Fic - Jensen/Jared - The Past Never Stays There - chapter 3/14
Title : The Past Never Stays There - Chapter 3/14
Author : angels3 aka Angela
Beta : munimula - who is the best beta ever and any mistakes left are so mine, and there will probably be a plenty as I had to rework some things after she sent it back to me. (sorry muni there was a couple of places I just didn't know how to fix so I left it.)
Word Count : 6573
Pairing : Jensen/Jared
Supporting Characters : Eric, Kim, Sera, Mike, Tom, Chris, Steve, Chad, Kylan (who is a figmant of my imagination
Disclaimers : They don't belong to me because if they did.............................
Warnings : RPS M/M sex . This chapter is NC17 just to be on the safe side but I think it's a hard R, no pun intended.
Summary : This is the sequel to When Things Come Crashing Down. It starts immediately where that story left off.
You know that person that Chris never had the name for? Well he may soon get it. Jensen and Jared have to deal with someone from Jensen's past.
***I have no idea where the pilot for Still Life was shot but it suited my purposes to have it shot in North Carolina so I could extend the time Jensen was there**** I'm still crying that he was three hours away from me and I didn't know it. I didn't watch Dawson's Creek after season two.
Chapters - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12a 12b 13a 13b 14
Kylan
PDF for The Past Never Stays There
Jared woke to sun streaming across his face where he'd forgotten to close the blinds, and the spot beside him empty. He touched the sheets, relaxing at the warmth they still radiated. He heard the soft sigh coming from the bathroom, answering the unspoken question of not only where, but what Jensen was doing. The bathroom was at an angle to where the bed was placed so he couldn't look straight through, but Jensen had left the door open. With just a little shifting, Jared could catch Jensen's reflection in the full length mirror that hung on the wall.
Jensen was completely naked with his feet planted apart for balance while he relieved himself. His head was thrown back, and his eyes closed at what Jared knew was almost an orgasmic feeling. Jared watched as the muscles in Jensen's back and ass flexed, his own morning erection jerking at the sight.
"You know, that's just a little bit creepy," Jensen's voice floated out of the bathroom.
"What's creepy?"
"Watching someone piss," Jensen replied, never opening his eyes.
"You left the door open," Jared rationalized.
"Yes, but you were asleep, and I didn't think you could see in. I didn't take into account your weird ass mirror placement," Jensen finished and made his way over to the sink.
"Did you really think I'd give up a chance at seeing you naked?"
"I was peeing, you freak," Jensen reiterated.
"Naked," Jared reminded.
"Fine! I give up. Move the hell over," Jensen sighed, pushing at Jared's shoulder to get him to move.
Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen and pulled him down on top of him.
"So what are we doing today?" He asked as Jensen settled himself more comfortably onto Jared's body.
"Well, neither one of us has looked at the script for tomorrow so I'm thinking we'd better get those lines down or Kripke and Kim will kill us."
"Yeah, not a good thing to face first thing in the morning," Jared agreed. "Oh, by the way, Chris called last night, or it may have been this morning," Jared mused, nuzzling behind Jensen's ear.
"What did he need?" Jensen asked tipping his head to the side to give Jared more room.
"No clue," Jared shrugged, because really Chris never did say. "He said he'd get up with you later."
"Alright, can't be too important if he didn't make you wake me up."
Jensen pushed himself up, sliding off the foot of the bed.
"Where are you going now?" Jared whined.
"To let the dogs out and start some coffee," Jensen said, pulling on lounge pants and an old T-shirt.
"Fine," Jared groaned, rolling over and sitting on the edge of the bed. "I'll start some breakfast, then we can go over the new episode."
"I'd like my eggs scrambled, bread lightly toasted, bacon not crispy and a couple of pancakes." Jensen just barely dodged the shoe that Jared aimed at him.
"Just for that, make sure you squeeze my orange juice fresh, none of that carton shit this morning," Jensen said as he disappeared out the door.
Jared could still hear him laughing all the way down the hall.
"Ass," Jared mumbled under his breath, standing up, contemplating just how wrong he could get that order and not get cut off for a year.
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Five hours later, Jared was ready to beat his head on the floor he was currently sprawled across.
"Who the hell thought up this shit and then committed it to paper?" Jared complained.
"Jay, you know you'd make a pretty girl. You’re halfway there after all. I'd bet I could get your hair in pigtails and everything."
Jensen tried to keep a straight face but Jared's glare of death sent him over the edge.
"Why didn't they have you thinking you're a sixteen year old girl?" Jared was close to throwing a Padalecki tantrum the likes the world had never seen, and that was saying something since Jared had seen some of Megan's.
"Think of it as stretching your wings, something new to tackle," Jensen said, choking back more laughter.
"That's okay, you keep laughing, and I'm going to have a little chat with Sera, see if we can't come up with a nice juicy story for Dean," Jared smirked as he ran over interesting scenarios in his head.
Jensen stopped laughing his face going from mirth to worry. Sera was scary, there was no telling what she would come up with alone, but with Jared whispering in her ear poor Dean would end up tied to a bed half naked, with an Incubus hovering around. Okay, maybe not. Jared seemed to be a little possessive and somebody would have to play that part, but Jensen knew whatever they would come up with would be bad, very bad.
Jensen's little comment about spreading his wings had triggered a definite idea. Jared would have to talk to Sera tomorrow because the more he thought about it the more the the idea began to take shape and the harder he got.
"Jared? I don't know what you’re thinking, but stop. I didn't come up with the script." Jensen's voice disintegrated into a whine at the end. "You know you'd be laughing if it was Dean."
"Oh, I know, but you certainly seem to be enjoying it just a little too much," Jared's grin grew wider.
He knew he’d enjoy it if it had been Dean being zapped and thinking he was a teenage girl, but there was no way Jared was going to give up on the plan forming quickly in his head. He had no doubt that Sera would love the idea and the fans, they were going to go ballistic. The idea solidified when ten pages later, Sam was decked out in pink glitter pens, bracelet, and, Oh Hell No! There was no way he was wearing fluorescent pink nail polish. He'd forget to take the shit off and Jensen wouldn't tell him. Jared could already imagine the looks he'd get at the grocery store, or even worse, the bar.
Jared heard Jensen choking, and when he looked up, Jensen's face was bright red, his lips compressed in a thin line, trying to hold it in.
"I'm going to go..... the room..... be back," Jensen's voice broke as he rushed out of the living room.
Jared could hear the muffled howls of laughter and the wheezing coming from what had to be Jensen's face buried in a pillow.
"Oh yeah, I'm definitely talking to Sera tomorrow," Jared mumbled under his breath.
Wings were most assuredly in order. Jensen hated having to show his body off, preferring to be known for his acting, but sometimes you just had to do both. Jared was going to make sure wings were a part of it. He could picture it now. Dean cursed for opening his smart mouth as always, but to the wrong person, not that, that hadn't happened before, hello, Daddy Demon. They'd make it back to the place they were squatting, because a motel wouldn't do in this episode. Dean would double over before falling to his knees, his back hunched over as the pain arched through his body. Jared could see Jensen on the ground, shirt torn away when the wings broke through, sweat glistening across the plane of his back.
Jared wasn't picky about much else except the wings needed to be white, maybe with an iridescent glow to them, like the sheen you get from mother of pearl. The only other requirement was that Jensen would be shirtless for at least half the episode. Sera would love it, if she hadn't already toyed with the idea. Jared had no idea how he'd keep his hands off Jensen, but he'd find a way. Maybe he'd work out how to borrow them for the weekend. That would keep his mind occupied for a little while at least. Shit! He'd have to make sure wardrobe gave him the extra baggy Sam jeans because he'd be hard the whole time, but it would be so worth it.
