just to be clear

[babycatcher33]

My three living children have my time and attention for 363 days a year.  I don't think it's unreasonable to take two days a year to remember Abby.  Two days is not wallowing in my grief.  It's not unnatural or unhealthy to give in to my grief.

I wish I could totally remove myself from my life and spend these next two days exactly the way I want

Comments

[crazyshell]

*hugs* I'm thinking of you, J.

[wlotus]

I certainly hope your self-defense in the first paragraph was not caused by someone who was self-righteous enough to tell you how you "should" grieve.

You are in my thoughts.

[babycatcher33]

You'd be surprised.

I know that in general, people mean well, but it's been suggested to me (and TOLD to me) that I shouldn't focus on my grief, and just be happy that I have three beautiful children with me to love.

I *do* feel defensive about it, the way I'm fiercely defensive of anything involving Abby or keeping her memory alive.

It seems the experts on grief are generally people who have never lost a child :-/

[wlotus]

It seems the experts on grief are generally people who have never lost a child :-/

I used to experience something similar when I was unhappily single. Coupled people and people who had no desire to find a partner had a lot to say about how I "should" feel about being single. I spent a lot of time either ranting or biting my tongue to keep from biting their heads off.

I have never lost a child. I don't understand that kind of grief. But I do understand your need to grieve in whatever way seems right to you.

[gala_lynn]

*Hugs* Will be thinking about you.

[babycatcher33]

Thanks C :-}

[babycatcher33]

Thanks Kenzie. It's a conflicting feeling sometimes, wanting to remove myself to be present with Abby, and knowing I need too (and want to) be here with my other girls. The busyness surrounding Abby's Days this year is just not ok, and I know that next year will be very different.

[juliel]

Janice,
Please know I am praying for you, today and tomorrow especially. I feel your pain, and can relate on so many levels. While, the anniversary of losing Isaiah isn't until August 29th for me, it's especially hard this month, as one of my good friends from church is due any day, having a boy, and has already named him Isaiah.
I know how hard it is to lose someone you love so very much, you have the blessed memory of holding your baby--even if only briefly, while she still breathed life. Thank God for that--and remember He knows your grief more than any of us ever could.
Praying for you,
Julie

[babycatcher33]

The pain of losing a child is something I know you can relate to. It's like the pain of labour - unique to each woman, impossible to describe, and unimaginable until you go through it yourself.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers - I know I'll need them.