At the moment I'm struggling with a new, different kind of feeling.
A feeling I haven't felt very often.

Helplessness

Over the years,
I've learned to deal with sadness.
I've learned to deal with pain.
I've learned to deal with anger.
I've learned to deal with unfairness.
I've learned to deal with loneliness.

But never ever in my life have I felt as ( Read more... )

Unfortunately, I missed going to one of the NOH8 Photoshoots while I was in Los Angeles. However, I got one of the NOH8 Tattoos at the Pride Parade on June 13, so I decided to do my own photo shooting. Here are some of my results:


( Read more... )

- How does praying work?

- How do you make new friends?

- How can you possibly live without sugar?

- How do you let people know you're trustworthy?

- Why is it that I can never maintain a relationship?

- Why is it sometimes so hard to let somebody go?

- What exactly is friendship? How and where does it start?

- Why is it that people my age act so ( Read more... )

Oh, I was just thinking about this... I'm on Twitter posting things nobody reads because I only have 7 followers, 5 of which are never online and one is the Church. So I was thinking that maybe if you read my blog you might as well follow me on Twitter :)

You can find me as TanjaCaloi on there. Would like to have you as my followers as I'm trying to ( Read more... )

This is one of my random, incoherent whatever-is-on-my-mind posts. I like these.

- This morning I took my dog Aiko for our 2 hour morning walk, like every day, and I was thinking about how much I love nature but prefer living in a big city like Los Angeles. Although I LOVE walking and running with my little loved one (that's what Aiko means) along ( Read more... )

Ooh, people...

I know, I know, I'm so impatient :)
But I'm so "home"sick that I can't wait to go back to Los Angeles.

Now, assuming I will be able to save my money like I posted earlier, I can go back to L.A. on March 5, 2011!

I'm so excited about it that I made a countdown AND a calendar where I can cross out the days that are already gone :)

http:// ( Read more... )

I'm so happy right now. Not thinking about yesterday or tomorrow. Just now, right in this moment.
I'm so, so happy.

I went to psycho therapy today and while I was explaining my therapist how I feel about LA, I got so happy.
I told her things I had never really thought about until today.

I told her about my plan and she was surprised of how serious I ( Read more... )

I know I wanted to go back to L.A. in October.
Now I know that this was unrealistic... I was so blinded by my wish to go back there that I totally ignored the fact that my parents would never just give me 30'000$ of my heritage in advance to pay everything back and go to the States as often as possible and to have a little "seed money" for when I  ( Read more... )

I usually don't post other people's pieces (except for parts of it, like quotes). But this one really gets me every time I read it. It just reflects my thoughts sometimes, and I'd like to share it with you as Pauley P. herself shared it with the readers of her blog back in the day when she had one.

Medused
wringing hands
and bended knee
doubt and ( Read more... )

I'm feeling sick.
I have a stomach ache.
I have a headache.

I'm sad.
I'm angry.
I'm confused.
I'm tired.

I can't believe it....
I was feeling so perfect and good while I was in LA, 
and now I have been home 24 hours and
it starts all over again!!!!

And it's not my fault.
I know I have been complaining about going home
But
When I was sitting on the plane to ( Read more... )