Jensen stopped at the end of the hallway, watching the grin he had named 'Trouble' spread across Jared's face. He groaned, knowing there was definitely going to be payback. He ran his fingers through Jared's hair on his way back to the couch. They spent another couple of hours working on lines before calling an end to work, with Jensen preoccupied with all kinds of horrendous plot lines that Jared would be whispering to Sera come Monday morning.
Jensen had decided to cook, nothing spectacular, because they were at Jared's, and unless you wanted white bread sandwiches with sour gummy worms as filler, the choices were limited. Thankfully, there were pork chops in the freezer, he had taken them out to thaw during one of their breaks. It wasn't that Jared didn't know how to cook, rather the lack of time, coupled with the hatred of cleaning up behind himself that drove him to eat out nine times out of ten. It confused the shit out of Jensen because every time Jensen had cooked, Jared had helped him clean up. Jared had explained by saying, that was different but Jensen really despised paradoxes and circular thinking. It gave him a freaking headache, and Jared had to be one of the bigger paradoxes to exist, so Jensen did the only thing he could and just let it be.
Jensen seasoned the pork chops and placed them in the oven to bake. He set everything up to steam some rice and tried to decide what else he could find in Jared's barren cabinets. He finally gave up, and threw a salad together, leaving it in the fridge until everything else was ready. Jared had taken the dogs for a quick walk around the block. Jensen would have typically gone with him to do, but he had been caught sneezing and sneaking Dayquil and Jared refused to let him out of the house until they went to work the next morning. As he sat waiting for Jared to come back he got lost in past memories.
He was nearing the end of his run on Dawson’s Creek, the story line slowly winding itself out and he had started to look at other projects. Things had been quiet lately with the exception of Chris and Steve. They had been his best friends for years and when they decided to start seeing each other he’d been thrilled for them, but worried that if things didn’t work out he would be in a no win situation with both pulling him in opposite directions.
His sleep was interrupted by the insistent buzzing of his phone. Leave it to Chris to call him at seven in the morning, the fucker probably hadn't even been to bed yet. Chris was pissed about some guy hitting on Steve. Jensen just did not get it. Steve loved Chris and would never cheat on him, and Chris knew it, but his insecure side would raise up like a tornado, ripping anything in it's wake apart. Unfortunately, Steve was more often than not at ground zero.
Jensen fielded calls from both sides of the equation, Chris needing someone to vent to, and Steve needing someone just to listen to him explain that he didn't want anyone else and since Chris was being hardheaded, Jensen was the next best thing. Jensen wondered sometimes when he got his degree in marital counseling.
Jensen had daydreamed about knocking some sense into Chris' head more than once. Steve always sounded so lost and confused when Chris would slide into his own head, obsessing about Steve leaving him. Steve felt like Chris didn't trust him and Chris couldn't seem to shake his fear of abandonment. Jensen knew that if they didn't get their shit together they were going to destroy something special. It had taken a year of serious talks and lots of yelling, but they had finally figured it out. Jensen always measured his relationships by theirs and, so far, none had even come close. Well, until Jared.
Needless to say, Jensen couldn't go back to sleep after Chris' call, so he packed up and headed to the beach. Filming in North Carolina did have it's advantages, after all. He only ever stayed a couple hours at the time as he was prone to burning, whenever he spent any time in the sun, his freckles looked like they had been splashed across his face with neon paint. He was just about to call it a day and head back to the cottage he'd rented when one of the girls a few feet away started screaming.
Jensen followed the girls horrified gaze out to a surfer that seemed to be struggling with his board, but a closer look proved it wasn't the board he was struggling with, it was a shark. Jensen could see the dorsal fin moving back and forth as the surfer was shaken and disappeared below the waters surface. He kept his eyes trained on the last spot he'd seen the surfer running into the oncoming waves, while yelling at the girls to call 911.
He was thigh deep when he saw the surfer bob back to the surface, the dorsal fin of the shark moving the other way before it disappeared under the water. It felt like it took an eternity to reach the surfer and the closer he got, he could see the blood tinted water as the man tried to paddle back in with one arm, the other trailing limply in the current. Jensen moved alongside the board until he was able to detach the ankle line so he could use it to pull the board back to shore, the whole time keeping watch for a return visit from the shark.
Looking at the surfer, Jensen realized just how young the man was, not a man really more a boy in his late teens, probably not much younger than him. The kid was losing a lot of blood and his face was a sickly shade of ghost white and pale gray. Jensen stroked a little bit harder and faster, trying to get him to help . By the time he was able to walk instead of swim the rescue trucks could be heard on the main road and a couple of the guys that had been further down the beach when the screaming started were finally close enough to help him pull the kid onto the beach.
They quickly worked together to apply a tourniquet to the upper portion of his arm, right above where most of the damage seemed to be, trying to stem the flow of blood that was coloring the sand around to a deep rust. One of the girls had grabbed all the beach towels she could find, covering the kid up to stave off shock as much as possible although Jensen was sure it was a little late for that. The surfer’s lips were blue and pressed tightly together, but he finally managed to answer Jensen's attempts to get his name, saying it was Mark. Jensen was also able to get a phone number for Mark's mom before the rescue team took over.
Jensen still had sirens ringing in his ears and the taste of iron heavy at the back of his throat, while he rinsed his hands off repeatedly, using sand to scrub at them. He could still see blood under his fingernails and in the fine lines of his knuckles, but it was the best he could do at the time. He made a quick stop to pick up his book and beach paraphernalia, trying to compose in his head what he could say to Mark's mom to make it easier, but then decided there wasn't a way and to just go with what he knew. He had promised Mark as they were loading him into the ambulance that he would call and try to keep her calm. Mark seemed to be very worried about her falling apart. Luckily she lived in the same state but he didn't know how far away she was.
The phone call went about as expected. Jensen told Mark's mom what happened, and that he'd been conscious when they left to go to the hospital, but that he didn't know anything else.
Jensen called the producer and asked if he could have the day off, explaining what happened, and that he felt like he should go to the hospital at least until Mark’s mom got there. The producer told him he would shoot around his scenes and to do what he needed to do.
When he got to the hospital, he handed over the contact information he had, explaining he had already spoken with Mark’s mom. Four hours later, and no information later, a woman rushed into the waiting room, distress and tears marking her face. She spoke with the nurse, taking the clip board she was handed. Jensen saw the nurse point at him, and the lady following the motion with her head. The woman, who Jensen could only assume was Mark's mom, made her way towards him. She dodged his outstretched hand and pulled him into a full body hug, thanking him profusely.
Jensen could tell from the heat running up his neck that he was blushing the shade of a tomato. When she pulled back, allowing him to breath, he tried to tell her it was what anyone would do, but she didn't want to hear it. She felt he was a hero and he just better accept it, at which point Jensen made the wise decision to shut up and not fight it. She introduced herself as Cecelia but she said everyone just called her Celia or Celi. Celia told him the nurse was calling up to the O.R. one of the nurses would be coming down to tell them what was going on.
A few minutes later, a nurse arrived in scrubs to speak to Celia. She dragged Jensen with her to the surgical waiting area, telling him he should know what was happening too, since she would be waiting at morgue if it wasn't for him. Jensen tried to explain that he wasn't the only one that helped, but she said he was the one that was here waiting when he didn't have to be.
The nurse explained that they had stopped most of the major bleeding, and that it would likely be another two or three hours before Mark was out of surgery. The doctors were trying to repair as much damaged blood vessels and muscle and minimize the tissue loss as much as possible and that a plastic surgeon was there as well in the hopes that less reconstruction would be necessary if he could do what was manageable right away.
Jensen spent the next few hours telling Celia what happened, and trading stories about things they'd done in their lives. Jensen talked about his family and how he got homesick sometimes. Celia talked about her job and how Mark had a penchant for trouble, even when he wasn't looking for it. When the nurse came to take her back to the recovery room she hugged Jensen again and told him that one day someone would know just how special he was and they better hang on to him, or they'd have her to answer to.
