I really enjoyed reading this. I think the beginning is very strong - the places that I would make cuts are the details of your encounters with death and your time in Guatemala.
While the details are good, there are almost too many, especially since you need to cut three pages. I think some of the experiences you describe in detail will be still be effective if you only touch on them, for example, talk about only one the deaths you experienced freshman year, and much more briefly. Perhaps something like:
My freshman year of college, a family friend died of a heart attack. I was numb from shock. Up until this point in my life, my greatest trial had been my mother’s alcoholism. No one close to me had died before. Here I was tested, and here again I began to doubt God’s goodness. After his death faith became a wrestling match between God and me. How could such a good man die so young? Would he be in Heaven or Hell? Did it matter? Was Christ really “the Truth, the Way and the Light?” Could righteous non-Christians be welcomed into
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Hi, let me say that for a first draft, this isn't bad in and of itself. You've obviously thought a lot about what has shaped your reasons for pursuing an M.Div
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The other commenters have given great advice, as usual. I think this essay looks great, and just needs some tweaking and cutting. A few more things that I noticed
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I really enjoyed reading your essay. It definitely shows that you gave this some serious thought. Also, in this essay, you come across as genuine, mature, and introspective
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While the details are good, there are almost too many, especially since you need to cut three pages. I think some of the experiences you describe in detail will be still be effective if you only touch on them, for example, talk about only one the deaths you experienced freshman year, and much more briefly. Perhaps something like:
My freshman year of college, a family friend died of a heart attack. I was numb from shock. Up until this point in my life, my greatest trial had been my mother’s alcoholism. No one close to me had died before. Here I was tested, and here again I began to doubt God’s goodness. After his death faith became a wrestling match between God and me. How could such a good man die so young? Would he be in Heaven or Hell? Did it matter? Was Christ really “the Truth, the Way and the Light?” Could righteous non-Christians be welcomed into ( ... )
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