In Which Artemis Delivers the Promised Rant

[artemisrampant]

 The radio show itself was very good, if a tiny bit condescending.  She mentioned that in many cases, the motivation behind bicurious experimentation among teenagers has to do with confusion more than anything else, and it does not mean that they are truly bi or gay.  That bugged me, because I hate it when adults imply that you can't trust how a

Comments

[lyricalecho]

Aw, hon. *hugs* Let me know when you figure this all out, because I am just as confused as you are and I would like to know the answer.

Um, also. A question-- and this is by no means directed at you but is just me trying to sort out my own feelings.
Do you ever... do you ever get the sense that, yes, you have these glaring girlcrushes that are very probably not normal, but that maybe-- maybe-- you want to be a little bit on the non-straight side of things? That maybe you're exaggerating it?

AGAIN. NOT DIRECTED AT YOU AT ALL.

ETA: ARGH this is just sounding terrible no matter how I phrase it. DDD: See, the thing is with me, there's definitely curiosity. It's there. But sometimes I wonder if I would pay much attention to it, or view it as anything significant, if I wasn't so vaguely gay-obsessed. Or if I didn't think it would make me more interesting.
THAT SOUNDS AWFUL, ARGH. THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE AWFULLEST THING AND I AM NOT TRYING TO MAKE IT THAT WAY but do you see what I mean? If you don't, it's fine, I don't know that *I* do.

[artemisrampant]

Oh god, no, I know EXACTLY what you mean. I never really trust my own feelings. There's a part of me...and this is going to sound really weird...that feels like straight relationships just aren't as good, and that there's something more pure and real about a gay couple. This doesn't happen ALL the time, but I often am convinced that a straight couple will break up eventually, but a gay couple is in love forever and always. That's completely false and idealized, but I can't help thinking it.

Part of me does want to be gay, and I don't think I'll ever know exactly how much that affects my feelings. I'm really really trying not to over-analyze it and just go with my gut reaction, but it's harder than anything. I don't know how to separate out my real feelings. Argh. Does that make any sense at all?

[lyricalecho]

*sigh* Oh my god, I was so terrified you were going to be like WHAT NO OLIVIA YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON >( WE ARE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE so um. Have I mentioned in the past few hours how much I love you for being my braintwin? <3 And I know EXACTLY what you mean, oh god. Let's be confused together?

[artemisrampant]

<333 Deal. Sometimes I just cannot believe how similar we are - it's comforting, because otherwise I would just assume I'm a total lunatic. Love you, Echo, and thank you for EVERYTHING.

[pargoletta]

One thing that I have observed over the years is that human sexuality -- female sexuality in particular -- tends to be more fluid than most people care to admit. There are days when I think that the pre-19th-century formulation of "I [like/have sex with] my own gender" may indeed be more useful than a categorical "I am gay" or "I am bi." Some people do decide in their teens that they are only attracted to one gender, and some people take longer to decide. Some people change their minds halfway through their lives.

The first thing she said was that most girls who think they are gay are just intimidated by boys, and think that it would be easier and less nerve-wracking to be with other girls.

Whether or not she's right about you, I think your mom does have the beginnings of a point here; there are an awful lot of girls who are gay in college and then "magically" discover boys once they've graduated (I believe that one less-than-polite term is "Daddy's Money Lesbians.") You seem pretty sure of yourself, so it probably doesn't apply

[artemisrampant]

I know what you mean. I know that my mom was right about a few things in there. I was arguing because it felt like she was looking at the issue too narrowly, but I know there are plenty of girls like this.

Thank you so much for your response. I know she'll come around eventually, because she always has been a really great mom. I'm just nervous, and I guess anybody would be.

[skepticeddie]

It may be too late to comment on this, but I have to. Sorry

[artemisrampant]

Jealous, man. I've got a crush, but it's on a friend who I really do not want to lose, so I've been keeping it to myself. I don't think I've ever had anything reciprocated, and if I have I've been too much of a wuss to find out about it.

Recently, if you were curious, my mom has been googling my username and finding my lj and some forum posts I've made about being bi. We had a sort of awkward talk about it, and it's very clear that she doesn't believe that I'm actually bi. She also freaked out about me making it public, to which I say, who the hell cares, but she seems to think it's a huge deal. Argh. It's gotten to the point where my good friends know, and most other people don't just because it's never come up. The only people I feel like I need to actively hide it from is my family. I know they'll be accepting, but at the same time they'll be really weird about it, especially my dad.

Society sucks. That's basically the gist of my life. DX

[skepticeddie]

I know how you feel. I've been there, done that, and I'm glad to have moved on. I'm actually incredibly surprised with how well my little budding romance has been progressing, because I didn't know I actually had it in me to have a decent relationship with someone. Don't you worry, love, things will get better

[artemisrampant]

It's so hypocritical, really. My parents are always asking "so how's the love life," as a joke mostly, but you can tell they want their seventeen year old daughter to get on with it and have a boyfriend and be normal. But if I actually found a girl who liked me back, they'd probably try to tell me how school is more important and I shouldn't waste my time trying to label myself, et cetera et cetera.

I know, it's so creepy. She also found that I read/write a lot of slash, and the way she was talking, she seemed to think that it had somehow ruined my straightness. She said something about how she feels like she failed to "protect" me. I know she means well, but come on. Seriously? She makes me feel like I need to friend-lock everything.

[artemisrampant]

I guess my parents have always been worried about me looking like a freak in front of everybody at school. Like the time I wore my steampunk goggles all day. Or my Phantom of the Opera mask. Or my Kaylee cosplay. What they don't realize is that I hang out with my friends at school all the time, and I *act* like someone who would do that stuff. I don't really give a crap. It's just them who think I'm ruining my reputation.

I know that they mean well, but I think we have very different ideas on how important social opinion is.

[skepticeddie]

Yeah...well, on the plus side, the older you get, the more YOUR opinion matters and the more and more places you have where you can really be yourself. That's comforting.