Jensen hadn't been able to get to the hospital in person since the day of the attack. He was finishing up his filming for Dawson's Creek, and he had done several readings for a new pilot. He had kept in touch with Celia, and one week later he got a call asking if he would come by the hospital. They were releasing Mark, but she wanted a proper goodbye and Mark wanted to meet the guy with **the eyes**. Jensen's confused silence caused Celia to laugh. She explained that the only thing Mark could remember as shock took over was Jensen's eyes and his voice. The doctors said it wasn't unusual when someone that had experienced the type trauma Mark had for them to be able to focus on one thing, if at all.
Mark was sitting on the end of the bed looking a hell of a lot better than the last time Jensen had seen him. Celia was in a chair with her back to the door, but what caught Jensen's attention was the guy talking to Mark. The guy was probably 6’ maybe 6’1" with dark wavy hair. His t-shirt was stretched across broad shoulders. Jensen followed the path of worn cotton where it was tucked into worn denim, and then lower, but it was the guy's voice that captivated Jensen. It had an almost lyrical quality to the accent.
Mark saw him first, waving him in as the guy finished what he'd been saying. Jensen moved into the room as the man turned to see who Mark was waving at. Jensen found himself looking into eyes the color of the ocean. It took a minute for him to realize Celia was doing introductions. Jensen blinked a few times and focused, accepting Mark's thanks and nodding to the guy Celia introduced as Kylan Barclay. Celia explained that he was a marine biologist that specialized in sharks and their behavior and had been following the increase in shark attacks along the eastern coastline.
Kylan said that he had been astonished at the high number of attacks starting in Florida and going as far north as New York, he asked if Jensen had some time that he could talk to him about what he'd witnessed. Jensen told him he did, but that he didn't see much it happened so fast, and he was more focused on Mark than the shark. The nurse came in with Mark's release papers and a wheel chair. Jensen said his goodbyes, promising to keep in touch. Kylan asked if he knew where he could get some decent coffee, and as they say the rest was history.
Jensen heard the back door open and the sound of clickity click of nails on hardwood floor, followed closely by the thump, thump of Jared kicking his tennis shoes off. A few seconds later, Jared appeared around the corner, his nose leading the way.
"Something smells awesome," he said as he opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water.
"You're lucky you smell anything. It's the grocery store for you tomorrow. On second thought, we'll both go, you'll come home with beer and candy and nothing else," Jensen scolded.
Jared just grinned and finished his water.
"Go take a shower, while I start the rice, you smell like wet dog," Jensen said, wrinkling his nose.
"Yeah, but you love me anyway," Jared kissed the top of Jensen's head as he went by on his way to the bathroom.
"Yeah, I do," Jensen whispered to himself.
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Conversation flowed during supper and clean up, and Jensen tried to find some way to bring up the subject of Kylan, but he never found an opening where it seemed to fit in. He knew the longer he waited, the harder it would be to tell Jared everything because he was only going to tell this story once and then that was it. He didn't want to think about it much less talk about it ever again. Unfortunately, with the very real possibility of Kylan visiting, Jensen had a feeling it wasn't going to be over anytime soon.
They were laying on the couch watching a documentary on the maternal instincts of gorillas. Jared was sprawled across the couch with Jensen lying between his legs, his back against Jared's chest. Jared's arms were wrapped around his waist, hands resting on his stomach. Jensen hated to destroy the quiet mood, but he needed to tell Jared, and he thought he just might get it all out if he didn't have to look at Jared's face while telling the story.
"Jared?"
"Yeah?"
"About that message..."
"I'm listening," Jared said, squeezing Jensen just a little tighter before scooting down and bringing Jensen even closer to him.
"I feel like I need to start at the beginning," Jensen explained.
"Tell me whatever you want to Jen. It can be everything or just part of it. I just don't want you carrying whatever it is alone."
"Okay," Jensen said slowly as he hesitated. "I've never told anyone, not even Chris." He said softly.
Jared realized just how much Jensen trusted him and loved him to tell him something that someone Jensen viewed as a brother didn't even know. He readied himself for whatever Jensen had to say, knowing he would need to keep his questions until Jensen was finished. He'd learned that peppering Jensen with them when he was telling you something you not only allowed him the opportunity to think about what he was doing but the feelings that were so clearly seen in Jensen's eyes were lost in the stops and starts. Of course with Jensen's back to him he couldn't see his eyes, but if it made Jensen more comfortable then he’d get over it.
Jensen took a deep breath, traveling back five years, recounting Chris' phone call, the trip to the beach, the shark attack and the many hours spent at the hospital with Mark’s mom. Jensen took a moment to steel himself for what he was about to drag into the light. Jared ran his hands up and down Jensen's arms, hoping to will some of his strength into Jensen, wanting to shore up the damage that Jared was sure was about to be revealed. Jared decided a couple of questions would help ground Jensen before he continued, even if he had told himself he’d keep his mouth shut.
"Is that why you always change the channel when it's shark week?" Jared asked, thinking that this was the reason for Jensen's curious quirk.
"Part of it," Jensen acknowledged.
Jared figured he wouldn't be much into watching sharks either if he'd seen one tear a chunk out of somebody and then had the nerve to put himself in the water with it to help someone, thinking that any minute you could be the dessert.
"You feel like telling me the rest?" Jared asked, leaving a soft kiss against Jensen's temple.
"Feel like it?" Jensen's weak chuckled jolted his body. "No, I don't feel like it, but I need to tell you. I've kept it to myself a long time. I thought I'd pushed it down and hidden it away where I'd never have to deal with it again. I thought I was okay with it." Jensen said in one long rush. "But if that were the case, watching the specials shouldn't bother me should it? His voice on my machine shouldn't make me sick to my stomach or cause my heart to try to beat its way out of my chest?"
"Jared will you do me a favor?" Jensen asked, twisting a little, so he could see Jared's face. "Will you promise not to tell Chris? I know you asked him who Kylan was," Jensen put his hand up to stop Jared from trying to explain.
"I'm not mad, well maybe when I first thought about it, I was, but I understand, I really do. If you were upset or hurt, I'd do anything to find out what happened and who did it. I just don't want Chris in jail. You, I can keep an eye on, Chris not so much and Steve's not in the same state to do it for me."
"I'm not going to make a promise I can't keep," Jared responded, "You know how Chris is. I will promise to do my damndest to make sure he knows how upset you'd be if he did something stupid and got hurt in the process, not to mention how guilty it would make you feel. Not that you would have any reason to be, Chris loves you, and he's a big boy he makes his own decisions for good or for bad."
"Yeah, I know how Chris is," Jensen sighed. "Alright but can we at least sugar coat it and hope for the best?"
Jared nodded as he tightened his arms around Jensen, wishing he could never hear about Jensen being hurt.
Jensen leaned back on Jared, breathing deeply and settling into the warmth of Jared's arms.
"We went out for coffee, no big deal, I told him what I had seen, which like I said, wasn't much. I did remember seeing its tail, fin, whatever come out of the water and thinking it was a fucking big shark. He asked me about how big and did I remember anything about the dorsal fin. I told him it looked like the shark had shaken Mark like a dog with a chew toy before they disappeared under the water. Anyway, we talked about the attack for about an hour and I figured you know he'd be getting on with whatever he needed to do, but he kept talking, eventually about regular things like movie, music and books.
When we finally got up to leave, he said he was going to be in town for awhile and wanted to get together. I wasn't seeing anyone, and I was attracted to him, so I figured, hell, why not. We hung out at the beach, went to bars, did all the dating things. Kylan would leave for a few days at a time to investigate an attack, but overall we spent almost nine months together. I never even noticed the change in the relationship. I've never been attracted to possessive, jealous people, and he wasn't like that at the beginning.
