NaNo Ridiculousness Chapter 11

[alien_writings]

Hey there,

Here's Chapter 11 of "I Prefer the Mind Control." I'm trying to make actual chapters now. Enjoy the probably-NSFW ridiculousness!

Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5(ish), Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10

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“So, anything I gotta do beforehand?” I asked. Hey, I didn't know, well, anything about this.

Comments

[theun4givables]

I love that Dylan has to be naked during this, lol. Of course the Broken needs to be naked while they're BEING Broken. Amazing.

As always, I love the crap out of Dylan's voice and his attitude. Yeah, Xan can be a little cardboardy but I kinda like that right now. I have a feeling his real personality is going to start showing, soon enough. :)

[alien_writings]

Xan will develop a personality eventually. Probably, haha.

[n3m3sis43]

I'm shocked - fucking shocked, I tell you - that Dylan has to be naked during the ceremony. Never would have seen that coming. ;-)

Dammit, how come Devin never tells his heart to stop racing and calls it an asshole? Why didn't I think of that? He's only on the verge of a fucking panic attack every 20 seconds or so. Oh well. He's probably too busy calling himself an asshole, anyway. I really liked that line, though.

Lololol the bouncing. I forgot about that. Also lololol at the "quirk of evolution". This is so unfair - my stupid plot points just look stupid, while yours look ingenious. Maybe I should be writing metafictionwhateverit'scalled instead of goofy dystopia.

This was a fun chapter. :D

[n3m3sis43]

Oh yeah, and this:

“From what I've heard, trying to deprogram people can have seriously bad results and lead to scary shit,” I said.

HAHAHAHA. STILL FUCKING AMAZING. Thank you for the shout-out. :D

[alien_writings]

Oh yes, that development was quite shocking, wasn't it? ;)

Lol, lampshades make everything more awesome! I hear there's a Black Friday sale on lampshades at the Story Depot, haha.

I'm glad you enjoyed my chapter so much!