Revelation in progress
I need to change how I see the world. I've been living by rules created in my head, created by fiction. I need to learn how to play by the rules of the real world. Wallowing in self-pity/misery may be "fun" in the moment but it gets me nowhere. I need to do some work on my own to get the ball rolling in life. Being confident is what helps you feel better about yourself, is what gets other people to notice you. Sitting alone in a corner might get a few people to notice for a moment, but if you continue to pull away, they'll lose interest. Life isn't like the movies, the books. You need to try for yourself.
I need to stop being self-centered. Everything in the world does not revolve around me- the way people act, even towards me, is not always influenced by how they feel about me. It doesn't mean that I've done something wrong if they don't act positively. I need to stop censoring my thoughts- I'm allowed to think whatever I want. The part that I have to watch is what I express, and even there I can let my guard down sometimes. I need to stop being so harsh with myself.
I need to get over Javi. And Davya. I need to realize that the tension I feel in the relationship is from what I've put there myself. I didn't ruin the relationship by telling him I loved him. I opened myself up, and we just didn't fit. That's okay. I can't let it take over and dictate how I treat the relationship. I need to treat him like a friend- make an effort to talk, to learn about him, to try and learn how to talk to him. How to be playful and joking with other people. If I show him that I'm relaxed and interested.. maybe he'll act the same, too. It's not that he wants to cut me out of his life- I'm just not making it any easier on *him* to talk to *me* with the way I've been acting.
I need to stop being so desperate and longing. Instead of getting depressed and wallowing in my shortcomings, I should use them as inspiration, motivation to better myself. I should work on making myself the best person I can be, and then all the other pieces will fall into place once I've made the space for them. Things can get better. I just have to talk the first step.
I need to stop being self-centered. Everything in the world does not revolve around me- the way people act, even towards me, is not always influenced by how they feel about me. It doesn't mean that I've done something wrong if they don't act positively. I need to stop censoring my thoughts- I'm allowed to think whatever I want. The part that I have to watch is what I express, and even there I can let my guard down sometimes. I need to stop being so harsh with myself.
I need to get over Javi. And Davya. I need to realize that the tension I feel in the relationship is from what I've put there myself. I didn't ruin the relationship by telling him I loved him. I opened myself up, and we just didn't fit. That's okay. I can't let it take over and dictate how I treat the relationship. I need to treat him like a friend- make an effort to talk, to learn about him, to try and learn how to talk to him. How to be playful and joking with other people. If I show him that I'm relaxed and interested.. maybe he'll act the same, too. It's not that he wants to cut me out of his life- I'm just not making it any easier on *him* to talk to *me* with the way I've been acting.
I need to stop being so desperate and longing. Instead of getting depressed and wallowing in my shortcomings, I should use them as inspiration, motivation to better myself. I should work on making myself the best person I can be, and then all the other pieces will fall into place once I've made the space for them. Things can get better. I just have to talk the first step.