Re: After this, not even air condition helps ;)an_ardent_rainAugust 8 2008, 02:13:40 UTC
I appreciate very much you trying to give a helpful comment - very much indeed - but really anything is more than acceptable. I'm glad you thought that I made the right decision by leaving the more explicit stuff out. I was really unsure about that.
And MAN - I'm glad the smut-part is okay. I am really a very generous person, but almost nothing can ruin a story for me like a tasteless/poorly-written/etc. sex scene. Yuck.
Hmm - I hadn't ever considered doing more with this, but you're right - a comparison or something of the sort would be pretty awesome. Heh. Now I'm all thinking and I want to do something with that. Hmm... Maybe I will! Who was it that said art's never finished, just given up on? Heh.
And I actually might add that little bit in. When I re-read over it I came to the part that said he looked as though he were a starving wolf salivating over a fresh, bloody slab of meat and I was like "WTF was I thinking?" but... meh, I did not know how else to convey what I wanted to. Er, sort of
( ... )
This was fantastic. I don't like writing smut either, but it's only because I can't keep the characters in their personalities for nothing. But they were entirely in character for the whole time. I really like this and as I said before I can't wait for chapter 25.
Thanks so much for the comment! I was half-afraid no one was going to read this, but so far at least two people have! Heh. And I am very glad you liked this; I did try - hee hee hee. I'm not much of a smut writer; it does make me a little giggly, but mostly I just... well, you read it; I have a tendency to get weird with description, I think. Heh.
Anyway! Thanks again. And chapter 25 should be coming very, very soon! ^_^
One last look...
anonymous
August 8 2008, 08:40:27 UTC
Damn, I just had to take one last look before I sign off for one whole week :)
"he looked as though he were a starving wolf salivating over a fresh, bloody slab of meat", yeah, that one sounded a bit too primal, but it can be nicely replaced with something like "a hungry predator stalking it's prey" or "a hungry dog eying a piece of fresh meat" (I think the latter is from "Bittersweet"). The words "salivating" and "bloody" sound kind of gory. I meant to write this the first time, but I must have spotted something shiny and got distracted ;)
Btw, thnx for taking time to reply to my comments. I mean, I don't leave comments just so I could get replies, but it's nice to see somebody found them helpful :)
Yeah, I didn't even try this in Seto's perspective; I have enough trouble getting inside his head when it's a regular situation. I think I'm read maybe one piece in his POV - and that's just a maybe. Ooh, though as far as that goes, my "Sevenfold" series will feature "Blue: Lust" in his POV. Though - heh - the main point of that is to poke at the fumblings of teenage boys who think they're so slick.
It was their first time - and yes, it was supposed to be more awkward than I painted it. I had at first interspersed it with more of her thoughts, but when I read over it, the writing itself was awkward and I really, really wanted it to flow. I sacrificed some - eh, I suppose I could almost call it realism so that it would work coherently. For me, it worked because I knew what she was thinking as I wrote it; I think I forgot I'm the only one who has that
( ... )
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And MAN - I'm glad the smut-part is okay. I am really a very generous person, but almost nothing can ruin a story for me like a tasteless/poorly-written/etc. sex scene. Yuck.
Hmm - I hadn't ever considered doing more with this, but you're right - a comparison or something of the sort would be pretty awesome. Heh. Now I'm all thinking and I want to do something with that. Hmm... Maybe I will! Who was it that said art's never finished, just given up on? Heh.
And I actually might add that little bit in. When I re-read over it I came to the part that said he looked as though he were a starving wolf salivating over a fresh, bloody slab of meat and I was like "WTF was I thinking?" but... meh, I did not know how else to convey what I wanted to. Er, sort of ( ... )
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Anyway! Thanks again. And chapter 25 should be coming very, very soon! ^_^
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"he looked as though he were a starving wolf salivating over a fresh, bloody slab of meat", yeah, that one sounded a bit too primal, but it can be nicely replaced with something like "a hungry predator stalking it's prey" or "a hungry dog eying a piece of fresh meat" (I think the latter is from "Bittersweet"). The words "salivating" and "bloody" sound kind of gory. I meant to write this the first time, but I must have spotted something shiny and got distracted ;)
Btw, thnx for taking time to reply to my comments. I mean, I don't leave comments just so I could get replies, but it's nice to see somebody found them helpful :)
Anubis
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Yeah, I didn't even try this in Seto's perspective; I have enough trouble getting inside his head when it's a regular situation. I think I'm read maybe one piece in his POV - and that's just a maybe. Ooh, though as far as that goes, my "Sevenfold" series will feature "Blue: Lust" in his POV. Though - heh - the main point of that is to poke at the fumblings of teenage boys who think they're so slick.
It was their first time - and yes, it was supposed to be more awkward than I painted it. I had at first interspersed it with more of her thoughts, but when I read over it, the writing itself was awkward and I really, really wanted it to flow. I sacrificed some - eh, I suppose I could almost call it realism so that it would work coherently. For me, it worked because I knew what she was thinking as I wrote it; I think I forgot I'm the only one who has that ( ... )
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