Kylan got a little more aggressive, a little more possessive, we'd go to a party, and if I spent more than a minute with anyone, didn't matter if the person was male or female, he'd get an attitude. I tired to smooth things over but it just got easier not to go out, then to start a fight. I found out later he'd been screening my calls, going through my mail, when I realized just how out of hand it had gotten, I cornered his cameraman at the airport. They were checking out a hot spot off of Florida where there had been several accounts of feeding frenzies in the area, and they had just gotten back.
I wanted to know if he was normally like that, or if it was something I'd done to cause him to act the way he had been. I'd never really had a conversation with Terry before, every time I picked Kylan up, he always said Terry had a ride, or Kylan showed up wherever alone, so I wasn't prepared." Jensen took a shuddering breath and snuggled deeper into Jared.
"Weren't prepared for what Jensen?" Jared prompted massaging the tense muscles in Jensen's neck. He'd decided being quiet was not a condition he could mantain for long periods of time.
"Terry was nice. He said that he'd seen it happen time and time again and it made him sick. When I asked him what it was, he told me to give him a minute, so he could get his bags, and we could talk outside, Kylan was trying to locate his bags in the Bermuda Triangle of missing luggage and would be occupied for awhile." Jensen paused.
"Once we got outside he told me he was sorry, that I seemed like a real nice guy, that he hated the way Kylan treated people. I didn't really understand since every time I'd seen Kylan speak to someone he was always polite. Terry said that Kylan and one of his friends liked to make bets. They would email back and forth about the person they had picked out to play with. They had a point system based on the person, you got points for gender, race, sexual experience, you name it, and they had it on the list."
"I couldn't even say anything, I was in shock. Terry said he knew the guy that Kylan bet with had wiped the floor with him on the last bet and Kylan was looking to regain the points lead. Terry also said that apparently something was a little different with me, since he'd never seen Kylan stick around this long. Usually Kylan would get laid, tally his points and gloat but for some reason he seemed to want to keep me on the burner, and the other guy was giving him hell about it. He also told me that Kylan hadn't bothered to stop looking for new mark each time they went to a new area. Terry's cab pulled up, but he told me right before he left that I should be careful, that Kylan didn't like to lose."
"Fucking bastard," Jared said through gritted teeth.
"Oh, it gets better," Jensen stated softly.
"You don't have to tell me, Jen, if you don't want to."
"No, I think you deserve to know why I get a little shifty."
"Alright but if you want to stop, I'm not going to be mad."
"I know Jay."
"So what happened when you saw Kylan?" Jared asked.
"Nothing, well not right away. You know I'm not going to create a great big scene in public. I didn't really want to take him back to my place, and he had a hotel he'd been staying in so I took him there. He kept asking me what was wrong, I lied, of course, told him nothing, that I'd just had a rough day of filming. He kept touching me, putting his hand on my leg or the back of my neck. I thought I was going to puke. Every time he opened his mouth to talk, my skin would crawl."
"When we got to the hotel I confronted him about the bet, he tried to tell me it was just for fun that guys did shit like that. I told him the last time I checked, I was a guy, and I had never bet on getting into somebody pants much less had a fucking points system. He kept telling me it didn't mean anything, and that I was being to sensitive. I asked him how many points he had accumalted while he was gone. He didn't bother to deny it. When I went to leave, he didn't take it to well." Jensen stopped, hoping Jared wouldn't ask him what that meant, but he knew Jared and there was no way that was going to satisfy him.
"What do you mean he didn't take it well?" Jared asked.
"There was a physical altercation?" Jensen answer was more a question.
Jared growled at Jensen's obvious attempts to not answer his question. "What kind of physical altercation Jensen?"
"I had to go to the hospital, can we leave it at that?"
"No, we cannot leave it at that. Tell me what the hell happened." Jared lifted Jensen up and turned him around so that he could see Jensen's face.
"We got into a fight. I do know how to fight Jay."
"Yes, I know that Jensen. How about you tell me why you had to go to the hospital?"
"Well, we apparently were disturbing the peace. The police showed up and arrested Kylan. Of course he had to make his own trip to the emergency room before they could take him to jail," Jensen gave a sheepish grin.
"Good, now tell me why you had to go," Jared ordered.
"Fine," Jensen sighed heavily. "I had a black eye, busted lip, a concussion, three broken ribs and some bruises."
"Mother fucker!"
"When I went to leave, he hit me in the back of the head with a flashlight. He decided to kick me while I was down, literally, that's how I got the broken ribs.
"He wasn't expecting me to fight back I guess, he seemed slightly shocked when I broke his jaw and shattered his knee. The police tried to get me to file charges, but I was stupid. I thought it was over, that Kylan would just leave since the shit had hit the fan. I was wrong, again.
"He kept showing up everywhere I looked. He managed to make it on the set, I'd see him hanging around my apartment. I finally had to file a restraining order. It didn't stop him though. I found my tires slashed, my apartment was broken into. I changed my phone number four times, but he still found it and called all hours of the day. He never said anything, I could just hear him breathing. My answering machine would be full of nothing but static and breathing. It would have been less stressful if he'd been spewing threats, but to listen to minutes upon minutes of nothing, knowing the person behind it wanted to drive you insane."
"The most disturbing thing though was he acted like nothing had happened. Like we had some minor disagreement and he was trying to win me back, matter of fact he pretty much used those words. It's like he totally disconnected from the reality of what he did and was doing. The more I told him to stop and leave me alone the more determined he was that we would be together."
"I was almost glad when the pilot wasn't picked up. I got a call a month later about the Smallville role, read for it, got hired, and I left. Last time I heard, he was in Australia far, far away from me." Jensen finally ran out of words. "I don't know if I can deal with that shit again Jared. I never left the house, it got to the point where I seriously considered homicide or suicide."
Jared's breath caught in his chest at the thought of never having the opportunity to know Jensen, it left him cold inside and out. He had stayed as quiet as he could through Jensen's story, only pushing when he thought he needed to, and biting his tongue bloody trying not to curse the bastard to hell while Jensen was telling his story. He wasn't sure what it would take but there was no way in hell that Kylan was getting anywhere near Jensen if he decided to show his face.
"I'm sorry," Jensen apologized.
"What are you sorry for?" Jared asked, pulling Jensen into his lap and wrapping himself around him.
Jensen lay his head on Jared's shoulder before answering, "I guess for saddling you with all my shit, not being what you thought I was."
"Jensen you’re exactly what I thought you were. You're kind, and generous. You're so fucking talented it's sickening. You work your ass off even though you could skate by on your looks. You love your family and friends more than you do anything in this world and you love me better than anybody ever has or will. Everybody has baggage Jensen, sometimes it’s the whole ensemble, not just the carry on. If you love somebody, it doesn’t matter, you deal with it together and it makes you stronger. It makes us stronger," Jared finished. He pulled Jensen's face down to his to leave a soft kiss on his lips.
Authors Note - The shark attack that was described actually happened. The kid was named Mark and his mom was Celi as we called her. I didn't know Mark all that well but his mom worked with mine for fifteen years or more. She cooked cookies and food for my first wedding. In the fall of 2000 he was attacked at Wrightsville Beach while paddling out. He said that he felt a bump on his arm, and when he turned to see what it was all he saw was the sharks eye. He didn't have time to grab his board to try and stay afloat. The shark bit his upper arm, pulled him under, shook him and let him go. He has no idea why and the whole way in he kept expecting to be attacked with all the blood in the water. The person that actually helped him to shore was another surfer that wittnessed the attack and was close by. The girls on shore saw it as well and called 911 probably saving his life as well as the other surfer.
He has had several surgeries to repair the damage of course it will never be the same. I used to have a picture but after my hard drive crashed for the hundreth time I lost it somewhere in cyberspace. He still enjoys surfing and the beach.
