I've realized my life has become this cycle of hilariously sad things. I've also realized that it doesnt bother me as much anymore when everything falls apart. I guess this is growing up.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

i keep waiting for my heart to stop
beating, thinking.
i turn calmly and face the night.
your darkness holds a welcoming
feeling.
impervious is my sanctuary.

so i'm still in this damn rut. i'm not so sure its a rut anymore but more so a lack of knowledge of who i am. i feel like i took this leap from 21 to 23 and have no idea where the hell i went inbetween. except that i did all this changing but not much of it seems for the better. i REALLY don't take cafe of myself emotionally. or physically, really ( Read more... )

So i've hit this rut. again. and instead of beating myself up over it i'm going to deal with it. i'm not letting myself hide behind that anymore. this. pattern. needs. to. be. broken. it WILL be broken ( Read more... )

so this guilt thing. never really realized it was a big deal-i always thought that i dealt with things in a timely and healthy manner HAHA boy i AM good at denial! so lets start to dissect this business. things i feel guilty about: cheating on chris, not being as understanding towards his situation, leading on mike. things that make me feel bad ( Read more... )

its feels like i can never be good enough. i know you see more in me and thats why you push me. i can see your logic and i know that you love me-that is not in question. what IS in question is why i can't feel like me being down is okay. if it wasn't such a "taboo" thing for you would it happen as often? every relationship that i've been in it has ( Read more... )

So you broke down ( Read more... )

over a bottle of wine with fantastic fatty food and even better conversation did i realize that we're in a much better place than i'd dreamed. i'm growing up. i'm ready, i'm there. bring it on life! your plot twists and misunderstandings, i'm taking you down. lets do this, i've grown into my patience and i'm growing into my potential.

lone little wolf.

Thomas surprised me with....a surprise vacation! A resort in WI for a week! Skiing, mini golf, snowmobiling, NYE party, good good food, and best of all a bunch of bumming around! YES ( Read more... )