Comments | amand_r: reports of my physical and mental breakdown have been greatly underexaggerated

amand_r

reports of my physical and mental breakdown have been greatly underexaggerated

Jun 07, 2010 16:06

I don't think it's news to anyone that I'm an up and down person. I have mood swings, and until recently I have always gone with the flow. Back in February the anger end of those issues started to hinder relationships, so I tried to locate causes and tracking on a calendar, and lo and behold they were cyclical, like another cycle I have, go fig ( Read more... )

sick, we're all gonna die, i'm a boss, i need a goddamn pop tart, damn the man, flipping my shit, power lesbians? in my va-jay-jay?, disturbing revelations, and yet we have another problem, sad fecking panda, ifail!, i am a shameless whore, really now?, depression, the suck--let me show you it, it cut off my tag!, cockblocked!, yeats as in beets, the stupid--let me show you it, picking at scabs, i need a dead filter, *muppety handz*, oh snap, what the shit is this?, personal wiggety-wack

Comments 93

cthonus June 7 2010, 20:25:12 UTC

I sit on "symptoms" and slowly start to panic until it gets to the stage I have to go see a doctor and get told to get lost and stop wasting his time ( ... )

amand_r June 7 2010, 20:29:18 UTC

I have to get bloodwork done, too, in fact mental note to do it tomorrow, but here, they tell you what they're looking for. Mine is a standard thyroid, cbc and other test. But blood tests are a good idea sometimes, and mine have never turned up anything bad, per se. Low calcium once.

I pretty much wen in there sure what was wrong with me, but I was almost relieved when he acknowledged that yeah, that was what was happening, my symptoms weren't just body tics, and we could do something about them.

Oh, and the not having cancer part. always nice to hear a doctor say that.

cthonus June 7 2010, 20:33:28 UTC

I think if they amalgamated the US and UK health policies things would be much better. Your side of the pond would get free medical treatment and our side would get better access to therapists. There's certainly a stigma here about admiting to seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist and there really shouldn't be.

amand_r June 7 2010, 20:39:49 UTC

It's a lot more common here. I have been dealing with the whole issue of mental health in myself and others for almost 20 years, so I have long got over the whole stigma thing, and I don't see it often. It's just a thing. My husband died and I saw a therapist. I would have been bonkers not to, actually.

This one though, I do have to pay for myself. My health care used to cover mental health, but my new plan doesn't. But you don't have to wait to see one, and that's a plus.

playing doctor elainasaunt June 7 2010, 20:29:47 UTC

I just spotted another symptom: tagorrhea!

Sweetheart, with all those issues, you're still one of the awesomest people I know. I realize you've got lots closer friends here, and I know they've got your back, but hey - you ever need another private ear, let me know. Glad the proactiveness and Prozac are helping. OMG BURN SCARS ON BOOBS

Nope, not going there...

Rebecca

Re: playing doctor amand_r June 7 2010, 20:32:02 UTC

MY TAGS ARE AN ART FORM. ART, I SAY.

Thanks for the offer. I just feel better, and I like the idea of knowing what the problem is so that I can try to fix it, you know?

NO ONE WANTS NIPPLE SCABS. THAT IS WHAT I AM SAYING.

Re: playing doctor elainasaunt June 7 2010, 20:35:42 UTC

I like the idea of knowing what the problem is so that I can try to fix it, you know?

Oh, yeah. I do know.

noveldevice June 7 2010, 20:31:40 UTC

I love you absurdly much for an imaginary friend. If there's anything I can do, let me know.

I know someone who calibrates his antidepressant according to how much existential angst he feels--if he's paralysed by his own mortality, he's underdosed, but if he doesn't lie awake for a few minutes before being able to fall asleep feeling overwhelmed by how small he is in the grand scheme of things, he needs to cut back a little.

Seriously. This was his therapist's advice after several years of being unable to calibrate a good dose by standard measures.

Anyway, I meant what I said. Love ya, man.

amand_r June 7 2010, 20:34:29 UTC

YOUR FRIEND IS MAJORLY AWESOME. I mean, I wouldn't do that, but yeah.

I just. Man, I think about it all, and I think I'm being thorough, and now maybe I actually mistake thoroughness for too much, and now that I've thought about it this much then I've overthought my overthinkiness.

Clearly this is a problem that must be solved with cake.

I MAKE A GREAT IMAGINARY FRIEND.

THOUGH SOMETIMES I MAKE A GOO CORPOREAL FRIEND BECAUSE I DO COOK A MEAN SPICY FISH.

noveldevice June 7 2010, 20:45:54 UTC

Yeah, I was both amused and impressed by that. I was ampressed. Or immused. Something ( ... )

amand_r June 7 2010, 20:52:01 UTC

I SHALL BE 34 THIS YEAR.

I have no urge to ever have a partner ever again, but IN TEN YEARS IF WE DO NOT HAVE SOMEONE WE SHOULD TOTES BECOME HETERO LIFE PARTNERS AND MOVE IN TOGETHER SO THAT WE CAN EAT ICE CREAM AND FISH AND SCOFF AT MEN AND CHANGE THE LITTER BOXES.

I wish I could say that it gets better, because I think everyone is different. I think it's best to say that it mutates. Yeah, your focus mutates.

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paragraphs June 7 2010, 20:31:58 UTC

I look at what you have soldiered through these last few months, and where you are at the writing of this post, and breath deeply and smile, and wanna smoosh you. Good progress. Long ways to go yet, but really really good.

I am laughing at your tags. Power lesbians?

I'd kiss your boo-boo but uh, okay never mind. Glad your uh boob is much better. Yeah.

amand_r June 7 2010, 20:35:26 UTC

OMG YOU HAVE SEEN ME BEING INSANE.

..I APOLOGISE TO YOU GREATLY.

POWER LESBIANS? IN MY VA-JAY-JAY?

paragraphs June 7 2010, 20:53:42 UTC

No apologies required or necessary. I've had my own in the past, believe me. You just know the shiny new C model.

Yeah that one! The first time my daughter said 'omg my va-jay-jay HURTS' I pretty much keeled over laughing.

amand_r June 7 2010, 20:55:21 UTC

VA-JAY-JAY SHOULD BE THE MEDICAL TERM. I JUST WANT TO SEE OLDER MEN WITH DEGREES SAYING IT IN A SERIOUS TONE.

amonitrate June 7 2010, 20:33:47 UTC

It sounds like you're doing a bunch to take care of yourself and I'm really glad. I know how hard even taking those steps can be for me, even making the calls and getting in the door, you know?

amand_r June 7 2010, 20:36:22 UTC

Making the call was hard as fuck. I think seeing how many people have likewise issues the other week when I made that post in lj made me feel better about not being a total life failure. apparently there are massive numbers of us slackers.

amonitrate June 7 2010, 20:38:04 UTC

yeah, I do this every time I need to go to the doctor, let alone for mental health issues, which are worse. I think I have this thing where I assume they're not going to believe me about whatever it is I'm having a problem with so I procrastinate.

amand_r June 7 2010, 20:41:26 UTC

I MAKE A LIST. I HAD A PIECE OF PAPER WITH SYMPTOMS ON IT, AND THEN LIKE THREE POST IT NOTES WITH MORE SYMPTOMS ALL SCRIBBLED ON. PLUS I KEPT RUBBING MY PALMS ON MY LEGS AND ROLLING MY ANKLES. I THINK HE FIGURED OUT I WAS BONKERS.

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