Author : angels3 aka Angela
Beta : munimula - who is the best beta ever and any mistakes left are so mine, and there will probably be a plenty as I had to rework some things after she sent it back to me. (sorry muni there was a couple of places I just didn't know how to fix so I left it.)
Word Count : 6573
Pairing : Jensen/Jared
Supporting Characters : Eric, Kim, Sera, Mike, Tom, Chris, Steve, Chad, Kylan (who is a figmant of my imagination
Disclaimers : They don't belong to me because if they did.............................
Warnings : RPS M/M sex . This chapter is NC17 just to be on the safe side but I think it's a hard R, no pun intended.
Summary : This is the sequel to When Things Come Crashing Down. It starts immediately where that story left off.
You know that person that Chris never had the name for? Well he may soon get it. Jensen and Jared have to deal with someone from Jensen's past.
***I have no idea where the pilot for Still Life was shot but it suited my purposes to have it shot in North Carolina so I could extend the time Jensen was there**** I'm still crying that he was three hours away from me and I didn't know it. I didn't watch Dawson's Creek after season two.
Chapters - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12a 12b 13a 13b 14
Kylan
PDF for The Past Never Stays There
Jared woke to sun streaming across his face where he'd forgotten to close the blinds, and the spot beside him empty. He touched the sheets, relaxing at the warmth they still radiated. He heard the soft sigh coming from the bathroom, answering the unspoken question of not only where, but what Jensen was doing. The bathroom was at an angle to where the bed was placed so he couldn't look straight through, but Jensen had left the door open. With just a little shifting, Jared could catch Jensen's reflection in the full length mirror that hung on the wall.
Jensen was completely naked with his feet planted apart for balance while he relieved himself. His head was thrown back, and his eyes closed at what Jared knew was almost an orgasmic feeling. Jared watched as the muscles in Jensen's back and ass flexed, his own morning erection jerking at the sight.
"You know, that's just a little bit creepy," Jensen's voice floated out of the bathroom.
"What's creepy?"
"Watching someone piss," Jensen replied, never opening his eyes.
"You left the door open," Jared rationalized.
"Yes, but you were asleep, and I didn't think you could see in. I didn't take into account your weird ass mirror placement," Jensen finished and made his way over to the sink.
"Did you really think I'd give up a chance at seeing you naked?"
"I was peeing, you freak," Jensen reiterated.
"Naked," Jared reminded.
"Fine! I give up. Move the hell over," Jensen sighed, pushing at Jared's shoulder to get him to move.
Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen and pulled him down on top of him.
"So what are we doing today?" He asked as Jensen settled himself more comfortably onto Jared's body.
"Well, neither one of us has looked at the script for tomorrow so I'm thinking we'd better get those lines down or Kripke and Kim will kill us."
"Yeah, not a good thing to face first thing in the morning," Jared agreed. "Oh, by the way, Chris called last night, or it may have been this morning," Jared mused, nuzzling behind Jensen's ear.
"What did he need?" Jensen asked tipping his head to the side to give Jared more room.
"No clue," Jared shrugged, because really Chris never did say. "He said he'd get up with you later."
"Alright, can't be too important if he didn't make you wake me up."
Jensen pushed himself up, sliding off the foot of the bed.
"Where are you going now?" Jared whined.
"To let the dogs out and start some coffee," Jensen said, pulling on lounge pants and an old T-shirt.
"Fine," Jared groaned, rolling over and sitting on the edge of the bed. "I'll start some breakfast, then we can go over the new episode."
"I'd like my eggs scrambled, bread lightly toasted, bacon not crispy and a couple of pancakes." Jensen just barely dodged the shoe that Jared aimed at him.
"Just for that, make sure you squeeze my orange juice fresh, none of that carton shit this morning," Jensen said as he disappeared out the door.
Jared could still hear him laughing all the way down the hall.
"Ass," Jared mumbled under his breath, standing up, contemplating just how wrong he could get that order and not get cut off for a year.
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Five hours later, Jared was ready to beat his head on the floor he was currently sprawled across.
"Who the hell thought up this shit and then committed it to paper?" Jared complained.
"Jay, you know you'd make a pretty girl. You’re halfway there after all. I'd bet I could get your hair in pigtails and everything."
Jensen tried to keep a straight face but Jared's glare of death sent him over the edge.
"Why didn't they have you thinking you're a sixteen year old girl?" Jared was close to throwing a Padalecki tantrum the likes the world had never seen, and that was saying something since Jared had seen some of Megan's.
"Think of it as stretching your wings, something new to tackle," Jensen said, choking back more laughter.
"That's okay, you keep laughing, and I'm going to have a little chat with Sera, see if we can't come up with a nice juicy story for Dean," Jared smirked as he ran over interesting scenarios in his head.
Jensen stopped laughing his face going from mirth to worry. Sera was scary, there was no telling what she would come up with alone, but with Jared whispering in her ear poor Dean would end up tied to a bed half naked, with an Incubus hovering around. Okay, maybe not. Jared seemed to be a little possessive and somebody would have to play that part, but Jensen knew whatever they would come up with would be bad, very bad.
Jensen's little comment about spreading his wings had triggered a definite idea. Jared would have to talk to Sera tomorrow because the more he thought about it the more the the idea began to take shape and the harder he got.
"Jared? I don't know what you’re thinking, but stop. I didn't come up with the script." Jensen's voice disintegrated into a whine at the end. "You know you'd be laughing if it was Dean."
"Oh, I know, but you certainly seem to be enjoying it just a little too much," Jared's grin grew wider.
He knew he’d enjoy it if it had been Dean being zapped and thinking he was a teenage girl, but there was no way Jared was going to give up on the plan forming quickly in his head. He had no doubt that Sera would love the idea and the fans, they were going to go ballistic. The idea solidified when ten pages later, Sam was decked out in pink glitter pens, bracelet, and, Oh Hell No! There was no way he was wearing fluorescent pink nail polish. He'd forget to take the shit off and Jensen wouldn't tell him. Jared could already imagine the looks he'd get at the grocery store, or even worse, the bar.
Jared heard Jensen choking, and when he looked up, Jensen's face was bright red, his lips compressed in a thin line, trying to hold it in.
"I'm going to go..... the room..... be back," Jensen's voice broke as he rushed out of the living room.
Jared could hear the muffled howls of laughter and the wheezing coming from what had to be Jensen's face buried in a pillow.
"Oh yeah, I'm definitely talking to Sera tomorrow," Jared mumbled under his breath.
Wings were most assuredly in order. Jensen hated having to show his body off, preferring to be known for his acting, but sometimes you just had to do both. Jared was going to make sure wings were a part of it. He could picture it now. Dean cursed for opening his smart mouth as always, but to the wrong person, not that, that hadn't happened before, hello, Daddy Demon. They'd make it back to the place they were squatting, because a motel wouldn't do in this episode. Dean would double over before falling to his knees, his back hunched over as the pain arched through his body. Jared could see Jensen on the ground, shirt torn away when the wings broke through, sweat glistening across the plane of his back.
Jared wasn't picky about much else except the wings needed to be white, maybe with an iridescent glow to them, like the sheen you get from mother of pearl. The only other requirement was that Jensen would be shirtless for at least half the episode. Sera would love it, if she hadn't already toyed with the idea. Jared had no idea how he'd keep his hands off Jensen, but he'd find a way. Maybe he'd work out how to borrow them for the weekend. That would keep his mind occupied for a little while at least. Shit! He'd have to make sure wardrobe gave him the extra baggy Sam jeans because he'd be hard the whole time, but it would be so worth it.
