In Which Artemis Delivers the Promised Rant
The radio show itself was very good, if a tiny bit condescending. She mentioned that in many cases, the motivation behind bicurious experimentation among teenagers has to do with confusion more than anything else, and it does not mean that they are truly bi or gay. That bugged me, because I hate it when adults imply that you can't trust how a teenager thinks about herself, because she's all jumbled and confused anyways. However, the talk show host did say that there are teenagers who will figure out that they are gay, and nothing the parent can do or say can affect that decision. I liked that.
I should take this moment here to officially say that yes, guys, I am pretty bicurious myself, and sometimes I think I'm getting gayer by the second. But I'm pretty sure most of you have figured this out, because I'm not exactly subtle about it. Despite the fact that I hate that teenagers' emotions can't be trusted, I have to admit that "confused" is really the only word for me right now. Still, it's definitely more than just idle curiosity, and I do not want anybody assuming that I'm going to be totally straight once I get rid of all these pesky hormones.
Which brings me to my mother. At first we weren't talking at all, it was just her driving and me sitting there going "omg, omg, don't ask me about it PLEASE," because it's really nerve-wracking thinking about coming out when you're not even entirely sure what you'd be coming out as. And then we sort of started talking about it in generalizations. We never brought up my personal thoughts, but they were sort of implied in the issues I argued with her about. She didn't ask about me. I don't think she wants to know, at least not right now.
The first thing she said was that most girls who think they are gay are just intimidated by boys, and think that it would be easier and less nerve-wracking to be with other girls. That kind of pissed me off - one, for the reasons above, and two, the though has occurred to me, and I get pretty defensive. I know that it doesn't really apply to me...it's more than that. But I argued with her on that point, saying that this is not the case with all of them. She's very quick to judge, I've noticed, and from the tone of her voice she was definitely writing off all young lesbians as silly teenage girls going through a phase. This is not at all what I want her to be thinking.
The conversation was largely her bringing up all the reasons a girl could be not REALLY gay, and me defending that there actually are lesbian teenagers in the world, and they're not as uncommon as she thinks.
The only point that we both agreed on was the "experimentation" part - namely that teenagers are really too young to be having any sort of sex, and especially something casual and experimental. It's not something that can be stopped, but it would be a lot easier if my peers could just learn to keep it down at kissing, thank you.
Basically, I now feel like I cannot confide in my mother about the one issue I've been dwelling over obsessively recently. It sucks, because even though I was nervous, I did want to tell her at some point. She's my mom. We've bonded over rom-coms and This American Life and a mutual love of ice cream. I trust her enough to let her know, but if she's going to pigeon-hole me, then maybe I just shouldn't. It's just...this whole time, to paraphrase a great piece of coming out literature, I've just wanted to tell somebody, and I've told nobody. Well. I guess, now I've told you guys. Thanks for being awesome friends who make me feel like I actually do have a place to rant about this. A girl on the radio today was saying that she's lost friends since she's come out, and that would be hell to go through. I'm glad I just have all of you. <3
I should take this moment here to officially say that yes, guys, I am pretty bicurious myself, and sometimes I think I'm getting gayer by the second. But I'm pretty sure most of you have figured this out, because I'm not exactly subtle about it. Despite the fact that I hate that teenagers' emotions can't be trusted, I have to admit that "confused" is really the only word for me right now. Still, it's definitely more than just idle curiosity, and I do not want anybody assuming that I'm going to be totally straight once I get rid of all these pesky hormones.
Which brings me to my mother. At first we weren't talking at all, it was just her driving and me sitting there going "omg, omg, don't ask me about it PLEASE," because it's really nerve-wracking thinking about coming out when you're not even entirely sure what you'd be coming out as. And then we sort of started talking about it in generalizations. We never brought up my personal thoughts, but they were sort of implied in the issues I argued with her about. She didn't ask about me. I don't think she wants to know, at least not right now.
The first thing she said was that most girls who think they are gay are just intimidated by boys, and think that it would be easier and less nerve-wracking to be with other girls. That kind of pissed me off - one, for the reasons above, and two, the though has occurred to me, and I get pretty defensive. I know that it doesn't really apply to me...it's more than that. But I argued with her on that point, saying that this is not the case with all of them. She's very quick to judge, I've noticed, and from the tone of her voice she was definitely writing off all young lesbians as silly teenage girls going through a phase. This is not at all what I want her to be thinking.
The conversation was largely her bringing up all the reasons a girl could be not REALLY gay, and me defending that there actually are lesbian teenagers in the world, and they're not as uncommon as she thinks.
The only point that we both agreed on was the "experimentation" part - namely that teenagers are really too young to be having any sort of sex, and especially something casual and experimental. It's not something that can be stopped, but it would be a lot easier if my peers could just learn to keep it down at kissing, thank you.
Basically, I now feel like I cannot confide in my mother about the one issue I've been dwelling over obsessively recently. It sucks, because even though I was nervous, I did want to tell her at some point. She's my mom. We've bonded over rom-coms and This American Life and a mutual love of ice cream. I trust her enough to let her know, but if she's going to pigeon-hole me, then maybe I just shouldn't. It's just...this whole time, to paraphrase a great piece of coming out literature, I've just wanted to tell somebody, and I've told nobody. Well. I guess, now I've told you guys. Thanks for being awesome friends who make me feel like I actually do have a place to rant about this. A girl on the radio today was saying that she's lost friends since she's come out, and that would be hell to go through. I'm glad I just have all of you. <3