Your honesty and your undying need for finding beauty and love in this world is such a thing of absolute wonderfulness. And no one should ever have the right to take those away from you.
It's your life, Bel. You're the only one living it, so you better live it your way. And I know you are.
you should be feel proud of yourself for being so open & honest about everything...
it takes a lot of strength to do so, i think as long as you carry your honesty and openness about everything you do with ben, he shouldn't get upset.
unless, he's the type to be very jealous or insecure? i don't think so, though... continue to talk about this with him & make sure everything's understood.
thank you ♥ He's not a very jealous person, really -- his hesitation comes from concern over who comes into my life and therefore into his. He doesn't have much of a problem with the idea of 'sharing' me. ;-)
Hehe. We do have different philosophies about sex, but for the most part I completely agree with you. It should be an intimate expression of a deep connection you feel with a person, and i think you said that very well.
I'm more of a dater though, I like taking girls out and treating them well. I just enjoy it so much!!!
It's hard work. It's not accepted. It's something people have a really tough time swallowing for the most part. It's worth it.
I just read The Ethical Slut (http://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Infinite-Sexual-Possibilities/dp/1890159018 Didn't feel like embedding it, sorry). It was great. You have a lot of the things they talk about already figured out, but it was such a good book that I'm recommending it to everyone I know who would appreciate it.
verrrrry cool! ;-) I read a few of the reviews and don't think that book would be something I'd especially enjoy, since I don't see sex as (the reviews said) the authors see it. Knowing my views and having read the book, what do you think? Do the authors present sex as a sort of fun activity, or more of a serious thing?
One of the things I really enjoyed about the book is that they present it both ways. They don't think that sex should have any limits other than the ones you put on it yourself, so they see no point of putting it one way or another.
It is directed a lot at the casual kind of sex, but then it also has entire chapters dedicated to people who have triad relationships and so on.
I actually think you'd like it from what I've learned of you. They're completely in to owning your emotions and treating yourself well. That's really the main point of the book, learning to respect and love yourself enough to be true to yourself about what you want from relationships and sex. I know you have a lot of that already, so did I though. It was very reaffirming though, and very much open, not at all advocating one way of being sexual or another (aside from the fact that neither of them really like monogamy).
I agree with you so much on that! in fact, I object to the use of the word 'promiscuous,' myself, and am gonna go edit that bit out. The reason I don't have casual sex has nothing to do with not wanting to be seen as whatever-whatever. And you're right, I was being defensive! I hadn't even realized it. Shocking how these things get ingrained. Just like the choice to have a few friends or a lot, the choice to have sex with a few or a lot has to do with the individual, not how they rank on some scale of 'chastity' or, inversely, 'popularity.'
"I want to live in a world where a woman can have one life-time sexual partner or 100, and not have to defend or explain herself."
I hear you. What a beautiful place. At the extreme isn't it true that you don't HAVE TO explain or defend, it's just sort of so strongly expected that it feels like a "must?" And if that's the case, in a small way, then the world you want is already here. Just needs expanding.
I can see both the inherent challenge and reward in having a poly situation. I've experienced an "open" relationship before willingly and soon after regretted the decision to do so. I didn't recognize that my urge to have multiple partners at once was essentially a band aid to my wounded relationship. Being in a triad situation was a way to repress the problems occurring with my gf and myself at the time. Presently, that lifestyle is no longer in my realm of thinking or will ever be again although I pose no opposition for anyone else who chooses to follow that path
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Comments 67
It's your life, Bel. You're the only one living it, so you better live it your way. And I know you are.
♥
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awww!
you should be feel proud of yourself
for being so open & honest about everything...
it takes a lot of strength to do so, i think
as long as you carry your honesty and openness
about everything you do with ben, he shouldn't
get upset.
unless, he's the type to be very jealous or insecure?
i don't think so, though... continue to talk about
this with him & make sure everything's understood.
Reply
Reply
Hehe. We do have different philosophies about sex, but for the most part I completely agree with you. It should be an intimate expression of a deep connection you feel with a person, and i think you said that very well.
I'm more of a dater though, I like taking girls out and treating them well. I just enjoy it so much!!!
It's hard work. It's not accepted. It's something people have a really tough time swallowing for the most part. It's worth it.
I just read The Ethical Slut (http://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Infinite-Sexual-Possibilities/dp/1890159018 Didn't feel like embedding it, sorry). It was great. You have a lot of the things they talk about already figured out, but it was such a good book that I'm recommending it to everyone I know who would appreciate it.
Yay yay yay!!!
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Reply
It is directed a lot at the casual kind of sex, but then it also has entire chapters dedicated to people who have triad relationships and so on.
I actually think you'd like it from what I've learned of you. They're completely in to owning your emotions and treating yourself well. That's really the main point of the book, learning to respect and love yourself enough to be true to yourself about what you want from relationships and sex. I know you have a lot of that already, so did I though. It was very reaffirming though, and very much open, not at all advocating one way of being sexual or another (aside from the fact that neither of them really like monogamy).
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thanks for your thought-provoking comment! ;-)
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:)
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I hear you. What a beautiful place. At the extreme isn't it true that you don't HAVE TO explain or defend, it's just sort of so strongly expected that it feels like a "must?" And if that's the case, in a small way, then the world you want is already here. Just needs expanding.
A great post. Thanks for pointing this out.
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