Jensen stopped at the end of the hallway, watching the grin he had named 'Trouble' spread across Jared's face. He groaned, knowing there was definitely going to be payback. He ran his fingers through Jared's hair on his way back to the couch. They spent another couple of hours working on lines before calling an end to work, with Jensen preoccupied with all kinds of horrendous plot lines that Jared would be whispering to Sera come Monday morning.
Jensen had decided to cook, nothing spectacular, because they were at Jared's, and unless you wanted white bread sandwiches with sour gummy worms as filler, the choices were limited. Thankfully, there were pork chops in the freezer, he had taken them out to thaw during one of their breaks. It wasn't that Jared didn't know how to cook, rather the lack of time, coupled with the hatred of cleaning up behind himself that drove him to eat out nine times out of ten. It confused the shit out of Jensen because every time Jensen had cooked, Jared had helped him clean up. Jared had explained by saying, that was different but Jensen really despised paradoxes and circular thinking. It gave him a freaking headache, and Jared had to be one of the bigger paradoxes to exist, so Jensen did the only thing he could and just let it be.
Jensen seasoned the pork chops and placed them in the oven to bake. He set everything up to steam some rice and tried to decide what else he could find in Jared's barren cabinets. He finally gave up, and threw a salad together, leaving it in the fridge until everything else was ready. Jared had taken the dogs for a quick walk around the block. Jensen would have typically gone with him to do, but he had been caught sneezing and sneaking Dayquil and Jared refused to let him out of the house until they went to work the next morning. As he sat waiting for Jared to come back he got lost in past memories.
He was nearing the end of his run on Dawson’s Creek, the story line slowly winding itself out and he had started to look at other projects. Things had been quiet lately with the exception of Chris and Steve. They had been his best friends for years and when they decided to start seeing each other he’d been thrilled for them, but worried that if things didn’t work out he would be in a no win situation with both pulling him in opposite directions.
His sleep was interrupted by the insistent buzzing of his phone. Leave it to Chris to call him at seven in the morning, the fucker probably hadn't even been to bed yet. Chris was pissed about some guy hitting on Steve. Jensen just did not get it. Steve loved Chris and would never cheat on him, and Chris knew it, but his insecure side would raise up like a tornado, ripping anything in it's wake apart. Unfortunately, Steve was more often than not at ground zero.
Jensen fielded calls from both sides of the equation, Chris needing someone to vent to, and Steve needing someone just to listen to him explain that he didn't want anyone else and since Chris was being hardheaded, Jensen was the next best thing. Jensen wondered sometimes when he got his degree in marital counseling.
Jensen had daydreamed about knocking some sense into Chris' head more than once. Steve always sounded so lost and confused when Chris would slide into his own head, obsessing about Steve leaving him. Steve felt like Chris didn't trust him and Chris couldn't seem to shake his fear of abandonment. Jensen knew that if they didn't get their shit together they were going to destroy something special. It had taken a year of serious talks and lots of yelling, but they had finally figured it out. Jensen always measured his relationships by theirs and, so far, none had even come close. Well, until Jared.
Needless to say, Jensen couldn't go back to sleep after Chris' call, so he packed up and headed to the beach. Filming in North Carolina did have it's advantages, after all. He only ever stayed a couple hours at the time as he was prone to burning, whenever he spent any time in the sun, his freckles looked like they had been splashed across his face with neon paint. He was just about to call it a day and head back to the cottage he'd rented when one of the girls a few feet away started screaming.
Jensen followed the girls horrified gaze out to a surfer that seemed to be struggling with his board, but a closer look proved it wasn't the board he was struggling with, it was a shark. Jensen could see the dorsal fin moving back and forth as the surfer was shaken and disappeared below the waters surface. He kept his eyes trained on the last spot he'd seen the surfer running into the oncoming waves, while yelling at the girls to call 911.
He was thigh deep when he saw the surfer bob back to the surface, the dorsal fin of the shark moving the other way before it disappeared under the water. It felt like it took an eternity to reach the surfer and the closer he got, he could see the blood tinted water as the man tried to paddle back in with one arm, the other trailing limply in the current. Jensen moved alongside the board until he was able to detach the ankle line so he could use it to pull the board back to shore, the whole time keeping watch for a return visit from the shark.
Looking at the surfer, Jensen realized just how young the man was, not a man really more a boy in his late teens, probably not much younger than him. The kid was losing a lot of blood and his face was a sickly shade of ghost white and pale gray. Jensen stroked a little bit harder and faster, trying to get him to help . By the time he was able to walk instead of swim the rescue trucks could be heard on the main road and a couple of the guys that had been further down the beach when the screaming started were finally close enough to help him pull the kid onto the beach.
They quickly worked together to apply a tourniquet to the upper portion of his arm, right above where most of the damage seemed to be, trying to stem the flow of blood that was coloring the sand around to a deep rust. One of the girls had grabbed all the beach towels she could find, covering the kid up to stave off shock as much as possible although Jensen was sure it was a little late for that. The surfer’s lips were blue and pressed tightly together, but he finally managed to answer Jensen's attempts to get his name, saying it was Mark. Jensen was also able to get a phone number for Mark's mom before the rescue team took over.
Jensen still had sirens ringing in his ears and the taste of iron heavy at the back of his throat, while he rinsed his hands off repeatedly, using sand to scrub at them. He could still see blood under his fingernails and in the fine lines of his knuckles, but it was the best he could do at the time. He made a quick stop to pick up his book and beach paraphernalia, trying to compose in his head what he could say to Mark's mom to make it easier, but then decided there wasn't a way and to just go with what he knew. He had promised Mark as they were loading him into the ambulance that he would call and try to keep her calm. Mark seemed to be very worried about her falling apart. Luckily she lived in the same state but he didn't know how far away she was.
The phone call went about as expected. Jensen told Mark's mom what happened, and that he'd been conscious when they left to go to the hospital, but that he didn't know anything else.
Jensen called the producer and asked if he could have the day off, explaining what happened, and that he felt like he should go to the hospital at least until Mark’s mom got there. The producer told him he would shoot around his scenes and to do what he needed to do.
When he got to the hospital, he handed over the contact information he had, explaining he had already spoken with Mark’s mom. Four hours later, and no information later, a woman rushed into the waiting room, distress and tears marking her face. She spoke with the nurse, taking the clip board she was handed. Jensen saw the nurse point at him, and the lady following the motion with her head. The woman, who Jensen could only assume was Mark's mom, made her way towards him. She dodged his outstretched hand and pulled him into a full body hug, thanking him profusely.
Jensen could tell from the heat running up his neck that he was blushing the shade of a tomato. When she pulled back, allowing him to breath, he tried to tell her it was what anyone would do, but she didn't want to hear it. She felt he was a hero and he just better accept it, at which point Jensen made the wise decision to shut up and not fight it. She introduced herself as Cecelia but she said everyone just called her Celia or Celi. Celia told him the nurse was calling up to the O.R. one of the nurses would be coming down to tell them what was going on.
A few minutes later, a nurse arrived in scrubs to speak to Celia. She dragged Jensen with her to the surgical waiting area, telling him he should know what was happening too, since she would be waiting at morgue if it wasn't for him. Jensen tried to explain that he wasn't the only one that helped, but she said he was the one that was here waiting when he didn't have to be.
The nurse explained that they had stopped most of the major bleeding, and that it would likely be another two or three hours before Mark was out of surgery. The doctors were trying to repair as much damaged blood vessels and muscle and minimize the tissue loss as much as possible and that a plastic surgeon was there as well in the hopes that less reconstruction would be necessary if he could do what was manageable right away.
Jensen spent the next few hours telling Celia what happened, and trading stories about things they'd done in their lives. Jensen talked about his family and how he got homesick sometimes. Celia talked about her job and how Mark had a penchant for trouble, even when he wasn't looking for it. When the nurse came to take her back to the recovery room she hugged Jensen again and told him that one day someone would know just how special he was and they better hang on to him, or they'd have her to answer to.
