Yeah, I didn't even try this in Seto's perspective; I have enough trouble getting inside his head when it's a regular situation. I think I'm read maybe one piece in his POV - and that's just a maybe. Ooh, though as far as that goes, my "Sevenfold" series will feature "Blue: Lust" in his POV. Though - heh - the main point of that is to poke at the fumblings of teenage boys who think they're so slick.
It was their first time - and yes, it was supposed to be more awkward than I painted it. I had at first interspersed it with more of her thoughts, but when I read over it, the writing itself was awkward and I really, really wanted it to flow. I sacrificed some - eh, I suppose I could almost call it realism so that it would work coherently. For me, it worked because I knew what she was thinking as I wrote it; I think I forgot I'm the only one who has that.
Also, I get a bit of that flushed "Oh, my"-feeling writing more of the, er, actual mechanics, which I know would have made the scene work more as it was supposed to. *laughs* *laughs*
Erk. I'm really wondering if maybe I sacrificed too much just to make it sound prettier. Heh.
Anyway, thanks so much for the feedback! Definitely made me think it over more, and I'm betting that'll go a long way in improving my next attempt. :)
Yeah, I didn't even try this in Seto's perspective; I have enough trouble getting inside his head when it's a regular situation. I think I'm read maybe one piece in his POV - and that's just a maybe. Ooh, though as far as that goes, my "Sevenfold" series will feature "Blue: Lust" in his POV. Though - heh - the main point of that is to poke at the fumblings of teenage boys who think they're so slick.
It was their first time - and yes, it was supposed to be more awkward than I painted it. I had at first interspersed it with more of her thoughts, but when I read over it, the writing itself was awkward and I really, really wanted it to flow. I sacrificed some - eh, I suppose I could almost call it realism so that it would work coherently. For me, it worked because I knew what she was thinking as I wrote it; I think I forgot I'm the only one who has that.
Also, I get a bit of that flushed "Oh, my"-feeling writing more of the, er, actual mechanics, which I know would have made the scene work more as it was supposed to. *laughs* *laughs*
Erk. I'm really wondering if maybe I sacrificed too much just to make it sound prettier. Heh.
Anyway, thanks so much for the feedback! Definitely made me think it over more, and I'm betting that'll go a long way in improving my next attempt. :)
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