So, we've made it. I'm 18. Didn't think I'd make it this far. Last weekend I spent with my friends, going out to eat and celebrating.  We had a special dinner with my mom on Monday, and the last of the celebrations are coming up in a couple days with my dad. Javier sent me an album of pictures from the exchange and a note. That was very sweet of ( Read more... )

I can't believe I haven't written anything in here since February. Not much has happened, though, and I'm getting to be less dependent on a journal since I've gotten good real-life outlets. Also have less problems than I did when I was younger. Suppose it's actually a good sign, though I do miss it. Sometimes I worry if I won't remember things I ( Read more... )

I'm starting to get a little anxious about things now. I've told my dad I want to change my name this year, and I'm planning on seriously bringing up the possibility of starting T soon, too. But.. now that it's "close" (in my mind) I'm getting sort of scared. Not about "if I'm wrong"- I'm a guy, and I know I'm a guy, and I'm fine with that. But.. ( Read more... )

 I need to change how I see the world. I've been living by rules created in my head, created by fiction. I need to learn how to play by the rules of the real world. Wallowing in self-pity/misery may be "fun" in the moment but it gets me nowhere. I need to do some work on my own to get the ball rolling in life. Being confident is what helps you feel ( Read more... )

So.. *blows dust off of thread ( Read more... )

 ...Wow. It's been a while since I wrote anything. I've been meaning to since Thursday, I think, but I just kept getting distracted. Things are going better. I can't say they're perfect (partially b/c I just wasted half an hour trying - and failing- to download the new WoW patch, but that's beside the point), but I've had a few moments where I've ( Read more... )

Things are sort of in a rough patch right now. Between Javi leaving, family troubles and changes, older brother leaving for college, changing friends/peers, school, future worries and identity issues- not just gender wise-... stress is starting to get the better of me. I'm feeling lonely, incompetent at school and with my mother, frustrated with ( Read more... )

The three weeks have ended. Javi's gone. Our group had a twenty-minute-long hug-fest after school, everyone crying, hugging, trying to squeeze out every last second they could before they had to leave: people even were trying to hold hands once they were on the bus, reaching through the windows, running after it as it pulled away ( Read more... )

 Well, things have been a little unsteady lately. The group has been sort of faded, and William's getting really strong. Don't know why- guess because of some dreams I've been getting obsessive again. As always, never know if it's him communicating, him having them with me watching, me having them.. and it doesn't really matter. I love them ( Read more... )

Well, yesterday came close to, if not becoming, the worst day in my living memory. BUT- I think we're okay now. Moving day was horrible- constant stress, worrying about myself, the rabbit, my mom, trying to deal with music lessons in the middle of it and going back and forth everywhere- didn't eat more than a sandwich until dinnertime, and barely ( Read more... )