Jensen hadn't been able to get to the hospital in person since the day of the attack. He was finishing up his filming for Dawson's Creek, and he had done several readings for a new pilot. He had kept in touch with Celia, and one week later he got a call asking if he would come by the hospital. They were releasing Mark, but she wanted a proper goodbye and Mark wanted to meet the guy with **the eyes**. Jensen's confused silence caused Celia to laugh. She explained that the only thing Mark could remember as shock took over was Jensen's eyes and his voice. The doctors said it wasn't unusual when someone that had experienced the type trauma Mark had for them to be able to focus on one thing, if at all.
Mark was sitting on the end of the bed looking a hell of a lot better than the last time Jensen had seen him. Celia was in a chair with her back to the door, but what caught Jensen's attention was the guy talking to Mark. The guy was probably 6’ maybe 6’1" with dark wavy hair. His t-shirt was stretched across broad shoulders. Jensen followed the path of worn cotton where it was tucked into worn denim, and then lower, but it was the guy's voice that captivated Jensen. It had an almost lyrical quality to the accent.
Mark saw him first, waving him in as the guy finished what he'd been saying. Jensen moved into the room as the man turned to see who Mark was waving at. Jensen found himself looking into eyes the color of the ocean. It took a minute for him to realize Celia was doing introductions. Jensen blinked a few times and focused, accepting Mark's thanks and nodding to the guy Celia introduced as Kylan Barclay. Celia explained that he was a marine biologist that specialized in sharks and their behavior and had been following the increase in shark attacks along the eastern coastline.
Kylan said that he had been astonished at the high number of attacks starting in Florida and going as far north as New York, he asked if Jensen had some time that he could talk to him about what he'd witnessed. Jensen told him he did, but that he didn't see much it happened so fast, and he was more focused on Mark than the shark. The nurse came in with Mark's release papers and a wheel chair. Jensen said his goodbyes, promising to keep in touch. Kylan asked if he knew where he could get some decent coffee, and as they say the rest was history.
Jensen heard the back door open and the sound of clickity click of nails on hardwood floor, followed closely by the thump, thump of Jared kicking his tennis shoes off. A few seconds later, Jared appeared around the corner, his nose leading the way.
"Something smells awesome," he said as he opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water.
"You're lucky you smell anything. It's the grocery store for you tomorrow. On second thought, we'll both go, you'll come home with beer and candy and nothing else," Jensen scolded.
Jared just grinned and finished his water.
"Go take a shower, while I start the rice, you smell like wet dog," Jensen said, wrinkling his nose.
"Yeah, but you love me anyway," Jared kissed the top of Jensen's head as he went by on his way to the bathroom.
"Yeah, I do," Jensen whispered to himself.
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Conversation flowed during supper and clean up, and Jensen tried to find some way to bring up the subject of Kylan, but he never found an opening where it seemed to fit in. He knew the longer he waited, the harder it would be to tell Jared everything because he was only going to tell this story once and then that was it. He didn't want to think about it much less talk about it ever again. Unfortunately, with the very real possibility of Kylan visiting, Jensen had a feeling it wasn't going to be over anytime soon.
They were laying on the couch watching a documentary on the maternal instincts of gorillas. Jared was sprawled across the couch with Jensen lying between his legs, his back against Jared's chest. Jared's arms were wrapped around his waist, hands resting on his stomach. Jensen hated to destroy the quiet mood, but he needed to tell Jared, and he thought he just might get it all out if he didn't have to look at Jared's face while telling the story.
"Jared?"
"Yeah?"
"About that message..."
"I'm listening," Jared said, squeezing Jensen just a little tighter before scooting down and bringing Jensen even closer to him.
"I feel like I need to start at the beginning," Jensen explained.
"Tell me whatever you want to Jen. It can be everything or just part of it. I just don't want you carrying whatever it is alone."
"Okay," Jensen said slowly as he hesitated. "I've never told anyone, not even Chris." He said softly.
Jared realized just how much Jensen trusted him and loved him to tell him something that someone Jensen viewed as a brother didn't even know. He readied himself for whatever Jensen had to say, knowing he would need to keep his questions until Jensen was finished. He'd learned that peppering Jensen with them when he was telling you something you not only allowed him the opportunity to think about what he was doing but the feelings that were so clearly seen in Jensen's eyes were lost in the stops and starts. Of course with Jensen's back to him he couldn't see his eyes, but if it made Jensen more comfortable then he’d get over it.
Jensen took a deep breath, traveling back five years, recounting Chris' phone call, the trip to the beach, the shark attack and the many hours spent at the hospital with Mark’s mom. Jensen took a moment to steel himself for what he was about to drag into the light. Jared ran his hands up and down Jensen's arms, hoping to will some of his strength into Jensen, wanting to shore up the damage that Jared was sure was about to be revealed. Jared decided a couple of questions would help ground Jensen before he continued, even if he had told himself he’d keep his mouth shut.
"Is that why you always change the channel when it's shark week?" Jared asked, thinking that this was the reason for Jensen's curious quirk.
"Part of it," Jensen acknowledged.
Jared figured he wouldn't be much into watching sharks either if he'd seen one tear a chunk out of somebody and then had the nerve to put himself in the water with it to help someone, thinking that any minute you could be the dessert.
"You feel like telling me the rest?" Jared asked, leaving a soft kiss against Jensen's temple.
"Feel like it?" Jensen's weak chuckled jolted his body. "No, I don't feel like it, but I need to tell you. I've kept it to myself a long time. I thought I'd pushed it down and hidden it away where I'd never have to deal with it again. I thought I was okay with it." Jensen said in one long rush. "But if that were the case, watching the specials shouldn't bother me should it? His voice on my machine shouldn't make me sick to my stomach or cause my heart to try to beat its way out of my chest?"
"Jared will you do me a favor?" Jensen asked, twisting a little, so he could see Jared's face. "Will you promise not to tell Chris? I know you asked him who Kylan was," Jensen put his hand up to stop Jared from trying to explain.
"I'm not mad, well maybe when I first thought about it, I was, but I understand, I really do. If you were upset or hurt, I'd do anything to find out what happened and who did it. I just don't want Chris in jail. You, I can keep an eye on, Chris not so much and Steve's not in the same state to do it for me."
"I'm not going to make a promise I can't keep," Jared responded, "You know how Chris is. I will promise to do my damndest to make sure he knows how upset you'd be if he did something stupid and got hurt in the process, not to mention how guilty it would make you feel. Not that you would have any reason to be, Chris loves you, and he's a big boy he makes his own decisions for good or for bad."
"Yeah, I know how Chris is," Jensen sighed. "Alright but can we at least sugar coat it and hope for the best?"
Jared nodded as he tightened his arms around Jensen, wishing he could never hear about Jensen being hurt.
Jensen leaned back on Jared, breathing deeply and settling into the warmth of Jared's arms.
"We went out for coffee, no big deal, I told him what I had seen, which like I said, wasn't much. I did remember seeing its tail, fin, whatever come out of the water and thinking it was a fucking big shark. He asked me about how big and did I remember anything about the dorsal fin. I told him it looked like the shark had shaken Mark like a dog with a chew toy before they disappeared under the water. Anyway, we talked about the attack for about an hour and I figured you know he'd be getting on with whatever he needed to do, but he kept talking, eventually about regular things like movie, music and books.
When we finally got up to leave, he said he was going to be in town for awhile and wanted to get together. I wasn't seeing anyone, and I was attracted to him, so I figured, hell, why not. We hung out at the beach, went to bars, did all the dating things. Kylan would leave for a few days at a time to investigate an attack, but overall we spent almost nine months together. I never even noticed the change in the relationship. I've never been attracted to possessive, jealous people, and he wasn't like that at the beginning.
