The other commenters have given great advice, as usual. I think this essay looks great, and just needs some tweaking and cutting. A few more things that I noticed:
1) As others have said, this is too wordy. You seem to have three main threads here: your childhood/middle school turning to Christianity, your experiences with death, and your time in Guatemala. I think all three say a lot about you and should remain in, but you can definitely trim them down a lot. For example, I'd cut down the "death" part of the essay to just the story of your friend's father; that anecdote seemed by far the most meaningful. Similarly, your time in college can probably be cut completely.
2) In addition to cutting anecdotes, you can also reduce and combine a lot of your sentences to save space. For example, you write, "I know that my two weeks in Guatemala had little tangible effect on their daily lives; however, I also know that their love and God’s decree to serve the least of all imprinted on my heart over those weeks. Guatemala was my crucible for developing a strong, passionate faith." The second sentence there is basically a rewording of the second half of the first sentence. You can easily combine them.
3) As another commenter said, you need a fit paragraph. Emory's divinity program is fantastic, but why is it a great program for you specifically?
4) Little nitpick: You write about attending "St. Pious X". I'd check the spelling on that; I know the high school in the metro Atlanta area spells it "Pius". (caveat: I'm Episcopalian, not Catholic, so I could be wrong!)
Also, yay for Atlanta! I grew up in North Dekalb and played in a wind symphony that rehearsed at Emory. Isn't it a great area?
1) As others have said, this is too wordy. You seem to have three main threads here: your childhood/middle school turning to Christianity, your experiences with death, and your time in Guatemala. I think all three say a lot about you and should remain in, but you can definitely trim them down a lot. For example, I'd cut down the "death" part of the essay to just the story of your friend's father; that anecdote seemed by far the most meaningful. Similarly, your time in college can probably be cut completely.
2) In addition to cutting anecdotes, you can also reduce and combine a lot of your sentences to save space. For example, you write, "I know that my two weeks in Guatemala had little tangible effect on their daily lives; however, I also know that their love and God’s decree to serve the least of all imprinted on my heart over those weeks. Guatemala was my crucible for developing a strong, passionate faith." The second sentence there is basically a rewording of the second half of the first sentence. You can easily combine them.
3) As another commenter said, you need a fit paragraph. Emory's divinity program is fantastic, but why is it a great program for you specifically?
4) Little nitpick: You write about attending "St. Pious X". I'd check the spelling on that; I know the high school in the metro Atlanta area spells it "Pius". (caveat: I'm Episcopalian, not Catholic, so I could be wrong!)
Also, yay for Atlanta! I grew up in North Dekalb and played in a wind symphony that rehearsed at Emory. Isn't it a great area?
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