh?"
"But he's such a little nerd. He's so clueless."
"Yeah, and you harassing him isn't doing much to give him a clue."
"But it's fun!"
"For you. Look. You guys want to do something besides flip burgers for a living once you grow up?"
"...Yeah."
"Yeah. Tell me, what do you think Bill Gates was like as a kid?"
Silence.
"Think you might want to reconsider the way you treat cats like Rob? 'Cause they might well the ones signing your paychecks someday."
Best way to handle it? Maybe not. Intimidation and appeals to self-interest are base. But effective. They laid off of him, started actually listening when he spoke, and life got easier.
)O(
Jay Smooth at illdoctrine.com posted a video a little while ago about addressing the action instead of the mindset when confronting a prejudice, since addressing the mindset tends to send folk off on a defensive spin, derailing the whole conversation. Good stuff.
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I'm'a go out on a limb, based on your profile here and your presence on Bel's list and guess that you're awesome, too. :) <3
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Me, I am still figuring out how to navigate the social waters. You'd think four years of college might have taught me that by now, but, it's a process! :D
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