Kylan got a little more aggressive, a little more possessive, we'd go to a party, and if I spent more than a minute with anyone, didn't matter if the person was male or female, he'd get an attitude. I tired to smooth things over but it just got easier not to go out, then to start a fight. I found out later he'd been screening my calls, going through my mail, when I realized just how out of hand it had gotten, I cornered his cameraman at the airport. They were checking out a hot spot off of Florida where there had been several accounts of feeding frenzies in the area, and they had just gotten back.
I wanted to know if he was normally like that, or if it was something I'd done to cause him to act the way he had been. I'd never really had a conversation with Terry before, every time I picked Kylan up, he always said Terry had a ride, or Kylan showed up wherever alone, so I wasn't prepared." Jensen took a shuddering breath and snuggled deeper into Jared.
"Weren't prepared for what Jensen?" Jared prompted massaging the tense muscles in Jensen's neck. He'd decided being quiet was not a condition he could mantain for long periods of time.
"Terry was nice. He said that he'd seen it happen time and time again and it made him sick. When I asked him what it was, he told me to give him a minute, so he could get his bags, and we could talk outside, Kylan was trying to locate his bags in the Bermuda Triangle of missing luggage and would be occupied for awhile." Jensen paused.
"Once we got outside he told me he was sorry, that I seemed like a real nice guy, that he hated the way Kylan treated people. I didn't really understand since every time I'd seen Kylan speak to someone he was always polite. Terry said that Kylan and one of his friends liked to make bets. They would email back and forth about the person they had picked out to play with. They had a point system based on the person, you got points for gender, race, sexual experience, you name it, and they had it on the list."
"I couldn't even say anything, I was in shock. Terry said he knew the guy that Kylan bet with had wiped the floor with him on the last bet and Kylan was looking to regain the points lead. Terry also said that apparently something was a little different with me, since he'd never seen Kylan stick around this long. Usually Kylan would get laid, tally his points and gloat but for some reason he seemed to want to keep me on the burner, and the other guy was giving him hell about it. He also told me that Kylan hadn't bothered to stop looking for new mark each time they went to a new area. Terry's cab pulled up, but he told me right before he left that I should be careful, that Kylan didn't like to lose."
"Fucking bastard," Jared said through gritted teeth.
"Oh, it gets better," Jensen stated softly.
"You don't have to tell me, Jen, if you don't want to."
"No, I think you deserve to know why I get a little shifty."
"Alright but if you want to stop, I'm not going to be mad."
"I know Jay."
"So what happened when you saw Kylan?" Jared asked.
"Nothing, well not right away. You know I'm not going to create a great big scene in public. I didn't really want to take him back to my place, and he had a hotel he'd been staying in so I took him there. He kept asking me what was wrong, I lied, of course, told him nothing, that I'd just had a rough day of filming. He kept touching me, putting his hand on my leg or the back of my neck. I thought I was going to puke. Every time he opened his mouth to talk, my skin would crawl."
"When we got to the hotel I confronted him about the bet, he tried to tell me it was just for fun that guys did shit like that. I told him the last time I checked, I was a guy, and I had never bet on getting into somebody pants much less had a fucking points system. He kept telling me it didn't mean anything, and that I was being to sensitive. I asked him how many points he had accumalted while he was gone. He didn't bother to deny it. When I went to leave, he didn't take it to well." Jensen stopped, hoping Jared wouldn't ask him what that meant, but he knew Jared and there was no way that was going to satisfy him.
"What do you mean he didn't take it well?" Jared asked.
"There was a physical altercation?" Jensen answer was more a question.
Jared growled at Jensen's obvious attempts to not answer his question. "What kind of physical altercation Jensen?"
"I had to go to the hospital, can we leave it at that?"
"No, we cannot leave it at that. Tell me what the hell happened." Jared lifted Jensen up and turned him around so that he could see Jensen's face.
"We got into a fight. I do know how to fight Jay."
"Yes, I know that Jensen. How about you tell me why you had to go to the hospital?"
"Well, we apparently were disturbing the peace. The police showed up and arrested Kylan. Of course he had to make his own trip to the emergency room before they could take him to jail," Jensen gave a sheepish grin.
"Good, now tell me why you had to go," Jared ordered.
"Fine," Jensen sighed heavily. "I had a black eye, busted lip, a concussion, three broken ribs and some bruises."
"Mother fucker!"
"When I went to leave, he hit me in the back of the head with a flashlight. He decided to kick me while I was down, literally, that's how I got the broken ribs.
"He wasn't expecting me to fight back I guess, he seemed slightly shocked when I broke his jaw and shattered his knee. The police tried to get me to file charges, but I was stupid. I thought it was over, that Kylan would just leave since the shit had hit the fan. I was wrong, again.
"He kept showing up everywhere I looked. He managed to make it on the set, I'd see him hanging around my apartment. I finally had to file a restraining order. It didn't stop him though. I found my tires slashed, my apartment was broken into. I changed my phone number four times, but he still found it and called all hours of the day. He never said anything, I could just hear him breathing. My answering machine would be full of nothing but static and breathing. It would have been less stressful if he'd been spewing threats, but to listen to minutes upon minutes of nothing, knowing the person behind it wanted to drive you insane."
"The most disturbing thing though was he acted like nothing had happened. Like we had some minor disagreement and he was trying to win me back, matter of fact he pretty much used those words. It's like he totally disconnected from the reality of what he did and was doing. The more I told him to stop and leave me alone the more determined he was that we would be together."
"I was almost glad when the pilot wasn't picked up. I got a call a month later about the Smallville role, read for it, got hired, and I left. Last time I heard, he was in Australia far, far away from me." Jensen finally ran out of words. "I don't know if I can deal with that shit again Jared. I never left the house, it got to the point where I seriously considered homicide or suicide."
Jared's breath caught in his chest at the thought of never having the opportunity to know Jensen, it left him cold inside and out. He had stayed as quiet as he could through Jensen's story, only pushing when he thought he needed to, and biting his tongue bloody trying not to curse the bastard to hell while Jensen was telling his story. He wasn't sure what it would take but there was no way in hell that Kylan was getting anywhere near Jensen if he decided to show his face.
"I'm sorry," Jensen apologized.
"What are you sorry for?" Jared asked, pulling Jensen into his lap and wrapping himself around him.
Jensen lay his head on Jared's shoulder before answering, "I guess for saddling you with all my shit, not being what you thought I was."
"Jensen you’re exactly what I thought you were. You're kind, and generous. You're so fucking talented it's sickening. You work your ass off even though you could skate by on your looks. You love your family and friends more than you do anything in this world and you love me better than anybody ever has or will. Everybody has baggage Jensen, sometimes it’s the whole ensemble, not just the carry on. If you love somebody, it doesn’t matter, you deal with it together and it makes you stronger. It makes us stronger," Jared finished. He pulled Jensen's face down to his to leave a soft kiss on his lips.
Authors Note - The shark attack that was described actually happened. The kid was named Mark and his mom was Celi as we called her. I didn't know Mark all that well but his mom worked with mine for fifteen years or more. She cooked cookies and food for my first wedding. In the fall of 2000 he was attacked at Wrightsville Beach while paddling out. He said that he felt a bump on his arm, and when he turned to see what it was all he saw was the sharks eye. He didn't have time to grab his board to try and stay afloat. The shark bit his upper arm, pulled him under, shook him and let him go. He has no idea why and the whole way in he kept expecting to be attacked with all the blood in the water. The person that actually helped him to shore was another surfer that wittnessed the attack and was close by. The girls on shore saw it as well and called 911 probably saving his life as well as the other surfer.
He has had several surgeries to repair the damage of course it will never be the same. I used to have a picture but after my hard drive crashed for the hundreth time I lost it somewhere in cyberspace. He still enjoys surfing and the beach.