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I always thought that my relationship with Rich would fix itself, then when it didn't, I thought maybe I need to put more time into it. Rich isn't happy about Matt and Tiff living here. He feels like his house has been over taken and he's out of place. He doesn't feel like his home is his home anymore and I'm not sure what I can do to fix it. Hell ( Read more... ) -
A New Collar
Back in October of 2019, I had a break down, as I had been under a lot of stress, was super depressed as well as suicidal. Things were bad between Master (aka Matt) and Tiffi. Tiffi and I were arguing non-stop, and during one conversation, I hauled off and slugged Master, well Tiffi exploded. She felt that Matt and I needed a break, Matt and I ( Read more... ) -
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My Master keeps wanting me to journal, in fact it's a rule that I journal every night. It's something that I struggle with because putting down the already scary thoughts that are going through my head, makes them real and even more scarier ( Read more... ) -
Insecurities
If you looked up the definition of insecurity in the dictionary, you would probably find my picture. My insecurity comes out when I'm talking with someone through text and they stop responding, my brain says "What did I do for them not to talk to me?" The brain continues, "I'm a terrible person and they never wanted to talk to me in the first place ( Read more... ) -
Being Thankful Day 1
November 1st - I am thankful for so many things, but if I had to pick one for today, I would pick Richard. Richard and I met almost 13 years ago. We met on collarme.com and I moved to Utah where he lived with his daughter Aggi. I had no idea at the time that he had majority of custody, but I quickly fell in love with Aggi. I am so thankful for ( Read more... ) -
Riding the Wave
Happiness is hard for me, it's uncomfortable. So when I start to become happy, I know that I'm going to be tempted to self-sabotage. In therapy today we talked about riding the wave. I am trying to train my brain that it's okay to be happy, but it's that uncomfy part that just feels icky. I'm used to miserable and I'm used to be manic, it's the ( Read more... ) -
Writing Cobwebs.
It's been awhile since I've sat down here in this entry post and actually written anything of substance. I've been journaling a lot in my paper journal. I'm going to take a Introduction to Journaling class and I am so stoked. I had therapy today and my therapist Carlton thinks that it will be good for me.
I'm no longer classified as epileptic. I ( Read more... ) -
New Beginnings? Maybe - Uncertain
Last night I finally reached my boiling point threw a plate across the floor and announced that I wanted a divorce. The marriage is over. There is no fixing it this time, the marriage is just so damaged that it just can't be fixed with a bandaid. Counseling isn't going to fix it and even if it would, Rich wouldn't go because he doesn't want to face ( Read more... )
